“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” ~Marcel Proust
It’s taken me a while, but I have finally learned to appreciate aspects of my own impatience.
For a long time I did not like this quality about myself. I am still working on becoming more patient, because impatience and I go way back.
I was impatient to get out of high school, so I fast tracked that whole experience.
I was impatient to get working, so I started working when I was fourteen.
I was impatient to finish university, so I rushed through it, while working up to thirty-five hours a week, not stopping to enjoy myself or have fun.
My daughter was impatient to be born, so she came early, and so did my son.
I wanted to move up the corporate ladder fast, so I sprinted and pushed and worked all kinds of crazy hours that come with being in the world of technology consulting for a global fortune 500 organization.
And then I got sick.
My body got tired of me pushing, and shoving, and not pausing even for a second to pay attention to its cries for help. Illness forced me to stop everything and pare my life down to the basics.
I got diagnosed with some fancy labels like chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, fibromyalgia, and eventually an even fancier label, PTSD.
Even getting dressed and making my kids meals felt like climbing Mount Everest.
I let shame take over for a little while, and I hid from the world, the career I had worked so hard to build, my family, and even my kids; hiding in bed while they were at school and haphazardly pulling myself together before they came home.
After a few months, my own innate personality started to come through and my impatience reared its head out of the fatigue, depression, and piles of laundry.
I wanted my life back. I was not going to write off my future in my early thirties, and be resigned to my couch and bed, while my children were waiting for their tired mother to wake up and play.
I got myself into therapy. I wanted no part of taking drugs. It was a personal choice that to this day, I don’t regret. It’s not for everyone. It felt right for me.
I worked with therapists, healers, and naturopathic/homeopathic doctors; I tried Chinese medicine, acupuncture, all kinds of massage and bodywork and energy treatments, and spent thousands of dollars on nutritional supplements and testing.
I worked with shamans and took trips to silent retreats, meditated, wrote, drew and doodled in my journal, danced to 5Rhythms, moved with hula hoops and even travelled to the Amazon looking for answers.
The thing is, during much this time, I felt a huge amount of shame for my impatience. My healer/teacher/therapist and every other practitioner would smile with understanding for my impatience to get healthy and feel better.
They would urge me to be patient and encourage me to honor the timing of my own body.
They were right. I knew this, too. But the rational part of me wasn’t always the one in charge.
I often felt like time was running out. I had a life to get back to, and it was passing me by every day that I lacked the energy and the mental clarity to fully live it. The body aches and pains and other physical discomforts didn’t make it any easier either.
Eventually, the wiser part of me got it.
Our body does have its own wisdom. It does speak, and we need to pause to listen in order to learn the language that each of our own bodies uses to speak to us. And this is not something that would have typically been taught to us while we were in school.
While it’s wise to work on our impatience, we can simultaneously appreciate its gifts.
The biggest gift I received by working with my impatience was perseverance. I didn’t give up. I continued to search for answers to my health conditions. I was obsessed with wanting to know the answers to my many questions. Why did I get sick? What was the root cause? Why did my body start to shut down on me?
Impatience gave me the drive to keep going, even when it felt like I wasn’t making much progress.
And impatience gave me hope. Each time I felt like I was taking one step forward, to be brought back ten, I would explore new healing options and get excited about the possibility of it working.
I used to beat myself up for being impatient with myself, for how long it was all taking, and for finding it difficult to sit and meditate. I wished so many times that I could be more Zen-like and graceful in the way I met my health challenges.
Many times sitting across therapists and healers and other wise people I had hired to be on my healing team, I would feel like that squirmy little kid in class. You know, the one who sat constantly moving in their seat, waving their hands about the air, hardly able to contain themselves because they had so much to say.
I was that kid in an adult’s body. I wanted my healing team to know everything I was doing. I wanted them to know everything that I knew, had tried, and discovered so that that there would be no wasting time. All they had to do was tell me what I needed to do next, and I would get on it.
Seven years later, I’m now better. I don’t identify myself through those same labels I was once diagnosed with. I have learned to tune in and listen to my body, and navigate my inner world and some dark alleys that I never knew existed.
Through this process, I have transformed my wounds into wisdom, discovered my life’s purpose, and continue to use the insights to course correct, and live my life making conscious choices as best I can.
I am grateful for the role that impatience played in my journey from illness to wellness. I am enjoying my second chance at life with my children, and doing my best to be a present mother. I am teaching my children these same tools of awareness and self-regulation by the way that I meet life, them, and myself.
Though I could have done without the restlessness, I truly believe that without the persistence that resulted from my impatience, I might still be lying on a couch in my living room, napping.
So, here’s my invitation to you: If you are like me and have been beating yourself up over your impatience, take some time to review how your impatience has helped you in your life.
How has your impatience been a friend or a blessing?
How has it allowed you not to give up when you desperately wanted to?
How did it help you to not take ambiguity or “no” for an answer, and propel you to find your own truth?
You might be surprised and grateful at what you discover!
Man running via Shutterstock
About Pramilda Zackhariyas
Pramilda is a Mindfulness Coach and Inner Bling® Ignitor with a virtual practice of clients from around the globe. Visit her website to learn how your life’s purpose and your particular pain/challenges are deeply related. Download a free copy of her Inner Bling® Manifesto and ebook - Five Common Health Challenges & What They Really Mean!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Pramilda
I really loved this article and it made me look at impatience in a whole new way. Thank you for sharing your story. I think a lot of people can relate to your journey of pushing, pushing, pushing to achieve everything we have set out for ourselves.
I never really discovered how impatient I was until I started traveling the world three years ago. I spent most of my time in parts of the world where the way of life was slower and there was much less rushing. Having grown up in New Jersey where everything is busy, busy busy and go, go, go, it just seemed ‘normal’ to me to be that way. Being removed from that environment, it was a real wake-up call. I have gotten better at being more patient, and it has improved every aspect of my life.
But, like you said in this post, my impatience has been a gift in many ways. My interest in personal development, studying the mysteries of the Universe and what have you is very strong, and my intense desire to always be working on becoming ‘better’ while of course still seeing all the good in me now, has helped me create an amazing life for myself.
Thank you for sharing your story and helping us appreciate aspects of ourselves that can be considered ‘flaws.’
Hey Pramilda,
Lovely post! Every emotion has 2 sides after all! Sometimes it’s not the emotion that matters, it’s the positive actions we take on account of that emotion!
Dear Pramilda,
Beautiful post as if you wrote it to me, and for me, of me. Much love and thank you for your wisdom so beuatifully shared.
Love,
Monika
Riley thank you! I love that you say that working with your impatience has gotten you place and motivated you to try new things. The work of personal transformation is work! It sounds like you are also recognizing some of the sweet rewards that are waiting to be noticed along the way.
Hi Kelli! You are right! Very early on in my own journey to wellness, I also discovered the obsession parts of our world have with the ideas of pushing, fighting our way through struggles and especially illness. The thing is, I realized very quickly, that the more I pushed, the more my body pushed back!
What worked for me was “pausing” instead of pushing and listening to what my body was trying to say via the symptoms of illness. I now do my best to apply that same approach to other aspects of everyday life. I believe that seeing beyond the stigma/labels of many qualities that are labeled as “bad” can actually help us notice and reclaim some of it’s gifts, while we work on the areas we are trying to change.
I am thrilled for you that you took this experience to see the world and notice the wake up call!
Arijit you summed up beautifully what I believe with my whole heart. Reminds me of one of my favourite poems – The Guest House by Rumi. Every one of our emotions can be a teacher and perhaps eventually even a friend!
Thank you dear Monika 🙂 Happy my story spoke to you!
I totally relate to this one. I think it’s the final outcome rather than impatience itself that was a gift. Really, your wound brings out your gifts to the world.
I loved this article! I would LIKE to think of my impatience as a friend. It’s my friend who keeps me pursuing the best life I could possible live and dreaming bigger. It’s my friend who tells me to go for it now – rather than wait till I have a “safety net” of steady income. Thank you for this Pramilda! I love anything that helps me reframe and stay positive. xoxo 🙂
Love this, as I am in the process of finding balance with my own impatience. This post helped give me more clarity around it and being able to look at it as a gift also. Beautiful, Thanks for sharing your inspiring story 🙂
Thank you Natcha! I resonate with your last sentence. A central theme in my work with my coaching clients is grounded in the belief that we need to look at our wounds, instead of pushing them away, ignoring them, numbing, distracting ourselves etc. WHY? Because there are amazing gifts and superpowers waiting for us to reclaim when we can do the inner and outer work to transform our wounds into wisdom.
Absolutely Anita! Every quality has a light and a shadow side to it. We can work with both in skillful ways. Keep dreaming and going for it now! The world needs you to show up fully now.
Kelly one my early teachers in mindfulness meditations would say often, “you are perfect with all your imperfections.” I agree whole heartedly and now have added an extra word in there…that “you are perfect with all your perceived imperfections!” Our learned perceptions can sometimes really get in the way of us seeing clearly. Many things in our lives can offer a gift and a lesson at the same time, and we can embrace both!
Hi Pramilda,
Loved the article and appreciated learning a bit more about your own journey. While reading it I kept thinking that there are other emotions that we may hate in ourselves, but that are also teaching us something and putting us on our life purpose. I’m thinking in this case about my relationship with stuckness.
Keep up the good work.
Hi Pramilda,
This was a very insightful article to read! I’ve been trying to graple with my own hurt and understanding of a love situation that never amounted to what exactly I wanted. Suffice it to say, i’ve been trying every way possible – just like you mentioned – to feel better about the situation and understand how to live with a broken expectation. My impacience at wanting to be ‘better’ has exactly mirrored what you’ve talked about. In the end, did you just let it be? I’m still trying different methods to release negative energies etc in hopes that I can still be friends with this person and not have the expectation dissapointment at the same time. And although I feel much better at not controlling his feelings, i still find it hard to be okay with it all. Thanks so much for sharing your journey!
Victoria I have been thinking about your question. When we are in the eye of whatever storm it is, that is raging its force in our life, it can be really challenging to practice and live the wisdom we have been taught, read or heard about. So I am going to be really honest and share with you what helped me.
Firstly taking baby steps to recognizing the lesson of impermanence was HUGE for me! When every day felt the same as the one before, and it seemed like nothing was changing, it took a certain amount of diligence to notice the tiny, subtle changes that were going on within in me and around me. I just knew that if every blade grass was growing each moment, then surely I too was changing – I just had to learn to notice the tiny changes and direct my attention there.
For a long time, I was too impatient to let things be. I am a take action, whats next kind of person. What helped me embrace the flow of life with a little more ease was following what I have now come to call my Inner Blings! These are the inner sparks of insight and inspiration that I believe we all have. When we notice them, follow them, they can light our way forward…sort of like Hansel and Gretel in the old fairy tales, following the breadcrumbs home.
In my case, I followed my Inner Blings and what lit me up…from learning how to hula hoop, learning how to play again, take courses and training in areas that lit me up and energized me to ultimately connecting with my life’s purpose. With some spaciousness around the pain, letting it be, recognizing the gifts from this situation and so on, will come with more ease. Sending you much love for your healing!
For sure Vanessa! I believe every emotion we may hate in ourselves offers us gifts and lessons. This is the part of my job and working with clients that I love the most, when I see the look on someone’s face as they recognize the many faces of their particular pain. And in terms of your stuckness – I’d invite you to consider, what purpose is it serving in your life at the moment, how do you feel it is hurting you and how could it be helping you? What is it allowing you to do instead and what is it allowing you not to do? These are just some questions to get you exploring!
Wonderful article I feel like I’m reading about my life specifically! I am impatient and want to control things that I can’t. I’ve lamented the negatives of all that I’ve rushed through, but now I will celebrate the positives with more energy. Thank you!
Hi Pramilda,
Thank you so much for sharing your insights and process! This was very helpful for me. I appriciate the thoughtful response. Cheers!
Awesome Becky!
Great article!! Thank you for sharing. Reading your story sounded a lot like how my story has been going. I have beaten myself up a lot, was the Mom that stayed in bed under the covers, and just ready to give up on everything. I then started therapy, meditating, and looking for help from other sources. It has been about a year and a half, but I am getting there. I am working on my patience, and have become more patient. I have realized my passion in life and have taken steps to make that passion a reality. I think the hardest part for me right now is feeling regret for the time that I lost with my son (those shoulda, woulda, couldas) and also accepting that the place I am in right now is ok and for a reason. Thanks for the great article!
Heather – thank you for sharing your story. I know what a seesaw this journey can be at times, and it can be very isolating in a world that expects you to get better quick, get on with it and get productive. The thing is, doing the work that you are doing, often involves a period of “undoing” that may appear to the outside world as lost, wandering etc. I am thrilled you are following your passions. I am a huge fan of Joseph Campbell’s work and love the documentary called – Finding Joe about the hero’s journey. You are on your own heroine’s journey and working on your patience, while honouring the gifts of impatience will allow you to stay the course.
On the regrets with your son, I want to share with you that some of my greatest parenting moments have come from having the courage to accept my humanness and my learnings, mistakes with my children. Knowing that I make mistakes and that its ok to make mistakes and learn from them, make more mistakes, try again…can be extremely liberating in a world where kids often feel they have to get it right. In my case it’s made my relationship with my children stronger and continues to. Xo
Pramilda,
What wise words you share about your journey. Like others who have posted here, I can totally relate to your story of illness, pain and healing and discovery. There is so much wisdom in our bodies and yet it’s hard to find it without help sometimes.
I’m so glad you’re sharing this with the world as well as your amazing healing work of course!
Thank you Kara for taking the time to read and comment!
Thank you for giving me a new perspective on impatience. I have always thought it gets in my way and have resented our long journey of infertility and adoption that tested my patience. But I do know I have been given a gift, a depth of awareness and appreciation that others who haven’t struggled to have a family have missed out on. Everyone has their own struggles but I am going to try to be more positive about impatience from now on.
i think we are impatient when we aren’t doing something we love otherwise if we love what we do, if it takes time, it doesn’t matter we will enjoying not pushing so hard…. thats what i discovered…
Jazz – enjoying what you do is crucial! I call it – following my Inner Bling 🙂
Thank you Kathy!
I even experience impatience whilst reading this article, quickly trying to scan through it in order to get on to another article, filling my brain with more knowledge.
I recognise myself completely, have also been travelling, attended meditation retreats, shamanistic ceremonies, discussing, reading etc, trying to escape this empty and hollow feeling from the inside.
Unfortunately there is no escape and the only way to overcome it is to dive right into it. Persistence and perseverance is extremely important and I have also deceived myself countless time that once I reach a certain point, I can lay back again and do nothing. Life doesn’t work like that, it needs constant effort and work.
We don’t always know what choices to make and where things will lead us. Important is to follow what we have chosen. This does not mean that the line is straight, far from it, it bends, skews in all directions and sometimes we need to make drastic changes in our paths. But if the long term goal is clear and we don’t cling or get too attached to people, things, states of minds, feelings, then the chances of success 100%.
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