“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama
Some people know from the time they are small what they are going to be “when they grow up.”
I, at various times, was going to be an archeologist, paleontologist, veterinarian, famous rock musician, famous film director, actor, studio guitar player, music production engineer, choir teacher, choral composer, less famous film director, film editor, screenwriter, alpaca farmer, or cattle farmer.
As of this writing, I make wedding films and assist my wife with wedding photography. There is no fame, enough money, but no riches and no acclaim. Despite being told how special, intelligent, and talented I was as a child, and how I could do anything, my life has ended up being quite ordinary and, dare I say, a little boring. And I wouldn’t change one bit of it.
Our culture seems intensely focused on passion and dreams. The most popular shows are all about people competing for the chance to live their dreams. The thing that stands out to me so starkly is the reactions of the people that don’t win.
So often they will say something along the lines of “I just don’t understand how I didn’t win. I wanted it so badly. I wanted it so much more than all the other contestants.” As if wanting and desire is all that’s necessary to achieve a goal!
I spent most of my life floating at a level of desire. Wanting things, relationships, experiences, sometimes having the desires fulfilled, most times not.
Even when I got what I wanted, it only would make me happy for a brief time, always looking for something outside myself to satisfy me.
Amid that was also the ego’s constant desire for specialness. I was smart and talented, so I deserve to be noticed and have an interesting job and a wonderful, amazing life. But life had different ideas for me.
After high school I was planning to attend a music school in California to study guitar performance. However, when I was nineteen, I left home for two years to volunteer for my church at the time. During those years, my priorities shifted, and I was no longer sure if living as a touring musician lined up with more important spiritual goals, as well as goals of wanting a family.
I shifted my thinking to music production, and then choral education after a girlfriend mentioned it as a possibility. I was going to teach choir. I had great times performing, composing, and learning.
Two years into my degree, my wife and I started dating and got married. Around the same time I transferred to a different college, in a different city nearby. I was not taking very many classes, but one by one, they all fell by the wayside.
One class I needed another prerequisite, another I had missed too much to catch up because of my wedding and honeymoon, and then I was left with a choir class that I soon realized I hated. Did I really want to do this for the rest of my life?
I withdrew from college and just worked. From the natural foods store, to the steak and buffet restaurant, to the parking garage, to the telemarketing center, to the law firm copy center. We talked about going back to college at some point, but could not afford to pay outright and did not want student loans.
When I looked at going back to college, I ran into a lesson I’ve tried hard to remember since. Too many careers that popped up would require me to have made different choices for the past twenty years to make them work.
I thought about going back to school to become a veterinarian, but it would take me a decade, and I would not have the advantage of having volunteered at a vet’s office when I was twelve to put on my resume!
During that time my wife started her wedding photography business. It took a few years, but eventually we had enough work that I could quit my other job and help her full time. At the same time I renewed my interest in spiritual development and discovered Dr. David Hawkins’ writings, which led to my present commitment to enlightenment as my primary goal in life.
If I had gotten everything I desired, I doubt I would have made those discoveries and learned that acceptance and surrender are a surer path to joy than following desire. Now I have nothing of what people would consider ambition. I have very few goals, and no five or ten-year plan.
It might seem that I have become some kind of shiftless drifter, accomplishing nothing. Overall in my life, I have tried to replace desire with intention, which is like the rudder on a ship. I have devoted myself to love, kindness, peace, and joy, and lots of waves crash against the bow of the ship, but it does not affect my heading.
With that, many things just fall into place, (or out of my life,) just without the seeking and grasping of passionate desire. I will automatically do or not do certain things because of that intention, because it is what I am.
I want to have enough for my needs, and to accept whatever comes in every moment. I trust that what comes is the perfect expression of potential in that moment. Now I know that the source of my happiness is inside me, and the circumstances of life cannot take that away from me.
That is what I mean when I say surrender and accept: accept the fact that whatever it is we want in life, we cannot control the outcome, and if we could, sometimes we do not know what is best for us anyway. Instead of a passionate striving to “accomplish” something, we set the compass, and start down the path.
We can only control our walking, not what the end of the path looks like or whether there will be anything at the end.
The more we find our happiness from within, the safer we are. We can pursue anything we want, finding joy in the process. Whether it turns out the way we envisioned or not becomes irrelevant, because we didn’t bet all our joy on that outcome.
I thought I wanted to be special and important, but life led me to something very normal and a little boring. I could try to change it, but it is the perfect life for me.
So if we haven’t made it to some dream life that is fueled by passion, there can be great peace in learning to find the joy in being ordinary. To those of us that are led to follow our dreams, just love the dream, and surrender the result. Maybe your dream will come true, but if not, being boring is pretty great too.
About Jonathan Wheeler
Jonathan Wheeler is a wedding filmmaker in Wisconsin. He has spent the last 5 years committing himself to love, kindness and surrender. He lives with his wife and three dogs.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
It was interesting to read about your journey. I’m glad that you have found peace with your life and work!
Lovely article. I too have no long term plans and sometimes fear that it may look like I have no ambitions or goals or dreams and I’m glad to read that doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong 🙂
Great reminder, and thanks for sharing your journey!
Jonathan – what a refreshing perspective! Yes, it does appear that as a society, particularly in the West, we are a little obsessed with greatness and achievement.
But this relative, right? Your life IS great, you HAVE achieved – it is just measured by your expectations and not everyone else’s.
All roads lead to here, right?
– Razwana
It reminds me of the story in the musical Pippin, I would recommend checking it out.
This is EXACTLY how I feel and I couldn’t care less what people think! Thank you for this article!
Exactly! Everything brought us to where we are, and that is unique. But if you expect it to be different than it is, it will lead to unhappiness. Thanks for reading.
It only reminds me of myself..everyone wants to be established and special..few years back I used to make fun of post grad students like rest of the undergrads as in why to study so much ,they are a frustrated bunch, and i will get a job right after grads which will make me millionaire in a year etc etc.Now after doing an ordinary job for sometime , I am trying hard to get through any college for post grads. We usually do not realize that we already are special for our loved ones and we do not need rest of the world to be or feel special.Everyone is unique and special , and we dont need huge money or fame to prove that.
I have recently come to this same level of awareness about my life. In 2010 I had a near death experience, and it changed me so much that I became isolated and cut off from everything and everyone I had ever known. I never felt so alone in my entire life. It was brutal. But that’s only because I spent my time trying to make others understand and seeking their validation for my experience, which was unique in many respects. My near death experience didn’t come with any bright lights or dead loved ones; just the realization that I would be gone and my children would be left orphans and the pain of that would, for them, never heal. I wanted to be recognized for my accomplishment of not dying from my illness, but instead all I got was derision and ugly names and a growing sense of frustration that others couldn’t seem to grasp the concept that this life is the only one you will ever have and you have to live it to the best of your abilities and try to find meaning and purpose in it. Everyone I knew was waiting for life after death, choosing instead to waste the opportunity they had been given living miserable and unfulfilled lives, and despite my knowledge, I found myself wasting my life trying to make them understand. So I stopped. I decided to make the most of my own life and leave the world to its myths and fairy tales and trust the God of my understanding to take care of my needs. Despite my lack of belief in life after death, I still enjoy a very personal relationship with my Creator, and He showed me that I do not need anyone’s approval or validation to live my life and my experience is no less valid if no one ever believes me. I can be happy right where I am, my life is not a punishment and I am under no death sentence for being born, and if others want to live that way, it is on them, not me. I am not responsible to save anyone and I am free to be happy today, and that means not worrying about fame or money or acclaim, which are all empty and fleeting anyway. I am better off today for all that I’ve been through, and that is enough for me. The future will take care of itself and I will be able to handle whatever comes so long as I remember who I AM and stay the course.
Perfect timing with this post – I have been evaluating my life, having gone through many changes lately that made me question whether the space that I am occupying in life is wasted….I raised three sons as a stay at home mom, got divorced, went back to school and became a Registered Nurse at the age of 54. I felt very accomplished at that time, but I got hurt on the job and developed arthritis, being ultimately unable to continue the intensely physical nursing job. Now, at age 62, I am once again in a position where I have to re-invent myself, and I look at all the “accomplished” people my age, who have successful lives, have a ton of hobbies and charities, travel the world, and seem to have accomplished so much more than I could have ever dreamed.
Only through constantly reminding myself that ultimate satisfaction comes through spiritual clarity, self love and love of others, am I able to continue to move forward and not get bogged down in self-pity. I can no longer participate in most physical activities, and at this point my life is quite “boring”. I am not jet skiing, bungee jumping or participating in African Safaris. Instead, I spend my time reading, studying buddhist philosophy, watching documentaries, helping wherever I can, talking to friends and family, and being thankful that I am able to connect with people like you who help me put my life in the proper perspective every now and then.
Thank you very much!
what a wonderful read! sometimes I wonder why i’m so content in my ‘not-dream job’.
i think it’s because i’m already so happy inside 🙂
Great post Jonathan! When I saw this title, I sighed with relief. My husband and I have (from the outside looking in) a “boring life” and we LOVE it. All that matters to us – still after 17 years – is just being together and laughing with our kids. We don’t travel much. We don’t have fancy cars. We don’t have millions in the bank. We definitely don’t have what our culture promotes as a “wildly successful” life…and I don’t feel particularly motivated to reach for it. We just love our life right now. That’s how we’ve always done it. If this is all we ever achieve I will have lived a truly happy life:)
Really enjoyed reading this. It’s refreshing to read about someone who isn’t constantly chasing after something. Being grateful for the present is surely one of the most important things we should all be mastering in life.
I do think our culture puts a high price on “success” as the highest goal you could possibly achieve and it only has to do with notoriety without work, just desire. We all desire to be many things as kids and adults, as you listed some of your desires above.
You couldn’t have said it better:
“As if wanting and desire is all that’s necessary to achieve a goal!”
I think that’s why people do not so genuine things to get famous, it doesn’t matter what it is, just that are known by the masses and as easy as possible such as wanting it the most.
I wish that was a standard, plain desire, for achieving my goals. It takes away the stress of working towards being Laura Croft tomb raider, astrophysicist, polyglot, primaballerina, anesthesiologist, the next Dali etc. (some of my few child/adulthood goals)
I am happy that there is a post celebrating the “boring” life. I too am working on my intentions in life, not attention in my own life.
thanks!!
thank you for sharing your wisdom
‘love the dream, and surrender the result…’ at this point on my journey, I am simply finding so much joy in the experience, whatever it is – Life itself is my passion. thank you for the uniting reminder 🙂
My husband and I quit high paying jobs three years ago to live on savings in a rural area, escape the rat-race and live with the seasons and generally simplify our lives. The adjustment has taken time and work but we are happier and healthier than we have ever been. We holiday for a couple of days at a time at a seaside hotel 2 hours drive away instead of expensive and complicated two week foreign holidays, we cultivate our own vegetables, use our mobile library ( 100 yards away every two weeks), rejoice in sunny days, experience our garden and watch wildlife. We do a lot of things for ourselves rather than buy them even though it may prove more expensive ( e.g. bake bread, raise vegetables) – but we are learning skills and challenging ourselves even more than sitting at a desk for all those years. This brings great satisfaction. The irony is when I speak on the phone weekly with my sister (who is very materialistic and cannot understand why we quit our jobs) what I list as achievements or happenings leave her cold and the unspoken text is that we are boring ( to her). Sad but true. It’s also evident in e.mails to former colleagues who struggle to understand why I get excited about the first bulbs, bats in the attic and bumblebees living in the brickwork. Different strokes for different folks. I’ve tried both lives and I know which I prefer. Boring is soooooo good – but will never attract an advertising budget so will remain quite exclusive!
Hi Jonathan – Your introduction made me laugh because I could relate to it very much. In my life I have wanted to work on a cruise ship, be a physical trainer, a dancer, an astronaut, a teacher, a career coach, a jewelry maker, a clothing designer, an architect, interior decorator for model homes, and on and on…
Your fantastic article reminds me of something I too touch on – an article “striving for mediocrity” – http://rowdyprisoners.com/striving-for-mediocrity/
After deciding to quit listening to the voices around me, I didn’t care anymore about using my BA or MA degrees and started doing what I’ve always wanted to do – write. As a freelance writer, my husband and I don’t even look at my “salary” as a contribution to our family finances.
There is much more that comes from letting money and titles go – I am a happy, healthy, vivacious woman that is more available to my marriage and life. I no longer spend nights fretting over going into a job that fills me with stress and tension and causes me to question who I am. We’ve found, the more we let go, the happy our lives are.
Glad to hear your perspective and how it is working in your life. Cheers to boredom, mediocrity and the fullness of accepting our beautiful lives just as they are!
Thank you for writing this. I feel as though you’ve captured my life. I’m printing this article out as I type this as a reminder to be more thankful and trusting about the process of working towards our dreams rather than being so blinded by the potential of an end result.
I am kind of tired of reading those books that tell you to go and chase your dream job/life…you know what??…I may not be truly happy with my life, but I’m okay with it…At the end of the day, happiness is just a state of mind.
I would say that this is pretty much a realistic post than those books which promise tons of nonsense…They’re best-sellers because they sell well (Happiness, health, money, etc)…In the background they also have a business to run, and no matter what lie they’re offering you. Boredom is okay too.
“…the joy in being ordinary” — YES!
My partner and I have given ourselves permission to live our retired life quietly, simply. We move from one moment to the next, very happy with our “boring” lifestyle, with each other, with our relationship. We are ecstatic, daily grateful, that we no longer have externally-imposed “shoulds”, like from employers, kids (because they’re all adults living their own busy lives), society, etc.
It’s great to read your post, to have it reaffirmed that it’s OK to be boring. It’s also great to see so many other people’s comments here identifying with your ideas, because sometimes I’ve wondered if we’re the only ones who *prefer* this quiet lifestyle. We call ourselves recluses, hermits. Boring we are — or at least that’s how I imagine others see our lifestyle. However, we’ve also moved past worrying about what others think about it.
I used to imagine my retirement would be ultra busy with travel, activities, projects, arts/crafts, or filling my days with hobbies that I never had much time to do. It’s much more relaxed than that, by choice. Yup, we do those things, but only when we really feel like it, not as a daily or as a set routine. My retirement motto is “human being, not human doing” [Rumi]. That’s a major project in itself — learning to just BE.
My thought exactly! Thanks for this post.
Thanks for sharing this post. I’ve struggled a lot trying to reconcile my goals with the life I have been given, realizing like you did, that the choices I made eliminated a lot of avenues that might have taken me where I wanted to go but at a greater cost to the life I really wanted to live and the people I wanted to share it with. I’ve been thinking of this a lot and wonder if there are more people like us who want to find peace within themselves instead of stacking up more and more goals in an effort to become someone special and important.
What great insight! It is just what I needed to hear – my entire life I dreamed of traveling the world and was completely shocked when this was not the path life lead me to… Even more, I realize that I have outgrown this dream. My life is far fuller than I could have ever imagined even if it did not turn out just like how I imagined it would as a teenager. So I remind myself every day to surrender and accept whatever life hands me because so far life’s ideas for me have been way better than the ideas I had for myself. Best of luck!
Well it’s not a boring life, it’s a life with peace and contentment. 🙂
Thanks for sharing! Completely agree with you and many below, i hold similar views toward life. I hope many more people realize this. 🙂
how about a makeover
makeover
skincare?
ugly.
ya, you need Karma. ugly
what an ugly bitch. the next life is what you need,
i am vomiting now
i am vomiting now.
how about a makeover and sex.
just love the dream, and surrender the result. mm sounds good!
Great post, i found this while searching “how to accept a boring life” hehe.
Myself, i dropped out of university a year ago and have done very little with my life since. Everyone around me, disappointed, they have not been giving me many ideas other than “do something”. The sort of family and culture i come from emphasises great success in the classic “money and big house” way. I recently came to accept maybe I’m not destined for “great” things, and was warming to the idea of doing modest work for modest pay to buy modest things with, despite everyone else branding me as a “failure”. Reading this article has really reaffirmed my beliefs and made me comfortable with my choices, and has inspired me to start finding the other aspects of myself and other, non-physical needs. I’d like to give my sincere thanks as it seems a lot of people have been affected positively by your words.
If you want to lead a quiet life then why not? Who’s to say what an “exciting” life is? Narcissists? Clear orf!
You disgust me. You’re a total coward. You’re promoting placid complacency over action. The messed up thing is that I do agree that happiness comes from within, but what you’re describing is so fucking depressing, that I’d take misery over boredom any day. Fuck you.
Im sorry for the hurt you have experienced but you didn’t experience actual death. Death is final and only those who never came back have experienced it and know what is beyond this life.
this is a bad advice … there are many people dreaming but not actually trying enough to chase their dream … so they accepted to live a normal life.
Live is a daring adventure or nothing. If your dream is big, you can choose to have a small dream. At least with me, have a small dream better than nothing.
This post is refreshing.. thanks to you
I used to have various dream too.. great to know I’m not alone
I guess I just need to surrender for the result right now 😀
if you want to live happy live and know the true God and the true religion
https://www.facebook.com/groups/716532608381557/
This is not boring at all to me! 🙂
unsubscribe from this discussion
I agree. This article made me think of Khaled Hosseini’s
quote
“They say, Find a purpose in your
life and live it. But, sometimes, it is only after you have lived that you
recognize your life had a purpose, and likely one you never had in mind.”
Today, most people seem to rate their own success by
societies standards, rather than their own. We are being force-fed words like “special”
and “unique”, and taught that our value is in the eyes of other people.
Small things carry no value anymore. You need recognition
from at least a dozen people. Carrying your own weight, helping those you can
is not enough anymore.
Expectations have gone through the roof, and we are set up to “fail” from the
day we are born. We are constantly told we need to make this life COUNT, we
need to change the entire world for the better, be remember and admired, work
hard and be happy on demand. Because we are only granted one life and we don’t
want to “waste it”.
But truth is it’s an unattainable goal, as it just isn’t possible
– everything is subjective, everything is temporary and fleeting. Time slowly
erase all things, and no one is immortal.
And what is a “waste of time” anyway? Unspoken rules about what is a waste of time and what aren’t have been written, and we all live by them unconsciously.
Very few would openly admit to the fact that they spend most days on the computer or watching tv, and are happy to do so. Some activities are by definition shallow and “a waste of time”. We need to devote out time to achieving “great things”, which means getting recognition one way or the other.
But truth is no one will reach a point in their life where they can just sit back, having reached a stage of full and eternal happiness, because they reached all the accomplishments and needs set by mankind, which will be remembered and admired for all eternity.
You will never be able to please everyone, in fact there will always be people who disapprove or even dislike you no matter what you choose to do in life.
I personally believe all people are able to reach a certain level of happiness and fulfillment in their life, the only obstacle is standing by your own unique happiness.
As Comic book guy in The Simpsons put it “I spent my entire life collecting
comic books… Life well spent!”
:o)
Yea, it sounds quite lovely. I hope to get to where you are now. You’re an inspiration.
You like a dog. Who cares if there are people like or love boredom? It’s their choice. I, myself, enjoy boredom. And if you can’t stand people who enjoy it, tough. Either accept them as they are or suffer the consequences for being too intolerant to them.
very nice…I loved it and ur stuff relieved me very much
Thanks Jonathan 🙂 nice pic posted
Hi Debbie, Beautifully explained….I could feel each n every words felt by u while posting this ….Thanks for the post