“To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.” ~Eckhart Tolle
Years ago I found my self at a low point. It wasn’t a big, life-changing event that got me there; just a sudden realization that life sucked. Every day of that horrible summer, this question nagged at me: “Is this as good as it gets?”
My sons were very young then and always happy, a joy to be around. My marriage was healthy and my husband was doing great. The problem was me—my pain body had attached itself to this feeling of “Is this all there is?”
I spent many hours on my couch trying not to look like I was in this funk in front of my boys so they wouldn’t feel any negativity.
I plodded along with everyday things, such as driving them to friends’ houses and joining my friends for lunch, but I lived with this underlying resentment that was consuming me, swallowing me up like a dark cloud.
It felt like I had reached a point in life where I knew it all (of course, I hadn’t even scratched the surface), and I’d figured everything out, and now what?
I would get up every morning and go through my routine, part of which involved making my bed.
When I was feeling this way and I was lost in my own perception of things, I would look at our bed as I put it together and have a sense of ugh! Here I am, making this bed again to have the same predictable day only to get into it again tonight and start all over tomorrow.
WHAT’S IT ALL FOR?
This question nagged at me as I made sure the pillows lined up and ran my hands over the duvet to smooth it to non-wrinkled perfection. Yuk! What did it matter? Why did I care? Was this it? Would I just stay on my little path with these little details until I die?
I couldn’t find my way back to happiness. I was stuck. Thankfully, the Universe and my free will started to show me another side.
A friend opened my eyes to a different perspective and I started to re-think all of my negative thoughts. She helped me see everything around me with new eyes instead of taking it all for granted.
I felt an opening of my soul and realized that there was so much more than I had previously allowed into my life. Just the fact that I was open to receive this better, more positive way of viewing my life made me happier.
Within weeks I started gardening and got lost in the outdoors and the smell of the Earth.
I was emerging as a more enlightened soul, lighter, taking on the day and feeling excited to do simple things—things that I had not considered doing for a long time, such as hiking and just sitting in the grass for hours.
As part of my morning routine, I started meditating in my yard, then doing yoga in the glorious sun. My whole perception of my life turned around and I reveled in each day, so happy to be here in this beautiful place, having this amazing experience.
Filled with love for my family, myself, and just about everyone and everything, I had transformed. And just like that, I left behind that persistent question, “What’s it all for?”
Now I knew what it all was for—to experience love, to give it, to receive it, to relate to the Universe and others as part of the sum of everything imaginable.
My life situation hadn’t changed; I hadn’t moved away or started a new career. I didn’t seek therapy or join any club. I simply changed my perception about my life. I saw things with new eyes and realized how closed off I had become.
I have never again allowed myself to go to that dark place, as I am still high on life, with all of its simple pleasures and splendor. I walk around this beautiful lake every morning and marvel at nature and how perfect it is. I find ten miracles before breakfast, and I am living a life of joy.
I make my bed every morning, and I always make sure to run my hand over the duvet to make it smooth. I line up the pillows and spend a minute so it looks neat. I think about the day and how amazing it is that I can create whatever I choose.
With a feeling of being blessed, I have deep gratitude for everything in my life. And then I think, “Wow, I’m about to have a great day and then end up back here back in my bed with my husband! How awesome is that?”
Recognize that your thoughts represent just one possible way to perceive your circumstances. Write down all the great things in your life and decide to throw away any negative, self-limiting thoughts.
It’s your choice how you see your life, so see it as a beautiful gift and take on each day with love in your heart and a smile on your face.
Bored man image via Shutterstock
About Michele Catapano
Michele Catapano is the writer for Gretta Moss, a lifestyle blog. She’s a painter, a vegan, an advocate of taking care of the Earth, a seeker of the most good for the most people on the planet. She loves to share what makes her happy and does it with recipes, photos and positive thoughts. You can visit her site at www.GrettaMoss.com.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Michele
I really resonated with this post because I too felt like that at one point in my life. I love how you mentioned the Universe helping open up another side to you. If we are truly open to the idea of this force bigger than us offering its support and helping us align with our highest good and the things we want most, the changes we can see in our life are amazing, and things we may think impossible now are actually anything but.
It is amazing what a shift in perspective can do because when it comes down to it, there really is no objective reality. We get to choose how we feel, and what we focus on expands.
Great stuff!
Really enjoyed and identified with this post. So much advice for being ‘stuck’ hinges on heading off in new directions that aren’t always practical or don’t solve the problem, so to read this was refreshing and encouraging. Made me think of this quote – “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes” (Proust)
Oh my gosh – I was in a similar place! And yes, you are right – life without meaning and appreciating it is useless. I think that is why so many rich people go to drugs – they can’t fulfill themselves anymore and then try to drown themselves in drugs to stop feeling bad. Thank you for a great post!
I checked out your website – amazing! I love it! And it is truly feels Zen….. 🙂 I signed up also for your email list – I have a feeling – lots of good stuff will come my way! Thank you for being you Michele!
Just to clarify, what specifically did the friend say or do? A friend opened my eyes to a different perspective and I started to re-think all of my negative thoughts. She helped me see everything around me with new eyes instead of taking it all for granted.
Meditation always helps, that is why I doing every morning. Thank you for sharing your story.
What’s it all for? It is what we make of it. =) Thanks for being honest. I believe that a lot of us feel the same way.
Can you give the titles of the two books that helped you again
This was my favourite line – “Wow, I’m about to have a great day and then end up back here back in my bed with my husband! How awesome is that?” – what an amazing thought to have before leaving for work. My life with my husband is absolutely sacred, and sometimes I do forget that.
Thank you for a wonderful post and a reminder that one’s perspective can change everything.
from within
very inspiring in this right moment of my life. thanks.
Hi Rebecca, I think I was ready for the information, and I listened to another point of view which was positive. It’s so easy and available to everyone, since it’s within all of us .
Hi Jennifer, the books were “The Language of Letting go,” by Melodie Beattie, and “Divine Magic, The Seven Sacred Secrets” by Doreen Virtue.
So happy it found you, jacintita.
Peace Within, thanks, for the reply, and for sharing.
Thanks Talya, I meditate in the morning too, it always makes me have a better day.
Hi, Lolita, thanks for the kind reply. Of course, amazing stuff is already heading your way!
Sam, so true, and I love that quote. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Kelli, Thanks for sharing your thoughts and similarities on that feeling of being stuck. I think we all experience a version of that throughout our lives.
This is just what I need today, thank you dear!
So you got a lobotomy, yeah I was thinking of getting one of those too.
And guess what, at the end of the day it’s still the same old song and dance and your still doing the same routine. The ONLY way out of this mess is to finally die. Which is what I am looking forward too. At least for me being 44, I don’t have much longer to go.
About a year ago I am where you are. I am not in real poverty, just without anyone who cares enough about me to even make a phone call. I am college educated but at age 72 what’s the point. I have begun to write a little novelette, but then said why do this nobody really cares about what you say or think. I have thought I might be depressed, but doubt it. I have lived on my own all my life and fine I am a little clone of George Carlin. Smart that life is just tricks, diversions and smoke and mirrors to fool and contain those that are not elite with millions of dollars. I recently got the roof re shingled and paid about a third, but am now on credit until its paid up. I really take pride in this small accomplishment, but am empty of soul.
Gary, I would like to converse with you if you are up to it. I can relate to ALOT of what you just said. My email address is cathy_sykes@hotmail.com.
Thanks Catherine! Well, life is what it is, not perhaps as I would wish it, but I cope day to day. The big question of course, death is not probably more than a decade or so away and I am rather wondering who will live longer me or my cat, Miss B. That’s short for beanie or Beans.
I don’t dwell on it and I could sell the house rent and go to Europe on tours, but somehow at this stage, that doesn’t seem a thing that could give me any happiness. So, what is your take on this? Maybe we just think too much?
Do you think perhaps this is a stage of life. I am 58, adjusting to empty nest, and I am left asking now what is the meaning of life?!?! My life became so much about taking care of children. For want of sounding corny, I feel I have to rediscover myself. I know some would say I am relatively young but I think a lot about the end of life. Probably because I can’t see a life any different to what I live today and it’s not satisfying in the least. So I ask my self is this it until the end? Perhaps we do think too much. And when I spend too much time alone it is really bad for me to think too much!
To be fair, anyone reading this is probably feeling less than lively, but I don’t feel the post gave me much more than – “ yesterday sucked, and then my friend said to look at it differently, and I did “ and then we lived happily ever after. Maybe part of getting older or even just living is wondering why we are here and then realizing the next generation will ask the same question and so on and so on. We are here to smell the roses ? We can only smell them so long imo.
I think people like me are just too pessimistic or realistic. For example, I know I will not find love at my age. I know I have a family that tends selfish aloof and cold. I am not kidding myself. I have begun to study classical music composition and take a lot of pleasure composing, but the very moment I expect an recognition, I get depressed. I know its NOT coming. Sort of like a man on a small planet who knows the rescue ship just isn’t coming.
Realistic is none of us are getting out of here alive. Pessimistic is your belief you will not find love at your age. I know a minister who has just married a couple in their 90’s! He said they were like two teenagers! It bothers me greatly that I have no group of human I belong to. My sons have their lives. I am an introvert but once in awhile I just CRAVE intelligent, deep and meaningful conversation. The kind where you know you really have made a connection. I have always felt like I am a visitor from another planet. I just don’t get humans. In fact, I have discovered late in life my most successful relationships are with four legged creatures.
Yes! I am an introvert also. Idle talk wares me out fast. I do enjoy learning even at my age and am a great library patron as well as buying or renting college level courses on CD. That’s a joy as well as walks along quiet roads especially in autumn. We live in an incredibly unique and precious world. We take it all too much for granted.
Thanks Cath, I guess we are different for a reason, lets hope its a good one ! Although, I’ve no real hope of any existence after this one, I disagree with those who think they know one way or the other.
I have no belief of an afterlife. I have just donated my body to The Body Farm at the University of Tennessee. I like to think I can go on after death providing some usefulness. And I will probably be visited in my deceased state more there than if I were buried! I just hate to think at 58 life is over. I just hope it’s my present state of mind adjusting to an empty nest. I no longer have the excitement about life I had in my youth. I really didn’t appreciate my youth. Wasn’t it Oscar Wilde who said ‘Youth is wasted on the young’. When I was young I would have said I loved people. After living many years, I hate people. People are selfish and ignorant on the whole. Those closest to me have been the cause of a great deal of pain to me emotionally. I feel much harder and less sensitive than when I was young. Maybe that’s a good thing. I know I no longer candy coat life. I am no longer naive. Maybe that is why I have an underlying sadness about me because I now see the harshness of this life. Yes there is a lot of beauty but equally there is a lot of ugly.
Although, I would say I generally hate people I love to talk to people. I love to hear their stories, their journeys in this life. What they have learned. I have had many fantastically rewarding encounters with people. Like, when I was pregnant with my first child, I was living in London, England. Quite heavily pregnant I waddled up to a street fruit and veg vendor on Oxford Street with a bit of change in my palm. I asked him how much were his plums and he handed me one and said ‘This one is on me, love’. I was so touched by his kindness. I am always touched by kindness. Music, chocolate, wine, and kindness make this world worth living! LOL
Oh, I meant to say humor as well makes life worth living! I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh!
As do I! I wanted to say my mother was very close and she had a major stroke late 94 after her 78th birthday. It was a bleak, black Christmas. I was living in a Town House, with neighbors on other walls.
A knock on door, a mother and her small children began to sing Christmas Carols to me. I was so blue and suddenly I saw humanity (much of it) is so loving kind, generous. I rewarded them . Later I moved from there and she recalled me in a food store, like a stupid dope I did not recall her. I had been through so much, even was more or less fired from my University job because of my absences and stress, Later I recall who she was an wept. She walked away and said never mind! These are the lights that guide us.
You know, maybe their visit was for that moment. You needed that pick me up and those ‘angels’ gave it to you! Yes these are the lights that guide us and I am so glad that I have a soul to be touched by these encounters. There are plenty who aren’t moved. Some would slam the door in their faces when they came to their door when they were in a blue mood. Those of us who get blue at times, I think get blue because life seems so bleak. We FEEL what’s happening to us. We feel what’s happening to others. I had an acquaintance years ago who seemed to be moved by NOTHING bad. She was able to put a spin on her misfortune to where it was tolerable. That was her coping mechanism I guess. I used to tell her, because she refused to feel bad about anything those of us who wear our heart on our sleeve had to do their feeling too!
Oh, yes, coping is what we do in this short life and hope we somehow have reached out and touched someone ourselves, made it better, if not just in the moment! Her children good Lord today would be mid twenties and she, grey. The good they did they never knew because I did not tell them my dear mother was almost gone. I did not dump on them, just remember this random act of kindness they did and wonder if perhaps there are not greater forces in this empty space we call existence. Suffering, we all do, but some endure so much and somehow can go on. I am watching a visual colour history of WW 2 and it is beyond the horrors of anything I have even imagined in my life born in 1945.
There is much evil, but the irony, so much innocence, kindness and good in many souls. We need appreciate that in our darkest hours, because my darkest hours could never compare with theirs.
So, just perhaps angels are there watching, but they mostly leave us alone !
Do you think man’s kindness outweighs man’s atrocities?
Sadly I do not. What took place in our world 1935-1945 was unimaginable and indeed caused millions to know we are evil and on our own. No God at all. Now I say wait, yes evil outweighs because it gives the ego what it THINKS it wants. Are we just alone really. You know the play write who produced the Martian drama that made many go nuts, Orson Wells, said and rightly , ” we are born alone and we die alone.” We are of the self and the EGO. Although Freud is said outed today as a non scientific doctor, I maintain he had his mind into something very dark and vicious about people. Yes, the ugly needed to be taken inside, you greet your demons. They then are conquered. I have mastered many of mine.
Well, we shun being alone, but should we? Perhaps it just makes us stronger so we can escape the pull of self and then help others.
There are such people, but they are indeed rare, but strength takes many forms we are not born with it , I think. We have to be alone to find that strength. The ancients said of Jesus and their prophets, albeit imagined, each needed to travel through hell and the wild of being alone. There they gained insight and strength. (Just my take on it.)
A lot of psycho babble, but that is what we are, psychology..
The true evil of killing innocents as was done routinely in WW2 to me tells the sad truth. Most are EVIL. So I go now to learn again about a dark time just before I was born.
I believe, there is no need for a Biblical idea of hell. Hell is our, as humans, knowing that we die. That is, what I think, drives the human psyche. We spend a lot of time in our life trying to deny it but deep in there we know our existence is finite. That is our hell. On that note, my new found friend Gary, I will say goodnight! Who knows what insights I will have after a good nights sleep! LOL
How are you Gary? Is our conversation over?
No, not necessarily, just waiting for the next wave.
No, not necessarily, just waiting for that next wave.
I can’t believe this post resonated so deeply for me that it actually moved me to tears.
I’m beyond thankful for this post.