fbpx
Menu

When Life Feels Crazy: 6 Questions for Cracking Up & Breaking Through

Plant in dried cracked mud

“Every really new idea looks crazy at first.” ~Abraham H. Maslow

Once, when I was in a painting workshop, I hit a wall of resistance, totally stumped by what to paint next.

My painting teacher came over to explore some questions that could help unblock me. But my “wall” was concrete, or industrial metal, or super-duper spy-movie-like with some computer-code contraption locking all security systems down.

“What if a crazy woman came into the room?” she asked me. “What if the crazy woman painted for you? What would she do?”

“She would explode everything up!” I answered.

“What would she do on the painting?”

“She would rip it up!”

“If with respect for what you’ve already painted you allowed her to go crazy on the paper without covering what you already painted or ripping it up, what would she paint?”

I looked at the painting. It was an image of me. “She would crack me into a hundred pieces…”

“Great!” She said. “Paint that!”

I took out a small brush and started drawing black cracks, as many cracks as I could, cracking the body into thousands of pieces. I felt high as I painted. Free. Without interpretation or need to understand what I was doing, I energetically painted cracks all through my body. I finished the painting with glee.

A dear friend, who is a Jungian therapist, told me recently about the “Crazy Woman” archetype. The Mad Woman who likes to step in sometimes to shake our world, wake our reality. I told her I knew this woman. I had met her in my creativity.

But secretly, I was coming to understand her beyond that. In my own life, things felt uncertain, chaotic, ungrounded. I was feeling somewhat like the crazy woman myself.

I was living alone, a year after divorce in the house I lived in with my ex-husband in Venice Beach, CA. I never felt unsafe or in danger in my home or neighborhood. In fact, I felt the opposite; my home post-divorce had become my respite when everything else in my life seemed turned upside down.

One random Saturday morning, I awoke to find a young woman, around 25 years old, coming off of some meth or heroin high in my back studio that I usually kept unlocked because the perimeter of my house was well gated.

She was going through my cupboard filled with old wedding pictures.

She wasn’t an archetype, but a real person. I had to double check twice to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I was in shock, yet typically, when in shock I knew I tended to act unusually calm and reasonable.

I approached her. “Why are you here?” I asked.

“I thought I lived here.” She said, seeming vulnerable and confused.

“I have to call the police,” I said.

“But I don’t want to go jail!”

“I’m sorry I have to call…” I said to her.

She picked up her backpack, and while I told 911 that I had an intruder, she lit a cigarette as she casually walked out the side yard gate and continued down the street away from my home.

This wasn’t a dream. It really was happening. There was a stranger in my home when I awoke one random morning.

She left her tennis shoes and socks behind, which I showed the two policemen when they arrived.

“This happens all the time,” one of the cops said. “Just last weekend we had a squatter make dinner and take a shower in someone’s home around the corner from you. Welcome to Venice!”

Well, no. Actually I had been living in Venice for ten years. This wasn’t a welcome but a warning sign to make sure my side gates were better protected. Though the young woman seemed fine when she walked away, I still felt shaken.

After talking to my friends on the phone, telling them about my intruder, I was able to find my ground. 

I saw the intruder as a reflection of what I had been feeling lately and told myself, “Sometimes it’s okay to see the Mad Woman and to accept her.”

I knew I was physically safe. She didn’t steal anything either. That night, I put her shoes out on the street corner so she would have them to wear, and in the morning they were gone. Her intrusion woke me up and made me curious to explore deeper. 

These were the questions upon her departure I contemplated: 

1. What if I allowed myself to feel as “crazy” as I felt and let myself live the life I always wanted to live?

How would I live it? (i.e. what would I paint?) Could I let myself crack?

2. Would I let my controlled, safe little world open up to something new or daring?

Was I ready to uproot the life I knew and create something totally different?

3. What if nothing had to make sense?

If the dots didn’t have to connect? If I didn’t have to know how my decisions would dictate my future? What would I do then?

4. What if I didn’t have to live according to the rules and expectations I had put on myself and the conditionings put on me that I bought into?

The ones that were based on how I was raised, my family’s expectations, or the beliefs I was taught to believe about myself?

5. What if my life was about being fully me, filled up with me, and no one else?

Not by a relationship or for my parents or my roles in society regardless if they thought my choices were “crazy”—what would I do differently?

6. What would happen if I accepted feeling out of balance, in unknown territory, and stopped trying to be something other than me presently?

What life choices might I make then?

After asking these questions of myself, something told me it was time to take off into a new adventure.

I thought about things I’d been afraid to do before or resisted: I feared skiing because of my weak ankles, but what if I tried again?

New York was a place I had thought about living in—what if I went to explore a new city? Or what if I started a new career path? What would I want to create in my life then?

As I asked these questions, I started to become interested, uncovering layers into exciting new territory.

So I ask you, what if metaphorically you met your Inner-Mad Man or Woman? What message would he/she have for you? 

Creating a life change isn’t actually “crazy.” It’s the most fulfilling and exhilarating thing we can do.

What if you were to take a risk, jump into the unknown, shake up your world, leave your cautious mind and all that it says about you or about how you live your life and ask yourself, “If I were totally free, what would I do?”

Even if you don’t plan to actually do it, I’d love to hear. Be crazy and just for the fun of it. You never know what can happen.

Photo by Olearys

About Lynn Newman

Lynn Newman has a Masters in Counseling Psychology, is a writer, painter, and game creator (like The Game of You & The Game of Insight – An Interactive Way To Know Yourself, Create The Life You Want). She’s big into unleashing the truest, free-est parts of you, to experience more joy, purpose, and passion in life. Visit her at LynnNewman.com.

See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
33 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Vishnu

A powerful and honest life story that takes a lot of courage to share, Lynn. I’ve had similar experiences that you have and this may not sound too crazy but I feel like it’s turned my life upside down and made me more conscious, which is simply going within and trying to become a better person who is in more in touch with my being. Not allowing the outside world to dictate my life. The results have included more realizations, more growth, more soul-based living, more intuitive-based living and more living in the present.

Liv

perfect timing
just gave my 2 week notice at my comfortable job at a dot com company. I am embracing my inner mad woman ( who has a name btw, Lala Sunshine) She is an artist, a dancer, a musician, a traveler, someone who spreads the light and is fearless and free. Thank you for this 🙂

Nik Jones

I’m here right now, tightly holding on to the past knowing I have to let go. I sat in a counselling session yesterday and this was a discussion we had. He asked me what I’d do if I could completely let go right there, right then and I said I’d get all the books off the shelves. Thinking about it really exhilarated me and he noticed a shift in my mood. I am scared of revealing the inner crazy lady, but she’s in there fighting to get out – if I was completely free to start with, I’d do a very large graffiti somewhere like a designer fashion shop, I’d discuss consumerism in big bold letters 😀 *buys spray paint*

Thank you for sharing.

I have had my fair share of “crazy” moments. First, I left the “secure” job I had for 10 years, to start over completely, 1200 miles away (and eventually living on a boat!).

Recently, I have been sharing my deepest struggles in my writing, to the point where I felt compelled to start a new blog, to reach people who are going through the same. I’m opening myself up, being vulnerable, and it’s as scary as heck.

Life is much more worthwhile, when we allow that crazy woman into our house.

Lynn Newman

Congratulations!! This is SO exciting!!! Good for you Lala Sunshine. Keep it radiating:)

lynn newman

Bethany, I love your last line here. It warms my heart. Thank you!

lynn newman

Thank you for the reminder that it is about letting go of our grasp to the past. It is through the fear that we get to live life in big bold letters!!! Go spray that paint Nik! Yay!

lynn newman

Thank you for sharing too Vishnu. Life upside down is a bitch but the growth and being a better person more in touch with our being is so worth it, right? I appreciate your acknowledgment in how this takes to courage to share. xoxo Lynn

Tim

I’d leave my job and run around the world. I’d eat all the craziest foods I could find, starting with those toasted scorpions on a stick. I’d learn a ton of new languages and meet new people and try new jobs. I’d write poetry and play chess in the park with old guys. I’d paint again. I’d fall in love with someone every day and every person I met I’d say I love you to, starting with you. I’d sing loud and off key and play the guitar horribly. I’d tag everything with graffiti. I’d read any book I wanted to and put it down right away if I didn’t like it. I’d sleep until my body told me to wake up. I’d swim and go to the gym, but only when I really felt like it. I’d find a hat that I really liked and wear it all the time.

Talya Price

Everything you said is mostly what I want to do, it called living life!

Talya Price

I am always responding to my inner mad woman. I am going to spend my birthday and christmas in Germany, alone. This will be my third visit to Germany. I want to do something special for my birthday, and since my friends will be with their families and I do not have a partner, I will meet some new people and try to make new friends. I embrace my inner mad woman, I am completely in love with her.

Talya Price

I love your comment.

lynn newman

Aw – how wonderful!! Enjoy enjoy!

lynn newman

I LOVE THIS!! Which one will you do today?!? xoxo Lynn

Lee Davy

Hi Lynn,

Thanks for sharing such a wonderful set of stories.

Right now I would definitely go somewhere warm and it is bloody freezing in the UK. I would also like to live with lots of people. My opinions differ on this because I tell myself I like my own space and yet when I am on my own I feel incredibly lonely and isolated from the world.

So I guess I would like to buy a huge house, in the heat, and move everyone that I love into it and live happily ever after.

Lee Davy
http://www.needyhelper.com

LYNN NEWMAN

Hi Lee. Very funny! How FUN!!

Meredith

I would learn to play tennis even though I have a previously injured knee – give it a go and see if my knees okay anyways! I’d start writing about my experiences – really sharing about my inner world, and maybe even share it, unabashedly, on my blog and with others. I would start my own company, maybe doing coaching and counseling, in spite of not having my next certification or a coaching certification, and share my wisdom and knowledge I’ve learned from educating myself and from getting my masters in social work and from my way of being in the world. I would sign up for a yoga teacher training course even though it costs a lot of money because I LOVE LEARNING, and I LOVE YOGA, and both make me feel really really really alive and good and like myself. Thank you!! This is a great exercise – I want to think more about it.

Sista42

Good read

Mariano

I just resigned from a “secure” job in the travel industry, sold absolutelly everything in my posession, and bought a ticket to Sydney. The universe will put the safety net once i jumped 🙂

lynn newman

Amazing!!! xoxo

lynn newman

How fun!! what a list! love it:) are you drawn to starting up one this week? xoxo

Carrie M

Lynn – this is brilliant! And the timing is right on for me too – i just love how the universe gives us what we need at the exact time we need it. I just keep getting amazing reinforcement for recent decisions I’ve made myself to change my life. I am leaving my current job (like Liv also in the online world) and starting on a new career path in Healing work, moving back to a place I love where I connect (I moved to NYC for a job and NYC is a great city but not my cup of tea – I’m a nature person), painfully ended a relationship where I was more focused on the other person than on me, and moving in a direction I want to take. My life choices could be considered crazy going from a cushy place to one of change but I am ready to embrace it. Thank you so much for this article!

Lynn Newman

Carrie, you are an inspiration! You jumped with courage – congrats!! thank YOU for sharing! xoxo Lynn

Caroline Porter

I LOVE this. At this moment in time, I would:
Elope with my 20-years-older boyfriend on the beach and stop fretting about him likely dying before me (I spend way too much time dwelling on that). Move to Sedona with him and spend everyday writing at a different coffee shop. Poetry, short stories, maybe a novel. I would learn how to cook anything and everything I want to. I would volunteer and give back in any way I could. Feeding people at shelters, making videos for local businesses, writing lovely notes for people who feel sad. I would LET GO of what my family and friends expect and live every day for love.

Lynn Newman

Sounds FABULOUS!! Woot woot! Xoxo Lynn

lizacat

Let’s see… four years ago, I left my home, job, husband of 38 years and moved a thousand miles away.. and had an affair with a woman. I landed on my feet in my old home state, met another woman who was a crazy stalker and abusive, got free of that after a year, became an actress in community theatre., took care of my aging mother 3 years before she died..among other things. Now I have bought a house, leaving the home I have rented the past three years and am allowing a man I have fallen in love with to move in with me…and I’m scared out of my mind…again. Crazy…yeah, I can do crazy. I can’t believe it is still so hard and scary though. Shouldn’t I be a pro at wild crazy stuff???

Lynn Newman

I understand the fear. Sometimes the craziest thing we can do is allow ourselves to open and surrender to love:) xoxo lynn

ritu kaushal

Wow .. I really liked this ! I am in the middle of opening up to my creativity, and already it feels like the momentum is too much, as if everything is happening too fast, as if the current will wash me out. My first response is to take cover, be cautious. But I can see now that that is what the pushing and pulling has been about – letting myself be uncalculated, spontaneous, crazy will make me more of who I am.

Loved this piece !!

Aurora Moya

I’d probably be a police woman or a baker, or a singeeer o. o Maybe I would be the tree

Tim

The toasted scorpions, for sure.

nina magalie

First time I didn’t agree with an article on TB first no compassion is shown for the drug user. And did You really have to call the police on her even when she was beging you not to? Also, mentioning
the police to an intruder might them make agressive, you should have just gotten out of there asap
Sorry, but it’s just a scary story and you were lucky but this poor addict
should not be used for a story, unless you had made her life better by helping her in any way

Charity Rochon

I know this post is kind of old but, I wanted to put my two cents in. I really needed to read this tonight. I’ve been of work for a while now due to an injury and I have also started full time online classes for my BSN. I spent the last year and half working with adolescent psychiatric patients. Although this is a very fulfilling job, I’ve been on the fence for a while now considering if this is what I really want with my life. If I were to truly set myself free and be wild and crazy, I would leave my small town, work in public health (maybe an AIDS clinic), and cover myself in beautiful artwork without fear of anyone’s opinion. Maybe follow my gypsy blood and travel all over. I just wanted to share. Thanks for the great article.

Nathan Jackson

I call those crazy times as tripping into a rabbit hole. Easiest way I keep everything in order is to imagine a boat with many anchors that represents the fundamentals that make up what we think is real. Typically when you trip into a rabbit hole one of those anchors has moved. Lift all your anchors your no longer able to function but a if you jiggle the ropes it can help to gain perspective. The tricky thing is when you stand on the edge of what is and isn’t long enough you can’t really tell the difference anymore. When this happens typically painful memories are the only thing left to pull you back. Crazy is like any drug, really fun till it isnt.