“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Everyone tells you to chase your dreams and follow your passion. At some point, you’re brave and full of hope and decide to do it—quit your job, become an artist, apply for that dream job, and change your lifestyle.
It’s wonderful and empowering and exciting and all those things that make living worthwhile.
But what happens when you fail? When quitting your job left you broke, no one wants to publish your work, and your dream job turns you down? You are left feeling utterly defeated and a little bitter toward all those people who told you to go for it. It didn’t work. What then?
I’m no stranger to failure. I’ve tried so many times and had nothing concrete to show for my efforts. I’ve had to tell people, “No, I didn’t get it.”
Most recently, I’ve been hustling as hard as I can to get a job that will send me overseas in the development field to work for women’s human rights. Unpaid internships and grad school and applications and cold emailing have so far led to nothing.
It can be incredibly frustrating and leave me feeling hopeless, sometimes questioning if it’s worth following these dreams when I’m feeling so defeated. Like I said, I have nothing concrete to show for any of my efforts yet.
But a while back something happened that changed everything. And no, I didn’t get the dream job.
What happened was internal. I was sitting outside with a mug of hot coffee cuddled between my hands, a soft jacket pulled around my shoulders to combat the cool, autumn morning. Red, yellow, and orange leaves were raining down from the trees, spiraling to the ground. Painted clouds streaked the deep, brilliantly blue sky.
I could feel the sun on my face. And as I sat there, with none of my dreams coming true, I realized that it doesn’t matter if they never do.
I am alive, healthy, and free. I have people who love me. And I have the capacity to be grateful for this life and the ability to even contemplate following my dreams, let alone throw everything I’ve got into the fray.
I realized that even if my dreams never come true, I will be okay. It was so liberating. I will keep trying; I actually had a second wind after this realization. Because now I know that my life is full and worthwhile and beautiful even if I’m just sitting outside with coffee in the sunshine.
If you allow yourself to love everything, as simple and small as it may be, even if not all of your dreams are unfolding around you, there may come a day when your dreams do come true and it will be icing on an already magnificent cake.
The defeated feelings from failure come from letting all your hopes and happiness ride on the dreams coming true. If you allow yourself to appreciate the freedom and aliveness in just having the opportunity to try, the failing will be so much less painful.
You should keep chasing your dreams and following your passion. At the same time, you shouldn’t let yourself feel so bad if you’re failing.
Check with yourself and see—would it really be so awful if you just kept trying and things never quite worked out the way it does in your dreams?
Really think about it. How wonderful and fun and exciting is it that you can go off and chase those dreams? And how much more concrete and valuable is love in your life, joy in the simple things, and appreciating what you have?
If all your dreams come true but you neglected your relationships and forgot how to be grateful and happy with the little things, it won’t matter.
Let living fully be your passion. Chasing your dreams is a byproduct of that. Finding a way to make them come true is not the end all, be all.
Be fully immersed in your own life—your relationships with others and yourself, tasting good food, comfort and peace, enjoying a quiet morning with the sun on your face, laughter.
Failure isn’t so bad when you realize that taking the steps to make your dreams come true is a dream coming true in itself.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
What you have written is so true! I have been struggling to land a job in my dream field too. Five years, two internships, several volunteer jobs, and hundreds of resumes later, I have nothing to show for it. I finally got tired of trying so hard yet failing over and over again, so I decided to let go of my dream. I’m not giving up, I’m just letting go and being more open to other possibilities. I’m hoping that I will eventually land that dream job someday down the line, but in the meantime I’m learning to appreciate other aspects of my life and being open to trying new things. Best of luck with your dream job. I hope you find it!
I also wanted to add how much I love your perspective about appreciating the journey. Even though I’ve failed, I’ve had some many amazing experiences while chasing after my dream and I would never trade them for anything.
Melissa nice article and very true. I’m leaving my marriage of 28 years and have had many things not go as I wished or hoped but that would never stop me from keeping on trying. I am grateful for all the things which have worked out along the way and refuse to give up. I believe it’s really important to try to make each day count and do the best you can along the way. For me staying hopeful means I’m giving myself the chance to believe that things will eventually work out some way or some how. Every day I try to do as many things as possible which make me happy.This helps me stay strong and keep on moving. All the best with your dreams:)
Thank you! 🙂 Best of luck to you too, you sound like you have strength to keep going and the ability to accept what is, which is the perfect balance I was getting at 🙂
Alice thanks so much for your comment! I am 100% with you and love your attitude. Not giving up at all, but rather letting go. It’s so much more freeing. I hope you get your dream job too 🙂 And yes – the amazing experiences while chasing the dream are the unexpected things that make the dream and the chase as worthwhile as it is. Good for you 🙂
Hi Melissa, this was a beautifully written article and just what I needed today. Mental illness, fertility issues, and a number of life challenges have REALLY slowed down my progress in a grad school program. My cohort is long-graduated two years ago, and I have had to move away from my university as I still work on my thesis research, getting a job and becoming a long-distance student in order to earn a living and be with my husband.
Every time I sit down to work on my research, I struggle with feelings of failure. Just starting is tough because of my anxiety; but when I complete steps I also hear “no” “revise it” or “do it again” many, many times. Something difficult in the first place becomes something difficult I have to do over and over again. My progress feels tiny and soooooo slow and halting. But I can’t stop, because my life’s passion lies on the other side of my degree.
Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to have all my ducks neatly in a row, or walk the same path as my peers, or meet all my deadlines precisely on time in order to be happy. I have to keep working for sure. But in the meantime I still have a lot going for me. 🙂
Hi Melissa this is a great article and you keep fighting. You will see your dreams come through if you keep fighting. I fought for my dreams for years and even though it has come to fruition I am still holding on and continuing to believe and to work hard. there are people who at 40 and 50 still believe their dreams will come through. It is never to late.
Thank you also for reminding me that things don’t have to result in the end you want to in order to be successful.
Thank you! Keep going, even when it’s slow and halting. Take those times, when things are going slower and more quietly than you’d like, to focus on all the lovely things around you. I love that you recognize that. It’s tough, but if your passion “lies on the other side of that degree” I know you will finish and make it, and it will be so much more satisfying for all the hard work. 🙂
Good luck to you, I know you’ll do great 🙂
Thank you so much Rose!! I really appreciate the encouragement. It means a lot. You keep fighting too – I believe we’ll both make our dreams come true, if they aren’t already true in so many ways 🙂
I really appreciate this article. This past year I took big risks which in my mind resulted in many failures. I never thought of being grateful for the opportunity to take these risks, leave everything behind, try and continue to try. It’s an important point to remember.
Thank you so much for sharing this Melissa. Means a lot to me 🙂
Hi Melissa,
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences as they’ll not only benefit you but those who you share them with.
I’ve read so many articles about pursuing your dream with focus, determination, and a sense of tenaciousness. But inevitably, regardless of the amount of effort and sweat equity put in, failure can easily arise. And it’s possible that the so-called failure cycle lasts indefinitely … although we’re always learning about our goals, methods, and ourselves in the process (i.e., gaining a silver lining).
I’ve acquired some wisdom because of the failure that has materialized in my life. Here are some relevant points:
1) Failure should NOT be equated with your worth as a person. We tend to become so self-critical when we don’t achieve our objectives. We really have to love ourselves unconditionally, and not because we got that job, or promotion, or earned x amount of dollars.
2) At the same time, we also have to become less outer-directed, worried about what people think of us. It’s difficult to process failure on a personal level and the challenge is only compounded when we’re overly concerned with others’ judgments. When we sense that others think less of us because of a lack of success, we may begin to define ourselves in a very unfavorable, limiting way. (It’s also possible that when we think less of ourselves, we assume people think less of us, too.)
In addition, we may abandon our dreams because we’re told they’re not realistic by others. Although it may prove instructive to hear others’ perspectives, ultimately, we have to listen to our own voice
3) Failure fostered depression heightens when we believe that others are not experiencing similar issues. It’s a common trap to think that other folks naturally get what they want, or are living easier lives when we really don’t know what thoughts, feelings, and experiences those “lucky people” manifest.
4) Someone once told me that we frequently give up right before our dreams manifest. I always try to remember that when I’m ready to wave the white flag of surrender.
There are so many great examples in history of those who never stopped believing in their dream, and FINALLY broke through. Thomas Edison, told be teachers that he was too stupid to learn anything, invented a longer-lasting light bulb after 1000+ failed attempts. (Edison did not categorize those attempts as failures as he learned what not to do.)
This does not mean to suggest that we should spend a lifetime pursuing a given dream but just a reminder that it can take years before we’re able to reap what we sow.
5) My dad always reminded me that life is a pendulum that swings in both directions. It may appear as though we’ve waiting a lifetime for that pendulum to swing in a positive direction, but as you remind us, Melissa, it already has in many ways.
Thank you so much for addressing such as important issue. It seems appropriate to quote J.K. Rowling on this issue:
“Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it.”
I hope you realize your dreams, Melissa, and/or always recognize that you’ve already succeeded and have been blessed beyond measure.
Hi Melissa,
Thank you for creating this article. I’ve been chasing my dreams and passion for YEARS and haven’t quite seen the results I’d like. I’ve even tried different variations of the results I’m looking for but continue to fail. I still haven’t given up though! Every couple of days I try to write down 3 things I’m grateful for to try and help myself to keep pushing forward. I try to keep looking at the positive so that I have the right mindset and energy as I pursue my dreams.
But I want more than just being able to (barely) make rent. I want more than being grateful for my health and relationships. What if continuing to fail over and over again affects your livelihood and you have nowhere to go? When constant failures continues to set you back further and further? I don’t want just the bare minimum anymore. I think we deserve more than that.
I’m not about measuring my self worth through a distinguished job, or material possessions or X amount of money. I want to be able to enjoy what the world has to offer.
Like Antonio responded I am taken by
surprise that a stay at home mom able to make $5849 in a few weeks on the
internet. have a peek at this website on my profIle
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I’m glad it reminded you 🙂 Believe me, I know how easy it is to be so focused on reaching something that I lose sight of all the good things that happened along the way and changed me and my life. It’s so good to be able to just try. And I’m sure you’ve already succeeded more than you know!
Thanks for your comment! It means a lot to me 🙂
Hi Andy,
Thank you so much for your comment. I agree wholeheartedly with the points you listed – those are things I still have to remind myself of every once in a while. It’s hard sometimes, but so necessary to understand.
I love that quote as well 🙂 I hope we can all internalize this a little more and be kinder to both ourselves and others as we each move along toward our dreams.
Thank you Andy 🙂 I hope you reach yours as well, and that there will be more dreams waiting for you.
Hi TN,
I completely understand what you mean. Although I have no idea what dream you’re following, maybe that dream could manifest more easily in a different way? I know how tough it is to follow something that affects your livelihood. It’s not about material possessions. It’s about having enough of the bare necessities so you can enjoy the chase, enjoy the world, and not worry so much. I understand.
What if you allowed your dream to take a different form, at least for a little while? Getting back on your feet and taking care of yourself is number one.
I love that you are staying positive and grateful. I try to do that too. Keep fighting, but remember to be good to yourself along the way too. Sometimes you have to take a side road to your dreams. A detour. And that’s okay.
Best of luck to you – I hope we can both find ourselves in better positions that we are now, and that our dreams will be a little closer 🙂
Hi Melissa,
I truly appreciate your article and follow up comment as well! I, too, have to remind myself to actually implement these points. It’s worthwhile to know them intellectually but it’s a daily struggle to put them into practice
But I know it’s so important to overhaul my prior conceptions of what success really is and looks like, and try to immerse myself in the process of striving to reach goals and not be so consumed by the outcome.
But whether we cross that proverbial finish line, we can still enjoy the race, and not lambaste ourselves for failing to win. Perhaps we can just pat ourselves on the pack for taking steps forward.
Still, I hope we both can achieve our dreams and/or shape a reality where all is fine in our world.
Hi Andy,
I think you’re well on your way to achieving that balance! And I do hope so too 🙂
Thanks for all your thoughts, I really appreciate them. You’ve reminded me of some things as well!
Like Antonio responded I am taken by
surprise that a stay at home mom able to make $5849 in a few weeks on the
internet. have a peek at this website on my profIle
-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=-=-=–=-=-=–=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=-=–=
~“““`
Very interesting post. And to extend upon the concept of failure – I think that success is all about failure. Many successful people have said that if they didn’t keep failing at achieving their goals, they never would have eventually reached their goals. It’s a simple matter of not giving up on something you have determined to do with your life. Failure is just the obstacles you meet along the way.
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Cheers 🙂
Lovely reminder that it’s all about the journey.
what if someone got wife and kids to feed?
our society is based on external ‘action’ based behaviour
i recently had a novel thought – what if I just relax for an hour / day / weeK?
whats the worst that could happen?
maybe being a rebel about not joining the rush for ‘success’ ?
ive been developing products for 26 years – some prodducts have been succesful -but not for me but for others
i feel for artists that have written classic songs and had no reward
good point-when a family is involved the risks are harder to deal with
This seems more like nievity then anything else. If you’re able to look at your dreams in this sort of compromised relaxation, did you really have dreams? This sounds more like a young person viewing a pipe dream as a real life goal.
Not your best article, Tiny Buddha. When giving advice on such a topic (this is possibly one of the most important topics there is for those who are desperate not to settle in life) you should ask someone who doesn’t write like a twenty something who’s fresh out of uni and still has their parents to fall back on if they can’t pay the bills and rent. People with passion have resilience. It’s the nuts and bolts of logic that are missing and exasperation from failing that are the issues. Not knowing what on earth to do next. Anyone can look at the leaves and say it’s all OK because I’m alive. It’s the problem about making the dream a profitable enterprise (which is crucial if you want to do it for a living) that the article should be about in my opinion. This is wishy washy to the max!!
our culture’s measure for success is so artificial is induces a great further amount of stress, depression, disappointment and strife. The long given analogy with the gerbil on the wheel motion is true and has been for a long time for many of those who live in the West. How much does it really matter if you have a bigger house, a newer car or the corner office, one day we all must die then our true legacy will be measured and it wont be by the value of our material wealth that will have mattered. Stop chasing the “dream” or illusion planted there by others and find what truly matters and focus on that.
I’m sorry but most of this is a crock… Simply existing isn’t good enough for most people. You can only fail so many times before you run out of personal funds, or other peoples money. Then your living on the street or bumming off a friend or family
which in the long run is a miserable experience for both parties.
If your lucky you’ll find another job thats just as miserable and chronically depressing as the one you left to try to start “something”. If money is so tight you can’t even keep a savings account open, and given your best in school or college to try and force yourself to be decent at something you’re both A: good at and B: enjoy ( for most average Joe’s these two things don’t go together ) and still can’t find living wage work. Then congrats, you just wasted 2-6 years of your life burning yourself out at work and school to amount to nothing.
Tldr: Life’s all one big dice roll. And some, I’d venture to say most, never come out as winners.
Hi Melissa,
I love what you all said but particularly I like when you said “Sometimes you have to take a side road to your dreams. A detour. And that’s okay”
Good luck,
JN
J.K. Rowling is the world’s luckiest hack writer and a political idiot.