“We can always choose to perceive things differently. We can focus on what’s wrong in our life, or we can focus on what’s right.” ~Marianne Williamson
I was down in the dumps the other day and was feeling sorry for myself.
For some reason everything was just off. You know when you have one of those days when nothing seems to go right? And you get easily irritated and extra sensitive with everything?
It all began the night before. I was expecting a call from a guy who I’ve been getting to know. He said he was going to call but never did. I woke up the next morning feeling disgruntled.
My day proceeded with me stubbing my toe against the bed post, burning my toast, and then receiving a call from the bank to inform me that my debit card had been tampered with and someone had withdrawn over $1,000 from my account. (Luckily, my bank will be filing a fraud claim and I’ll get my money back, which is a blessing!)
After breakfast, I went to check out a health shop owned by a friend of a friend. We were introduced to each other via Facebook. On the way, I ran into every single red light possible, making me late.
When I got there I was enthusiastic to pass on a heartfelt hug from my friend, but it seemed her friend was surprised and a bit taken aback, as she leaned in for a lukewarm hug.
From there things felt awkward to me. Perhaps it was because I’d envisioned a different type of reception and expected my friend’s friend to be equally warm and enthusiastic. Instead, I felt like I was in an intense interview.
My ego started to stir, criticizing me because I was not prepared to respond to what seemed like 21 questions.
Feeling flustered over the visit, I was looking forward to meeting up with a friend whom I hadn’t seen in a long time for a catch up. To my dismay, I received a text saying she had to cancel and reschedule because something came up, but she promised she would make it up to me.
I then got lost in myself. The voices in my head got louder, debating about my worthiness. I felt like a loser that day, and my ego felt deflated.
My emotions got the best of me over the most trivial things. And as much as I’d like to blame it on my hormones being out of whack because of jetlag, the truth is I was acting like a child. I was focused on all the “wrong” things that were happening to me, and I was consumed with myself.
I knew I needed to purge what was on my mind, so I opened my laptop and started to type away. After about fifteen minutes, I felt better. My inner critic stopped and was under control.
I decided then to check my Facebook page with a strict intention to find an inspirational post or article.
Soon, I saw a post from a friend of mine who is one of the happiest people I know. She’s on a mission to make people smile and to change the world, one hug at a time.
In her Facebook post, she revealed that she recently learned she has a rare form of cancer. And although she was shaken by the news, she realized it’s just an unfortunate part of her life’s journey.
Instead of letting the news get her down, she is choosing not to feel sorry for herself, but to accept it and make the best of it. Or as she wrote, “laugh with cancer.” Because why live in misery, if she knows her time may be up soon? She might as well have fun and go out with a bang.
Reading her post brought me to tears. It made me realize how self-absorbed I was that day, and how I wasn’t able to appreciate the good things around me because of it. I also realized I’d closed my mind to different ways of seeing things. It was all about me. My expectations.
When my unspoken expectations weren’t met, I made up stories of what had happened, which led me to my self-pity party.
It was a great reminder for me to:
- Not sweat the small stuff
- Pivot my thoughts to what feels good
- Change my perspective on the things that happen
- Refocus my energy on what can I do to serve others instead of being consumed with my own thoughts and feelings
Once I shifted my attention, the world expanded. I stopped feeling sorry for myself.
I realized everything that happened to me within the last twenty-four hours was not just about me. There is more than what meets the eye, and it’s important to not be so quick to judge and form a conclusion about a situation.
Often the stories we create in our mind are just figments of our imagination, and they do not represent a holistic picture of reality.
For example, my friend’s friend was probably asking me a lot of questions because she was interested in getting to know me. But for some reason, because I was emotionally off that day, I interpreted her curiosity as interrogation.
So the next time you are feeling sorry for yourself, turn your focus away from yourself, put yourself in someone else’s shoes, or look at the situation from a third person’s perspective.
You’ll be amazed by how changing your focus and your thoughts will help soothe your mind and get you to a better feeling place.
Sad woman silhouette via Shutterstock
About Theresa Ho
Theresa’s a feisty free-spirited, spiritual seekin', voiceover artist. Founder of Theresa Ho Voiceover, she brings people’s scripts and stories to life and loves personal development. Connect with her on Instagram @thehovoiceover and Facebook where she provides a blend of practical advice and tips to nurture your mindset as well as tangible actions for those interested in exploring voiceover.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
This is such a great article! I was in a bad place for months and am just starting to climb out of it.
So often, we make it all about ourselves, when it hardly is.
It’s not to say that one can always maintain positivity at all times… But it helps to be reminded 🙂
Had you considered how wonderful it is that you have so many friends and an active social life? Some of us aren’t so lucky.
I needed to hear this today. I’ve been out of ‘whack’ myself for a bit and just everything is either niggling or stressing me…thank you 🙂
Great suggestion and reminder OnlyOneOK to remind ourselves of the good friends and our wonderful social experiences we have in our lives. It’s the quality that counts.
Thanks Steph! It sounds like you are on your way out of a funk. Move at your own pace and I’m glad you enjoyed this read and found it helpful.
My pleasure Catrin. Glad to hear you were able to ‘whack’ that stress out of you and feel better.
Good points. Just a reminder that people with depression feel even more worthless when these, and other self help strategies don’t succeed. Those folks walk among us and often resort to self medication with food, alcohol, or drugs to get some relief. Don’t give up and get to a doctor.
Thank you, Theresa, for sharing your experience. Life has unexpected surprises in store, and it’s up to all of us to adjust to the changes, whether it’s good or bad. Although I don’t like changes, I’ll do the best I can to adapt.
arghhh, I fucking hate when I burn the toast…. mostly because I won’t throw it out, I’ll eat it… every crunchy, burnt ass bite….
Yes, thanks for the reminder that my points are not psychological advice. For anyone who might need additional support and assistance please seek an appropriate professional therapist. Binge eating, using drugs and alcohol, binge eating, going shopping is not the answer.
Great attitude LaTrice! Adaptability is a critical skill we need to master in life to thrive. I have a short article on this that may be of interest to you. http://rejuvenateyouressence.com/m8learngrowadaptability/
Yap today is that day for me. Excuse, blame and self pity. Ego heightened! Me me ME!!! Thanks for the reminder and back to earth i come.
if only it were so simple to just change my thoughts. it just gets harder as i get older and more sad.
Hi Brad, I completely understand where you’re coming from. I know many people who struggle with this, and I have been there myself. What actually helped me the most was a one-line mantra I used to rewire/reprogram my brain. You see, what we believe actually stems from information we’ve collected over time in addition to our own thoughts that we have repeated again and again (default programming). Our brain takes this “data” and makes a conclusion. If the data is faulty, the conclusion is most likely faulty as well. Since the brain is much like the body’s computer (more specifically, the CPU), you CAN change what your brain believes (its programming).
Since most of us have had negative things spoken over us on multiple occasions, either by ourselves or others (usually a combination of both), the brain interprets this as unworthiness. The great news is that we can do exactly the opposite and “reprogram” ourselves into feeling and believing we’re worthy. The spiritual truth is that we are all worthy, and if you believe “all men (and women) were created equal” , then you already know this to be true. The corollary here is that if “all were created equal” and you know of other worthy individuals (Gandhi, Buddha, Dr. MLK Jr, Jesus), then you are also worthy. I love that author Brene Brown says “there are no prerequisites to worthiness”. This means everyone has worthiness, you don’t have to earn it, and you can’t lose it!
Try reprogramming your brain by saying “I am worthy” EVERY single time you hear those unworthy, ego thoughts condemning you. Warning – it will feel strange to you at first, like you’re lying to yourself, because the brain is comparing new “data” with the old “data” and alerting you to the fact that they don’t match. However, as you repeat “I am worthy” again and again, your brain will have no choice but to believe it, and those old neural pathways that tell you that you’re unworthy will be replaced. Don’t own those “ego” thoughts – we ALL have to deal with them – even Jesus was tempted by satan (aka the ego). Thus, those ego thoughts of unworthiness are NOT personal since we all deal with them. You CAN do this! Many blessings to you, Brad!
thank you. I talk to a therapist about this sorta thing. the only problem is i know i’m lying to myself with even the idea of ‘i am worthy’ i’ve been saying it for years but it never changes anything.
When I am having a bad day, usually what I do is watch fail compilations on youtube. It gives me a reminder that there are people in the world having worst day then me and I might be far luckier then them. It instantly betters my mood and gets me out of the paralysis mode to be able to focus on other things in my life. Not saying its a great strategy but for now it works.
I’m not sure this is the best way to deal with it. I don’t think you should distract your thoughts or ‘think of others’ this is a vague dismissive approach. I think you should penetrate the well of sadness and identify what it is that is creating the lack& feelings of inadequacy.
I know this is an old post but this was my day yesterday and usually I try a few of the coping skills I have learned along my spiritual path but this time I decided to just sit with my emotions. No distraction, no positive thinking. Just simply acknowledging my emotions and meditating on them and their true origins. This didn’t solve it or make in any less intense but I learned a little bit about myself and it felt good to just admit that I felt sad and that this sadness was not going to kill me. Sure enough, I woke up feeling better and pretty humbled today. Of course, a person who is depressed is another case altogether as they may need medical attention, but for the occasional “off” day when we feel vulnerable and a bit fragile, I think the honesty and acceptance of sitting with negative emotions without trying to shoo them away, is quite profound. Just my 2 cents.