Have you ever worked a job where you were grossly overqualified or underpaid?
I once had a job where I was getting paid $12/hour for doing stuff that I thought I liked.
I was working in a field very closely aligned with what I wanted to do in the future, and I had access to all kinds of experts that I could talk with.
At the start, I thought it was great; I was young, the pay was tax free, and it was my first job after a long absence from the United States.
But as time wore on, I was using all kinds of skills that, in their respective marketplaces, fetched much more than $12 an hour. I was suddenly doing tech work and website alterations, newsletter creations, and online marketing.
I still thought nothing of it because I was learning and helping my employer.
One night I was eating dinner with a friend who sowed the seed of something insidious in my head:
She said, “Are you serious? You should be getting paid three times what you are for what you’re doing. They are paying you to be a secretary essentially—not to do web design and marketing. That’s absurd. And that’s not what they hired you for.”
I went home that night and couldn’t sleep. Am I worth $12 an hour? Or am I worth more? What am I worth? Should I demand more pay or just quit?
I didn’t realize it then, but I willfully decided I was not going to be happy at work from then on. I spontaneously decided I was worth much more than $12 an hour—but instead of quitting, I stayed and felt indignant about being devalued.
That day I realized something pretty significant about being content in life: it’s about what you think you’re worth and how you respond when you feel you’re not getting what you deserve.
People who feel like they deserve a lot in life can end up feeling unhappy if they think they’re not getting a lot.
People who feel like they deserve nothing can find themselves in situations that reinforce their low worth—which can also lead to unhappiness.
I pondered this “being content” thing for a couple days. I realized that even if I was making a six-figure salary (more than I needed), but still felt like I deserved more, I wouldn’t be happy.
Clearly this wasn’t logic running the show.
I realized that the mind is a special thing; it has the ability to put you through hell day after day. It also has the power to set you free.
The day I questioned what “I was worth” I chose to poison my daily work until I felt so dissatisfied that I quit several months later.
Through this experience, I learned a few important things about myself and being content in daily life:
Other people rarely have control over how “content” we feel about our lives.
Nothing changed in my job except for the belief that I should be unhappy with how much I was getting paid—even though I felt satisfied before someone else suggested I shouldn’t be.
Focusing on getting “what we deserve” can end up making us unhappy if it limits us from recognizing value in what we have.
Sometimes we don’t get the results we want right away, but we find the process enjoyable and we’re learning from it. That’s worth something.
That being said, we are only worth as much as we think we are.
If you feel that other people aren’t valuing you, take a look inside and recognize whether or not you’re valuing yourself.
If you think you’re worth $12 an hour, you likely won’t strive for more. If you think you’re worth more than that, you’ll work to confirm that belief.
Next time you feel dissatisfied with your work or life and find yourself thinking you deserve more than you’re getting, asking yourself:
What do you believe you’re worth? Is there some value in where you are right now? And lastly, are your thoughts about your worth limiting your ability to enjoy the present and work toward the future?
Photo by ElvertBarnes
About Alexander Heyne
Alexander Heyne is the founder of Modern Health Monk, an integrative health site that shows parents and professionals how to lose weight in a healthy way and feel amazing by using the power of tiny habits. You can get his free guide on 5 daily habits to look and feel amazing right here.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Then Where would you draw the line from being paid your worth and being content? I like the idea you shared but could you elaborate more on when to draw the line between being paid your worth and being underpaid yet feel content?
Ummmm… You should have just asked for a raise, then you would have felt appreciated and content. Seems like you let your fears and doubts ruin the job for you.
I would like to know how you would relate this way of thinking to the awkwardly painful process of negotiating a divorce settlement …
Having gone through a divorce myself, might I suggest you ask a trusted friend to help you determine that? Emotions are so volatile during this process that I don’t think you can be objective…good luck!!
We are all priceless, but unfortunately cannot separate ourselves too much from monetary earnings, as it’s still the current means of survival for the general population. I believe with unconditional self-love and acceptance and aligning ourselves to what we are truly meant to do, money won’t matter whether it’s $10/hour or $10000+… We get what we give tenfold… Thank you for sharing this… very thought provoking!
‘People who feel like they deserve a lot in life can end up feeling unhappy if they think they’re not getting a lot.’
I so dont agree with this. I guess its easy for you to write an article like this because I don’t think you have endured PAIN and great loss. When you have lost everything and are battleing to sort yourself out and are only getting peanuts in return when you know you are worth more than what you are getting its very disheartening. Reading this article has disheartened me even further 🙁
My view of the message here is that being content with your life is top priority. If you feel that the situation you are in is worth your while, then keep going with it for as long as it fits. If you are not content with it, examine WHY you are not content, and figure out how to change that. How you end up changing the situation will depend on why you are not happy with it. There is no secret formula that applies to everyone. You have to figure out for yourself what works for YOU. *smile* This is just my take on it.
All the best,
Reuben
After reading the comments I’m beginning to think I’m the only one who got your point. I agree, we have to feel valued but it doesn’t have to be just a dollar amount. For a long time when someone asked me what I would charge for an art piece or a floral arrangement I couldn’t come up with a price. Finally I put an hourly dollar value on any creative projects and that’s my price. There are always exceptions to any rule and it’s more difficult when you’re working on someone else’s payroll, but ultimately if you enjoy what you’re doing and you are surviving on it you are content.
As with most things in life we control how we perceive our circumstances.
b
For what it is worth, Tina, I think the operative words are “can feel”. This does not mean that they are wrong in their feeling. From my (limited) perspective on your situation, it may be that there are still more changes that need to be made in your situation. This is not to trash what you have already done or been through, by any means, only to say that your life is not over, and life is a continuous process of growing and changing – the day it stops is the day you die. Even without knowing you personally, I can say that you are a worthwhile human being. You are worth knowing. You are worth caring about. You are worthy of the love and respect of strangers and friends. Look at what you have in life, keep what is good and change what is not. Believe it and you can do it.
Don’t be disheartened – life will go on, and it will get better.
Take care and be well.
All the best,
Reuben
Best answer I ever got when asking for a raise, “I could never pay you what you are worth, there is no $ amount we could set for that. But I will be happy to in increase your wage a $1.”
Best boss I had in my twenties by far!! Thanks Kay!!!
For what it is worth, Tinarose29, I think the operative words are “can feel”. This does not mean that they are wrong in their feeling. From my (limited) perspective on your situation, it may be that there are still more changes that need to be made in your situation. This is not to trash what you have already done or been through, by any means, only to say that your life is not over, and life is a continuous process of growing and changing – the day it stops is the day you die. Even without knowing you personally, I can say that you are a worthwhile human being. You are worth knowing. You are worth caring about. You are worthy of the love and respect of strangers and friends. Look at what you have in life, keep what is good and change what is not. Believe it and you can do it.
Don’t be disheartened – life will go on, and it will get better.
Take care and be well.
All the best,
Reuben
I always love to read your posts. As you explained above, you are writing what you think about. I believe that the truth and integrity of your posts comes across because of that.
Thank you – I look forward to more.
Thislittlelark,
For me it was/is really hard to separate the concept of “worth” from “me” and “work.”
Of course, it’s because ego gets in the way. But it’s exactly like you say: you need to really have the self-respect to know not to put an amount on your happiness or worth – you just have do what makes sense and feels right 🙂
Alex
Ihypno,
My conclusion is this: it’s a slippery slope. The paradox is that no addition to life can make you feel content.
The reality is that we have lives, rent, food, and many of us have kids. It comes down to honestly asking yourself what you need — and if you do need more, ask for it.
Regarding being paid, most people I know that haven’t had pay raises are just because of one simple thing – they haven’t asked.
But remember that, in my experience, being content, like being happy, is an elusive one if you deliberately look for it.
Reuben,
Thank you, you read me like a book.
Being content is the top priority, and as usual, it’s almost always our minds that make us feel dis-content.
Alex
Thank you for the kind words Carmen,
Alex
Hammondart,
“As with most things in life we control how we perceive our circumstances.” Agree 100%.
Money makes things tricky, but our mind makes things the trickiest.
Also agree when you say “it’s more difficult when you’re working on someone else’s payroll, but ultimately if you enjoy what you’re doing and you are surviving you are content.”
And often we don’t even “realize” we aren’t content until someone ELSE points it out.
We’re just going about our business and someone sows a seed that suddenly has you compare what you do to everyone else. That’s one of my biggest flaws and one of the easiest ways to be unhappy. Tame that monkey mind!
Alex
Edit: double post.
Tina,
Let me explain a little more.
Your emotions are precisely what I’m trying to describe.. it’s hard to put into words. It’s the feeling of giving a lot — everything, and then some – and wondering why you aren’t getting anything in return.
It goes for money, for relationships, for work, and for pretty much every facet of life.
It’s the feeling of being an exceptional spouse and investing a lot into a relationship just to have the other person cheat on you.
It’s the feeling of working harder than everyone around you and trying to be a good person as best you can, and still life is falling apart around you. Meanwhile the person next to you who is sleeping their way through life gets everything.
It doesn’t feel good.. it makes you confused and wonder what you did to deserve it.
My point re: being content is that if you expect a lot from life — know that life cannot fulfill every expectation we have. The mind — expectations — can be dangerous.
I think we’re talking about the same emotion and don’t even realize it
Does that help at all?
Alex
Merri,
You’re absolutely right. Unfortunately I wasn’t thinking clearly at the moment, and I hope others don’t make the same mistake I did.
Alex
Wow, you wrote my story!
I’ll try…I guess that’s the best I can do
Now that makes loads of sense. I think if these were the words used in the article alot of people who are going through loss and pain would have latched on to what you are or were trying to say. When someone is in pain or at a loss the last thing they want to hear is ‘oh its beacuse you want too much in life’, I think all in all we all as a people only want to be happy and free and if happiness and freedom are not being served on the table then what’s the point? Your response helps…
Sorry 🙂 I should have explained myself better
it is indeed a dangerous line of thought “i deserve this”. i dont think anyone deserves anything really. we all work hard for what we want. i’ve been grossly overpaid in that sense. and i was so unhappy i nearly killed myself.i thought i didn’t deserve it. but the pay was good and i stayed in the job.
thank goodness i’m out of it now
Noch Noch
Money is not all your worth, but I think people who perceive themselves as high value are more likely to strive for jobs with higher paychecks. Money does have value, but it’s part of a much bigger picture.
I went through a divorce as well, and my ex-spouse and I settled everything ourselves. It was a real lesson in discipline, because I had to put every emotion aside and strictly look at it as a “business”, so to speak. I consulted with a lawyer once, before we started the process, to see how to fairly come up with a settlement amount (he gave me his method as a basis), and I also saw my (extremeley trusted) therapist throughout the process. I didn’t often discuss specific money amounts with my therapist but used her to bounce thoughts and ideas off of, and she was great at telling me when my emotions were getting in the way or when I had a narrow view or unrealistic expectation of something. I also refused to be bullied into signing or doing anything before I was ready and took my time with it so I knew I had given everything adequate thought.
It’s extremely difficult to separate the emotion from the process, but I was really able to. I basically used the same method I use when I meditate, which is to observe emotions and thoughts but not act on them. So I was aware of the hurt, pain, sadness, anger or sometimes compassion and concern, but I put that to the side and focused strictly on numbers. Every time my ex-spouse and I met to discuss the paperwork, I made a pledge to myself beforehand to remain calm, speak respectfully, not agree to anything without thinking it over, not allow myself to be bullied or belittled and to ask lots of questions. I do recommend seeing a therapist through the process though – it really helps to have a 3rd person (especially someone in a professional capacity) to talk to and get advice from.
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