What All Great Relationships Have in Common

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” ~Emily Kimbrough

My husband and I have been married for almost ten years.

And before those ten years, we were college sweethearts and had been dating for over six.

When you know someone for that long, someone whom you are deeply and madly in love with, something funny happens:

Your collective thoughts, actions, and words become so tightly intertwined that you walk around believing you are one person.

As a result, you feel ten times taller. Like you can do anything. You feel as though you’ve discovered the purpose for breathing on this planet.

But something else happens, too. 

When you really know someone, intimately and with all the deepest parts of yourself, you also hit bumps in the road.

Times when you argue. Times when you take each other for granted. Times when you’re completely challenged.

My husband and I have been through it all, especially as college graduates moving out to Hollywood with big dreams in our hearts.

We were changing so much, like shapeshifters, rapidly taking on new forms and discovering who we really were in the process.

The truth is, that period could’ve easily destroyed us.

Not only that, but: Sometimes we felt like we didn’t know each other. Sometimes our matchbox-sized apartment in West Hollywood got under our skin. Sometimes we fought.

Sometimes we were broke. Sometimes we weren’t intimate. Sometimes our car broke down.

Sometimes exes popped up out of nowhere, determined to tear us apart.

We’ve weathered all of these storms, and more. And we will weather them, still.

Things will happen. Shadowy forms will come out to dance. Life will hurt sometimes. And be hard. But also worth it.

My husband and I have a beautiful life. I truly couldn’t ask for more. We have a deep, eternal bond, embodied in the form of a brilliant and loving toddler who brings us a deep joy we once never knew existed.

We also do things that light us up from the inside out. We make films together. We write together.

We share a love for the arts, books, meditation, politics, quantum physics, and vegan food. We take walks together. Talk about anything and everything.

Together, alone, we make the stupidest and most politically incorrect jokes you can imagine.

We challenge one another to leap out of our comfort zones. We make big decisions and set off on bold adventures.

My point is this:

If you have true love in your life, don’t let the down, dark, doomy, disappointing, messed-up times fool you into thinking that you. Just. Can’t. Do. This. Anymore.

Embrace the fact that love—the real, infinite, take-your-breath-away kind of love—will be filled with ups and downs.

Embrace your every moment together. All of it—the romance, the laughter, the tears, the disagreements, the adventures, the infinite unknowns. 

‘Cause if, along the way, no matter how deep the trenches, you each have somebody who cherishes you, supports you, uplifts you, respects you, and thinks the world of you, then you must thank your lucky stars for that gift.

And throughout the mystifying journey, remember this:

If the bad times suck hard, then the good times must be really special. That’s why the bad times make us suffer so much—because the good times are something we can’t bear to lose.

Accordingly, we struggle. We work at it. We fight for our blessings.

No relationship is perfect. But the ones worth having are always worth fighting for.

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