“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have you ever had an inner knowing that it was time to make some life changes, but you felt too confused to make them?
I’ve certainly felt that way a time or two. After I graduated college years ago, I felt completely confused about what I was going to do with my life. I was asking myself questions like: How am I going to find meaning? What should I do for a career? How can I make my dreams a reality?
But what if you feel so confused about your life that you end up doing nothing?
I remember moving home after college, lying in bed and reading fiction books for hours. I wanted to escape from the intense confusion and endless questions running through my mind.
The reality is, I was scared. I was scared to start a job, but also scared not to. I was scared to move away from the comforts of home, but deep down I couldn’t wait to get out. I was scared of the unknown, but also excited by the fact that anything could happen!
I was afraid to make a change, so I tricked myself into thinking that it was too complicated and confusing. For a couple months I did nothing, and my frustration grew.
Fear-based confusion is when you have an inner knowing that things are “off,” or you want to make a major life change, but you feel too confused to take action.
It seems like there are too many problems, unknowns, reasons why-not, or decisions that are too difficult to make. So you stay confused.
Does this sound familiar? Maybe you’re confused about making a career change, moving to a new city, ending a relationship, or getting your finances in order. I think we’ve all experienced this fear-gripping confusion in one form or another, and I know how frustrating it can feel.
I’ve noticed that when you’re aware we’re confused because we’re scared, it can drastically reduce your stress about it.
You’re certainly not alone or helpless. And luckily, fear-based confusion is easy to move beyond. Below are my top ways to move through life confusion and finally get clear on what you want so you can take action toward it.
1. Follow your excitement.
If the fear runs deep, following your excitement will help. For example, instead of trying to answer the question, “What should I do with my life?” ask yourself, “What excites me right now?”
Make a list of all the activities and experiences that excite you, but try not to judge your list. For example, simply riding my bike to a local cafe for some homemade chai in the morning really excites me. It doesn’t matter if things on your list seem small or insignificant.
There are several benefits to following what excites you in this moment. One, you start to feel more excited about your life. And two, your excitement usually leads you to people and experiences that will help you set a direction for yourself (more on this below).
Follow what excites you now, and know that your sources of excitement are going to shift and change as you grow.
Following your excitement is much less daunting than trying to figure out your whole life. In addition, it leaves room for expansion and gives you the freedom to continually try new things.
2. Decide on your direction.
Decide very clearly on the direction you want to go in. Making a clear decision is the quickest way out of confusion. I know this sounds obvious, but sometimes we have insane inner thoughts that hold us back. Thoughts like, “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve this.”
But you most definitely are good enough, and you do deserve peace no matter what you’re telling yourself. Believe in yourself enough to make a decision and know that you will make the right one. Don’t worry about making a “bad” decision. In my opinion, making no decision at all is often worse.
In my example above, after a couple of months living with my parents and sinking deeper into my confusion, I decided to pack a backpack and travel to Spain. I didn’t really have any idea how that was going to help me answer my “big” life questions, but it excited me.
When I got back home from that trip, I felt confident and even more excited. I then made the concrete decision to move across the country to Northern California, and that completely changed everything for me.
The point is, it didn’t really matter what I did. It was my initial decision to do something that got me out of my confusion.
Once you make the initial decision, the Universe will start to provide you with people and experiences that help you move forward. Breathe, become aware of how your decision feels in your body, and act on whatever option has a sense of lightness and openness to it.
3. Release your expectations.
Expectations lead to disappointment. Usually, when we finally make the decision to change, we proceed to come up with a detailed plan for how it should all go down. We immediately search for something that will make us feel secure in the face of change.
But the truth is, you can manifest change much more quickly when you open yourself up the all the possibilities that you haven’t even thought of yet.
It’s perfectly okay to focus on what you want, but I like to try and leave the details to the Universe and simply focus on what I’m excited and capable of doing right now. This allows you to feel joy now instead of making your joy dependant on a certain outcome in the future.
You are meant to be here. As you focus on following what excites you in this moment, the clouds of confusion begin to part and you can see your direction more clearly. Then, moving toward it with inner confidence becomes natural.
It’s okay to feel vulnerable in the process, but I know from experience that the vulnerability associated with change is completely worth it. You’re worth it. Don’t let the confusion hold you back a moment longer. Once you take the first step, everything else will unfold for you.
About Amanda Christian
Amanda is an outdoor blogger and YouTuber. She creates content for hiking, backpacking, and camping education that helps people go from confused and overwhelmed, to confident and adventurous in the outdoors. Learn more on her blog at Amanda Outside.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Amanda
Loved, loved, a million times loved your post. As someone who has seen amazing changes in my life by consciously applying the principles of LOA, I would say your piece of advice about releasing expectations is particularly powerful, especially when fear and other ‘stuff’ may be holding us back from a path we don’t think possible based on our past and current experience.
A few years back I got really clear on what I wanted, after a period of indecision and a general sense of feeling lost, and I am now living a life I never would have thought possible. I have been traveling the world the last three years, funding it with freelance writing income. I recently started a blog on personal development sharing my insights on how to create our life consciously and recently launched coaching services. I never would have envisioned this path many years ago, but a shift in mindset changed all that. That is where it starts. Thoughts and beliefs can be changed to ones that support more ‘awesomeness’ in our lives, if we are willing to be open to the idea that reality is more of a ‘subjective’ experience.
Great stuff. Thanks for your great tips!
Hi Amanda,
I feel as if this blog post was written just for me. I’ve struggled with making a decision and taking action for a long time now. I feel like I don’t know exactly what I want, and that makes it difficult to move forward in a clear direction.
I like your advice to do something – even if it doesn’t seem like it will help you answer your questions, it might end up being what you need. We aren’t given the master plan to our lives. It’s about living and experiencing life day-to-day and things happen that we never thought were possible. Being confused and scared feels like being in a hole that you can’t climb out of, but you know you need to.
I’m glad you were able to find what worked for you, and thank you for sharing your insights. Your article is an inspiration for the rest of us who haven’t yet found what we’re looking for.
Thank you Tiffany!
Thank you for your comment Kelli! Getting clear on what we want is so powerful!! 🙂
Great post, even those of us in our 50’s experience this! I’ve been waffling about doing something, but now I am just going to do it. It may develop into the change I need, or it may not. But at least I will know! Thank you!
Hi Amanda,
When you wrote about how you moved back home after college and didn’t know what to do so you did nothing that described me perfectly. I moved home and I was scared of making a decision and also scared for not making a decision and for months I too did nothing. This led me to be frustrated and even more depressed.
Now I am trying to make sure that my fears and my anxiety no longer have control of my life because it is very paralyzing physically, emotionally, & spiritually. Not only do I have to be patient but I know I have to work very hard to get out of this funk but I believe it will be worth it.
Same here…This line in particular resonated with me, “There are several benefits to following what excites you in this moment.
One, you start to feel more excited about your life. And two, your
excitement usually leads you to people and experiences that will help
you set a direction for yourself.” I’ve seen this happen a number of times times over the years, but then somehow I get back to square one sooner or later & feeling lost again…has that happened to you as well?
I think its also worth noting that, MOVING BACK HOME after college isn’t really a negative thing…somehow it seems in the West (esp popular American Culture)..its often portrayed as a “taboo” & something to be ashamed of…
Reading this article excited me, does that count 🙂 thanks xo
Hi Amanda, ‘Once you take the first step, everything else will unfold for you’ Absolutely!!!
Confusion, procrastination, can’ts, what if’s and only when’s are powerless against simply making a choice and knowing that an imperfect action is better than inaction. Take a single step forward and the next step is easier to take, and like you say releasing your expectations means that those steps no matter how small can turn out to be fun and exciting no matter where they lead.
Thank you for this article. Perfect timing as I have been feeling depressed and anxiety because I want to relocate and continue my acting career somewhere else. But I do not know where to go. I feel so confused and so scared. I know I have to leave, I have to relocate because as of right now my career is limited because the market here, the industry is not up to par compared to the market in other locations. I want to be accessible to many opportunities with concerns to my acting.
A part of me feels like I am missing out on so much by being stuck here. I do not know what to do.
Hi, Thank you so much for this, this is exactly me at the moment. Im 24 and completely stuck, dont know which direction to head in if any, want to leave home but stay as long as possible, want to get a new job but scared of choosing the wrong one, want to change my life but scared of changing it for the worse, want to run a million miles but stay and never leave my bed.
I guess it true when people say to follow your intuition but not knowing when that opportunity is going to come is the frustrating part. Its all very well and good saying just go and do something but if i did that i’d end up unemployed in a very expensive town eating into my savings so im lookoing for a new job before i go.
oh gosh, i left university two years ago, I had a plan of action and struggled to find any work in a shop or call centre, i was just looking for anything but just didn’t even get to interview stages so stopped applying. So now i have tumbled into this confused and don’t know what to do state. A few months ago I started a blog which I am enjoying, and it does excite me which is good and I feel as if i am doing something now.
Thank you. I am still trying to accept that it is okay that I moved back home.
As long as you are in an healthy environment & your family is supportive/happy to have you at home, you shouldn’t be feeling any ‘shame’ or thinking there must be something wrong with you for not moving away(Just because people around you might be doing it). Its worth keeping in mind that in most parts of the world & in most cultures…living with your family &/or living close by is considered the norm, rather than moving away after you finish college or after you reach a ‘certain age’ & then visiting family members for special occasions or making appointments to see each other…
This is very true. Thank you again.
Hi Kelli,
I was wondering if you could give me some advice on freelance writing? I’m stuck in this black hole and writing really excites me but obviously to do it and earn I need to know how, and honestly I’ve got no idea where to start?
Thank you!
Dannie
Hi Dannie
I got my start by randomly following my intuition and visiting a job posting site and the company with the listing provided me with steady work for over 2 years. I would suggest just checking job boards and applying for anything that seems interesting to you and you think you would enjoy doing.
Lack of experience can make us reluctant but everyone starts somewhere, and even if you don’t have published links, a great writing sample is just as good–that is ultimately what people want–someone who writes well and can produce what they are looking for.
I would also recommend you do a bit of work on your mindset and developing a belief you can make money doing this…that is the most important thing because once you do that, you will open yourself up to all sorts of opportunities and inspirations that would not be available from a more pessimistic or ‘worried’ mindset. If the mental aspect is of interest to you, I write all about law of attraction on my blog. You can find the link by clicking on my profile.
My email is on there as well, and you can contact me with any questions.
Love this article. I am moving to Ethiopia to serve with the Peace Corps and I have experienced fear and anxiety about making this decision even though I know that this is a wonderful opportunity for me.
I gave notice at my work and I will be leaving in 2 weeks. I am scared but even when I experience that fear, I know that this is exactly what I need to be doing right now. Making big moves is very scary but the exciting bit is the possibilities that lie ahead.
Thank you for this encouraging and affirming article.
Hi Lexy, I guess your comment was 2 years ago. Do you think you made a change? I am curious to know what helped you move ahead
Hi Kelli, I would love to know what really helped you with getting clarity on what you wanted. What kind of fear did you go through before making changes to your life.
Hi Tiffany, I would love to know if after 2 years you have found insights on your direction? What kind of steps did you take to help you? What were your major pain points?
Hi Talya, Did you work through your confusion? I see your comment was from few years ago. I would love to know how you made through your fears.
Hi there. I would say that two things helped me the most. First was allowing myself to think about what I wanted without any sort of restriction or judgment. I made a list of what I wanted most when my life was in turmoil in various ways, and I just started to muster up some faith that things could be different. Secondly I would suggest figuring out how you want to feel…ultimately all we ever want is to feel a certain way. Everything we want has a desired feeling behind it. When you get clearer on that, you get clearer on what could possibly bring you those feelings and also what you know won’t which will make you feel more confident in making decisions,etc…
I’m also interested to know if you made a decision.
Hi everyone I am in a similar situation and not finding any way out of it…if someone who has gone through it or is currently going through it would like to exchange some thoughts via email or other please do let me know would really help =)
Hi im 25 just booked a one way flight to London with a freind hoping for the best. we are going to go over looking for jobs to keep us going and see what happens. My plan is to come back for the following academic year (sept 17) to start a course that will be my new career but i dont know what that will be at this moment in time. Im scared but also excited. I do have the fear of something happening to my parrents if i go over but i have realised i will never be able to experience life if i keep holding on to these thoughts.
I am going through this myself. I just turned 35 a couple of days ago. I have spent my life working dead end jobs, with never ending relationships with people I don’t know if I ever cared about. Last year I bought a nice camera and learned to use it. Even sold a few prints and images. This year, my goal is to leave. But… I am terrified
Sounds so pretentious and unrealistic!
oh get over yourself! You are in a way better situation than most. In fact, you sound positively privileged!
Not sure if you still need help but I’d be down to email’
yes please thank you!!! 🙂 here is my email: newjack90s@gmail.com
Wow ! I really needed this . Thanks !
How is it that this site always…ALWAYS…offers me the right advice? I’m 36. Been working in education as a teacher and now supervisor for 10 years. I’m about to take the plunge to follow my passion of writing and dedicate real time to achieving that. But it’s scary. This post has given me some tools and tangible things that I can do! Thank you for that. Always this site. Always. Keep ’em coming;)