“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” ~Charles R. Swindoll
People almost always misunderstand depression. I know I used to.
My first dance with depression happened fifteen years ago. I was in my early twenties and it totally freaked me out.
When you’re depressed, your perception of pretty much everything changes.
Except you don’t realize that it’s your perception that’s changed, and instead it feels like the world has turned bad. If you’ve been depressed you’ll know what I’m talking about.
It goes something like this …
One day you feel confident and happy, and then the next day, ugh!
All the ideas and plans you have now seem ridiculous, your thoughts become morbid, and boy do you feel sluggish and sleepy, and why (yawn) is your boyfriend/friend/parent/spouse being so critical and mean all of a sudden?
And if that’s not enough, the world seems more abrasive—as if someone’s turned up the volume and taken off your sunglasses.
This is what happened to me. I cried. I felt sorry for myself. And I couldn’t for the life of me understand why I felt so bad: I had loads of friends and an awesome boyfriend; I’d recently been accepted into a post graduate masters degree program for human nutrition.
Life was good. Or it would be if I only could stop crying!
Finally I went to the doctor, which made me feel better because the doctor told me I had a chemical imbalance in my brain; but then she told me I was “depressed,” which made me cry again since I thought depression was for negative people with no plans for their life.
So that was that. I was depressed. I had an illness. I took the medication and kind of, sort of started to feel better.
But after a year things started to change. I don’t remember why I started doing this—maybe I read it somewhere—but I stopped taking antidepressants, and whenever a “flat” period would come I’d watch it with as much distance as I could summon.
I started to notice that if I just let the “flatness” be and stopped worrying about it, my perception about something would shift, and as it did, the depression would lift.
The more times this happened, the more I began to trust that it was going to happen. And always, there standing on the other side of the flatness, was an understanding that made my life richer, less stressful, and more pleasant, well worth the ticket of entry.
Back then I had very little sense of self-care. I pretty much treated myself like a machine—a friendly, do anything for anyone, study-hard, play-hard machine.
Looking back, it’s not surprising I was depressed, or that it would lift once I started taking better care of myself.
Other shifts included the realizations that I was creative (back then I thought creativity was for other people) and that I was spiritual being, connected to all things.
I stopped seeing depression as a disease and started to see it as a symptom of imbalance—a self-imposed silence allowing the space for a new healthier belief/understanding to emerge.
Or as a friend of mine puts it, “Depression is your friend.”
I like how Kahlil Gibran explains it too:
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.” ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
For a number of years that was how I understood depression, but it wasn’t until more recently when I spent the best part of a year being silent that I understood more fully what was going on.
My “year of silence” is another story, but in short, it involved me metaphorically throwing my hands in the air saying, “I am so over repeating these old habits. How do I make this stop?!”
One of the things that emerged from my year of silence was an appreciation of the scale of madness of the mind and how to differentiate myself from my mind.
We live in a world focused on strengthening the mind and listening to it above all else. But when we do this, we get out of balance. The truth is, our mind is only a small part of us—and it’s not the wise part. It can be the worrying, negative, computer-like part.
A friend of mine explains depression as what happens when you listen to your mind at the expense of your heart for too long, ignoring the natural flow of your life and your inner wisdom.
He says, “Depression is your heart stepping aside temporarily.”
This explains why you feel so down on yourself. The unpleasantness of depression is what it feels like to use your mind without full use of your heart, since your heart is the bit that loves and feels connected and joyful.
So often you hear people say how they “beat” depression by taking up skydiving or some other new behavior, but probably it’s the other way around. The depression lifted because the message to take up skydiving was received. The depression’s job was done.
If you’re going through a depressed period, it may help to adopt these attitudes:
Non-Judging
It is what it is, and it will pass, so there’s no point in judging it.
Live Kindly
Eat well, exercise where you can, and continue to live. Be gentle with yourself. It can sometimes be helpful to talk to someone.
Mind your Mind
Try and stand back from your mind and know that much of what your mind is telling you is incorrect. Know that your mind is operating alone while you heart takes a little rest, which is why you feel so bad and why you can’t feel as much love for yourself or others.
Silence
Add a little downtime to your life. Instead of watching TV or trawling Facebook, take some time out and try just sitting. The thing you’re looking for is not outside of you, but within you. Meditation can be helpful too.
Be Safe
Often depression comes with morbid thoughts. Monitor these. They’re just thoughts, and they will pass as the flatness lifts, but at any stage if you feel unsafe, ask someone for help.
I write about a lot of things, but this is the first time I’ve written my thoughts on depression because it’s so often judged.
The reality is that most people experience some degree of depression, or as I like to call it flatness, at some time in their lives. It is a normal reaction felt by just about everyone—and we can all get past it.
Note: Lisa has generously offered to give away two free decks of her healing, inspirational “Life Cards.” You can enter until midnight, PST on Friday, August 24th by leaving a comment on the post! UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen.
About Lisa Esile
Lisa grew up in New Zealand and now lives in Los Angeles. Lisa and her husband Franco are the authors of WHOSE MIND IS IT ANYWAY: GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND INTO YOUR LIFE (Penguin Random House, 2016). You can grab a FREE copy of her book, "The Lazy Person's Guide to Feeling Awesome and Ultimate ALL the time," here!
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
What a great article! Very good points, well worth remembering. I have experienced depression for a long time and it is important to find the distance Lisa describes. I would love to win the cards. 🙂
“Know that your mind is operating alone while you heart takes a little rest” is quite possibly the sweetest, most gentle way of looking at depression. I love it.
I very much resonate with this story. Having experienced several bouts of depression throughout my life, these events proved to be the beginning of a new phase. One being publishing a memoir where I shared this part of myself with the world. I’m actually now in a “silence” period. Thanks so much! Cards welcome!
Thanks for sharing this! The Life Cards would be very appreciated!
Thank you so very much for this post! I’ve spent most of the last 4 months feeling guilty for even feeling depressed. Being much like you (great family, friends, boyfriend, job but also a huge people pleaser/perfectionist) it didn’t make sense to me for a very long time. This post has put what I’ve been thinking into words and I can’t thank you enough!! You’ve reinforced my positive view on depression! This website is amazing and I’ll forever be grateful!
Thank you for bravely sharing your experiences with depression. I think this has the potential to help a lot of people. I already shared your article with a dear friend who is struggling with depression, it will help her to see that she is not alone and to have new options to consider in terms of how to re frame her experience.
Thank you for taking the time and energy to write. As you said, everyone goes thru periods of depression. By writing you have affirmed that we are not alone and given us a new perspective. “Flatness” is a very good description. We can learn from everything in our life – depression included. Enjoy your journey and keep us up.
Thank you for this post. This spoke to me more than you know as I have been feeling “pitiful” as of late. Last night was particularly flat, so I was happy to see this in my Inbox today – it was very fitting and helpful. I’m a firm believer in therapy/talking to someone and have recently started meditating. I definitely think I need to add more meditation since it has helped, but the tips in this post really will help get me through the next few days or until the flatness subsides. Right now I’m just numb and uncaring. I know it’s just temporary and I will keep this article to reread whenever i doubt that.
Thank you for this post. This has hit home for me and I have seen so many suffer from this in their lives, and I have even had a bout of it in the past. It is so real and personal, your words are so kind and clear and really hitting the nail on the head. I would love to share this message with anyone I know who has had a remote touch of depression (which could be just about anyone!). Your an excellent writer and of course I would love to see your “cards” as a gift to me, as I am sure they are just as wonderful.
I am glad you shared your thoughts on depression–it is a gift to many others that your courage allowed you to share.
Inspired by your article! Have spent the last 15 years being “labeled” with major depressive disorder and am beginning to feel that “meds” aren’t the answer, and am considering a year of silence in a remote location.
Your post on depression is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing how you got through it!
The five attitudes you list are perfect for everyone all the time. Thank you.
This was such an honest, real description of depression. Thank you for that.
I loved this post, and I would love to enter the contest for the “life cards.” They would be really helpful to use at the group therapy program where I work. A lot of my clients struggle with depression and could use the inspiration!
This is the best description I have seen of what it is like to go through a depression, or a flatness as you call it. A good description, because that is how it feels! I love your suggestions, very helpful.
I couldnt have chosen a better article to read this morning. Im currently struggling with a period of flatness and found some hope within this article. It’s nice to be able to relate and not always feel like you’re all alone. Thank you again
Simply… thank you.
Wow, that was helpful. Your friend’s advice is really meaningful to me: “Depression is your heart stepping aside temporarily.” I just realized that every time I was depressed was after having been “in my head” for too long. Thank you.
Attempting to end my own “flat year” at the moment.
Really helpful for today. Thank you
Thank you for this. I think this is just the thing to help a friend.
Very wise advice. Thank you.
I love this article. Thoughts are not facts and I am constantly reminding myself of this. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have dealt with depression for years and the past 19 months have been the hardest in my life. I am currently taking antidepressant to get through the flatness. I have found that they tame my mind with those wicked thoughts of self doubt and cruelness it can project. It is important to remember that you aren’t the only one and the world isn’t against you. Everything has a reason and we don’t always know the whys until we have weathered the storm. The storm may actually not really have anything to do with us directly. We must proceed through each day and know that this too shall pass.
Lisa, I truly appreciate your post! I appreciate your strength and willingness to open up, as it reminds me that I’m not the only one. I’ve battled depression for the past 10 years or so. I find that I have to work the hardest at battling it between late fall and early spring. As I gear up for the season to change, I will add your “5 helpful attitudes to adopt” to my toolkit. These are great recommendations that I will turn to in times of “flatness”. Thank you!
Such an interesting take on depression, especially identifying it as “flatnes” and your list of five things to do.
That’s so accurate. Thank you
I really enjoyed this post, however, I think that sometimes medication can be a helpful and healthy option. I spent several years trying to get my anxiety under control. I started working out more, having more “me” time, eating better, studying teachings by the Dalai Lama, but I finally had to recognize I needed a little help to take the edge off my feelings so I could manage them. I think many people feel that choosing to try medication for something like anxiety or depression is like declaring defeat. That is dangerous. No one should feel shamed out of trying medication if they truly need that assistance.
That’s good advice for many people, but please be aware that some really do have legitimate, biological mental illness, and they really do require psychiatric help. I have a severe mood disorder, and while I do much of what you prescribe, I still need medication to stay sane and out of the hospital. If your “flatness” is particularly bleak, or if you’re thinking of suicide, PLEASE SEE A DOCTOR.
Thanks for this. Insightful and calming.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PERSPECTIVE! I LOVE THIS POST!
Beautiful and just what I needed to read. Thank you for your time, energy and insight. 🙂
This article really hit home for me. I’d love to win those cards.
Wonderful post! I really enjoyed the article and found the tips to be helpful. Thanks so much!
Thank you for sharing!
Many Thanks Lisa for your article…Having lost my husband to cancer 3 years ago when I was 41, I can truly relate to depression and how it gets its talons in you…You so accurately described “flatness”….To be free is the most amazing feeling and that is true happiness.
Thank you for sharing this. Depression can be so debilitating but really is the soul calling you home when you lose your way, treat yourself with kindness and honour your feelings x
Thank you for sharing your experience with depression. There is a lot of stigma out there about it, despite its prevalence.
Just the word “depression” stirs up so many fears in people. My own brother told me I wasn’t welcome to come around his kids when I erred in telling him I was experiencing hormonally charged depression related to perimenopause and assumed I was suicidal. If I had just said I was more hormonal, I wouldn’t have gotten that reaction out of him. It is what it is – a damn shame.
HE assumed I was suicidal. (sorry about the confusion)
Thank you very much for sharing your insights on depression. Your description of the whole process is elegant and simple, and it resonates with me. It resonates with me (i.e. it “feels” right), and I look forward to keeping this gem of wisdom & perspective close, and sharing it with others.
Thank you for this. I’ve learned only recently that the voices in my head don’t always speak the truth. Especially when I’m depressed, I cannot rely on them to be real.
Something in this post grabbed my attention in a way little else has in a long while. Something about depression is an imbalance, and something about the flatness. That is my experience of depression – flatness. I can recognize joy in my life – joy in being with my grand daughters and family and partner, in moments of creativity. But the flatness returns without warning or reason. I have no illusions that these healing cards are THE answer, but I do see how helpful they might be, as reminders to let go, let it be what it is, shift a bit, be mindful, learn from others, listen, shift a bit more.
I am 56 years old. Sometimes I think I should have a handle on my depression by now. Instead, what I’ve learned is that every time the flatness comes, I have to reach for new handles. Perhaps these cards can be a new handle.
Thank you for this!
Peace
Nana Sharon
This is something I really needed to read, hear, and soak in. Thank you for writing, being genuine, and helping so many people.
I really like your take on depression, we do all indeed struggle with it in some form or fashion throughout the trials of life. BUT I do believe that what you are saying is truth, if we listen, slow down, and pay attention to what our heart is telling us………this too shall pass! Bravo! I enjoy getting your email everyday, would love to win the life cards! Good luck to everyone….xo
Thank you, I could likely read this everyday. Going through multi-layered grief…which then asks, is this grief or depression? Does it matter? Do we “treat” it?
I do believe there is learning to be had, as Parker Palmer speaks about the “descent”‘ and that it is our teacher. I love the quote about the pain is breaking open to the understanding…to just trust THAT pattern!
This post is extremely helpful. I like the innovative approach it takes toward depression and look forward to using some. The techniques to treat it. Thank you so much, Lisa!
Thank so much for your comments and sharing your experience. And I agree ‘we don’t always know the why’s until we have weathered the storm …’ – that’s a lovely way to put it!
This is a wonderful post. I especially like the term “flatness”.
I’m reading this just as I myself am going through a flat period. Thank you so much for this post, it made me realize that though the world may be a little less colorful, it will pass and I’ll be seeing rainbows soon enough.
Finding this helpful, thank you!