“You can’t change what’s going on around you until you start changing what’s going on within you.” ~Zig Ziglar
When you’re studying for eighteen years to have a chance at a better future, you’re not expecting to end up wearing yellow gloves and washing dishes, right? But what if I tell you that it made me happier than a job sitting behind a desk at a renowned institution?
You might be thinking now, “If this post is about how to change from a job behind a desk to one behind a sink, I better not waste my time reading it.” But no, it isn’t.
This post is about the attitude that helped me to overcome a situation that was eating up my soul and create a life that makes me excited about the future.
We’ve all experienced different kinds of change in life: changes that you don’t want to face, changes that you’re forced to accept, and changes that you can’t wait to see happening but that seem to be impossible, leaving you feeling stuck with what you have.
After I got my master’s degree in psychology and spent months without a clue about what I was going to do with it, I finally got a job in a pharmaceutical company, working as a psychologist for patients on a clinical trial.
It felt like I had won the lottery. I had my office and my desk; the company paid for trips around the world and gave us an unlimited supply of coffee and soda. The old-fashioned side of my mind thought, “This is it. I just got myself a job for life.” Yeah, sure.
After one year there, thinking I had finally become a grownup a with a real job despite my internship-like earnings, I asked for raise and got fired for that reason, two weeks before Christmas.
At that time, I had no practice in mindfulness and had never meditated, so my boat would rock hard with any little storm. I cried, and it wasn’t pretty.
How was I going to pay the bills? How was I going to manage to continue living in that beautiful little duplex downtown?
Well, it turns out, just like most of the things that happen in life, this was also a blessing in disguise.
Being fired forced me to let go of a life that I was getting used to, even if it was far from my ideals of living in harmony with nature, with time and the freedom to be more creative. It was a wake-up call that forced me to find another path, one more aligned with my values that would lead to a future I could rely on myself to build.
I decided then that I didn’t want to put my future in others’ hands and wait for their recognition or approval to progress in life.
Of course, I had moments of uncertainty and a little despair when I was forced to change, and had no idea what I was going to do. I knew that sitting behind a desk again wasn’t going to be the best option, or else I wouldn’t be searching for alternative jobs and alternative lifestyles on every single break I had on that job.
So how did I move on? Well, first by doing nothing. What? I hear you ask. That’s right. I took the time just to do the things I loved to do, explored more about what they were, and allowed myself to take a break from the “must be doing something” mindset.
Then, when the opportunity appeared and the moment felt right, I moved to Sweden—a place where I had been happy before—to experiment starting a new life.
I got a second master’s degree while being a waiter, living in tiny rooms, and taking many skinny dips in beautiful and extraordinarily cold lakes.
Then I got the courage to travel to India by myself, where I took yoga and meditation courses.
I did all this with a purpose in mind: to own the creation of my life.
So even when I was washing other people’s plates with yellow rubber gloves on, I felt happy. It all had meaning; I was pursuing my dreams.
The result? Now, I finally am my own boss and have full ownership and responsibility for my future. And I get to live in a house with a sea view, in harmony with nature, as I dreamed.All it took was the right mindset, along with calm, courage, willingness, and persistence.
If you’re going through some imposed change or you’re looking forward to seeing one, it may help to remember these six thoughts that helped me make that transition and create lasting transformation:
1. Don’t panic: this too shall pass.
Just because there’s something you desperately want or need to change, that doesn’t mean you need to go into urgency mode, trying to do all at once. Keep yourself calm and relaxed so that you can make the right choices, not choices urged by worry and stress.
Change is inevitable; you don’t need to rush it. Just keep yourself open to receiving what life brings you and try to make the best out of it.
2. Being still is much better than moving in the wrong direction.
When you calm down and give yourself time for self-discovery and improvement, the next right step will become much clearer.
If you don’t, you’ll end up getting yourself in some situation that seems different but, at its core, is the same. You’ll just be wasting your precious time—that time that you so want to use wisely and not spend on wrong life decisions.
3. Change doesn’t happen in a day, it happens with every little habit.
Sure, there are times when life calls for dramatic changes, such as leaving a job, moving to a different country, or ending a long-term relationship. But the biggest changes are the ones that we cultivate day in and day out.
Every time we decide to work out and eat a healthier meal, every time we choose a positive thought over a negative, and every time that we do something we love, even if that scares us, we are shaping the course of our life.
4. Our life is a reflection of our mind; energy flows where attention goes.
Every day we have an opportunity to make change happen. No matter what situation we’re in, it’s our choice and our responsibility.
The state of our life is not our parents’ fault, nor the economy, nor luck. The choice and the responsibility for our life and our success are ours, and it starts with what we focus on, how we perceive things, and how that perception influences how we decide to act.
If we focus on our fears and worries, our actions will reflect that, and we’ll find more to fear and worry about. If we focus on hope and possibilities, our actions will reflect that, and we’ll find more to be excited and hopeful about.
5. Change means progress, and progress means happiness.
Life is, in essence, change. Trying to fight it is like trying to stop the seasons.
Nature is in constant transformation, and so are we, and so is our life.
If we embrace change as something natural, we can start to cultivate it positively, just as one waters a seed to make it thrive and grow into a fruitful tree.
When we accept living a progressive, ever-changing life, we feel more alive, purposeful, and proud of ourselves. We see more meaning in the experience of living.
6. Sometimes, what seems to be a step back can be a huge step forward.
Many times, what holds us back from going after our dreams is the attachment we feel to what we already have or a stiff idea of how things should and shouldn’t be.
One shouldn’t be washing dishes with two master degrees, right?
But it’s the ability to be open and flexible to life circumstances that dictates how much progress, success, and happiness one is able to experience.
Sometimes, we need to take a step back if we want to move forward.
Change might not always be easy, but it’s what leads us to different experiences and lessons in life. Isn’t that what life is all about? A journey of evolution and learning?
About Ana Batista
At the age of thirty, Ana decided to restart her life and move to Scandinavia. A licensed psychologist who specializes in cognitive neuroscience, CBT, and narrative therapy, she helps people worldwide rewrite their life stories and start living. If you’re interested to learn more, watch her Free 5-Video Series on Change, see how you can have therapy with her, or connect through her Instagram.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Ana,
Thank you for a very nice article. It resonated with me as I am going through some big changes in my life, some are intended, some are forced because of no choice. However, I am working on letting go my feeble attempts to control life, something intellectually very reasonable but emotionally very hard to do. To be honest, there’s some worry and fear for the future with these changes. Any suggestions how to get better at handling these worries?
P.S. I am planning to travel to Scandinavia, something I always wanted to do but never gathered courage to do it due to uncertainty.
Very inciteful, reassuring article. Interestingly, I found it just at the point where a tinge of doubt had started to creep in. The Universe definitely listens 🙂
The timing of your story in my inbox is exactly what I need to finally begin to embrace change and become more flexible so I can be true to myself. I woke up this morning feeling relief after ending an emotionally abusive relationship. Despite the pride I feel standing up for myself, deep down, I’m afraid in a moment of weekness that I’ll run back to him only to fuel the vicious cycle of anxiety and panic he seems to thrive on.
I have come to realize the only time he showed me any affection or “love” was after I broke down feeling inadequate, time after time, not accepting his need for constant attention from other women. Even during our last conversation at my request, when we agreed to say our goodbyes one final time, he still insisted I was the one who’d done wrong by “invading his privacy” getting into his online dating sites to confirm my suspicions. During that meeting, he did not appear in the least bit concerned that I was heartbroken in tears nor did he take the opportunity to comfort me one last time. Only when I drove away distraught, when he finally realized he was loosing his biggest source of narcissistic supply at that moment, did he reveal any sense of loss or emotion by calling and texting me on my drive home.
Being a co-dependent all my life, attracting vultures that feed their egos on my self inadequacies and insecurities, that fill their own vessels of emptiness by getting off on the pain and suffering they inflict, your article has made me realize that in order to get something different that I have to do something different. I know that until I’m able to change my mindset of thinking I need to be in a relationship to feel whole or worthy (even though I experience the exact opposite each time), I’m never going to have the confidence and positive regard for myself that I need to be happy in my own skin. As I begin this tough journey, ridding myself of codependence, I will reread your message as often as need to reaffirm my need to love myself so that I can one day give that love to someone who truly deserves it and is able to love me for who I am, not for what they can take from me.
Ana thank you tremendously for this article . It’s as if nature sent your post to me today. The core content of it resonates completely with me as I face life changes decisions at the moment of letting go some parts of my past and focusing on the future. I think it is necessary even though the moment seems unbearable and just when I was about to lose my sanity due to denial and fear I received. Your message via Tiny Buddah .it inspires me to keep my head high and I know deep down that this dark moment will not last a decade .when the going gets tough I can reflect to your post and get the courage to keep taking those highly worth while baby steps.thank you again and may you continue to inspire as you have done for me
Hi Brav3,
Fear and worry are just natural responses to that which is uncertain. What I do is I don’t pay much attention to fearful thoughts. I listen and say “ok, maybe that can happen, but maybe something amazing can happen as well”.
So, what I mean is that I always try to challenge my negative thinking to keep a positive mindset.
Worry, after all, is just a projection of what can go wrong in the future, so why not instead dedicate some efforts imagining (and planning) what can go right?
Planning does make a difference. I like to see it not so much as “to control life”, but to adjust the sails for a smoother and more enjoyable journey.
I’d say for you to grab a pen and a paper and start to explore what’s in your mind about the future. What would you like to do? By when? Which steps would be necessary for that to happen? And so on… A cluttered mind is an anxious mind, release some of that into the paper and you’ll feel a little relieved.
About Scandinavia, there’s nothing to be unsure of; there’s nothing but beauty here.
Or I’m just too in love with it to see anything else. : )
Thank you KV. The Universe definitely listens and I’m happy to be Its servant. : )
Thank you so much for your suggestions.
This is definitely where I’m currently living. I’m in the “do nothing” stage. After a very busy 15 years of doing and serving others, I’m just taking this space of time to just be. I do get a little antsy about pursuing another degree or training, but then I realize that’s mostly me putting that pressure on myself. I’m really taking this time to just enjoy each day and rest. In time, when the time is right, I’ll dig in to some new pursuits, but right now I just need this moment. I have started exercising regularly and started to feel good, which is a good thing and definitely something positive. Most likely, I will build (slowly) from there. But it’s also part of focusing on and taking care of ME. And when I’m out walking in nature, that’s time that I can take for much-needed reflection.
Hi Theresa,
Thank you for sharing your story.
It seems like you’re very clear about the situation you’re living and the reasons behind it. Co-dependence can be as destructive and difficult to control as behaviours of addiction so you’ll need to gather yourself some strength to overcome this pattern.
Create a strategy for yourself to guide you out of the tendency to relapse and give yourself some tools to use in the most challenging times. For example, create a list of the things you love about yourself and your life, where even the most simple things count. List what makes you a woman worth of respect and love, and read it every time you feel lured into being with a man who doesn’t respect you.
Also, create new habits and start doing something new to keep yourself entertained, inspired, and feeling good about yourself, despite not being in a relationship. Like a weekly dance class, a mindfulness course, yoga, volunteering, or whatever floats your boat. As you also pointed, if you want things to be different you need to do something different.
Ideally, find a mentor, someone that can guide you on your journey and support you through the toughest moments. The point is to invest in strengthening yourself, in your self-confidence and your self-esteem, so that it becomes easier to make healthier decisions.
I wish you the best for your journey, and I’m happy if my words inspire you to keep standing up for yourself and for the life that you know you deserve. I hope you find that confidence and happiness in your own skin, not some day far in the future but right now, as you realise you’re enough to be worthy of love and respect and you’re perfect with all your imperfections.
Hi Fi, thank you for your kind comment. I’m glad to know my words bring you some relief and inspiration to overcome this moment of your life. Whatever is that you’re going through, I hope you find in it a message and a learning. Take care. Be well and in peace.
Hi Pat68, thanks for commenting. Sometimes we forget that we’re human beings, not human doings. Happy to know you’re enjoying simply being, non-doing. Tune in and listen to the peace and wisdom that lives in silence. You’ll know when the time is right to play another song. All the best for your journey.
You’re welcome.
Nicely said 🙂