“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself.” ~Sonya Parker
The day that I realized that I was trapped inside of my life was an ordinary day. I woke up, dressed myself, drove to work, and applied makeup to my assigned actors and actresses. It was a groundhog day filled with my usual routine as an entertainment makeup artist.
I settled into my chair on set and watched as the director directed and the cameramen captured the scenes on tape.
The vibration from my phone caught my attention. I picked it up and whispered, “hello.”
The person on the other end asked me why I was whispering. I told them, “I’m on set and I must be quiet.”
They asked, “So, you can’t speak out loud at your job?” I was perturbed by this question because, of course, I can speak out loud at my job but not when the tape is rolling.
This question lingered in my mind well after I hung up the phone. So you can’t speak out loud? The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was my truth. I realized I didn’t feel free to truly speak out loud—I didn’t feel free to be me.
I could not speak out loud during a take but I, honestly, could not speak out in the makeup room either. In my mind, it was a classic case of your voice doesn’t count so keep your mouth shut. The actors and actresses have the floor, and who really wants to listen to a makeup artist?
It takes a special kind of actor/person to truly take interest in the lives of the people who serve them. I saw clearly that I wasn’t living my life for myself and that I shrunk within the space around me to allow others to shine.
I was living in the matrix and I needed to take a new pill in order to go on with my life.
I began to understand the reason depression had come over me that year and, at that moment, I knew I had to make a change. Of course, fear pounded on my head and my heart; yet, I could not allow it to stop me from advancing.
I knew I wanted to write but I am a makeup artist not a writer. Who would read a novel written by a makeup artist? I also knew that if I didn’t write I would die. So, I made a decision to apply to UCLA as a transfer student.
I had walked away from college twenty years before to attend beauty school and since I knew that I wanted to major in English, I thought I’d give college another try, but when UCLA accepted me, fear knocked even harder.
How could a forty-one-year-old makeup artist, wife, and mother of two return to college and complete a degree in English?
I had to walk down a new path and live my life for me and not for anyone else. I had to be free to be me.
My life began to change when we studied Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay Pray Without Ceasing. This was where I first heard the concept that we pray without ceasing because our thoughts are our prayers and our prayers are answered and manifested in the person that we become.
I began to spend time talking with the professor in his office in order to understand these concepts.
A new world opened up for me, as I understood that I played a huge role in my reality and that my thoughts were my power.
I began to correlate the relationship my old thoughts had to my past situations. It shook my paradigm.
I recognized that my thoughts kept me in a state of depression, as I focused on my past and all the bad that had happened in my life. These thoughts also catapulted me into the future as I fantasized about a better life. I could not live in the present moment.
I also began to see that I chose to please everyone around me. I thought it was a moral duty to take care of others while I neglected the desires of my heart. Before entering UCLA, my heart ached a lot.
I literally had pains in my chest that woke me in the middle of the night. I had an EKG and while everything looked good, I knew something about me had to change.
After learning a new way of thinking, I knew I could turn my life around, and I did.
I began to renew my mind with new thoughts. When a negative thought come to mind, I observed it and then replaced it with a thought that uplifted and affirmed me. In the beginning, it felt like I was lying to myself.
Although it was difficult obtaining my English degree from one of the top English departments in the country, I graduated and I walked across the stage a month shy of my forty-third birthday. Since then, I have completed my first novel, which I began in 2004 before entering UCLA.
After graduation I continued to read and practice empowering my mind with uplifting messages. I read books by Louise Hay, Florence Schovel Shinn, and Eckhart Tolle. I began to wrap my arms around myself and embrace me.
Each day I release my old paradigm and I allow new thoughts to build an uplifting foundation within me. This has saved my life by giving me freedom to exist and unfold in each moment. I now know that if I live for the present and remain in the now, I breathe easier and feel lighter.
I am free to be me just as you are free to be you. It doesn’t matter what others think or feel about us as long as we are true to who we are.
So, to those who are living their lives for themselves and no one else, I applaud you, and to those who aren’t, I hope this inspires you to do so. You deserve to fully embrace yourself and to enjoy your existence on this planet.
Photo by nic519
About Nadyne T. Hicks
In 2006 Nadyne T. Hicks returned to college and earned her BA degree in English from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). Through Eyes That See is her first published novel. Born in Camden, New Jersey she now resides in Los Angeles, California with her family. Visit her at nadynethicks.com and on Facebook.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
This is a wonderful blog- which was posted at the perfect moment for me. I have never feared going against the crowd if that’s what I felt was right. However, lately it’s been different. During my first year at University, I used to yearn to be a kind of person – the popular one surrounded by friends etc. – it’s exactly what I got – partying every day, endless people around me – but eventually, once the novelty of it all wore off, I realised none of it was making me happy – and that who I was being in order to keep up with the image I had created for myself, was actually making me miserable.
The one thing I never gave up on was love – even though I had countless opportunities to enter into relationships, I never felt it was right. Until someone came along and changed everything – I fell for this guy hard, and he fell for me. He not only helped me realise that I could stop living the image I had created, but he supported me through it – and I started finding much more happiness. After over two years together, we broke up two months ago – while we still loved each other, we realised that we just can’t be together (this is a story for another day).
Apart from all the pain and depression at times, something which particularly taunted me was that I felt that since he’s not there anymore, I’ll fall back into being the person I was before. I managed to steer clear of that for a while. Then yesterday, I found myself in the same kind of situation I used to be – same club, same people, same expectations. But to my surprise I didn’t get sucked into it again; rather, I hated every second. I left early and felt miserable – but good at the same time.
I said this article came at the right time, because I woke up knowing that I can’t be that person anymore, but also facing the fact, that I am surrounded by such people – and that being true to myself will mean being very alone. I choose this as the better option – as the only option now that I can’t go back to the person I was (which is a good thing) – but it’s still sucks to realise that for the most part I will be alone in this. I guess this blog helped me accept my decision – in as hard as it is.
To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. ~ William Shakespeare
I strongly believe in the power of uplifting and spiritual reading to transform ourselves, and salutations for a well-written and provocative post.
i feel like i could have written this…hang in there. your committment to yourself and your true being is an inspiration to me as i struggle with the same.
“I began to renew my mind with new thoughts. When a negative thought come to mind, I observed it and then replaced it with a thought that uplifted and affirmed me. In the beginning, it felt like I was lying to myself.”
I LOVE that! I will lie to myself until I believe that I am who I say I am…thats a BEAUTIFUL concept.
I love the line “my thoughts are my power.” So true! Which makes it all the more crucial that we learn to recognize which ones we’re listening to and to let the others go. Not an easy task, but so important!
I had a similar realization not that long ago, and while I can’t quite “forget what others think” about me, I do feel like I’m beginning to care a lot less. It may seem morbid, but it always helps me to think about what I’ll really care about on my deathbed, or for that matter, what I’d like people to say about me at my funeral. Do I want to be thinking “I’m so glad so and so liked me and that such and such approved of my actions”? Or do I want to be thinking “I’m so glad I lived my life the way I wanted to and let the world see the true me”? For me, it’s a pretty easy decision.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Congrats on your hard-earned degree and your first novel!
Great article, this is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you!
“I began to renew my mind with new thoughts. When a negative thought come to mind, I observed it and then replaced it with a thought that uplifted and affirmed me. In the beginning, it felt like I was lying to myself.”
This is where I am right now. I am still in the process of restructuring my way of thinking but it feels like I am lying to myself.
Do you have any tips for this?
really nice post, thanks for the reminders. 🙂
I loved your comment about how each day you release your old paradigm. This is so powerful because changing our thoughts and way of being is a process. Through this process we learn to love the nuanced and big growth that happens when we set our intention for personal change.
Well written, “Shrinking in a space to allow others to shine”. Awesome and contemplative words to sink your teeth in. Keep writing, keep shining and keep passing on the wisdom.
Hi! I really loved your article and I know exactly what you were talking about. I had my “wake up call” a while ago and I love it! I’m so happy for myself and everyone else who managed to change their lives and started living in the moment instead of the past or the future. 🙂
I noticed the authors you mentioned in your article and I also happened to read a book written by Florence Scovel Shinn. It was called “The Magic Path of Intuition”. It was a very nice book and I thought that if you like reading that kind of books I would like to recommend you a book written by Shakti Gawain, that is called “Developing Intuition; practical guidance for daily life”. In case you still haven’t read it, I highly recommend it! I’m sure you’re going to like it! 🙂
Thank your for taking the time to read my article. I am honored. I am excited to hear that you too have awakened. Isn’t it wonderful? Thanks for the recommended reads. I will check them out. Remember to continue to listen to and answer the call.
I appreciate the encouragement. Please remember to shine as well.
YES, yes, yes. I totally agree. Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks and thank you for reading it.
Oh, how I KNOW exactly where you are. The main tip is to keep replacing the thought with an affirmative one. See, you are in the midst of changing your subconscious mind. This is the place in the brain where things are automatic. Example: the subconscious keeps our hearts pumping and our breath moving. So if for years you have believed you are small and unworthy, that belief is in your (automatic mind) your subconscious. Now the conscious mind is playing a huge role as it has awakened and said “No, I don’t want to believe this any more. I want to feel good.” So now it’s about your conscious mind telling your subconscious to change the old thought process. The more you say the mantra or the new thought the more it sinks into your subconscious and then one day you wake up and realize that you actually believe the new thought. That’s when you know it’s changed in your subconscious. Believe me, this is a process we will practice until the day we transition. I hope this makes sense.
I love this: “Or do I want to be thinking, I’m glad I lived my life the way I wanted to and let the world see the true me?” This is what I strive to be every day. And yes, you are correct, it is a challenge to “forget what others think”. What I have learned is that they are going to think whatever they want to think whether I do what I want or not, so I’m gonna do what I desire. This was a process. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
This makes me smile. I too will continue to lie to myself until I BELIEVE. Awesome.
I am grateful for your comment and grateful that you took the time to read the blog. Thank you for your edification.
Wow. Thanks for your courage in sharing this post. Please understand that he came into your life to teach you and you are a great student. You even tested the information by going back and you see that you are a new person. I applaud you. You are not in this alone. Write down exactly what you want and focus on those things. I want LOVE, PEACE, and JOY in my life so this is the mantra I meditate on day and night. You can vibrate into existence the right people for you. Believe me, there are people out there feeling just like you so pull those people into your world. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
You can definitely write your thoughts, feelings, and perspective. Step outside of the fear and write. Even if it’s “I woke up this morning and I feel…” Write, and before you know it you will have a full blog. You can do it!
Wow, this is absolutely amazing and definitely an eye opener 🙂 Thank you for your beautiful writing.
Thank you for your comment and for taking the time to read the blog. I appreciate you.
Congratulations on your journey and for writing your book. It’s amazing how a moment in time, or what someone said to you, or something that you read can act as that flip of the switch moment to potentially change our paths. I believe we all have these, at some point in our lives. Their staged at the right times ,for a reason. At the moment where the experiences we have had lead us down a path to have all the experiences, lessons, failures, and feelings (the tools) equipping us to take action to change. Equipping us to make a choice. The problem is though, not everyone takes action. Just as important, almost more important as the realization (or that flip of a switch moment from when your friend spoke those words to you) is deciding to actually take action. To do something. I applaud you for that, I applaud you for committing to the journey and trusting the process. Again, congratulations. You should be extremely proud.
Thank you for this post. The journey has not been easy but it has given me such freedom. You are correct about action. If I hadn’t taken the steps toward my dream it would not have happened. I continue to write and I continue to grow. I am grateful for life and grateful the I have the tools to change my mind when I need to.
Though I got stuck at your cliché metaphor; I applaud the courage to complete new education at an age where experience supersedes a degree in the workforce and your ability to retrain yourself to catch negative thinking. If I bat fifty percent, I am doing good.
Thank you for your post.
Hi. I just recently started reading this blog and I am really enjoying the pearls of wisdom! Forgetting what others think is so hard for me artistically, but I’m trying. Anyway, you inspired me. I had started thinking more about this topic lately and decided to quote you in my own most recent blog post. Thank you for the inspiration! Namaste, Juliette
This site is fabulous, and my new go to page on Google Plus!
I love reading all of the articles, very inspiring…
Awesome!
Thank you for reading my blog. So glad it inspired you. Keep writing. (I would love to read yours.) Namaste