“Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.” ~Unknown
A little over a year ago, my brother and I decided to write a book together. At the ages of nineteen and twenty-nine, this was a really scary thing for us.
Neither of us considered ourselves “good writers,” and we especially didn’t think highly enough of our writing to imagine that we’d ever write a book.
I made C’s on most of my papers in high school and college and, quite frankly, my confidence in my writing was pretty low.
Each time I tried to sit down and write even a two-to-five-page paper, I would spend countless frustrating hours banging my head against the keyboard and writing all night in an attempt to reach the page limit. For me, writing was an extremely painful process.
I’d made myself believe that I was bad at it. All of the bad grades and papers full of red ink had me convinced that it was a lost cause. They told me I’d never be a good writer.
So when my brother and I decided to write a book, you can imagine all of the thoughts running through my head…
“I’m not a good writer. Why would anyone want to read my book?”
“I can’t even write a three-page paper. How will I ever finish a book?”
“What if nobody buys the book?”
And the list goes on and on. These types of thoughts keep most people from going after their dreams. They keep us paralyzed in fear, afraid to take the first step.
Seth and I had to overcome these insecurities as writers to get started. We pushed past them with childlike curiosity and channeled our inner five-year-olds by asking questions, making mistakes, and reaching out to successful authors for advice.
I’m going to tell you a few things that helped us through these insecurities, but first I want to ask you a question. When’s the last time you truly thought like a five-year old?
You know, thoughts like: “I’m going to be an astronaut one day” or “When I grow up I’m going to be the president.”
As children, we tend to believe that we truly can do anything we want. But a funny thing happens: as you go to school, get a job, and eventually retire, the world’s expectations and beliefs about you shrink your own beliefs.
This process looks a little like this…
The things we believed we could accomplish slowly start to melt away and become unfulfilled dreams.
Our dreams of doing humanitarian work in Africa or playing in a band never see their start because we begin listening to others and accept that these things won’t happen.
It’s hard not to listen because many of these people have pure intentions. Some of them are people we love, who love us back, but they have no idea what is possible because it isn’t their dream.
Nevertheless, we follow the path they suggest based on their own beliefs of what is possible. Unfortunately, it can take years, decades, and even a lifetime to realize how our dreams were derailed and why.
What you can actually do continues to grow, even as your beliefs (what you think you can do) get in the way of that.
So how do you push past your insecurities and start believing in yourself again? How do you take advantage of the endless possibilities available to you when your beliefs about yourself won’t let you take the first step?
1. Start thinking like a five-year-old.
Ignore your doubts and negative feedback from others. Five-year-olds don’t pay attention when someone tells them they might not be a princess and an actress when they grow up. They just keep believing.
When my brother Seth decided he wanted to be a musician, many people around him suggested he try for something more realistic. Despite the insecurities and the extremely small chance of success, he believed in himself and went for it. Now he plays around the world with his band NEEDTOBREATHE.
When you start believing and acting on your five0year-old dreams, there’s a good chance you’ll be surprised by how often they come to life.
2. Be the biggest loser.
The weird thing about our potential is that it often gets hidden. It gets covered up by doubt and by the discouragement we get from others. We often forget our potential exists, and it takes a friend or coach to remind us of it and encourage us to take action.
The NBC show “The Biggest Loser” is a classic example of this principle. Before coming on the show, the contestants fail to lose weight on their own because they lack the willpower, the time and, most importantly, the belief in themselves. After getting on the show and working with trainers, they uncover abilities they never knew existed.
If you’re looking to make a serious change in your life, find a coach or accountability partner to work with. They’ll help you tap into your childlike thinking and uncover beliefs, abilities, and innate talents.
Because of our lack of experience, Seth and I reached out to several successful authors for help and coaching on our book. Reaching out to people you respect can be a scary process, but each time you do it you’ll learn something new.
3. Don’t be so scared of failure.
Many times we quiet our inner five-year-old because of the fear of failure. We fear that if we go for what we actually want, we might fail and look stupid. This was my fear before writing the book.
The best learning moments in life are when we fail. If you never fail, you’ll never make a difference in the world.
Think of the people who you admire the most. How many times do you think they’ve failed in their lives? Probably more than they can remember. These people are successful because they failed early and failed often. They got out there, gave it a shot, and learned with each failure.
Failure means you’re making progress. Don’t be so afraid of it.
When you were five, falling down and pushing yourself back up was an opportunity to build your muscles. You ran to explore possibilities because at worst you would learn something new and get stronger doing it.
If anything is b-o-l-o-g-n-a, it’s forgetting how to run and hope and dream the way we did when we were kids. So next time you’re feeling discouraged or insecure, ask yourself: “What would my inner five-year-old do?”
Editor’s Note: Chandler has generously offered to give away five signed copies of Breaking Out of a Broken System, his new book, co-written with his brother Seth. Each book purchased saves someone’s life through a life-saving malaria pill. Their mission is to save 10,000 lives by selling 10,000 copies.
To enter to win a copy, leave a comment below. You can enter until midnight EST on Monday, March 10th.
UPDATE: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Congrats to M, VictoriaP, Tiffany Joi, Priya, and Alex
Photo by Praveen Kumar
About Chandler Bolt
Chandler Bolt is an author and serial entrepreneur. He was bitten by the entrepreneurial bug at an early age and by age 20 he started and ran businesses that generated over $320,000. He wrote the book Breaking Out of A Broken System with his brother Seth Bolt (from the band NEEDTOBREATHE). Each book sold saves a life (#1book1life).
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Chandler! I really enjoyed this post and it definitely came at a great time. I’ve been feeling stuck in the belief that all that is left for me to do in life is to get a job, get married and have kids. It is crazy that at 23, I have a ton of ideas and possibilities floating around in my head of a future that I have basically said I can’t achieve because it’s simply impossible. It just seems too late. I’m definitely going to reflect on this article and remind myself that there is no reason to not believe that anything is possible, and to simply say that things are going to go a certain way just because that is just the way they have been going. I have serious dreams of what I want to do with my law degree and I hope that I can “think like a five-year-old” for a moment and realize what I truly want.
Thank you so much again for this article!
Hi Chandler,
I was always fascinated by the thought of being a writer and love writing too. This article is a true inspiration to think like a child and imagine no boundaries to achieve what you always wanted to.
We often get caught up by what the society expects and keep flowing unknowingly that whatever expectations we are trying to fulfil is falling short of what we have always wanted in life.
So its quite important to have an honest conversation with yourself and do what makes you happy with the will and grit to still keep moving towards our destination.
Hi Chandler, after reading what you wrote it greatly inspire me. The article shows that we shouldn’t scare of failures and Use our setback as a form of learning lesson in life. Thankyou for your great article.
Hi Chandler, inspiring read! I’m going to run with it and work on channeling my inner five year old and move forward with my photography!!!! 🙂
Love your message and love your mission!
Great read! Maybe it’s time I start that guitar lesson business I’ve always dreamed of…
I love your message conveyed in this. Getting in touch with our inner child doesn’t always come around when we need it most. Sometimes we need help and encouragement to break him out. I have a lot of ideas and visions for what I would like to do with my life, but there are quite a few fears of my own that keeps me from starting them. This year, I have made a
commitment to breaking myself out of this trapped mindset and taking steps
towards my passions. One day, they could possibly turn into something. Thank
you for sharing your experiences.
Great, thought-provoking post; thank you!
What a great message! Finding compassion and courage to move forward! This article couldn’t have come at a better time for me – thank you.
So simple. Think like a child and let the possibilities flow.
Love, love, love the idea of the possibilities funnel! Thank you for helping me to remember that I do have a purpose! I taught Kindergarten for a couple years so I am familiar with thinking like a 5 year old, but not dreaming like one! Very inspiring!
Hi Chandler,
I was just talking about this exact concept last night to a friend. I said, ‘wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone could believe in themselves like they did when they were kids?’ As children, we have huge dreams and refuse to let anyone tell us differently. If people stayed with that mindset growing up, I think there would be many more happy and fulfilled people in the world.
Thank you for your post and congratulations on listening to your heart and fulfilling your goal.
I think I need this, I’ve forgotten how to have fun.
Chandler,
I think you definitely nailed this. I can’t tell you how often I look to little kids for new inspiration. They are 100% in the moment, full of optimism, and really do believe they can do anything. It’s honestly too bad that we get shot down all the time.
I think Tim Ferriss explains the high goal setting ideal well in The Four Hour Workweek — my goal isn’t to sell this book, or actually even obtain a four hour workweek — but not many people actually shoot for the stars. There’s almost less competition at the top than there is at the bottom because not many people just go for it.
I love the bit about falling down so you can get back up and build muscle. That’s a great metaphor that I haven’t really considered. We naturally fall as kids because it makes us stronger. Why not let ourselves make mistakes as adults, so we can build up our strength and resilience?
Great article. Loved it. Well written.
Cheers
The two illustrations in this post really brought your point home for me. It’s weird that I read this today, just as I was having a self belief meltdown, thinking I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, that I’m burnt out and not good enough. So, thanks man. I hope to read your book someday. It sounds like something I’m really needing.
Ugghh me too
Hi Chandler, I really appreciated what you posted today, especially the graphics showing the Belief Funnel compared to the Possibilities Funnel drawn with stick figures. How brilliant! I’d never thought of my attitudes being this way, but the images instantly resonated. As we age we can start to feel limited, especially as declining careers and health issues arise. Just seeing those drawings helped me realize I have control over whether my funnel closes down or expands as I age. Thanks for an awesome post!
I’m going run with this
Yes! When I was in third grade, our teacher asked us to write a story. I sat down, pulled out my copy of Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, and started copying it onto the paper. The teacher came around the room, saw what I was doing and asked me why I was doing it. I told her it was going to be much better than anything I could possibly write. So she explained the word “plagiarism” to me, and asked me to write something of mine instead. I told her, “OK, but it won’t be as good.”
Years later, I started writing a journal. The first entry in my first journal is full of self-doubt about whether this was going to be any good, whether I would stick with it, etc.
It has now been more than 20 years since that first journal entry. I now write something in my journal daily. I write poetry. I write songs. Ten years ago, I didn’t write songs, I didn’t play bass or mandolin, and the thought of singing solo in public terrifies me. Now my husband and I are just finishing up our second studio CD of our own songs. When we perform them live, we get people coming up to us afterwards telling us, “Wow, I could never do that — get up in front of people and sing!” And we keep telling them that we once believed that, too, and that we eventually just did it anyways. And the only way to get good at it and comfortable with it is to keep doing it, over and over. And just this past weekend I took my first dulcimer lesson. I definitely felt like a little kid in the dulcimer class. A new toy, something new to learn! Such fun! 🙂
I really needed to read this today. Starting a new life adventure this year and am terrified because I’m not really sure what I’ll be doing. I just know it won’t be what I’m doing right now.
Great insight into the tunnel vision theory. So happy that you have highlighted how we can use it to achieve positive results too 🙂
Thanks Chandler… Really loving the illustrations. It reminds me to be grateful everyday for what I have learned and dream big!
Thank you for your insightful and inspiring words…Nurturing my inner 5 year old has given me the chance embark on a new career and “reimagine” myself when others are considering retirement. Your words make me feel I am not alone out here:-))
Love this article! This confirms so many thoughts and revelations I’ve had recently. Would love to win a copy of this book.!
As a Unity minister, I am so thankful for this article and others like it on Tiny Buddha. This one particularly touched my heart. Many of the things I read here are SO preachable! Thank you, Namaskar, and Blessings for who you are and how you show up in the world!
Insightful post. Thanks for sharing.
What poignant timing! Today I turn 54 and have considered, possibly, beginning to grow up. I just knew it was a trap! Wonderful-sounding book, I would love to read it.
This is something that everyone needs to hear about….sounds like an awesome book!
What a great article! A dream of mine is actually to write a book as well and I’m battling the same fears. Thanks for sharing how you pushed through to be successful!
I think I needed this so much. Must push away the doubt, and find my potential…somewhere
Thank you for the refreshing post. I went to amazon to download the book (it was “free”?), yet when I received it in my Kindle (iPad), the entire book was not there. I then tried to download it and the PDF, as per the instructions, and it would not open. Any thoughts? Thanks:)
Chandler thank you for such an amazing post. I needed these words today more than you will ever know. I need to get back in touch with that inner 5 year old and embrace the fear. Thank you for the reminder and inspiration. Wishing you all the best with your book and the future.
I was just wondering… What would my inner five year old do? And then I remembered the quiet, solemn child with the big eyes and the knack for disappearing, for melting away, for asking the big questions. At first I thought that this recollection means that this article must not apply to me. But then I remembered: my brand of fearlessness doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s would… And that those clues are just that… clues.
Hi Chandler, Thank you for your inspiring post! > PS I LOVE NEEDTOBREATHE! > This really resonates with me as a twenty something 🙂 rencently I have been feeling the pressures of finding my place and way to contribute in the world. I have been looking into second careers, with alot of anxiety and fear! Such great advice to think like a five year old to re-instill belief in myself, and overcome fear of failure. It makes me think of enjoying the ride more as well 🙂
Great post! love this site
I love the Belief Funnel and Possibilities Funnel – so true 🙂
How fun… I would love a book!
The possibilities funnel made me smile! Much needed!
Thanks for the possibilities funnel. I will use it in my coaching
Very well written and inspiring. Thank You for energising my day with this fabulous post 🙂
Just the sort of inspiration I was looking for – Thank you!! 😀 x
I really love what you have to say here, and it really helped to hear it today when I was feeling a little bit down. Thank you. 🙂
This is just what I needed today…. and to think about on a very regular basis – until it is a part of my “normal” thinking! 😉 THANKS and Namaste!
neener-neener, chili-beaner. You nailed it! Congratulations on this and thanks for sharing.
I do think that having a childlike sense of wonder and curiosity in all things helps keep us open to whatever may happen. Children live with a view of “why not?” that adults would do well to often bring to mind.
My favourite movie has and always will be Peter Pan! I’ve taken away some new inspiration from this blog in general and I would love to get a book!
the kind of thing I needed to be inspired on my birthday! Thank you and all the best!
This book is perfect for me! I am a 50 year old guy that has just decided I am pursuing an art career and already playing the inner mind games you discuss. I will make it happen and I am open to all the help I can get!
When I grow up, I want to live authentically, find more kids like you at the playground and leave a trail of glitter everywhere I go. Thank you for picking up your magic marker and sharing your gifts with the world.
Thanks for that article. It is nice to think about how it is to be child and be carefree, and that we also need to do that once in a while. We need to just let go and be.