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The Time to Act Is Now: Get Out There and Seize the Moment

Leap in the Air

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you won’t do anything with it.” ~M. Scott Peck

For most of my life, I thought I had no ambition.

To be fair, I thought it because it was true. Don’t get me wrong. I had ambition to keep living, to shower daily, and to seek out entertainment at the end of my miserable days working in customer service. Still, regardless of how miserable those days were, I wasn’t motivated to change my life path.

I used to wish for ambition, in that vague sense that was part fervent desire and part dismissal. I wanted it, but thought that it wasn’t part of me. If I didn’t have enough ambition to become ambitious, what was the point?

Then I got cancer, and I realized that sometimes things come to us in the most strange and horrible ways.

I was 35 when I was diagnosed. I had an associate’s degree and worked at a dead-end job, answering phones and writing down messages. All of a sudden, I had this…this disease, and what had I done with my life? What did I have to be proud of?

I was proud of one thing. I had an amazing son, and since the day he was born, I had poured all of my life into him. At 14, he was already fiercely independent, and didn’t need me like I needed him.

With cancer, my motivation didn’t need to kick in immediately. All of the decisions were made for me. I had an advanced grade of tumor, and although I was Stage One, my oncologist insisted that I needed chemotherapy, followed by radiation.

I didn’t realize overnight that I had motivation. It was a slow dawning upon me.

At first it just felt like I was doing what I needed to do to get through every day. Losing my hair filled me with resolve to become an advocate and show others what beauty from within could look like. I very deliberately didn’t wear my wig because I felt that hiding behind it sent a message of its own, one I didn’t want to endorse.

Cancer woke me up to the possibilities my life still had. The one thing I got out of it was that I wanted to live, and living now meant doing everything I had never realized I really needed to do.

I began chemo in March 2011, and followed it with 33 radiation treatments. I thought my breast was going to fall off on its own by the end, but I finished in July and hit the ground running.

I went back to college in August, received my bachelor’s degree in May, and was accepted to graduate school that fall. I began the program in January of this year, and applied for and got a graduate assistant position. I also manage a movie theater for my second job.

When I went for my enrollment appointment with my advisor, she expressed concern that I was doing too much, that I was pushing myself too hard.

I couldn’t explain to her what it felt like to sleep through 35 years of life and suddenly feel like you were awake for the first time. I couldn’t explain that there was no such thing as too hard when every day I felt ecstatically, unbelievably alive.

Today, I have all the motivation I ever thought I wanted and then some. I beat cancer, and if I have a recurrence, I’ll beat it again. I have a lot of time to make up for, and every single day is a gift.

Do I still have lazy days? You bet I do. But my days are filled with purpose now instead of longing, and for that I am so glad.

I was talking to a friend recently, and I told him that I was grateful to have had cancer. He couldn’t believe I said that, and frankly, neither could I, but as I said it I knew it was true. Sometimes we get answers to wishes that we didn’t even know we wished for. Sometimes those answers feel more like burdens to bear.

But cancer was what I needed to survive to realize that life was too short to be miserable. Do I recommend that everyone get cancer to get through life? Of course not, but there are themes that apply to everyone.

Overcoming obstacles.

Powering through in the face of adversity.

Getting up and going when all you want to do is rest.

My favorite saying is “You have to get there yourself.” You absolutely do. There is no one or nothing that can force you to do that which you do not want to do.

You might be drifting in your own life, and thinking that you want a change. I can’t tell you how to do that.

If you’re a fellow drifter, my best advice is to work on giving up your limiting beliefs about what you’re capable of doing.

No matter who you are, how old you are, what your health is like, you are so much stronger than you realize. I spent 35 years wishing that I was different, and that got me nowhere. The time to act is now.

Now get out there and seize your moment. And when you’re done with that, seize another.

Photo by Lauren Manning

About Jennifer Shepherd

Jennifer Shepherd is a lifelong Midwesterner finding her comfort zone in strange ways. By day she is a Graduate Assistant at Pittsburg State University, by night she manages a movie theater. She can sweep carpet like nobody's business and conduct a mock interview like you wouldn't believe.

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Tim

That was really beautiful. I hope that I can become as fully engaged in life as you are.

foeaminute

It’s amazing how much of this is ME. Hopefully reading this post (and not getting cancer) will be enough to get my mid-thirties, Associate’s Degree-having, Customer Service-working self in gear!

Thank you for the push, and congratulations!

Will

Brilliant!

Annie

That’s awesome! I wish you all the success in your graduate work and getting out there and living your life to the fullest! Sometimes an illness can motivate us in a positive direction. I was the opposite- always training hard, racing, ambitious, extremely competitive, but then I got sick and it taught me what was more important in life. It made me kinder, recognizing and appreciating the people around me, and what it means to live my life and truly enjoy it. Thank you for sharing your story…it moved me.

linni

I read your article and saw my life in your words, for me as well i am grateful for my cancer, cause it gave me a real life not just a pretend one, i am 57 almost and now feel like nothing is impossible if i just have gratitude for every day that is such a gift to us all. thanks so much for sharing your wonderful story. Linni.

Radiance

Thank you. This was what I needed : )

Jennifer Shepherd

I’m always glad to hear of others that fought the good fight and won. Congratulations!

Jennifer Shepherd

That makes me happy! Thank you!

Jennifer Shepherd

Thank you for sharing YOUR story! The important thing is that we get there, no matter what the route. I’m glad you’re able to enjoy your life. A lot of people aren’t that lucky!

Jennifer Shepherd

Thank you, Will!

Jennifer Shepherd

Hey, if you ever need encouragement, or a cyber-kick in the butt, I’m here! I’ve been there, and I get it!

Jennifer Shepherd

I hope so, too, Tim. It feels a lot better this way! Think about what you have deep within, and then go after that happiness.

Vishnu

Such an inspiring story Jennifer! Thank you for sharing it with us. I also had a life-changing kind of experience that woke me up. Why does it sometimes take a complete shake-up to get us going sometime? How do we wake up this ‘seize the moment’ spirit when we don’t have a life-changing circumstance motivating us? I think you’re right in calling out those ‘limiting beliefs’ for containing our potential.

I love the conversation you had with your graduate advisor – asking you to slow down. lol And with your friend who must be bewildered about “grateful for cancer” line. It’s our life’s most challenging moments which build up character and define our lives. Although we can’t appreciate the moment as we go through it, it shapes who we are forever.

Jennifer Shepherd

Thank you so much, Vishnu! And you’re absolutely right. I don’t know why it takes unfortunate events to open our eyes, but at least that’s something positive to come from something negative, which makes it easier to bear.

Heather Busch

So awesome! Very proud of you. 🙂

Jennifer Shepherd

YOU’RE awesome! I know this for a fact!

Rainbow

Wonderful! I can relate, I too became ill a few years ago, not as bad as cancer, but since then I have changed the way I live my life. I am so happy with my new life and am truely greatful for the change. I’m so happy you’re also living your life to the fullest!

Anon

I really need to keep reminding myself of this. Although I posted a comment about my positivity in the face of illness recently on this site, the past two days have been pretty emotionally difficult for me. I do feel an extra kick in the butt however to get things accomplished that I have not up until now. It is taking the face of uncertainty to give me that extra shove. The disease is one that may allow me to age gracefully, or could smother me in my sleep (quite literally).

I don’t know what would be worse, this or something like cancer. They each have their pitfalls and benefits over the other I suppose. But I am not trying to compare what is “worst” as I don’t think there is a way to make that judgement. I may just be rambling at this point, but I guess that’s part of the process of me trying to sort through my feelings about this situation. I am scared.

Scared not only of the illness itself, but also of the degree of which it f*cks with my memory! It is very disconcerting to know that you don’t remember significant conversations or interactions as well as entire chunks of days at a time. I want to create now! I want to share my ideas! I want to do all the things I am passionate about daily! I don’t know which moment will be my last. The moment is now!!

Jennifer Shepherd

It’s a great way to live, isn’t it? I’m glad you’re happy!

Jennifer Shepherd

I completely understand the memory part. I called it chemo brain before I realized that it was really a thing, and not just me.
The moment is now, yes, but you have to love yourself through those rough days. It’s all right to take a day off from changing the world to just take care of you. I remember feeling sorry for myself a few times – I spent one whole afternoon looking at people’s pictures on Facebook thinking, Wow, they look so healthy, or Wow, her hair is so pretty.
The point is, I’ve been there. If you ever need to vent, I do understand. It’s a daily war, and you can’t win every single battle. Just keep moving forward.

Anon

Yeah, I just developed epilepsy so for me the the jealousy thoughts have been more, “Wow, that person can go for a walk alone without wondering if they’re gonna smash themselves on the sidewalk,” or “Wow, that person can cook on the stove or chop veggies without a care.” Stuff like that. And then the waking up in the hospital almost not even believing you just had several seizures but somehow don’t remember them coming on yet alone anything since. And that is always followed with a lack of normal balance and memory for about a week later. I’m still almost pinching myself to see if all this is still real. I put so much thought and effort into health, so I never suspected I’d have any issues in that field.

But I do have to say that I’ve still managed to keep a mostly positive outlook most days. My original post was definitely during my two worst memory days and therefore two of my most downer days. I think it’s great that you’ve gained some extra motivation through this experience. Keeping on forward is the best way to look at it. Good luck in all your endeavors! I love this site and writers such as you who help so much with the bad days (and even just in improving on our good days).

Jennifer Shepherd

Wow, you inspire me! Your positivity is wonderful. It may not seem like it to you, but from an objective outside opinion, you have impressed me. Good luck to you, and keep in touch!

Jessica Sweet

Hey Jennifer – thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m a coach working with people to help them find their passion and translate it into work they love to do. Not surprisingly, many of my clients have had experiences like this. Even though we all know our time is limited it sometimes takes a wake up call like this. Maybe your story can help people realize that they don’t need such a difficult event to start living now.

Anon

Aww, that’s nice it made you feel that way! I definitely felt like your article helped me a lot. I also looked up chemo brain and it sounds a lot like how I feel after I get past the amnesia part. Although aimed specifically towards cancer patients, I found this article that I felt had some good information that chemo patients and epileptics alike could gain some insight from: http://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatmentsandsideeffects/physicalsideeffects/chemotherapyeffects/chemo-brain

Jennifer Shepherd

Thank you so much! I really appreciate that link. You rock!

Jennifer Shepherd

Hey, Jessica! Thank you, I really appreciate that. I love that there are people like you helping so many. It took me too long to realize what I wanted, so the fact that you can make that process happen sooner is fantastic! Congratulations!

Jennifer, I really appreciate you sharing your story. I think many of us have just been coasting along in life just wishing and hoping that life was better, and sometimes it takes something life threatening to wake people up. Personally, what kickstarts me is the thought that I have all this life to live, and I don’t want to waste a second of it. I have this burning desire to make my mark in this world, and help transform lives, and this is what propels me to seize the moment. With that being saids, this article reminds of the quote by Steve Jobs that says:

“Remembering that you are going to die one day is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. Follow your heart.”
― Steve Jobs