“Waiting is not mere empty hoping. It has the inner certainty of reaching the goal.” ~I Ching
Waiting has a bad rap in modern Western society. It’s not surprising that I had to look to an ancient Chinese text (the I Ching) in order to find a suitable quote to begin this article. We don’t like to wait! It’s far easier to find quotes on the Internet about “seizing the day” and making something happen.
I’ve been an impatient person for much of my life. I wanted things to happen to me! I had a definite agenda in my twenties: finish college, start my career, get married, and have a family. So I declared a major and started knocking off my goals. When it was “time” to get married, I picked the most suitable person available and got on with it.
I really didn’t know much about waiting. I thought it was something you did if you didn’t have courage or conviction. It was just an excuse not to take action. I know better now.
What I’ve learned since then is that waiting is one of the most powerful tools we have for creating the life we want.
The ego, or mind, is very uncomfortable with waiting. This is the part of you that fairly screams, “Do something! Anything is better than nothing!” And, because we are a very ego-driven society, you’ll find plenty of external voices that back up that message.
The mind hates uncertainty, and would rather make a mistake than simply live in a state of “not knowing” while the right course unfolds.
There’s a term I love that describes this place of uncertainty: liminal. A liminal space is at the border or threshold between possibilities. It’s a place of pure potential: we could go any direction from here. There are no bright lights and obvious signs saying “Walk this way.”
Liminal spaces can be deeply uncomfortable, and most of us tend to rush through them as quickly as possible.
If we can slow down instead, the landscape gradually becomes clearer, the way it does when your eyes adjust to a darkened room. We start to use all of our senses. The ego wants a brightly lit super-highway to the future, but real life is more like a maze. We take one or two steps in a certain direction, and then face another turning point. Making our way forward requires an entirely different set of skills, and waiting is one of the most important!
There’s a proper timing to all things, and it’s often not the timing we want (now—or maybe even yesterday). There are things that happen on a subconscious level, in ourselves and in others, that prepare us for the next step. Oddly, when the time to act does come, there’s often a sense of inevitability about it, as if it was always meant to be this way.
Look back over your life and you’ll see this pattern. First, look at the decisions that you forced: how did those turn out? Then look for times when you just “knew” what to do, without even thinking about it. What happened then?
The key to the second kind of decision is waiting for that deep sense of inner knowing.
That doesn’t mean you’re certain that everything will turn out exactly the way you want it. Or that you don’t feel fear. But there is a sense of “yes, now’s the time” in your body that I liken to the urge that migratory birds get when it’s time to leave town. They don’t stand around debating whether to go, consulting maps and calendars. They just go when the time is right.
We’re animals too—we have and can cultivate that inner sensitiveness that lets us simply know what to do when the time is right. But to do that we have to unhook from the mind. Thinking is useful up to a point, but we usually take it far beyond the point of usefulness!
We go over and over various options, trying to predict the future based solely on our hopes and fears.
We talk endlessly with others about what we should do, hoping that they have the answers for us (and, ideally, trying to get everyone to agree).
We think about what we “should” do, based on any number of external measures: common sense, morality, religion, family values, finances, and so on.
And then usually we add this all up and just take our best shot.
A better way is to take stock of what you know (and, even more importantly, what you don’t know) and then… wait.
If there’s some action that calls to you, even if it’s seemingly unrelated to the question at hand, do it! Then wait again for another urge to move. Wait actively rather than passively. That means: keep your inner senses tuned to urges or intuitions. Expect that an answer will come. As the I Ching says, wait with the “inner certainty of reaching the goal.”
This is not the same kind of dithering and procrastination that come when we want to try something new but are afraid to step out into the unknown. If your intuition is pulling you in a certain direction and your mind is screaming at you to “Stop!” by all means ignore your mind.
There’s a subtle but very real difference between the feeling of fear (which holds you back from doing something you long to do) and misgivings (which warn you that a decision that looks good on the surface is not right for you).
In both cases, look for and trust that deep sense of inner knowing, even if your thoughts are telling you different. A friend once told me that her father’s best piece of advice to her was: “Deciding to get married should be the easiest decision of your life.” How I wish I had known that when I made my own (highly ambivalent) decision!
My head was telling me that this was the sensible thing to do, and he was a good man. My gut, however, was far from on board. I still vividly recall the many inward debates I held about whether to marry him, and even the dreams I had that revealed my inner reluctance. Unfortunately, I went with my thoughts over my instincts.
Now I know this: If you have to talk yourself into something, try waiting instead. More will be revealed, if you give it some time.
Ignore that voice in your head that says you need to make a decision now. Don’t rush through life. Linger in the liminal spaces and see what becomes clear as you sit with uncertainty. Learn to trust your gut more than your head. Have faith that the right course will unfold at the perfect time. And then, when the time comes, just do it, as simply and naturally as the birds take flight.
About Amaya Pryce
Amaya Pryce is a life coach and writer living in the Pacific Northwest. Her books, 5 Simple Practices for a Lifetime of Joy and How to Grow Your Soul are available on Amazon. For coaching or to follow her blog, please visit www.amayapryce.com.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
Love the word liminal 🙂
Thanks for sharing! As I am actively working to grow personally and creating a life that I want to live, this is great advice. I specifically like the quote, “If you have to talk yourself into something, try waiting instead. More will be revealed, if you give it some time.” Love the change in perspective.
Saw this post in my inbox and man, it could not be more perfect for my current situation. I am in a liminal phase right now, and I am so grateful I’ve sat back and let time pass. My truth has definitely come through and I know what I am meant to do. So grateful for the lesson in taking time and moving slow and intentional. This seems to be my lesson in 2018 so far, and I am so grateful for this lesson. I have grown closer to my true self through it. 🙂 Happy Friday!
“Mature” comes to mind as a good descriptor for this post. And wise. Thank you. Like you, I have sometimes lacked the patience to wait on inner clarity, and suffered (for years) the consequences of acting while ambivalent. Resilience decreases with age, and that approach is not endlessly survivable. Your reminder to practice patience is well-taken and appreciated.
I was very surprised to see this title. For the past few days, i was brainstorming if i was wasting time instead of doing something. I was abused as a child by my biological parents. Growing up as an only child, i had to depend on my instinct alone to survive. In my 20’s now my life is really stagnant. So at times like these i wonder if i am too stupid or ‘inflexible’ to wait for things in life- career,love etc. Your write up was extremely comforting to me. I like to believe the Universe is trying to let me know its okay to be who i am through your article. So thank you Ms. Amaya Pryce xx
I am in a similar situation where I made a decision about a person in my life. My gut always said he is not the right person for me and ever since I let him go and saw him being with someone else immediately after I said no to his proposal, I have started to doubt my gut feeling. He and me are two very different people and have two very different perceptions about life. He always tried to bring my insecurities out and tried to change them in the way that I always started questioning about my self being. My conscious knows that what decision I made is the right but my mind is still not settling upon my decision even when I see that he was not serious about me and just wanted to try things( which he clearly mentioned when we talked) but on the other hand I want serious things in life now.
The quote you wrote Amaya ‘If you have to talk yourself into something, try waiting instead. More will be revealed, if you give it some time.’ is so relatable. I have always questioned myself about this person because my gut has been warning me from the beginning (even when I felt nothing for this person) . So , your quote is really what I needed this time. I hope my mind understands this soon too. 🙂 Great article!!
Wonderful article. Just what I needed today. Thank you 🙂
haha yes 🙂
the amalgamation of all things unknown, in a beautiful sense (although I get reminded of the matrix movie’s tunnel for some reason – a tunnel between the real and imaginary)
Oh, thank you! I had a favorite teacher who would always say “more will be revealed,” and I say it to myself often! It’s amazing how things become clearer when we wait.
Thanks, Cate! Seems like “maturity” is always hard-won. We have to live out the lessons until they really sink in, deep down. That’s why I think so many things come together in the second half of life. 🙂
So glad to hear some of my writing has helped – I love to do it! And yes, it really helps to recognize that it’s just your mind, doing what it was designed to do. You can’t stop it, but you can stop paying attention to it. 🙂
Thank you! I feel like the universe is pummeling me with it so far this year. haha. It has helped me develop more faith and trust in taking things slow and being intentional. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your thoughts and words!
Thanks, Riya! The mind is a slippery thing, and can argue both sides of any question, but always from the standpoint of fear and lack. Right now your mind is saying, “Maybe I missed out. Maybe I’ll never find the right person.” Look at those thoughts and really question their truth. You are right to remind yourself of all the things that told you he was NOT the right person for you. Just keep coming back to that sense of certainty every time your mind wants to take you down the rabbit hole of “what if.” You’ve already done the hard part in trusting your gut and cutting him off – good for you!!!
Me too! It makes an uncomfortable experience feel mysterious and meaningful – which it is. 🙂
You’re very welcome – glad it helped! 🙂
Thanks Amaya! I have a feeling my mind is getting near to accept the reality. Your words are just making it more easy for the mind to comprehend the situation the way it is. Just followed your blog. Read two of your many finest pieces. Thanks for sharing your experiences and spreading positivity. 🙂
Oh, Ann – yes, yes, yes. Even if you did or accomplished nothing at all in your life (from the ego’s perspective), from the soul’s perspective you are absolutely perfect. You don’t need to do a single thing, ever. I bet that underneath all that “stagnancy” you are doing a powerful job of healing and growing. When the time is right to do something, you’ll know it – in fact, you won’t be able to stop it! xoxo
Stephanie, it’s good to hear that you’ve already learned this lesson! It took me a looong time. 🙂
True ! So true, 🙂 Read your article ‘I Choose Me (and Why You Should Choose Yourself)’ and got some more insights into how my mind can come to peace. Big hug for sharing such masterpieces and helping people .
Excellent Amaya! I see waiting more like being content with what is, then acting or chilling from that energy. If you feel whole and complete now, you wait for nothing. You already have *it*, that feeling you link to having something, even without the specific thing or person in your life. Then you can carry on following your passion and helping folks and everything will work out nicely. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Ryan
Thank you for this. I made a decision about my health when I was desperate. I am not desperate now – which is great! – but I have to decide whether or not to continue down the road I chose, which may have some excellent long-term holistic health benefits (as opposed to an instant fix) which are unpredictable. Am I resisting because it is an Unknown and it’s a control issue? Or did I make a bad decision to do something that is not necessary, expensive and time consuming? Decisions are interesting, the problem is never the problem, it’s my perspective. I’m still unsure.
Wait out for more & better information, but there is also a fine line between waiting out the process and missing an opportunity. Sometimes you aren’t ever going to be offered better just the same, then missing the opportunity really wasn’t missing out on anything beyond being taken advantage of.
This reminder is so on point and a worthwhile read. Thank you, Ms. Amaya for sharing. No doubt there are many people who either needed to read this or never knew this in the first place.
“There’s a subtle but very real difference between the feeling of fear (which holds you back from doing something you long to do) and misgivings (which warn you that a decision that looks good on the surface is not right for you).”
The differences between feelings, however subtle they may appear, are only relevant to the extent that such subtleties lend themselves to the ending of ignorance and the cessation of suffering that attends that result. Longing arises from conditions of ignorance, irrespective of the object of desire or the nature of it’s relationship to the particular source of desire. That this is true is not mentioned by this author to discredit the quoted author or to undermine her well-reasoned views, but instead solely because it is true.
You are right, waiting is a good thing especially when you are rendered powerless and useless in a situation you can’t do anything about. Its also waiting for the opportunity to peel off someone’s skin, layer by layer for what they put you through all the years. Thank you. I will wait.
LOL I read almost half of the article and then stopped and commented. I couldn’t wait. Oh yeah waiting like seizing has a time and a place. I waited for a girl to make a move once. She ended up getting with someone else. I waited until I was comfortable for this high paying job. The job was given to someone else. I waited as long as I could to accept the fact my mother was going to die soon. Maybe if I HADNT waited I could have talked her into chemo for the cancer which took her life last year. So yeah waiting isn’t ALL that this article makes it.
Amaya,
I absolutely loved this article. Recently, I’ve been really trying to discern the difference between “fear” and “misgivings”. I find that my intuition these days is so clouded because of all that I am told is right, all that I’ve learned/experienced, etc.! Some knowledge is good in helping you make decisions but sometimes we just need to sit in silence and let our inner knowing guide us. Thank you for this!
Lovely article. You might substiitute the phrase “Do Nothing” in place of “waiting” to echo the Chinese principle of Wu Wei Er Bu Wu Wei – loosely translated as “Do nothing but leave nothing undone.” This has a slightly different nuance from the idea of waiting. Waiting implies that there is something that you are waiting for, Wu Wei implies being present with what is and not trying to push against the flow to make something happen. It implies allowing the moment to come to you, rather than trying to force the moment. Subtle but significant. Thank you for sharing!
Many thanks for such an insightful article. I loved your use of the word ‘liminal’!
I happen to read this at a point in time, when – well – I need to read something of this sort. Many times, I depend on my intuition because that’s me but then, I happen to castigate myself for not having ‘thought about it’ before taking the step. Your article reinstates that self-faith.
How interesting to hear someone express a direction that appears to be opposite of my own tendency. I have often said, “Don’t procrastinate! It leads to frustration and anxiety. Make a choice. If you don’t like the result, change your choice.” Here, I read, wait until the direction is clear.
The question is, “Am I considering options I am aware of? Or, is it a
feeling of no apparent options? If it is options I am aware of, then
making a choice may be valuable in order not to procrastinate. If it is
no apparent options, waiting may be valuable. The key is to be willing to listen and respond at any moment to what you hear! Breathe! If the moment says wait, wait. If it says choose, choose … and always be willing (in a breath of time) to respond to THIS MOMENT’S guidance.
Yes, trust your instincts. How beautiful! Either way is true. Trust your instincts to decide which path to trust NOW.
Here, here, I would do well to continue studying these aspects of this life. What Ms. A says bears contemplation. I recall attending meetings for addicted persons with a friend and learned/received a list of acronyms including FEAR, “False Expectations Appearing Real”.
Something to think about as are the words written in this article.
I know what you mean – on the surface, they seem so similar. For me, “fear” feels more like excitement and “misgivings” feel like dread, but it’s taken me a long time to learn the difference!
Danice, I can feel your confusion! It sounds like you really do know what to do, but when you’re stuck in your thoughts it can be paralyzing. The mind can argue both sides of any question, so you go back and forth endlessly. If you can, try NOT thinking about it, and just listen to how you feel. What does your body say? If you don’t feel joy and peace when you think about being with your boyfriend (as he is now, not as you wish he would be, or think he could be if he would just change), then your body is telling you that he is not for you. You might also be scared and sad when you think about not being with him, but that’s because you can’t yet see what is up ahead for you in that direction (that’s the liminal space – no bright lights or certainty). Let your body guide you – think of yourself as a wild horse with incredible “spidey senses” – and then do what the horse would do. Run like crazy from anyone or anything that hurts you!! Sending you love.
You’re welcome! Good luck!
I see your point. Being the who I am I see Ms. Amaya’s too and I am hard pressed to express the whys of both Did that make sense, LOL? It’s three in the morning and I’m pulling an overnight shift (need I say more?) Off the cuff I am thinking it’s about being still long enough to tune into what the gut is telling us (again, if that makes sense).
Amen!
I was going to chime in on this, Ms. Danice; but you know what . . . . Ms. Amaya said it best and I agree. You do know, but your mind has you tripping about the situation. As an older woman I’ll share something I learned long ago. An acronym from the computer field “WYSIWYG”: “What you see is what you get”. And one from Dr. Maya Angelou, “When a person shows you whom they are believe them the first time”. That young man has shown his cards; it is what it is.
Time to close your heart and open your eyes.
Sweetheart, “performance”. You go, girl.
Move on, you have things to do. And I can imagine they are exciting. 🙂
I have to disagree with you about longings! I believe that there are very specific and individual things “built in” to us to love and to do in our lives. When we encounter them we feel an attraction or longing – often countered by fear from the ego. But of course, this is only my belief and I might be wrong! 🙂
Thank you and you’re welcome, Ms. Lyric! 🙂
Another twist to this is: is it even possible to make the “wrong” decision? I have thought of this so often when considering my own “wrong” choice of a husband. Yes, I can say that not marrying him would have saved me much suffering, but I also know that I’ve grown immeasurably from the experience. I believe that, ultimately, our souls can create good from any choice, which is a comfort. Good luck to you, and know that you are always loved and safe, no matter what seems to be happening on the surface. xo
Point taken. 🙂 Did you read to the end of the article? There is definitely a time to act, and a huge difference between holding back out of fear and waiting for clarity when your gut is giving you a warning. Often not easy to tell the difference, though. We are so bombarded by thoughts, and the mind can turn on a dime – first arguing one position and then the opposite! That’s why we need to still the mind and tune in to the guidance of the body (which is admittedly a skill most of us have lost). But we can retrain ourselves, which is what I’m advocating. Thank you for your reply!
Yes, I see what you mean. Definitely there are areas (like finance) where the mind is necessary!!
Hi! Actually, it’s not necessarily “better information” we should wait for (unless by “information” you mean that sense of inner knowing). It’s the mind that wants more facts in order to decide. Intuition communicates most clearly in times of stillness or “mindless” activity (sleep, doing the dishes, driving a familiar route, listening to music, etc.). Einstein said that you can never solve a problem using the same perspective that created it in the first place (which I take to mean the perspective of the mind, or ego). We have to get out of the mind in order to more clearly hear the voice of intuition…. in my opinion! 🙂
In cases where there’s fraud & abuse behind an investment, you want to wait out the BS. Someone always trying to sell you something these days. Sometimes it’s a matter of fully understanding something you aren’t familiar with.
This was beautifully said. 🙂 The knowledge you need appears in the present moment, if you are listening. I always go back to the image of the geese taking flight (we have a lot of migratory birds that winter around here). They know exactly what to do, but not because they’ve planned it or thought it through ahead of time! 😉
Love Tiny Buddha….always seems to be the right stuff at the right time to calm me down. What a great website!
That is very nice to read. I have an immense amount of ambitions that I want to reach as soon as possible. Reading this post makes me consider.
I went back and read the entire article after your reply and then wrote this reply back. And thank you as well for not getting offended. Ironically I rarely get bombarded by thoughts. I can ZEN meditate while loud death metal music plays. I am THE biggest “technocrat” in the world, yet I LOATHE going out in public around my fellow man. Not because I have social anxiety, but because I feel people are letting technology control them. If you observe 10 people for a few minutes, at least HALF of them are steadily looking at a screen.
Blood may be thicker than water, but water is more adaptable than blood. This is my way of saying, “I dont care if we’ve known each other for decades, if you and someone I havnt known but for a few moments are arguing and you are wrong I WON’T take your side simply because of “blood.” Love and compassion are merely tools for societal interactions and are only true in nature when being expressed by children, animals, the mentally disabled, and / or any combination of the three.
I dont believe in oppression yet I don’t feel all people are equal and some people ARE actually better than others. I often have people disagree with that statement. When they do I say, “So you don’t think some people are better than others? Ok…Got any kids?” They respond, “You KNOW I do, what’s your point?” I retort with, “You find out the neighbor has been molesting them for quite some time. So tell me, do you think you’re a better person then that guy? Don’t worry…..I’ll wait…..”
There is no acceptable way to answer that question except with “NO.”