“What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” ~Unknown
Is there a more precious commodity than time? It’s the currency of life; the most basic finite resource, and we have a responsibility to spend it wisely. It’s up to us each individually to figure out what that means to us. For me, that means being mindful of the people, activities, and thoughts to which I give my time and energy.
I am an obsessive reader, and at any one time I have at least fifteen books checked out of the library. I tell myself that I won’t check out any more books until I’ve finished reading the ones I’ve already borrowed, but I never listen and I’m glad for it, because reading is one of the wisest and most enjoyable ways I can spend my time.
I try to be cognizant of what grows my spirit and what shrinks it, and I aim to use my time accordingly.
But this is hardly an easy task, especially with the constant lure of technology and smartphones. Unlike with books, the escape these devices offer can quickly lead me down a rabbit hole of anxiety where I feel my inspiration leaking away and self-doubt taking its place.
Whether this is because I’m feeling guilty for wasting so much time, tired from staring at an electronic screen so long, or because I’m negatively comparing myself to other people, I know that my time can be put to better use.
I often end these technology binges with a nagging sense of emptiness and, despite the vast array of connection offered by technology, a vague feeling of disconnection as well. I don’t want to scroll my day away, yet sometimes feel compelled to do it.
We all have a basic need to belong, and social media’s popularity can be boiled down to its ability to tap into that need. However, it’s important to keep in mind that the complexities and imperfections of real life are often glossed over or edited out entirely. To compare your real life to someone else’s crafted digital persona is unfair and unrealistic, and it sets you up for disappointment.
Social media can also taunt us by bombarding us with the adventures of people better left in our past.
I didn’t fully appreciate this hurtful effect until my social media usage worsened a recent experience of heartbreak. Like a bullet in the back, my screen suddenly and completely filled with him. And not just him, but his new girlfriend too.
It wasn’t long before the photo left the confines of the screen and filled my room and my mind; my entire world became consumed with memories of when he held me that way and the accompanying feelings of sorrow, loss, anger, and jealousy.
I thought strength meant I shouldn’t be affected by something as silly and trivial as Facebook or Instagram, but no matter how much I don’t want to be affected, the truth is that I am. And the effect social media can have on our feelings of self-worth is not trivial.
Only when I accepted this did I begin to move toward easing the pain of heartbreak. The first step was using my time not for social media obsession, but for reflective writing and poetry, which are activities that provide me with real, sustainable healing.
When I do use social media, I make sure my feed is filled with posts that I enjoy seeing and that help me grow rather than make me feel smaller. And I share posts that are an expression of my inner feelings or at least can make someone laugh.
I have also made a commitment to be present with myself and my emotions, without judgment, instead of using social media to distract myself from my feelings. This mindful practice, though difficult, is worth the effort because it allows me to strengthen my ability to treat emotions as valid but fleeting, rather than being in resistance or letting them consume me.
Heartbreak and pain are part of the human experience. It helps to remind myself that I am not alone and to reach out to loved ones—offline—and let myself be vulnerable enough to express what I’m going through. For me, too much social media actually dampens my sense of connection to others because I tend to retreat when I start believing my life is not as exciting or meaningful as other people’s.
I’ve learned to limit the time I spend fueling insecurity with social media and to fill that time either with mindful scrolling or something else entirely. I keep in mind that this technology is the new terrain on the landscape of communications, and it can be a fantastic and fun tool if I navigate and utilize it responsibly.
This article is most likely reaching you via a social media channel, and I’m thankful for the opportunity this provides for sharing work that elevates our awareness and consciousness. Because of social media, I’ve increased my exposure to websites and channels that facilitate personal growth, such as Tiny Buddha, but I’ve had to learn to become more mindful of when it’s okay to unwind online and when it’s harmful.
Sometimes I need a break, and watching a video of cats that are afraid of cucumbers or hopping from one newsfeed to the next can be a good stress reliever. I also find that pausing occasionally during creative activities gives ideas the necessary time to simmer below the surface until they are ready to come to light, and social media can be a good way to give my mind a break.
I know I need to stop scrolling when I feel a shift in my emotions; when the lighthearted fun of connecting virtually and the joy of sharing my creative work with people all over the world becomes a self-imposed prison of mindlessness. I don’t want to allow my precious time to tick away in a stream of posts and updates. When I feel this shift, I know it is best to turn off my device, take a few deep breaths, and turn my attention and time to something more enriching.
I also realize now that it’s more beneficial to be present with my surroundings rather than tuning out into a digital world during every available moment. On walks, commutes, and at the dinner table I enjoy being fully present with the people and things around me, as well as my own sensations and feelings.
These small moments of togetherness and solitude are fertile with opportunity for self-reflection, presence, and connection, but only if I resist the temptation to compulsively check my smartphone.
The key here is to become aware of how often we reach for our phones so we can examine how we spend our time and whether we can put some of that time to better use.
I’ve caught myself multiple times at the beginning of an unproductive scrolling session and made the intention to put my phone down after ten minutes so I don’t get too lost in a cycle of posts and updates. And on other days I could use a good cat vs. cucumber video, and that’s okay too; it’s all about balance and awareness.
Social media can be a good thing when we use it responsibly. Whether we are scrolling, sipping a cup of tea, or having a conversation, cultivating mindful presence can only enrich our experiences. This, I believe, is how we can wisely utilize the small amount of time we are afforded.
When I dip into moments of deep, full presence, the only response that springs forth is gratitude, and I can think of no better way to spend my time than in a state of appreciation.
About Jacqueline Ann
Jacqueline is a native New Yorker, graduate of Hunter College, and a passionate writer who enjoys using the creative process as a means of self-expression, self-reflection, and occasionally self-mockery (a good laugh can do wonders for the soul). She hopes to help others in their own journeys of enlightenment and personal growth. Visit her at Whispers That Echo and on Medium and Instagram.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
Really nice article, thanks so much!
Thankfully, I now only use social media to connect with people I appreciate or to learn something new, as I don’t want to feel insecure watching best glimpses of other people’s lives.
Plus, your concept of being time-conscious and spend it productively resonates well with me, too.
I believe that Facebook is a destructive part of social media and is in some aspects a criminal enterprise . I don’t do business with anyone who touts Facebook
I was never into social media at all until 2016 when I created my own Facebook account. Aside from the usually immediate family members I also friended people I grew up with as well. Although there wasn’t anything specific that caused me to cancel my account, it was that I started to see FB and the other social sites for what they were. I am not a social person to begin with. I strongly believe there usually is a reason two people haven’t been in contact for 20+ years and when this unnatural contact is re-established past hurts and resentments often come flooding back. I’m speaking for example when someone friend’s a person who really wasn’t their friend back in the day, but feels that things have changed since high school and they’re both adults now. Sadly, most of the time the person in question has the same lack of respect of the for them as they did 20 – 30 years old in school.
Time and again I’ve witnessed friends, family and co workers sitting together in the same room yet each consumed and distracted by their cell phones, (myself included). Each in our own little world. What message are we sending to each other when we’re physically present with another human being yet we choose our phones to distract us from the present moment? As you pointed out…What conversations and connections are we not having because we are distracted by technology?And what we feed ourselves with that cell phone is something we definitely should be mindful of. It truly is about “balance and awareness”. Thank you Jacqueline for so eloquently writing about this. It has become the social norm to check and use our phones in the presence of others wherever and whenever. I like the idea of mindful use and leaving the phone down to be fully present in the moment. “On walks, commute and at the dinner table” are perfect times to resist the phone. I’m joining you in that endeavor!
Thank you, Jaqueline. Using social media to distract myself from my heartache and pain over the years has so often backfired, leaving me feeling even more empty, disconnected and small. I especially love what you shared here: “I thought strength meant I shouldn’t be affected by something as silly and trivial as Facebook or Instagram, but no matter how much I don’t want to be affected, the truth is that I am. And the effect social media can have on our feelings of self-worth is not trivial.”
I keep in mind that a lot of people use social media as a way to improve their “personal branding” for their personal lives. In other-words it isn’t “hey this is a great moment lets take a picture” as much as it is “hey I’m going to do this with this person because it will look good on my Instagram, get me likes, followers and make me look cool and successful.”
Of course these people always existed with their leased luxury cars, and being at places just to be there but social media has really magnified these people.
What you described as the emotional switch into empty mindlessness reminds me very much of the similar physical ‘crossover’ from enjoying some potato chips to scarfing down more and more even when they’re beginning to feel sickening and unfulfilling :b
Jacqueline I experienced the same thing couple of weeks ago, so I had to filter my feed, so I could only see what’s important for me. Now scrolling down for me is actually healing, cause all I see is Buddha’s teaching or so, but before doing that I was getting crazy with all that “content”. Glad I took the time to clean up, and thank you for sharing your own experience about it.
I’ve often had a similar thought – that people lose contact as part of the natural progression of life and it can feel almost unnatural and forced to re-establish it through a social media account. Of course I can only speak from my personal lens; reconnecting with someone can be a great experience as well, and social media is perfect to facilitate that. It can definitely be a fantastic tool, a fun way to unwind and clear your head, and a great opportunity to share content and supplement (not replace) real life connections. The important thing to keep in mind is to understand how its usage affects you – how much of your time you give to it, how you feel after using it, and whether you feel that your efforts are enriching you or draining you. Generally speaking, anything in excess is not healthy. Awareness of your usage and the effects of that usage, and engaging with it responsibly are two of the key points I am making in this article. If you enjoy your usage of social media, great; if not, you can stop using it or at least decrease your usage. Thanks for your response!
Thank you for your thoughtful response! It’s amazing how we are usually not aware of the amount of time and energy we give to our phones. Nothing can replace real, face-to-face interactions, and unfortunately we tend to avoid it during moments when we might be enriched by having real conversations because it’s so easy to take out of phones and distract ourselves. Not only do we lose moments of potential real life connection with others, but we also lose it with ourselves. Because we fill all of our free time with phones, computers, iPads, etc, we don’t often take the time to sit with ourselves and feel into that fertile space of solitude that is so ripe with opportunity for personal growth and creativity. I’m not speaking on behalf of everyone and of course there are a myriad of benefits and opportunities for social media and the internet to enhance our communications (I used it to post this article and I’m using it right now to engage with a reader. That’s fantastic!), but it’s about balance and responsible usage. I think too many people don’t moderate themselves because we take it for granted that we should be able to do that without learning to, but we really have to learn to do that. Thanks again for the response; I enjoyed reading your thoughts!
Yes, absolutely! Now, I am very selective with how and when I use social media. It’s wonderful finding sites like Tiny Buddha where genuine and authentic conversation thrives.
Thanks so much! That’s great! I’m glad the article resonated with you and that you are finding ways to make your usage of social media benefit you and that you are trying to utilize your time wisely!
Yes, I completely agree. I love Tiny Buddha and the active, thoughtful community of readers and writers.
Thanks for your response! Yes, exactly! This is the same concept, different filler. Whether we use potato chips or social media, I think it’s natural for people to try to cover or ignore their uncomfortable feelings, but unfortunatly we tend to fill ourselves with things that don’t really heal the underlying issue. We just keep needing more and more and never feeling satisfied because we are not addressing the underlying insecurity, hurt, or pain; we are just masking it and hoping it will go away. And on top of that we can start to feel guilty because we know what we’re doing is hurting us. Social media is a tool that is really easy to use as a filler if we don’t catch ourselves. It’s not that social media or potato chips are bad per se, it’s that our usage of them can become excessive, addictive, and harmful to our well-being.
Great post and great reply. It is amazing when you really look around that when you do notice most people are on their phones. At the bus stop, 1 in 5 people DON’T have their head down mindlessly scrolling through life. I also have friends who we go out and have a drink or dinner with, and they are constantly checking their phone, even if it DOESN’T make a notification sound or vibrate. I think these phones are giving us access to smarter things, however they are totally dumbing down our own life and human skills, that’s why I call them dumb phones. I have come to accept that social media is not for me, I waste way too much time on it, and instead focus on things like mindfulness, walking in the park and reading and I can tell you I feel 10x better as a human. In addition to this, my natural childlike curiosity has come back, I now see the great things in life, in some of the more mundane tasks. For example the little rainbows in the bubbles whilst doing the dishes. The feel of the wind on my skin when I am walking, the feel of the rain on my face and the huge smile it gives me. The movement of the clouds and the way the sunlight shines through the trees. Great article Jackie Ann. Thank you.
Thank you for your response. Yes, we often don’t even realize the effect social media can have on us, but once we do then we can start taking steps to engage with it in ways that are healthy and enriching rather than emotionally painful and draining.
I agree. It’s not so much the medium itself that is the problem – it is the underlying issues that cause us to misuse it in the first place that is the issue. Social media is great for sharing with our social circle instantaneously and also being able to connect with wider audiences than we ever could before; it’s completely revolutionized communications. Some people will utilize it wisely and take advantage of its unique opportunity of connection to share joy, express opinions with respect and tact, debate an issue in a civil manner, share beneficial information and resources, etc. And some will misuse it, magnifying their already existing issues with self-worth, belonging, and obsession with personal fame. Thanks for reading and offering your thoughts on the topic
Thank you for this thoughtful response! Yes, social media is a tool that is often misused. I think it taps into our deep need for belonging and we mistakenly think we can achieve it through followers, likes, comments, etc. We’ve always had this need and we’ve always sought it in places that can’t truly fulfill it. Social media is the newest trap. We all need to be heard and accepted for who we are. However, the validation that social media can afford us cannot replace real life interactions or real life pleasures such as rainbows in bubbles (I always feel joy when I see a soap bubble while washing dishes and I’ve felt silly for it but joy is joy. I’m happy that I can still feel pleasure in simple things). I think if we use social media with presence and an awareness of what may be driving our urge to constantly look at our phones (need to belong, need to be validated, need to not miss out, etc), then it’s fine and can be used as the incredible communication tool that it has the potential to be. It’s fun to share photos with friends and family, especially ones we don’t see often. It’s fantastic to have a plethora of information at your fingertips (also overwhelming and now we have even more unreliable sources). But it can never replace being present in real life and engaging with others face-to-face. Like all tools, they must be used wisely and in moderation. Some people may take offense, mistakenly thinking I’m lumping all social media users into one category of brainless, mindless robots, which is not the case at all! I’m merely suggesting that we would all benefit from a bit of self awareness and a bit more grounding in the real world around us.
I got you and let me tell you: we are the CEO of our lives, so we decide what will state or what will be out of our lives. We must take ownership of our lives, otherwise we will just be puppets of someone else’s decisions/actions = results.
Thank you! Yes, it is more engaging and enriching to choose what we see in our feed rather than to be bombarded by posts that make us feel bad or lower our self image. It’s about being responsible and proactive in our social media usage.
Social media can also taunt us by bombarding us with the adventures of people better left in our past. This statement reminded me of a conversation I had with my mother prior to her death in 2010. She didnt understand Facebook. She said there are reasons why you no longer speak to people, why would you reconnect?
As part of a college project, we had to give up something for a month. I gave up FB. It was great. I ended up signing back on, though. I have tried cancelling my account but then people call and want to know what is wrong. I barely check it and have changed the settings to only show positive posts, like Tiny Buddha.