“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~Andre Gide
I’ve lived in Virginia all my life. Pretty much all that I remember at least.
I was a young boy when my parents moved here from Long Island, New York—away from much of our family—because life in the place they had grown up just didn’t provide the opportunities necessary to support a family of six.
Since then, nearly my entire extended family has followed—most of my aunts and uncles, and their children, and their children. And though they may live in Virginia, these older family members remain New Yorkers.
You hear it in their voices, in their attitudes. You see it in the Yankee hats and the Giants jerseys. They’re so “New York” in fact, that I often jokingly call them Virginian just to watch the comically disgusted looks on their faces.
I’m evil. I know…
And though I myself go back to New York all the time and do enjoy it, I’m just not one of them.
I am not a New Yorker. And though my family may secretly cringe at the thought, it’s true.
I love Virginia. I love it.
I think it’s the most beautiful place. I love all the hills, and the creeks, and the forests. I love how I’m a short drive from bustling young cities around DC and rustic old farms down south. I love how nearly every road has a sign marking some long-forgotten event of the Civil War.
I love the old split-rail fences that frame the historic houses. I love imagining that these forests were once walked by Indians and settlers, Confederates and Unionists.
I was educated here at a university founded by Thomas Jefferson. I graduated on the lawn where he once walked. I lived there on land that was once owned and farmed by James Madison.
This place is so perfect to me, and I love it.
So, Long Island?
Yeesh.
It’s just some place to me—known more in my memory for the countless old car dealerships, and the endless delis, and the fact that no matter how long it’s been since I’ve been there last, it never seems to change at all, as if it’s perpetually 1985.
It’s like people never move there. They only ever move out.
But despite that all, I am always reminded that to my parents, and much of my family, Long Island remains “home” to them. It’s the place they think fondly of, and have great attachment to. I’m reminded of how difficult it must have been for them to leave there, and to start a new life here—in a state they had no real connection to, or knowledge of.
I imagine the risk they took, and the fear they had. I imagine that to them, the decision was a difficult one despite the very real reasons they needed to leave.
I imagine it was, indeed, one of the hardest things they had ever done.
And though it was scary, though it was risky, though it seemed to those they knew so random a choice and place to live, it was indeed the right choice. It was what was best for them at that time, and has since proven to be amongst the wisest decisions they have ever made.
I think we all inevitably face such decisions in life, such forks in the road.
Life is truly a path; a path we inevitably walk in darkness, never knowing what lies ahead, or what will happen around the next bend—whether the obstacles that obstruct us, the challenges that await us, or the dangers that loom before us will help our journey or hinder it; will be the best thing that was ever given to us, or the worst thing that ever happened to us.
And though we may not know the way—though we may not know where any particular road will lead or path will end—we know that we must choose a path regardless, because we cannot stay where we stand forever.
Life stops for no one. And that means that sometimes we must risk the danger of this dark course over the safety and comfort of the present lightened way.
We must risk all to gain all. Because to stay where we are gets us nowhere.
Many of us make the mistake of choosing comfort over possibility.
You probably know people who keep jobs they hate, and relationships they resent, and the self they are ashamed of because they’re used to them.
Although these things may disappoint them, or anger them, or ruin them, at least their situation is familiar. At least it’s the disappointment they know, rather than the possibility they do not.
But the choice to choose a different path lies before them like it lies before us all. Always. Inevitably.
For me, it seems, that time is now.
I love Virginia. I have family here and friends here; history here and roots here.
But I also know deep in my heart that I am ready and in need of a change; that there exists an opportunity for me elsewhere that I will not find here, nor replace here.
And so this month I’ll be moving to Austin, Texas for a new job. But mostly I’ll be moving because I’m ready for it; because in my heart I know I’m in need of something new, and different, and…scary.
And it does scare me, of course.
But it doesn’t deter me, as the fear of change ought not deter you.
Because whatever you choose and wherever you go, you must go with the faith that everything will be okay; that even though your decision may not work out as you planned, that at least you tried, at least you did it, at least you proved yourself willing to risk what you had for something more.
At least you chose action, where others can’t choose anything.
As my parents did when they moved from New York.
As their parents did when they moved from Puerto Rico.
As so many do every day, all around the world.
Change is not something to dread, but instead an occasion to look forward to. It’s an adventure, as all your journey has been and the rest of your journey will be.
So today I choose a different path. I push my boat from these shores, toward the ocean I have never traveled, and the future that remains a mystery.
To me, though, it’s not a risk. It’s exciting. And if it’s not, I can always move back!
Photo by awnisALAN
About Adam Alvarado
Adam Alvarado is the founder of The Last Broken Home, where he writes about how the effects of our childhood and circumstances (our broken homes) create the messed up lives we lead, and how to change it. You can be his bff on Facebook or stalk him on Twitter. He won’t call the police.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Adam,
Change is indeed an unsettling things especially if we have to leave the familiar for the unknown. Yet there are times when we have no choice. Each situation has its own essence and we need to flow with the situation in order to survive.
In truth, we do not have to walk in darkness. It is possible to have foresight and to know the outcome of your actions before you make them. Only by doing so will you be able to make the best choices for any situation. This truly unconventional approach is divination. While this may have been more common in the past than it is today, it is still relevant in this world.
Only by knowing the unknowns can we truly manage change well. Then whatever choice or action we make and take is less of a risk because we know which one to choose.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article! 🙂
Irving the Vizier
Thank you Adam! I have been uneasy by a recent change I’ve made to leave a secure job to risk it for something I’m not sure will work out. Reading the words about having faith that everything will be okay gave me comfort. I also really appreciated the quote; indeed, in order to go somewhere new, we do need to leave our current comfort zone and although it is scary. it is important to do it.
Wow!!! This was great 🙂 I have that urge for a change too. I’m finishing up my two years at community college and I will be transferring to a university next. Which university? I’m not sure yet but none in the state of Illinois (where I live). My dad and step mom have begged me not to leave the state. This is kind of confusing as they don’t see me much anyways. They don’t understand. I will be the first in my family to graduate college; the first in my family to make big dreams happen. There is so much more out there for me, I feel it 🙂 My mom is very supportive though. She says go wherever the wind and life blows me, lol.
I can’t freaking wait!!!!!
Love,
Sarah
I absolutely loved this! I too am a Long Islander. I have lived here for all 2 decades of my life. It is always a breath of fresh air to leave the hustle and bustle of this state. After college, I also plan on moving. There are opportunities in New York of course, but I would enjoy living somewhere else a bit calmer ;).
I just did this exact thing and I moved to Austin. I felt this need in me too for a change and I’m so glad I did. Good luck on your endeavor! I don’t think Austin will disappoint ! 😉
Timely and oh so relevant newyear post. I’m also reminded tho, that sometimes, I just want to pull a geographic–that is, things feel bad here, but if I move, or change my job or hairstyle, thIngs will be perfect….hm…. So for me as always it comes down to balance-walk forward when possible, stay in the moment when possible, change grow etc. Thank you!
This post came at a perfect time for me. After more than 10 years living in Europe in 5 days time I am returning to my homeland of Australia. I’ve talked about it and procrastinated for a long time in fear that I was going to make the wrong decision … but despite loving the current place I call home and the lifestyle it provides me, deep down I knew that it was time for a change and a new adventure closer to family and many of the people I love.
Making the actual decision was tough – really, really tough. But once it was made the process has been relatively easy and I feel less anxious and more excited.
Best of luck Adam. I truly believe things have a way of working themselves out for the best. And as you say, if they don’t, you can always move back!
Beautiful and so easy to relate to on so many levels! Thank you for the reminder 🙂
Thank you. This post came at the perfect time. I decided last week, that after 16 years in San Francisco, it was time to move to a new city. I decided that my next leg of my journey would be the Big Easy…New Orleans. I have wrestled with doubts. I have had the internal conversations that tried to convince me to take a job offer in SF and stay. But in my heart and soul, I know it isn’t what I want and I would not be happy. After reading this post and especially the line “we must risk all to gain all. Because to stay where we are gets us nowhere.”, I knew I was making the correct choice.
Thank you again…excellent post.
I am a Californian at heart. Born, grown raised, schooled ad never left; then I met my husband who is a naval pilot. We have been moved to every place imaginable! I had to leave all my family and friends back in California one month after I had my daughter. Man was that rough! We are now in Virginia as well and it has been a struggle being so far away. As soon as we get settled, we are forced to move again and start all over.
I enjoy this life though. When I feel like I have had enough or I can’t stand our current state and its people anymore… I get to start over. It is such a challenge but it makes life really exciting! It always keeps me on my toes!
Great article and good luck to all those making a new path on their journey this year! Have fun and remember, even in the difficult times, you will look back and laugh 🙂
Oh man. I wish I could know, dude. Unfortunately, my superpowers are limited to flying and such, and being tall of course…
Thanks for reading though, and glad you enjoyed…
I understand. I always remind myself, that when I’m old and gray and nearing the end and I look back, will all that feared me about this decision really be so bad? If things don’t work out I mean, will this small choice so long ago be the reason my life went “awry”. Or will I still have had every opportunity to fix what had been done and make it something better even after-the-fact? Or to put it another way, can any one decision truly ruin so much, or is each decision really just one of countless in succession that make us and our lives and none are “the end” we think them to be?
Anyway, that’s the kind of perspective that usually makes me feel better. Hope your change works out for you, and thanks for commenting!
You’re gonna love it, Sarah. The great thing about college is that it FORCES you to go outside of your comfort zone. Even only a few hours away seems like another world entirely. So matter where you go, you WONT feel at home, and that’s usually for the best. Thanks for reading…
Austin’s so awesome. I went a year plus ago and loved it. Thanks for reading and congrats on your similar bravery.
Thanks Catherine. I guess we won’t be running into each other on Long Island 😉
Absolutely. I’m a big believer in trusting your instincts. Sometimes you WANT to do something and your instincts say no, and sometimes your scared and your instincts say yes. It’s kinda the hardest part of life: to do as you want, but not be stupid about it, right? Thanks for reading…
Yeah, it seems like the hardest part is the decision itself, and once the decision is made – once you’ve committed yourself to that outcome and shut out the “what-ifs” that clouded your mind before the decision – things become much easier. Btw, I’d happily live in Europe OR Australia, Kerrie. Lucky…
Thanks for reading!
Thanks Sierra. I heart it too, haha 😉
Aw, good luck, Travis. The food in New Orleans would have been convincing enough for me, but for some reason I’m sure you had more to consider than just your tummy (weird)…Thanks for reading!
“…or I can’t stand our current state and its people anymore…”
Haha. That definitely made me laugh. But like you, so does most all things in my life as well. I think I’m far too silly to take most things seriously, and it definitely helps me in a lot of ways. So you’ve got a pretty sweet mindset going for you! Thanks for reading!
hi Adam!
This article really fits into my current condition. I too just recently graduated from university and moved to Austin for a full time job. Reading your article really provides me with the motivation to survive in this foreign place. I hope for the best of luck on your new life in Austin too! And again, thanks for the article. It means a lot for me. =)
You’re message came at such a perfect time! I have a job interview tomorrow for a promotion. I’m excited about the prospect of this new position but I’ve also been so nervous for fear of accepting and failing and then what!??? I need to remind myself that change is good and if it doesn’t work, something else will!! 🙂
Thank you so much for this post, it made me smile. I recently just had a similar life transition and moved from Philly to Charlotte…I had so many similar thoughts about not being scared, something just told me my time in Philly was over and I was fortunate enough to get a promotion I wanted (after a few tries) in the south near family and friends. I wish you an amazing adventure in the next phase of your life!
No problem Tom. I figured you’d like it;) Hope your situation ends up for the best!
Exactly. Fear alone isn’t reason enough not to try. I’m sure you’ll do great, and thanks for reading!
Thanks. I appreciate it. It’ll definitely be an adventure…one way or another, but either way things will be fine, just like they’ll be for you! Thanks again…
Thank you for sharing your thoughts as it has helped me a lot in making a life changing decision that I’ve been contemplating about for months now. You are so right about some people not wanting change because of the fear of not knowing what lies ahead. Back then I was never afraid of change or taking risks but I went through a rough time in my life and when I found some stability and comfort, I pretty much settled in…though I kept on looking for something more and never felt content…but there was a part of me that is afraid to leave what’s familiar to me. For the last couple of years I’ve lived my life where I pretty much followed a routine and slowly that caused me to be the complete opposite of who I was…the person who was never afraid of change but instead embraces it and sees it as a wonderful opportunity for growth. What you wrote here made me realize something about myself and it gave me the courage to follow what my heart truly says without being afraid of the unknown but instead I am now looking forward to all the possibilities that life has to offer.
Thanks for the inspiration! Enjoy every waking moment of your life and never live with regrets! Take care! 🙂
Hahah, you can know, just ask me. Am giving away a free reading so try it if you like.
haha well I still have time before I leave LI.
Wish you all the best in your new venture, I turly enjoyed this article beacuse it resonates with what I am going through at the moment. I too have alot of changes that will be happening in the next couple of weeks what caught my eye the most was ‘we cannot stay where we stand forever’, I have been saying this to myself and to anyone that ir ready to listen and I do not want to be where I am forever or even for anothe year beacuse I know it will kill the person inside that is ready to share loads with the world. Here is to change x
Hey Adam, I grew up in Virginia too and loved the visual imagery you created in your post. I embraced the thrill of something new and moved to California over 20 years ago. Soon my teenager will be heading off to college. Time for big changes for him and me. Thanks for the great post.
Your article seems like heaven sent to me at the moment. I´m 24 and I live in a small city in Mexico where I know there is nothing for me. Changes are difficult but necessary and I know this year I´ll be making some pretty big changes in my life and your article has reminded me not to be afraid, that whatever lies ahead will bring big things in my life. So thank you for reminding me of it.
Thank you so much for this! I needed those exact words today! A new journey is ahead of us! Good luck
I am going to Australia in a few weeks and spending a year out there. I am terrified, but it is my dream and I know if I don’t do it now, I will never do it.
I will keep this post close to me for the rest of the year, thank you. Good luck with your new life in Texas. x
I left Long Island when I was young… can’t say I missed it.
Thanks about writing on depression. So much on the subject is framed around drugs. Depression can be healed. I had it, many have it and don’t know it.
In 35 years of working with thousands of clients I learned that you can’t be depressed if you’re not exhausted. Healing the exhaustion and the related PTSD takes work, but is very possible.
If you are interested I wrote about how to do it – http://owenmarcus.com/emotions/depression-in-men-%E2%80%93-are-you-depressed/.
Good luck on your journey.
Owen
I enjoyed this very much and really needed to read it right now, so thank you! I was forced to make a bunch of life-altering changes within the past year and a half, and have kind of frozen recently… I think all the change caught up with me and I’d had enough and needed a break. I had a huge amount of fear through much of last year surrounding some changes I actually WANT to make and those have finally recently loosened up. I feel ready to start to look at them now and this time from a place of excitement and not trepidation.
Best wishes to you in your move!