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A Little Care Can Go a Long Way and Make Someone’s Day

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato

Ever since elementary school, I have had a built-in network of friends, family, and colleagues who make up my rock solid foundation of support.

But recently, I’ve been struggling with being alone and desperate for human interaction—more specifically conversation and affirmation; and conversation that includes affirmation of my creative choices would be the holy grail of friendship.

Two months ago I moved to a new city where I knew exactly two people; one was my cousin who I hadn’t seen in over fifteen years and the other was an old co-worker’s sister (which, come to think of it, doesn’t really count as knowing someone, does it?)

Both have become wonderful companions, who I see every other week or so and share many commonalities with. But I wanted a deeper friendship, someone to tell me that, yes, I had gained a little weight and tomorrow we’d go the gym.

Normally I shied away from strangers, skeptical of their intentions, but if I kept that up I’d meet no one. So, in a bit of a social experiment (forged by pure desperation), I decided to strike up a conversation with someone new every day.

So far, about 90% of the conversations end with a simple thank you and us parting ways, never to meet again. But the other 10% of my attempts have been eye-opening.

Today, for instance, while at the gym, I met this stunning woman, whose legs were reason enough for me to hate her. But I smiled sweetly and asked her how she was doing. Ten minutes later I had learned that she ate extremely healthy and worked out every day (hence the amazing figure), but also that she was the mother of a five-year-old girl. 

I told her I was a writer, working on my first novel, and her eyes lit up as she said, “I was at the park the other day and I thought to myself, I should bring my daughter out here to color or paint or something. Just to get her creative juices flowing.” She loved the idea of seeing her little girl as an artist.

As someone who’s walked the creative path, I know that I wouldn’t be here without the people who love me having made some sacrifices on my behalf. And I saw reflected in this stranger, with a permanent furrowed brow of worry, the willingness to be that sacrifice.

We’re taught as kids that we should dream big and follow our dreams regardless of the number of obstacles put in front of us. Yet, when we grow into adults the world seems to shift and the dreams we once had get lost in logistics and practicality.

So the legacy is passed on to our children until luck reaches a generation whose dreams really do come true.

Because of my age, (I’m twenty-six) I often meet people who are in transition or just plain lost. Two days ago, I asked the guy sitting next to me at a bus stop what he did for a living, and he sheepishly looked to floor before telling me that had just passed the bar in Chicago, which, as he put it, “makes me an unemployed lawyer.”

I smiled sympathetically because what else could I do? But when we both simultaneously stood up to exit the bus at 8th St., I blurted, “Let me buy you a drink.”

He accepted because the role reversal was interesting, but argued that it felt strange to let me. There were no romantic feelings, just a stranger lending an ear. Twenty minutes later, he thanked me for giving him a break from himself, and we parted ways without so much as an exchange of names.

Complex lives are what make us three-dimensional, and no two people that I have met share the same story, but everyone has problems.

Maybe it says something about our society that happiness is always fleeting. But in my exchange with the lawyer I got to be one of those moments.

A few years ago, a lady in her mid forties brushed past me in the grocery store knocking the basket I was carrying over and causing its contents to spill about. I was livid, as I too was having a particularly bad day, so I let out an exasperated profanity (or two) and bent over to start picking things up. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I’m just having the worst day.”

I looked up ready to rip her a new one, but my anger was diffused almost immediately when I saw the look on her face. I’d seen it in my own reflection so many times—pure defeat.

Making light of the situation, I said, “It’s okay; I’ll just tell them the eggs were already broken.” She laughed, offered to pay for my groceries (including the broken eggs, which the manager was not amused about), and we had coffee at the little Coffee Bean inside the store.

She had just been diagnosed with stage-4 breast cancer—something I would’ve never known had I stormed off in anger.

“You have my full permission to knock over anyone you want coming through that door,” I said, and she smiled.

I regret not asking for her information, but that one incident is the reason I no longer get angry when someone bumps into me, or cuts me off in traffic, and it’s also probably why I am so intrigued by strangers.

No one carries a sign around on their back advertising their problems, so I can’t ever know what someone’s life is like unless they tell me.

But if an act of kindness has the ability to shift someone’s bad day into a better one, then why not try to be that change?

Often I have wondered why a compliment from a stranger causes an instant eruption of smiles; yet, when my friends tell me how talented I am, the response is always, “Do you really think?” or “I hope so.” And now I know.

It’s because people I don’t know have no reason to go out of their way to tell me something they didn’t believe was true.

I started out being nice as a means to build friendships, but found a gratifying connection in my everyday interactions with strangers instead.

Everyone has a battle that they’re fighting, and as people who occupy the same traveling spaces we should try to treat each other like neighbors, because for that moment while we’re standing next to each other, that’s exactly what we are.

About Jamie Hoang

Jamie Hoang is a Los Angeles based writer, designer, world traveler, tea drinker and lover of the great outdoors. A firm believer in trying everything at least once, she's always learning. Her work can be found at heyjamie.com or tweeting as @heyjamie.

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Priyanka

Tiny Buddha is one of my favorite sites and I have lost count of the number of great articles I have read here! However, this article especially struck a personal chord and the last paragraph of the article has left a lasting impression on me. Thank you so much for articulating these sentiments the way you did, Jamie!

Whitney

This article is so brilliant on so many levels.  How wonderful would it be if everyone stepped outside of their own problems for just a moment each day and shared kindess with a stranger. I can only imagine a world full of love, smiles, friendship, and bonding.  We take for granted the role of relationship we have in this life.  This is a beautiful way to be the change we wish to see in this world and I am so grateful for Jamie for sharing this…because now how many of us are going to reach out to a stranger today?  I know I am…Thank you!!!!

Susan

Jamie, that was just beautiful ! Thank you for reminding me of how reciprocally wonderful it feels to be kind to strangers and for pointing out how important the benefit of getting a break from oneself really is.  

Joy

Wonderful!  I have tears in my eyes–I have been that stranger who knocked over your basket, and I’ve been the one to offer a drink..
I *love* this: “But if an act of kindness has the ability to shift someone’s bad day into a better one, then why not try to be that change?”..so true and so simple..and as we create in a day, may we also apply it to our self as well..

Maudeeaton

Love It!

Elizabeth Brown Thums

Simply lovely….what a wonderful concept, chatting up strangers and finding out people’s stories. 

Ftyrell

Awesome!!! Jamie, what a blessing you are to the world for sharing this. 

Ftyrell

Well said!  Thank you.

HeyJamie

Thank you! For reading this and taking further action to be the change! 
 “I can only imagine a world full of love, smiles, friendship, and bonding.” – This is my vision too!

HeyJamie

That’s very nice of you to say, thank you!

HeyJamie

“Wonderful!  I have tears in my eyes–I have been that stranger who knocked over your basket, and I’ve been the one to offer a drink..” It’s amazing the power a stranger can have in a time of need. 

HeyJamie

I have found so much inspiration on TinyBuddha as well! I’m so glad that you found some in this article as well!

Amy

Great article. Just made my day. No amount of technological advances can replace human connection.

Martine

Oh so very true – thank you!

Tinarose29

Awesome article, thoroughly enjoyed it!!!

future graphics

A lovely article indeed! Thank-you for sharing.
I have found over time that I seem to be the person the strangers immediately open up to. Not sure why this is but it has allowed for some wonderful interactions that I would have otherwise missed.

HeyJamie

My sentiments exactly!

HeyJamie

Thanks! I often times forget to take a break from myself as well and it’s wonderful when someone else is there to lend a hand. =)

Sashabla

Thank you for these most important pearls of wisdom and the reminder that we never know what battle someone is facing unless we take the time to find out.  Best wishes to you!

Yonden

such a wonderful article…just made my day! now this is my favorite site!!!

HeyJamie

Thank you! I turn to this site often for pearls of wisdom, so I’m glad to hear it’s a favorite!

Rebecca

“We’re taught as kids that we should dream big and follow our dreams regardless of the number of obstacles put in front of us. Yet, when we grow into adults the world seems to shift and the dreams we once had get lost in logistics and practicality.”Totally true. Why do we lose the ability to believe in the impossible as we grow up? I hope I’ll never stop believing. I love the story about the woman who knocked over your shopping basket. It’s very easy to react with anger in such situations, but we must remember to react with kindness instead, and without judgement. Thank you for the reminder.

Diane

Hi Jamie,

Thanks so much for writing this article that reminds us all to be open to chance meetings with strangers, and to learning from the people who come in and out of our lives. I am also 26 years old and going through some transitions of my own, and it’s encouraging to know that I’m not alone in trying to figure out my place in this world. All the best to you, and happy holidays!

Taryn

It’s so funny to read this today. I was in the liqor store getting some things together for my Christmas gathering……there I was waiting in line carrying some pretty heavy stuff. There was an older gentleman behind me and the cash register at a nearby spot just opened up. He offere me the spot but I let him go ahead. He gave me the biggest smile and then came back and struck up conversation with me and wished me a Merry Christmas. It’s amazing how that lifted my spirits but also showed me that we are all just looking for a connection. Thank you for sharing this post.

Andria

Absolutely breath-taking! I wish there was an easy way to release anger though. Once you feel it is like you are caught in an endless loop.

Jon Anscher

That is a great story and a wonderful lesson. When I find myself getting angry at someone for something they did, I often find a way to humanize that interaction and see their actions with compassion. It’s hard sometimes, but that’s the perfect reminder that we don’t see the whole picture when we jump to judge.

Hannah

Absolutely brilliant! Recent events in my life made me feel a bit alone and isolated and one of my New Year resolutions is to make new friends. I thought about walking up to a random strangers and start talking but I really don’t know how. Your article makes it sound so easy and quite frankly very inspiring. Thank you so much for this article because you just made one of my New Year resolutions easier to do.

HeyJamie

It’s always good to remind ourselves that we had big dreams as kids, especially at the beginning of a new year. As adults, responsibilities and obligations often time overshadow our desires and dreams. I hope that you never believing as well! 

HeyJamie

It is absolutely terrifying when you start out, but it definitely get’s easier and is well worth the effort!

HeyJamie

I few years ago, I hit a really rough patch and I was angry all the time. When the guy that I was dating finally called me a lunatic, I had to take a step back and evaluate why I was angry at the world. For me, it was actually an internal problem – I was unhappy. I confessed this to my dad and he gave me some advice that I’ll never forget. He said, “If you’re angry go scream into Ocean, however much anger you have, it can absorb.” So, as ridiculous as it felt, I walked to the beach (a secluded part) and screamed at the top of my lungs. Then the strangest thing happened, I started laughing. It was brilliant. (And for the record, it works in cars too  – with the windows closed, of course) 
Best of luck to you!

Hannahsgift

So beautiful, Jamie! Blessings on your life, friendships, and writing. <3

Maria Housden, author of HANNAH'S GIFT

Kelly Ocean

This is an excellent post. I believe that the only thing that we can offer others is kindness and nothing more. No amount of money or expensive gifts can replace kind words which will stay in the hearts of others for a long time.

Lv2terp

FANTASTIC!!!!!

Mai

As this year closes and a new one begins, thank you for reminded me to have compassion and sympathy, and desire to change someone’s day. 

Alannah Rose

Wow, this piece is so great.  I have been trying to employ a metta practice and this fits right in.  I really enjoy your writing – thanks for another article that really made me stop and think, even though it’s a subject I’ve thought & read about more times than I can count!

Vieralala

Yeah! Why not be the change! Very motivating to go out and make someone’s day! :0)

Denise

Thank you for such a wonderful article. It’s so nice to know there are other like minded people out there 🙂 I wish more than anything to pass this on to my twins as they grow up and hope that more and more children will grow to look at life the same way. Maybe one day the world will actually begin to change for the better.
I always try to see the good in people even when we may not always agree.
You sound like a person I would easily make friends with one of those people you just bond with almost instantly when you meet. That is one of the best parts of my job, I am a hairdresser and get to do that quite often with clients. Sorry to just be babbling here but your article was an inspiration to me!

Meg

Beautiful 🙂 .. Tiny Buddha is a nice way to start a day

Charlotta Hughes

Just came across this post as ‘m researching the benefits of kindness and really love it! Found you on twitter and look forward to seeing you there! Charlotta