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Taking Back Our Dreams: Releasing the Drive for Wealth and Status

Jumping

“The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream.” ~Harry Kemp

We’ve all been there. You’re having a great time playing a game with your friends, and then all of a sudden, things start to get tense.

What started out as fun turns into a fierce competition, as everyone is desperately trying to collect gold coins, red flags, or whatever happens to be the game’s currency.

To an outsider, it would be clear that we are all playing a game. Just like the kid with the tallest stack of red coins, the adult with the largest home and fanciest car receives the admiration of his or her peers.

Originally invented to simplify the trading process, money has long surpassed its intended purpose. Of course, we all need money to survive, but it doesn’t end there.

Money has long been a status symbol. It is precisely for this reason its appeal is so difficult to resist.

Our social status and income level are closely intertwined. We’ve even coined the term “socio-economic status.” In this society, you simply cannot have high status without the money to back it up.

Okay, so what’s the problem? Why do I say all this as if it’s a bad thing?

Because it comes at a price. A very high price.

As we strive to win this game that society wants us to play, we give up on something that matters a lot more than money and prestige. We give up on our dreams.

MISSING THE MIDDLE GROUND

The chain that locks us down to jobs we hate has two ends. On one end stands wealth and status. At the other end is fear of poverty.

Of course, we all need food to eat and a roof over our heads. Now here’s the catch: If you dare to dream even an inch outside the status quo, society is quick to assume that you will be an utter failure, left with nothing to pay the bills.

For example, say you always dreamed of being an actor. When people think of actors, they think of Angelina Jolie, Nicolas Cage, or other stars. “Actors make a killing, but hardly anyone makes it!” they may tell you. Indeed, hardly anyone becomes a star.

You see, without even realizing it, they are back to wealth and prestige. But what they forget are the many working actors who are not world famous, who nevertheless make enough to support themselves while doing what they love.

Another common misconception is that in order to pursue your passion, you must quit your job immediately. Doing so could indeed be a recipe for disaster. You see, pursuing your passion is a process. Many quit their jobs only after their passion can support them.

Society tells us that wealth and status will make us happy, while simultaneously scaring us that pursuing our dreams will leave us penny-less. Both of these are fallacies. There is a middle ground: Your passion can support you, if you’re willing to give it a chance.

MY STORY

I was born with the heart of an artist. I dreamed of being on stage as a singer or an actress. I wanted to express myself through music, dance, and writing.

Despite these dreams, at the age of 18 I had an entirely different plan. I was set on becoming a manager at a software company.

I worked hard to get into a prestigious computer science program, and for my first internship, I landed a position at well-known firm. I was overjoyed. It looked as if my plan was working out.

But a couple of months into the internship, something completely unexpected happened: I found myself hating my life. I don’t mean just my job. My entire life felt empty, meaningless, and downright painful.

I would wake up early to go to a job that bored me. Then, I had to spend most of my waking hours effectively tied down to a chair, staring at a computer screen. I was a slave in the free world.

By the time that this dreadful internship was finally over, I was so broken down that I swore never to do this to myself again.

It wasn’t easy to figure out what to do next. It took the next ten years to go through layer upon layer of fears and insecurities. I started out with such a rigid perception of what is “normal” and “acceptable” that I had a very long road to travel.

Three years ago, I finally took my first singing class and started to write. I couldn’t begin to tell you what a difference this has made in my life. Every morning I jump out of bed, eager to start the day. My work excites me, energizes me, and brings me a deep sense of personal fulfillment.

For the first time in my life, I no longer feel a divide between myself and my job. All that I do is an extension of who I am.

But then, I go out into the world and interact with other people. People who wish that they didn’t have to work. People who sacrifice their lives for a handsome paycheck. People who have forgotten their dreams.

WHY WE LOSE TRACK OF OUR DREAMS

How did this happen? When and where did we lose track of our dreams?

If I were to come up to a person with a passion for pursuing their dream, and ask them, “How much money would it take to get you to forget about pursuing your dreams?” they would surely send me away. Nobody would knowingly sell their dreams.

But there is something else, something more powerful than money that can make us give up on our dreams—that is, our sense of self-worth. Without realizing it, we end up giving up our dreams in an effort to feel good about ourselves.

Society teaches us that you are what you do. We are bombarded with this message from childhood. We are constantly asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Combine this with the clear connection between status and money, and the formula is complete. We work at jobs we hate in order to attain high social standing, so that we can feel good about who we are.  

The trouble is that our dreams rarely line up with what society happens to consider prestigious. And so, in an effort to reconcile our ambitions with our need for approval, we replace our dreams with what society wants us to do.

And if, during a moment of clarity, we decide we no longer care about wealth and prestige, then they get us with the fear of poverty. “Do what we tell you, and you will be rich. Disobey, and you will have nothing.”

That’s when most of us give up and forget about our dreams altogether.

But I don’t believe that it is possible to completely lose our dreams. Like a precious jewel that accumulated years of dust, our dreams are waiting to be uncovered from beneath layers of fears and insecurities.

Taking back our dreams is the first step to building the life that we want—a life that is true to who we really are. It may seem intimidating at first, but if you find the courage to reclaim your dreams, they will light the way to a meaningful, fulfilling life.

Photo by sidonath

About Maya Ackerman

Maya Ackerman PhD is a writer, researcher, and singer. Check out her latest book, Work for Love, where she will show you how to discover your passion and land your dream job. Also, don’t forget to visit her blog at www.greatlivingnow.com.

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Alexandra

this is exactly what i’m going through!

Alexus

I’m 18 and I don’t know what job I want precisely (councilor or landscape architect), but I know I have a passion for helping people become happy and designing beautiful projects. All I know for sure is that in this world even though I disagree with money, I need to finish college in order to help make an impact in todays world against the FDA regulations and to fix school systems world wide.

Alexey Sky

That’s a great piece, Maya. Thank you for communicating your ideas with us 🙂

Maya

Hi Alexus,

Thanks so much for sharing! Some uncertainly about our passion is very common. I would suggest exploring both options, for example, by doing an internship or doing similar work to see how much you actually enjoy it and which you like better. The answer often becomes clear after that.

It’s great to hear about your desire to fix some of today’s major problems. I solute you. We need more people like you, dedicated to making our world a better place.

I wish you all the very best on your journey,

Maya

Onder Hassan

Great article as always Maya 🙂

By the way i’ve almost finished your book and it’s really inspired me in a sense that it’s given me further validation that where I am right now in my life isn’t something I should feel worried about.

I may be working for myself and away from the corporate world, but Im doing something that i’m passionate about and in control of my destiny. All I simply have to do is to keep going and i’ll eventually meet my goals 🙂

I definitely recommend anyone to purchase Maya’s book as it’s well worth the investment and highly recommended!

Maya

You’re most welcome! Thanks for your comment 🙂

fred

same here, i am actually in the computer stuff job and now i am trying to pursue my dreams, i am doing them both cause i am a breadwinner.

RobertGrossbart.

What is your Phd in?

Kyle

This article really spoke to me, almost as if it were my personal story. I am a senior in University graduating. All around me I hear “Are you going to grad school?”, “What are you going to do?”. Apprehensive to scrutiny for veering off the pre-ordained “keeping up with the Joneses” path, I often coyly answer travel. Truth be told I have picked up each summer and ventured West for climbing and mountaineering, finding employment as a barista or in food and beverage. While the pay is not as lucrative as geological resource exploration I am living my dreams.

Maya

Hi Kyle,

Wow! What an inspiration! Who can put a price tag on the joy you get from traveling the world, climbing and mountaineering? I solute you for having the courage to stand against the pressure to “keep up with the Joneses” as you so aptly put it!

Did you ever write your story? If you ever have a chance to put it in writing, I’d love to read it (if this interests you, I could suggest some places you could publish it online).

Thanks for the inspring comment!

All the best,

Maya

mackerma

My PhD is in computer science. Thanks for asking 🙂

mackerma

Hi Fred,

I solute you for having the courage to go after your dreams despite the responsibility of being the breadwinner. It reminds me of my own situation. My husband and I decide to follow our dreams at around the same time, and as we needed both of our incomes, it was quite a juggling act. I meet a lot of couples who can feel that they can only go after their dreams one at a time, but we some creativity, there is no need to take turns.

Thanks so much for the great comment!
– Maya

mackerma

Hi Onder,

Thank you so much! I am so glad that my book helped you on your path to doing what you love.

The freedom and flexibility of working for yourself, and controlling your destiny, is itself priceless. Furthermore, it allows you to get paid for value instead of time, ultimately leading many to make much better income than in the corporate world. And you are absolutely right, persistance is the key to success.

Thanks again 🙂
Maya

Brittany Poloni

I completely understand what you are talking about. I myself am a “super senior”, and will be done with my university by winter. I sometimes feel that the graduate degree is becoming the new method of staying relevant and proper for my generation, and that makes me sad.

Kate

Really inspiring article! I especially loved the simile, “Like a precious jewel that accumulated years of dust, our dreams are waiting to be uncovered from beneath layers of fears and insecurities.” You’re completely right. I’m 16 and want to be a novellist one day, but some days I get discouraged and think I’ll just be working in a shop the rest of my life because I’ll never get the motivation to write and won’t be good for much else. Thanks for giving me the inspiration to keep working toward my dream!

Mahesh Sahu

Beutiful article. I am doing PhD in mechanical engineering. Dont you think that doing PhD helped to become better person and gave clarity in your mind about your passion.

mackerma

Hi Kate,

So great to hear from you! It’s wonderful to hear that you know what you want to do! This is half the battle.

It took quite a bit of courage for me to write my first book. But after this was done, I found it a lot easier to move on to the next one. Get started! Go after your dreams, and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t.

I wish you great things!!

– Maya

mackerma

A PhD can be a wonderful experience. Much of my self-development occurred during those years, because of experiences both in and out of school. For me, a PhD was a natural step (but, of course, it is a personal choice, and different things work for different people). It was were my tide was going 🙂 Sounds to me like a PhD is also a good fit for you!

mackerma

Hi Brittany,

You bring up such an important point. A degree is becoming a part of our social status, and I think that it completely misrepresents what education is all about, and the reason for getting it in the first place.

Sometimes an education is a great, fulfilling experience, but for some career directions, the education system is behind, so traditional university education isn’t a good fit – and yet, people feel inclined to get some kind of degree no matter what because of how we have come to connect education with status. Same with graduate degrees… Too often nowadays, people get an education just for the paper they get handed at the end, so that others will take them seriously. This is sad indeed…

Thanks for your comment!
– Maya

mackerma

You bring up some interesting points. Indeed, the changing nature of our hopes and dreams is something that should be considered. We are dynamic, ever-changing beings, and as long as we are connected with our desires, we will always want something. Having dreams doesn’t always have to mean that we are unhappy or unsatisfied, it is simply a path towards self-development.

Furthermore, our dreams don’t have to neatly fall within a specific career. Sometimes, what we really seek is freedom, flexibility, and an enjoyable life. These kinds of dreams can also be worked towards, for instance, by creating streams of passive income or getting paid for value instead of time.

Thanks for bringing up these interesting questions!

Best,
Maya

DaisyBisley

Thank you so much for this article. It really was inspiring to read. I’ve been struggling with this for a while now (a few years at least) – working “just to get by”. I recently lost a promising job that I thought could take me to new heights, but it turned out not to be the case. I lost confidence, started to doubt my abilities and worst of all really started to panic about money and how I would survive.
After introducing myself to mindfulness a short while ago I am already beginning to feel more positive about my life, self and dreams. And after reading this post I am truly inspired to just go for it and re-introduce myself to the dream I had when I left university – to take any slivers of freelance design work that I had and turn them in to full time self employment. I 100% believe that this is a reachable goal with hard work and self belief I know I can do it!

Thank you for your words and the push!

http://www.daisybisley.com

Marcella Chamorro

You’re definitely right — nobody would be able to take away my dreams. No sum of money would be enough. Thanks for writing this!