fbpx
Menu

Stop Trying to Blend In: The Simple Secret to Being Yourself

Stand out from the Crowd

“Be yourself—not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” ~Henry David Thoreau

How many times have people told you to just be yourself? A million times perhaps.

How many times have you felt able to do this?

Until a few months ago, I thought this was frighteningly hollow advice, like “Don’t worry.” And I had no clue how to be myself. What does it even mean?

The Simple Secret to Being Yourself

My friend continuously tells me that being yourself means doing things you want to do and not caring about what others think.

I disagree with that definition. It makes “being yourself” too simplistic. I learned what it really means to be yourself after an eye opening incident.

I always thought parties signified fun, but no matter how much I tried to enjoy them, I couldn’t. I hated the entire process of getting ready, going, dancing, eating, and coming back. I would have preferred to read a book or visit a monument any day.

For years, I thought I didn’t know how to have fun.

But I have fun when I read or visit monuments, the same way people have fun when they go to parties.

I struggled to accept that, because this required me to accept that I didn’t have fun in the conventional sense. It meant accepting that my idea of fun might be boring to many people.

Being yourself means having the courage to accept yourself. It means having the courage to understand that you are a particular set of characteristic and no matter what you do, there will be a few things that will never be you.

It’s hard to do this because you have to accept that you’re different from other people. But that difference doesn’t have to depress you or define you.

You cannot be everything. You don’t have to be everything.

You simply have to be you. And that is enough.

3 Steps to Being Yourself

There are no rules to being you because being yourself is (and has to be) different for everyone. I humbly offer a few guidelines that will help.

1. Get to know yourself.

In order to be yourself, you first need to find out who you really are. Are you a party person or not? Do you like starting things or ending them? Do you take small steps or huge steps?

This involves a lot of soul searching. I did this by asking myself a lot of questions on many different topics.

This is the only way you will ever get to know who you are.

Some questions to consider:

  • Am I an early riser or a night owl?
  • Am I comfortable being part of a large group or do I prefer to have a few close friends?
  • Am I an introvert or an extrovert?
  • Do I thrive on adventure or like to keep things low-key?
  • Do I prefer change or consistency?
  • Do I like to jump right in or take things slowly?
  • Do I embrace rules or rebel against them?
  • What makes me unique?
  • How do I want people to remember me when I’m gone?
  • What do I value most in life?
  • What do I like to do with my free time?
  • What makes me excited? Does that make me happy too?
  • Do I value things more than experiences, or vice versa?
  • How do I define success in life?
  • What would I do if money were no object?

2. Become comfortable with yourself, flaws and all.

Once you start learning about yourself, it is essential not to judge yourself.

Judging yourself will create a barrier to embracing who you really are.

You need to accept all of yourself, flaws and all. We are all imperfect.

I frequently say things that I regret later. This is a flaw, and I am working on this. But every once in a while I disappoint myself, and then I start judging myself. This leads to a state of mind that isn’t conducive for making positive changes.

There are other things you’ll discover about yourself that you don’t have to “work on.” I may be tempted to judge myself because I don’t like parties, but that’s not actually a flaw.

In addition to letting go of your own judgment, you have to stop worrying about what others think about you.

Don’t be indifferent to other people’s opinions; merely be detached. There is a difference.

Indifference says, “I don’t care,” whereas detachment says, “I accept whatever others think about me.” It means not hating other people for having different opinions or being influenced by their perception of you.

3. Stop once in a while to check in with yourself.

Life is busy. And I love that. I can’t handle slow. I find it painfully boring.

But the busyness of life can also be an obstacle to being yourself if it means you don’t have time to reflect, or you end up living on autopilot and don’t know what you want anymore.

We need time to rest and rejuvenate so we can check in with ourselves.

There are a few easy ways to stop once in a while:

  • Travel alone and don’t read or use your phone.
  • Take ten minutes at night to think about your actions and motivations. (I did that because…)
  • Go for a walk in the park and instead of listening to music, listen to your thoughts.

All of this might be hard and uncomfortable if you don’t already do these things regularly. You might be tempted to reject yourself and you may need to use your limited supply of courage.

I was scared too. In the end, though, it was worth it.

Striving to Be a Better You

This leaves us with a single question.

Does being myself mean I do not strive to be a better me?

The answer is yes. And no. Well, it’s complicated. Yet simple.

If striving to be better means you constantly focus on your flaws and judge yourself, then it’s stupid to strive to be better. Because however good you get, there will always be room for improvement.

However, if it means you are happy with who you are and think you could be even more, then yes. Striving to be better is the way to go.

It takes courage to accept who you truly are, but it’s a lot easier if you remember there’s nothing wrong with who you are—and the only way to be happy is to embrace it.

Stand out from the crowd image via Shutterstock

About Priya Jain

Priya writes about self-improvement focused on zen principles on her blog zensphere.in. She reads a few books every week and shares all she knows on her blog. Head on over to her blog and sign up for the free year-long email course as a special gift.

See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
15 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Sherman Smith

Hey Priya,

From my own analysis it’s about being comfortable with yourself despite what others may say. if you want to be balanced you want to accept your likes and dislikes, and although some people may think you’re wrong about how you go about living your life, it a lot less stressful by being who you are than being someone that you’re not.

Thanks for sharing! Have a great week!

Brenda Lee

Well said Priya!

Roxie Defant

I prefer the term ’embraccing’ myself to ‘accepting’ myself. Also I believe that indifference is a good thing; being indifferent doesn’t mean I hate the other person or I disagree with their opinion, it simply means other people do not affect me & that no matter what positive or negative opinons others have of me it does not change the way I view or feel about myself.

Talya Price

I feel like I am embracing and accepting myself more and more each day. I am a very unique person, I am neither introverted nor extroverted. I like parties, travel, and I like quiet nature. And for the past 4 years I have been trying to find someone to connect with, someone who I can resonate with, and i have found that really difficult.

I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you.

Lynnie

Super!! 🙂

Priya

Glad you liked it Lynnie. 🙂

Priya

Thank you for reading Talya.

Self discovery is a difficult process most times. I am sure you will find someone really soon. 🙂 Don’t settle.

Priya

I have used both the terms and accepting myself resonates with me the most.

There was a time when I believed being indifferent is a good thing. And I was proud of myself for being indifferent to others’ opinions. But now (I think) I know better. I may be wrong here. I frequently am. But there’s a subtle difference between being indifferent and being open to other opinions.

When we are indifferent we don’t care what others say (or think) whereas when we are open to all opinions, we see what they are saying, understand it and then refuse to let that affect us.

I have found (and it may not be the case for you) that when I was being indifferent, I had closed myself from everyone’s viewpoints and some of them were good. I realize that now. Because I did not understand the fact that sometimes I may be wrong and people telling me the same are not judging, merely trying to help.

I wish you success. Thanks for the discussion Roxie. 🙂

P.S. – I love your name.

Priya

Thank you Brenda 😀

Priya

You are so right. Bang on!

That’s what it’s all about. Simple but scary.

Have a great day. 😀

Aleah Axiom

This is super helpful, thank you for sharing! Going to journal on that list of questions for sure!

Priya

You are welcome Aleah! I love to journal on these questions too. Happy writing! 😀

Janes Chiarelli

Hello. My husband of almost 7 years, cheated on me and left me for her and is living with her now. He said he hasn’t been happy in years but never told/showed me he was unhappy. We have a 4 year old son that missed his daddy so much and cries for him to just come home. Our son even crawled all over his car crying “daddy stay home with me.” And he still left. He just keeps saying “he’s never coming back, no matter what.” I didn’t know what to anymore..he left me 5/7/15, the weekend before mothers day this year and it broke my heart and I keep praying to God and he keeps telling me “be patient” I was still tryingd my best but it was hard when this was hurting my son so badly. I have told my sister about this and she gave me some advice to contact a very good and powerful prophet who can help me pray for my husband to come back and be happy with us again which i did and i contacted the prophet. he prayed for me and my husband cam home begging me to take him back and now we are happily living together and a family. all thanks to the prophet and his email is (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com). May God bless you abundantly!

LaTrice Dowe

I remember starting my journey of self discovery after graduating from high school. Since I wasn’t be judged by other students, I felt more comfortable getting to know myself.

I really wanted to go to college, which was something that I had my heart set on. When my mom was forcing me to attend college in a different city, I put my foot down. I told her that I was capable of making my own decisions, and I refuse to be told what to do with my life. She wasn’t paying my tuition, nor my textbooks. Worse of all, she compared me to my best friend. She was attending college out of state, but at the same time, it’s expensive. I told my mom how much she hurt my feelings. My mom will NEVER understand what it feels like to be a college student (at least my dad knew better).

Going out can be fun, but it adds up quickly. I don’t mind getting together with my friends every once in a while, to have a good time. I enjoy being at home, watching an action packed film, prepare a scrumptious dinner, and relax. I was able to get out of my comfort zone, by flying to the Grand Canyon in a helicopter, which would be something that I want to do. Now, my boyfriend wants to go.

People can have their opinions of me, but in the end, I could careless what they’re thinking. There are more important things in life, than to party every Saturday night, and get bored with the SAME routine later! At least my priorities are together, so I’ll graduate from college in six months. I’ve embraced my own skin, and enjoyed getting to know me. I’m a one of kind individual, and there’s no replica of me.

Thank you so much for sharing this article. 🙂

Priya Jain

I missed this back then. I agree with what you have said. I am glad you are now comfortable in your own skin, because this is something that I struggle with continuously. Every single day.

Glad you found your path.

Thank you for reading and sharing the article. 🙂