“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ~Sylvia Plath
Singing professionally has always been something I have wanted to do. Always. The home I grew up in wasn’t a particularly musical household, unless you count playing the radio as playing an instrument.
To my benefit, there was a lot of music in our home ranging from gospel to the Beach Boys; but really nothing beyond the sixties was allowed unless it was a spiritual song of some kind. So, I sang in the church choir and later I helped lead the music for Sunday morning services. Anything to sing.
As a kid, I loved to make up songs. It wasn’t songwriting in my mind; it was playing with words. For example, changing the lyrics to “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” for a friend moving away or playing with a melody because I loved it.
The problem was there was no one around to tell me it was any good or anyone who knew enough about music to encourage a budding talent. As a kid, I thought this meant I wasn’t good enough.
The logic that reigned was if I had something worth praising, someone would tell me. When no one did, I took my talents, dreams, and hopes underground.
Hiding became my normal because I loved music, and since I assumed I wasn’t any good, why put it out there for anyone to criticize? I was too sensitive for such judgment.
When given the opportunity in the fifth grade, I began to play in the orchestra. I played the violin, or was it the viola? I can’t recall. All I can remember is the hideous screeches of “Hot Cross Buns.”
As soon as band was an option, I switched to the flute and fell in love with music in a whole new way. Still, I believed I was no good. The question that seemed to always ring out was, “Do I have what it takes?” When no one responded, I assumed the answer was, “No!”
It’s silly looking back because I never really asked the question, attributing people’s lack of interest or encouragement as rejection and an affirmation of my inability.
Everything was confirmation of my lack of talent.
Like my mother’s warning about the reality of the music industry. Her explanation that it was a tough business meant in my head “You aren’t very good.”
The high school talent coordinator telling me I was better on the flute and should be doing that instead of singing equaled “You aren’t a great singer.”
The flat out discouragement of a church music director saying I was “pitchy” (which I now know was only a matter of bad technique) made me think “I guess I will sing back up forever.”
When I auditioned for American Idol and heard, “You’re good but not what we are looking for,” that was the nail in the coffin.
Why even try? Everyone had told me I wasn’t good enough. Inside I was asking the question “Can I?” and the response was “No!” It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t the world, my music teacher, or even my mother’s job to answer the question “Can I?” It was my job.
One day I decided I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. This thing called music screamed inside to be let out. Finally, I decided songwriting and singing had been gifted to me for a purpose, and I was going to see what that purpose was. Insecurity would no longer be my prison.
It hasn’t been an easy road but the question has changed. Now I ask myself “Why wouldn’t I?” Could it be fear? That is a terrible reason to quit anything. Rejection? I will face that no matter what I do. Failure? I guarantee failure by not trying.
Just changing the question made a world of difference. Not relying on others to answer a question only I was responsible for made me feel empowered.
I still battle insecurity and I still ask myself the wrong questions but more and more I ask myself the right one. Why wouldn’t I? Try it and see what happens in your life.
I surprised myself. You might surprise yourself too. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and will be your cheerleaders. Don’t take no for an answer, even if the person saying “No!” is you.
Woman with suitcase image via Shutterstock
About Lara James
Singer/songwriter Lara James appropriately calls her debut EP WHY WOULDN'T I? A song where she challenges herself to go for her dreams. Lara’s musicality is focused and pristine - a mix of sensual classic sounds with modern, adult contemporary polish. Find out more about Lara and her music on her website.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Lara, that’s a really encouraging story. Doing something creative can be a battle especially if there hasn’t been much encouragement. But you’re right, in the end if we don’t dust ourselves down and have a go then ultimately there is no one else who is repsonsible for not having a go. I’m taking some time out from office-life to catch-up on all sorts of more exciting adventures including all those dim creative dreams – writing, drawing, photography. Not doing creative things isn’t an option any more.
Hey Lara.
It’s kind of freaky and crazy how sometimes we have such beliefs (like you thinking you must not be good at singing) that we LOOK for information to support it – it’s called the confirmation bias.
I’m reading a book called Decisive right now about decision making, and one thing the authors suggest is to do exactly what you did – consider the opposite.
Or another way of looking at it is if we can believe whatever we want to (beliefs can be broken), why not believe the positive beliefs we want to? Why not self-select for what we want and what supports us?
Either way – good luck with your singing career. Send me a CD when you’re famous, k? 😉
This is how I feel about my acting career. I have been reject so many times, every audition I am hoping for a call back, I am hoping for something big and I even at one point thought about quitting. But then I thought what the hell will I do for the rest of my life because working at a 9 – 5 job doesn’t suit me and will pretty much be equivalent to me shooting myself in the head with a gun.
I am still working on changing my self talk and my self-beliefs. I know I am a good actress and I know I am employable and beautiful and worthy of success. I know this. I just have to constantly remind myself and sometimes I just need a hug and someone to tell me: “It will be okay, you will make it, you are a good person.” God I am so lonely.
Anyway, enough of my depression, thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you Peter! I am so glad you came to the conclusion that it isn’t an option as to wether or not you create! It is a gift and our responsibility to use those gifts. Thank you again!
Oh Talya, the entertainment industry is TOUGH and that is being kind. Don’t quit. We have to be our own biggest cheerleaders and hope and pray that people come into our lives for the days when we do need a hug and someone to encourage us. Those days are inevitable. Thank you for sharing as well!
This article really causes me to think. I am guilty of holding myself back and even though I am working on moving forward I can’t seem to get my past out of my rear view mirror. Even though I am not the music industry I suffer from the same insecurity. I never felt like I am good enough. I keep asking myself why bother try but there is always a greater force within that keeps motivating me to try harder. I am not there yet but with your great posts and I working on myself I keep believing it will get better.
Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone.
So many different tastes in our world. Some will love us and some won’t be interested at all. I loved reading your piece “Stop Holding Yourself Back and Start Proving What You Can do”. It made me go to your website and even though you only need to know this inside I loved your voice. You go girl!
Jamara, it means so much that you took the time to stop by my website and listen! Thank you very much for the encouragement!
I can promise you Rose if you keep working on yourself and sorting through why those things still have a hold you will move forward and it will get better! Keep keeping on!
you got the voice and great thoughts 🙂 intact, your post made me COMMENT for the first time although i was active since an year in here. keep rocking and more to come
Thank you so much! I am honored that you would choose to comment on my post. That means so much and that you took the time to listen…makes my day! 🙂
Loved your article. I was actively told I can’t sing as a child, so I retreated to my bedroom and later my car for my solitary performances. After listening to my own child sing, I realize some kids take longer to develop their ear, so to speak, so maybe my mother’s initial criticism was premature, or maybe even just wrong. Besides, my son loved listening to me sing all the time, I didn’t want him to know how insecure I was.
Eventually, I found my outlet through karaoke. I go to the rock star place in my head and perform like I’m famous. My singing is adequate, not amazing, but my 100% commitment to my faux super-stardom always wins over the crowds. For me, just singing in front of an audience is my end goal, and I feel so accomplished and powerful when I do it. And I’ve found a few friends that also love to sing that I can sing around casually and feel loved all the more, rather than self-conscious. Singing, songs, music are such precious gifts in this world, and everyone should feel free to be a part of the song, even if they aren’t the best. In fact, at karaoke, I most love watching the “bad” singers get up and try. Sharing their bravery and joy is a powerful feeling :). And singing makes me happy!
All the best Talya!
It´s amazing how just doing the right question can change our life. Loved your article and loved how can be applied to any aspect of life, I know ‘ll try to make the right question more often. Btw I went tough your site and really enjoyed your music!.
Lara,
I found this article at just the right time! After dabbling in vocal lessons, school choirs and theater groups (plus supporting my singer/guitarist husband’s band) for so many years, I finally became a lead vocalist in a punk band. Like you, I had many moments of discouragement growing up that kept me away from singing. I was so afraid to go for it! But like you said, the voice and song can only be suppressed for so long, eventually you have to let it out.
Now, we’re a few days away from recording final vocals on our debut EP. The whole experience has been surreal, but I’m putting it all out there. Love it or hate it, I just hope for the people who do “get it” that our music encourages them in some way. I’m 31 years old, and kicking myself for not doing this sooner. Live and learn!