“Once you have learned to love, you will have learned to live.” ~Unknown
We are powerful, vivacious, brilliant creatures. Our thoughts and ideas create the very world around us. We constantly, and often unconsciously, exude and radiate palpable energy that permeates through every crack and crevasse of our lives.
Our words hold especially powerful energy and the ability to uplift and inspire others and ourselves, or send us spiraling down the ladder to Bummersville. Learning to recognize our inner Negative Nancy allows us to pump up the volume on our love lingo to bring us back to a place of clarity, peace, and happiness.
As a young woman in my early twenties, I am no stranger to the pitfalls of self-criticism. As a child of divorced parents, I grew up with the belief that I was somehow imperfect. Inadequate. Just shy of being good enough.
My teenage years proved to be of little consolation, as I was suddenly introduced to the world of comparisons. The desire to be as thin as, rich as, and cool as whoever was entirely consuming. I validated this belief of not being good enough with constant self-judgment.
I clouded every move I made with the veil of criticism. No goal or achievement was ever really celebrated, just held up in comparison to someone else’s triumphs.
Finally, after being introduced to the idea of self-love, I did an experiment in which I tried to mentally note each time I said something negative about myself in one day. Holy eye-opener. Before I even finished breakfast I had already torn myself apart with self-criticism and harsh judgment.
I would never think to speak to someone I dislike in the way that I was thought-bashing myself.
It’s no wonder I didn’t feel enthusiastic or passionate about anything. All of that garbage mind chatter was blocking my ability to see the reality: I am outrageously perfect. I have purpose. My life has meaning. I am an integral part of the whole.
I still struggle from time to time to tune out my inner critic and embrace my inner cheerleader; beliefs that we hold onto for a long time as truths are never easy to let go of. But I have found that there is a distinct correlation with the words I use as a part of my regular vocabulary and the way that I feel.
Adopting a language of love is essential in keeping me aligned with my highest self.
Here are my no-no’s and big YES!’s when it comes to speaking the language de amor:
- Stop saying, “I can’t.” You can; you just haven’t done it yet or you haven’t tried.
- Stop saying, “Always.” Actually, just stop generalizing. Nothing is black and white.
- Stop saying, “They did, he did, she did…” It’s a subtle (or sometimes not-so-subtle) form of blame. Observe your current situation and ask, “What can I do now? How can I make this better?”
- Stop saying, “I wish this or that.” Instead say, “I want this and these are the steps I am going to take to get me there.”
- Really stop saying “I am not good enough. I am fat. I am ugly. I’ve made too many poor choices. I’ve tried before and it didn’t work out.”
I like to imagine that I am made up of a team. I’ve got inspiration, truth, gratitude, enthusiasm, ambition, worry, deprecation, blame, and sadness. The game’s all tied up, this is the crucial moment that decides whether my team moves forward or is left behind.
Who am I gonna put in the game? Who’s gonna be on the bench? This isn’t practice…this is life! Keep worry, deprecation, blame, and sadness off the court. They’re gonna lose the game.
Adopting a language of love is not about positive affirmations. It’s not about trying to convince yourself that you feel something else other than what you feel, or that a situation is something other than what it is.
It’s about consciously choosing thoughts and words with uplifting energy. It’s about embracing what is intrinsically true and inherent: You got this.
Whatever your situation, whatever your roadblock or mental block or financial block, you’ll figure it out. How do I know? Because we all contain inside of us the capacity to manifest our deepest desires and stay the course all the way to the end.
Let’s adjust our thinking and speaking to reflect that, shall we?
May love become our new modus operandi.
Photo by aussiegal
About Ashley Hook
Ashley Hook is a retired party animal and reformed spiritual materialist. She writes about love, acceptance, fear, non-goals, and some superficial stuff too. She hopes to one day write full-time, on a magical hippie sanctuary in the woods. For now, she travels the world, takes pictures, and makes a living slingin’ food and sellin’ vintage.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
Thanks, right on!
Last week I was counting my negative thoughts. I was disappointed with the results. I have to just ask myself, “Do I want to be in a bad mood all the time or what? Gees.”
I like your team analogy. For me it’s a party: Who is going to show up at the party? Sadness? Fear? It’s a blast when exhuberance shows up, that guy is great!
I’ve been thinking on what slips through the language too, what slips through the concepts. That stuff might be the more real stuff, whether on the negative or positive end of the spectrum. Language sets reality into stone only so much. I have to do positive affirmations sometimes because negative inner language (like you describe) is keeping me down. I have to engage the negativity on the field where it presents itself. But I also try to remember that there is…what is…beyond language – – what’s beyond the ability of language to express – – either negatively or positively. I try to just come back to the still, aware self – and let the chatter fall away. I try to anyway.
Great post! Thanks a lot!
This is a great post, I love your analogy! So GREAT! 🙂 Thank you for sharing this message!
Thank you! I am so happy you enjoyed it.
So agreed! There is a quote my grandmother and I often come back to – “When we live in the silent emptiness of our true nature, nothing can dislodge us from that reality”. When we bring our awareness to our breathe, our thoughts, our surroundings, to THIS moment, what begins to arise is more love. I aim to speak and think from that. Of course, as humans, we all deviate from our true nature but the Universe is indeed self-correcting. You don’t have to ever feel bad about yourself for having negative thoughts. Simply return to the silent emptiness where there is no “you” and no “problem”!!
Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate it!
Thank you Vivian!
This is a fantastic post, or article or whatever you want to call it. I am truly impressed with your wisdom. How could you be in your early twenties and yet so wise? Brilliant stuff. I also hope that you become a full time writer and keep sharing your insights.