“People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them.” ~George Bernard Shaw
You could say I had a type. Most girls I’ve dated have had a few things in common. Historically, I’ve been attracted to dark-haired deep thinkers—old souls with just a tinge of sadness in their eyes. Emotional pain is a sign of character.
There is nothing like looking into a woman’s eyes and exploring decades (if not centuries) of wonder and worry hidden beneath a stoic, classic composure. There is an attractiveness to being slightly worn down by the road.
But Jane was different. Jane was light.
Is it better to date someone similar to you, or do opposites attract? Jane and I were an experiment in opposites.
In conversation I have a tendency to wade through heavy philosophical banter. Where is America heading? If there is free will, why do individuals lean toward conformity? What is the meaning of life?
But Jane merely laughed and changed the subject. She was absolutely free, and had the singular objective of living each day to the fullest. Without trying, Jane innocently pushed me outside my comfort zone into a place far sunnier than I was accustomed to being.
My thoughts couldn’t be burdensome with Jane because she didn’t speak my common language of doubt and regret. She shed light on every dark corner my mind would wander.
The Unbearable Heaviness of Being
Having been born on the frozen tundra of Minnesota, a place molded by practical values and a sense of solemn responsibility, I had been conditioned to see life as something heavy.
Maybe it’s the infamous winters, or an unspoken guilt still lingering from the 1860’s Sioux massacres, or maybe it’s the perpetual bad luck of the Minnesota Vikings. Whatever the origins of the struggle, the attitude is clear—too much fun is not to be trusted. We hold our worries close to our chest.
Jane made me rethink everything. For her, having fun was life’s highest virtue. Problems brushed off her like breeze off a tulip. The ease with which she lived didn’t make sense to my ego.
“Life is hard,” my ego would say. “There is so much I need to worry about. What if I run out of money? What if I lose my job? What if people think I’m stupid? My burden is heavy. I can’t take life lightly because if I put my guard down everything will fall apart. I need my problems. Having burdens validates my existence.”
Whenever my ego started pontificating about life’s hardships, I heard Jane’s polite rebuttal.
“Stop being so dramatic,” she would say. “You invent problems to justify your heaviness. But heaviness itself is the problem. Let go of the weight you are carrying. Life is a story we tell ourselves. So make the story good. Nothing—and I mean nothing—is serious enough to sacrifice the enjoyment of the present moment.”
Burden is a choice. Sure, problems come and go. But it’s our reaction to these problems that defines us. We can take problems heavily or we can take them lightly. Heaviness won’t make your problems easier; it will make them harder. Lightness sets us free.
Life is a roller coaster. Once you are strapped in, you’re off. You can either tighten up and be miserable during the process of life, or you can let go and enjoy the ride.
Stop Making Sense
“I dance for no reason. For reason, you can’t dance.” ~Saul Williams
I think too much. In fact, most people I know think too much. Human intelligence, as amazing and useful as it is, has a dark side. When we over-think life, we create narratives that cut ourselves off from the true north of our higher self.
You are not your thoughts. You are the consciousness from which your thoughts arise.
The smoke and mirrors of mental analysis make us miss the great connection of consciousness surrounding us. We can’t see the forest because we’re fixated on the bark of a single tree. Maybe this is a universal consequence of the ego. Or maybe I just know a lot of nerds.
The reality of consciousness goes beyond logic. What does this mean? It means that every person has an energetic vibration. The energy we radiate communicates more deeply than our actions and words.
Your very presence is a vibrational state that communicates with everyone around you, openly and honestly, as effortlessly as oxygen from a plant. Try as you may, you can’t hide it.
Is your energy heavy or light? A heavy vibrational state is draining. Light vibrations uplift.
Heaviness repels synchronicity. Lightness attracts.
Heaviness is the glorification of self because taking life too seriously makes the ego feel important. But by placing your own concerns on a pedestal, you isolate yourself from others and become separated from the whole of existence.
“Smart people are not happy,” the ego says. “When you analyze life, there are too many rational reasons to be concerned. The infrastructure of society is crumbling. The wealth gap is at an all time high. How can I simply let it all go and enjoy my life?”
“Burden is a choice,” the higher self says. “Sure, there are problems. But taking problems too seriously only makes them worse. Is it logical to let go of worry? Not always. But dancing is also not logical. When you dance, you choose to value experience over the logical implications. We dance for no reason. But once we begin, the rhythm clicks. It all makes sense.”
Of course, not every experience in life should be taken lightly. When facing tragedies such as illness, injury, death, and addiction, a serious approach should be taken. Sometime we need help from others, and it’s important to acknowledge when this is so.
But in the course of daily life, life tends to come to us more easily when we come to life more easily.
If It’s Heavy, Put It Down
When the student is ready, the teacher will come. Our teachers sometimes appear in ways we least expect. Jane was a teacher. She gave me a glimpse of what it means to love life without worry or judgment.
Our breakup was amicable. Our polar worldviews held the relationship in equilibrium—for a while. But the balancing act of lightness and heaviness eventually become too tedious to manage. It was inevitable.
Love is bright. When it shines on our scars we feel exposed. The lightness of being can be painful, but it’s the only way to heal our inner darkness.
Burden is a choice. When we release the attachment to our burden, the weight is lifted. All too briefly, Jane showed me how to rise above the heaviness of life. And I’m still learning how to remain there.
On our last night together, I rolled over in bed and finally asked her the question I had been thinking for months. “Your life is effortless,” I said. “How do you float the way you do?”
Jane laughed. “Because I take myself lightly,” she said.
Woman with umbrella image via Shutterstock
About James McCrae
James McCrae is an author, strategist and creator of Sh#t Your Ego Says, a website with simple strategies to overthrow your Ego and become the hero of your story. An award-winning strategist and creative director, James helps businesses and individuals turn imagination into results and make work that matters. Learn more at shityouregosays.com.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
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Thank you for sharing this. I too am an over-thinker. I worrying too much and all of this worrying has made me very very depressed. I hate it, all of it. And I feel so blocked because of it
Beautiful and inspiring post! Thank you for sharing, definitely wonderful points to ponder! Great quotes within your post too, my fav is : …”Life is a story we tell ourselves. So make the story good. Nothing—and I mean nothing—is serious enough to sacrifice the enjoyment of the present moment.” 🙂
Thank you for lifting me up today with your post. This is exactly what is needed to stop thinking so hard about life and just enjoy what is.
Hi Gloria. Thank you for reading and commenting! To stop thinking hard is not always easy (or even popular), but it’s one of the most important things we can do in terms of mental and spiritual clarity.
Thanks for the comment. It means so much!
Thanks for the comment. You are definitely not alone. I actually believe that over-thinking is an epidemic in the United States, especially in big cities like NYC (where I live). Which makes it even more important that we fight back by practicing mindfulness, meditation and peace in our own lives. Our own thinking has the power to transform, not only our own lives, but the lives of those around us.
This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Very well, writtten. Thank you.
As they say, your mind, which is faster than the wind, is your greatest enemy. Churning thoughts, which is numerous than grass. We overthink and over anlayze and make our own life miserable. I get defeated to my mind again and again and again. 🙁
Beautiful article brother. Thank you
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Hi James 🙂
First of all, great job on being so positive. I appreciate you, choosing to share the good you learned from the experience rather than lamenting on the separation that followed.
As I was reading your post, I couldn’t help but relate your ideas to the book, “the Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. I think the book provides another perspective to what you’ve discussed here in this post.
Yes it is important to identify the unnessary mental baggage we carry within ourselves and then to let go of them.
The way I try (keyword : “TRY”) to do this is by following the ideas in that book.
Mr. Eckhart explains that life always happen now, right here, in this single current moment. But the mind is so much addicted to thinking all the time, running away into past memories or future dreaming…….
As conscious being, we need to remind ourselves that life always happens NOW. And our job is to keep bring our focus into the present moment. And I think you’d agree that Jane was an expert at that. That is what “being light” means.
Good job man.
I’ll tweet this post right now.
Bye 🙂
Done 🙂
That’s completely true ,
I learnt this lesson recently too but the problem is to stay in the light . I have to remind myself constantly to take things lightly and when I do life becomes colorfull again. I think it needs practice
Thank you , good job
Hi sasalool.
Absolutely true.
You have to keep pulling yourself out of your habit and gently guide your focus to the activity/experience at hand. 🙂
Thank you for your kind reply. It’s okay. We all get defeated by our minds. It’s easier to talk about letting go of worry but it’s hard to practice. The good news is that, like any skill, the more we try to let go of worry and embrace peace, the better we get. All it takes is not giving up and some patience.
Hi Ankit,
Thank you very much for the wonderful comment. I agree with you on all accounts. Eckhart Tolle is one of my favorite writers and I have learned much from him. And it’s true. In the present moment, when we are truly present, there is no worry. There is only love. This is because love is the only thing that is real. Everything else is a false creation of the Ego-mind. If only that were easy for us to remember.
Hi Natalie,
Thank you very much for comment. I truly appreciate it.
You’re totally right. The more we practice living lightly, the better we become!
61
“Nothing has ever happened in the past. It happens in the Now. Nothing will ever happen in the future. It happens in the now.”
Yes it isn’t easy to remember. But like all beautiful things, it is worth the effort and hardships.
Take care James 🙂
Hi NavaneethaKrishnan.
You’re not fighting a Battle with your mind, my friend 🙂
The mind behaves in that way because of good reasons.
Fear is a defense mechanism. Thoughts help us to evaluate understand and make decisions.
All these have well defined roles.
Our job is to identify and let go of the unnecessary part of it i.e., uncontrolled thinking, irrational fears etc.
If you haven’t already, I suggest you read THE POWER OF NOW by Eckhart Tolle.
Tc 🙂
James, this is such a beautifully written post, I feel I’ve been on your journey with Jane with you (sorry for gate crashing!). What a great way to find another way to look at life. We’re devotees of living a light life, totally of the mind that enjoying life now is the point of being here. Can I ask you, when you say “Of course, not every experience in life should be taken lightly. When facing tragedies such as illness, injury, death, and addiction, a serious approach should be taken”, might there not be room for a focused, optimistic approach rather than a serious one? Dealing with anything from an earnest perspective will make it a more difficult, exhausting experience, wouldn’t you say? Thanks for sharing your story.
There is so much to what you have shared here James. One thing that really stood out for me and something that i certainly have learned, is the importance of making things light in life. I have been one to ruminate and make all the little things feel like that are the hugest things in the world. This caused me to stay stuck in stuff way way past its used by date! I do this less so these days, having a much deeper connection to who i am and the quality of my ‘being’ now a key focus each and every day……less about the ‘doing’.
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(How i got my husband back with the prayers of Prophet Akim )I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart tfo find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com).
(How i got my husband back with the prayers of Prophet Akim )I remember lying in my room when I was ind high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart tfo find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com).
(How i got my husband back with the prayers of Prophet Akim )I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this mfan when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart tfo find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com).
(How i got my husband back with the prayers of Prophet Akim )I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart tfo find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lodver with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com).
(How i got my husband back with the prayers of Prophet Akim )I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has falways been such a strong desire in my heart tfo find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com).
Hi Laura,
Thanks for the wonderful comment. I could not agree more. I wrote the bit about challenging life experiences so as not to isolate those people who may be facing challenges that seem to daunting for “positive thinking” to fix. But you are right. Even the hardest things in life will benefit from a lighter outlook, and it’s something we should aim for in every single circumstance.
Thanks again!
Great point! Thanks for the comment. I totally agree. Unless our ‘doing’ is backed up by ‘being’ it could prove to be incredibly unproductive. We should always ‘be’ first, and only then should we ‘do.’
James,
I have only just found and read your article. I too have always been the girl with the serious and stoic composure. All my life, from a very young age I have always had to take care of myself emotionally, mentally and physically.
I have made it to 42, with a great job, children and at times marriage because I did all the classic sensible things too fearful to step outside life’s lines.
I want so very badly to be light! I feel sad, burdened, lonely and heavy – when I have so many things to be ‘light’ about. I am only now learning to understand ego – and feel that mindfulness is stepping closer to getting there.
Thank you for your brilliant article. It really resonated with me.
Hi Jac, thank you very much for your great comment. I totally relate to what you’re saying and I often feel the same way. Having to take care of yourself can be an honor because it helps us grow in ways that we would not have grown otherwise. Remember that light would mean nothing if it were not for heaviness. This contrast is what life is. When you finally reach a point in your life when you are able to fully put down your emotional weight, you will be grateful for your journey, because it will make your destination more valuable <3