Plan Less and Enjoy More: Give Yourself Space to Simply Be

“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.” ~Mandy Hale

I’m a Type A personality who formerly scheduled days, weeks, and even seasons in advance. I planned my day, my meals, and my activities, as well as those of my family, with the precision of a military regiment.

Why? Part of it was control and part of it fear. The fear led to wanting to control. Letting things happen naturally without a plan would certainly mean chaos would ensue.

I had reached the stage in my life where I was going through the motions. Everything was getting done, but there was no joy in my life.

I loved my kids and my husband and had a supportive extended family. Though I had some health struggles, overall I had a good life. I kept asking myself, What do those “joyful” people do, or what is their secret? 

I know friends who have gone through their share of difficult situations, but not only did they come through with grace, they retained their joy.

Being the methodical person that I am, I started to look at their personality traits.

They weren’t routinely overscheduled; they made time for their family, but also quiet time for themselves.

I was attracted to their calm, their sense of peace, and their happiness. I felt a true sense of connection when around them, as they were genuinely interested in me and our time together.

They were unapologetic about making decisions that were right for their family and met their needs as opposed to doing what was deemed as “right.”

I reflected on the times that have brought me joy. Most of those times were unplanned.

The surprise of getting a call from a friend just when I was thinking of them, and going for a walk to catch up.

Sitting with that cup of tea or coffee early in the morning when the house and kids are still.

Looking out my window to see the amazing shades of green that spring brings.

Watching my boys playing basketball in the driveway while they trash talk with each other.

Watching my father hold his grandson.

In all these situations, I did not need to purchase anything, go anywhere, or schedule anything. I just had to take a breath, relax, and be present to what was happening around me.

For so long, I also scheduled time to be present through meditation. I tried to wake up early, make time, and sit. I worked on breathing, visualizing what I wanted from life and using affirmations, but this practice was rigid, scheduled, and forced.

I was struggling even harder to be present, be peaceful, to “work” at being happy, because we all know anything worth having takes work. After trying this for a while, I realized I was not making space in my life for anything to change because I was just adding more to my to-do list.

I needed to do something drastic. While I understand not many people have the luxury of doing what I did, I quit one of my contract jobs and reduced my work commitments to two days a week.

I told myself that I would not take another gig even if it walked up and bit me in the butt. I was going to take a three-month semi-sabbatical.

Why three months? I thought I would probably go crazy if it was any longer than that and I didn’t want to burden my husband with any financial stress.

The only plan for those three months was that I should not plan anything that would increase my stress level, had to do with marketing my next endeavor, or enroll in school, which I had been contemplating.

So, what did I learn? I used to write a lot as a child and a teenager. I loved to write poetry, and I was the kid that loved to get a writing assignment in high school, so I dedicated to making space for writing.

I have discovered that making no plans opens space in my life to slow down and be present without forcing myself to be present.

I am learning that what fills my cup is kindness, compassion, and connection. Those are the only things that I want to schedule. Engaging in activities that fill my cup allows me to approach my day and my responsibilities as offerings as opposed obligations.

In doing so, I am slowly finding joy in doing some of the most interesting things. I found myself smiling while folding the laundry. Wow, this is what it feels like to not feel rushed, but to feel the clothes warm out of the dryer.

It reminded me of how my mother used to throw my clothes in the dryer for a minute or two in the cold Minnesota winter, and that brought another smile and sense of gratitude for my mother’s love.

I find myself smiling more, and often it is for no reason.

As I am phasing back into a work routine, I am dedicated to unscheduling my calendar. I am committed to saying no to activities that would have me racing across town, to events that are large public functions where I don’t really get an opportunity to connect.

I am committed to taking thirty minutes a day for myself, even if it is fifteen minutes at a time.

I am waking up fifteen minutes earlier to practice yoga, which wakes up my body, allows me to clear my mind, and adds focus to my day. I have also found that walking outdoors is worth the time away from my to-do list, because I come back calmer and ready to accomplish the next task.

Surprisingly, I have found these small periods of time quite easily. I noticed that when I was just checking email, I got sucked into checking a social media site. Then I saw a link that looked interesting and clicked on another site, and when I looked up, it had been twenty minutes.

I sat down in front of the TV and numbed myself because I needed to “relax,” but I wouldn’t take that thirty minutes to write, go for a walk, or just sit disconnected from all the stimuli.

While I was great about finding the time to schedule a football game, a pick up from band, and a stop by the grocery store, I never put myself on the schedule.

Now, I am dedicated to looking for and finding pockets of time not to fill, but instead, to take some deep breaths and just be.

What can you do to make space and time?

Make yourself a priority. Your sense of well-being is important. Schedule some me time on the calendar.

Take a walk—it doesn’t matter how long, even ten minutes can make a meaningful impact.

Spend at least twenty minutes prior to bed disengaged from email, TV, and social media sites.

Set a time limit for electronic use during your workday that does not involve work related duties.

Say no to offers for happy hours, birthdays, baby showers, and the like unless the person being honored is truly a priority in your life.

And put away the guilt for not being at every school function, rehearsal, and game (if you have children). Check in with your child to see if it is truly meaningful and important to them.

By being present and engaged in the activities that are important to you and recognizing when you’re getting caught up in mindless activity, you can create pockets of time to simply relax, unwind, and breathe.

You never know what can happen with the extra twenty minutes. You may discover the flowers blooming outside your window, the sound of the rain as it hits your roof, or you may simply be grateful for the peace.

Couple having picnic image via Shutterstock 

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