“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take action. Take action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron
I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. From the time I was very young, I would worry about things—my life, my parents, my house, the state of the world.
I would experience a tightness in my chest and an overall sense of fear that only got worse the more I worried. The more I worried, the more afraid I became of the unseen factors that plagued me.
Anxiety is distress, caused by fear of danger or misfortune, and over the years this worry has driven me. It’s helped me to be high-achieving and extremely productive, all the while depleting my nervous system and creating exhaustion throughout my entire being.
As an adult, I have recognized how this unnecessary fear has limited my ability to enjoy and be fully present within my life.
I’ve learned that taking action, or guiding my thoughts down a more positive path, can transform my feelings to a much more grounded and peaceful place. I’ve created my own road map to navigate stress, anxiety, and worry in five steps.
1. Slow your roll.
When anxiety hits, everything around us seems to speed up. Physically, we feel our heart rate quicken or breath become shorter; and mentally, we might start to head down a rabbit hole of worst-case scenarios.
When this happens, slow down. Shift activities, call a friend, watch a funny YouTube video, go for a run—anything that interrupts the cascade of worry and overwhelm that can create a mountain out of any molehill.
2. Ask yourself: “What is true or what is actually happening right now?”
Sometimes, just labeling exactly where you are in time and space (i.e. “I am driving to work.” “I am sitting at my desk.”), helps to refocus the brain and disrupt the physiological response that happens when stressors arise.
Focusing on what is actually happening instead of “what if” helps us to minimize our initial reaction of panic and fear to awareness.
3. What do I fear losing if this is true?
Because anxiety is driven by fear, it is both empowering and helpful to label where the fear actually stems from. Many times, this can be from a fear of losing something—security, money, friendship, or love.
By noting mentally what we are afraid might happen in a given situation, we can easier recognize the worry for what it is, most often, a fear of loss. The next time you feel anxiety coming on, it may be helpful to ask yourself which of these areas you fear losing?
4. Where might I be limiting myself within this belief?
As human beings, we have a tendency to focus on what is not going well, limiting our beliefs to those that focus on scarcity or lack. When anxiety is high, it can be much easier to focus on all that is wrong or bad instead of what is working or going well.
By simply pausing and recognizing where you might be holding on too tightly or limiting your possibilities, you may notice that the picture is, in fact, much bigger than you had originally thought.
5. Could there be a hidden gift or silver lining amidst this situation?
We often learn from problems, mistakes, or painful events. Reminding yourself in a moment of panic that you’ve always landed on your feet can help you to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Envisioning yourself on the other side of this stress, lesson in hand, can be enormously helpful in actually getting you there. Sometimes simply reframing the situation to seek the lesson or hidden positive at the onset of a stressful situation can be useful in diffusing some of the anxiety.
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I have learned, through years of exploring and recognizing my own anxiety triggers, how to create a sense of peace and calm even when things seem dire.
As human beings, we are capable of creating our experience and have the power to choose whether we lead with fear and anxiety or an open heart and mind. Which do you choose? What experience will you create?
Woman in a field image via Shutterstock
About Stephanie Burg
Stephanie is a Certified Nutrition & Lifestyle Coach and professional ballet dancer. Her coaching programs and workshops have helped successful women who struggle with their weight, diet and stress levels to achieve a body they love so they can live the life of their dreams. To schedule a complimentary breakthrough session, or for healthy recipes, visit her website.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
It’s so hard to remember what to do when anxiety hits. One way to get into the new habit is to take an old memory and think of it through each of these 5 questions. Ask 1-5 to see how trustworthy the method is for the future. When you can see a pattern you will have your inner ah-ha moment. You have to believe and trust any technique in order for it to work for you.
Sometimes I hear my old inner dialog and I say right back to it, “Who said that?’ I don’t take it as personal or feel any connection with it. It feels good, much better than anxiety.
Beautiful words!
If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that managing anxiety is a practice just like anything else. The most important thing is to practice whatever method works for you. <3
I’m so glad you enjoyed them!
Stephanie, I think that you brought up great points. One thing that has worked for me is mindfulness. I love the concept of mindfulness, living in the now. Not in the future, not in the past. Also, if I feel my anxiety kicking in, I take a nature walk. I get out, I get some fresh air. It always makes me feel better because I realize whatever I am going through isn’t really that big. It’s like looking at the bigger picture in life.
I am going through a world of anxiety right now as my wife is in to something that I do not think she can get out of financially. I feel she is being scammed and have gone through all channels to try to stop it! She will not tell me a thing at all on whats going on but I have checked her accounts and verified that thousands of dollars are going somewhere! Please say a prayer for me as I have reached a point where all I can do is let it play out!
I sometimes get early morning anxiety. I understand this is common and has many causes, factors. One thing I do is meditate and ask for assistance, so far it always comes and I just go back to sleep. It is one of those things, I just tell myself that I am “whying” myself to madness, why is it this, why did this happen, why why why, well sometimes there is no answer to why and I also realize that it is a control issue for me sometimes to see if I can figure it all out then I can fix it. So, with meditation and mindfulness, I feel the dreaded anxiety, put a color on it, locate where it manifests in my body and let it run through me, this at least works for me and I understand it is not pleasant a lot of the times.
I love mindfulness. It helps with many different things. Emotions don’t last too long. Let them pass. Talk them out. Ignoring them is what causes problems. Hope your mornings get better!
thanks, fear is the root of my evils, fear of the unkown the what ifs, maybes etc, but I am making progress, especially facing this is unpleasant but I do it.
Nice article, however, the last thing someone who has a racing heart (as in a panic attack) should do is go for a run! If your heart is already racing why would you want to increase your heart rate even more, further fueling your anxiety? Doing something like meditating, playing a computer game or watching a funny show that is distracting is better. Something calming.
Petrified of upcoming operation which has raised my anxiety to an all time high. Unsure of how to handle this?
i wake up 2 am and went to my email and read this. i have my anxiety about my hubby, money, and social. because the past is so giving me a sad memories, my father die, and my mom is control freak. even when i have my own family.
i think i have to try practise this great post, for my best.
Oh, Don, I’m so sorry to hear this. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope everything works out ok.
Beautiful, Lapis! Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for sharing, Cecilia. I hope this post helps. <3
Hi Sioux,
I had an operation on my ankle a few years back and while I knew it was “just my foot”, there is something so frightening about being put under and having someone else “in control” of your body. Reiki was something that helped me tremendously before and after, as was meditation and asking for support from my family and friends. I hope things go well for you and I will keep you in my heart.
Hi Smitten!
I was speaking of moderate anxiety (vs. panic attacks) in which case we often operate in a very head/mind oriented space. In my experience, being physical in some way always gets me into my body and better able to access the wisdom of my heart. I appreciate your suggestions, thank you so much!
Beautiful! Nature is such a key for me as well. Thank you so much for reading. <3
Thank you! My whole life I have been an honest and caring man and not being vain but I am also a good looking man. Even at 57 now I look younger for my age. I work out everyday and lift weights and run the treadmill and have a decent income do not do drugs or cheat on my wife. What have I gotten in return my 1st wife cheated on me 3 times my second wife verbally abused me and I took care of her and adopted her 2 kids because her ex cheated on her and left her and the 2 kids when they were little. When she was dying of cancer I took very good care of her until she died! My current wife is now playing games with me and has told me she has the hots for a 39 year old bar tender because he is such a nice guy. What am I doing wrong here? I am tired of being nice! I went out bought myself a real nice muscle car and I feel like going after a young woman! God must be angry with me because I have never found a woman to be true to me! I invented the word fool!
I’ve suffered with anxiety for a large proportion of my life, one thing that I’ve heard (and have practiced) is to allow the fear, because pushing it away with distractions actually can make it worse. The Slow Your Roll paragraph is definitely something I’m going to try out, but the distraction bit I’m not too sure of, I always try to push the fear away and it makes it worse for me. Interested to hear what you (Stephanie) and others think about this? 🙂
This is tremendously helpful information. Thank you SO much! Just saying, “I am lying in bed right now” tonight, when I inevitably start worrying, is going to be a god-send.
So right. When I was a young adult I experienced severe depression and anxiety. Rather than seek help I decided to read one self-help book each week. I gleaned so many tools from the books I soon began to feel better and was able to make the changes in my lifestyle that were part of my reason for depression.
One thing that I noticed was that walking down the soap isle and smelling the chemicals would often bring on a panic attack or generalized anxiety. I learned to avoid smelling harsh cleaners. I’m still not sure if it was an allergic reaction or a subconscious memory trigger. I’m still careful to avoid those smells by using natural cleaning supplies.
Hi Stephanie
I have had many operations. I found it helpful to ask myself ‘can I cope with what us happening RIGHT NOW?’ The answer was a resounding YES always, always, always. Don’t look back, don’t look forward. Deal with now. Right now you are sitting in a chair reading this. Can you cope? YES. Don’t worry about tomorrow. I know you are trying to prepare yourself mentally but if it’s got to happen, then just go with it.
Sorry Sioux! Got your name wrong!!
Don, I wish you the very best and from my own recent experience, would advise that you care for yourself in every way. My own sister gave her life savings and earnings away, after her husband died. Yes, she fell for the overseas “dating” scam, where the attractive photo presented is just a cover-up for predatory con artists. My precious sister lost her battle with depression when the truth became evident. I would ask that you remain emotionally supportive of your wife when the harsh reality sets in? Protect your assets and know that you aren’t alone. My prayers are with you both.
Thank you for your kind words! Sorry for some of my comments as they came out because of my anger towards my wife! I have protected myself as far as my finances. Yes I am taking care of myself as far as my health also. I work out everyday and have joined a health club and watch what I eat. Again thank you for thinking of me and my wife I just wish she would tell me what is going on! Take care
Yes my wife came out and was honest with me. She was scammed of about 64 thousand dollars. She told me she was lonely because I was laid up with a bad back and taking norco for my back. She was lonely and ended up meeting a younger man on -line.He told her she was beautiful and eventually told her he loved her and wanted her to leave me. I knew something was up when she said we should separate for awhile and when I told her if we did I would not get back together again! She was always running off and I traced her going to banks and doing money grams! She was very mad at me and when I questioned her she would get real mad at me. One day she was crying and I sat her down and asked her if there was someone else! Her reply was that she had met someone on-line and he was about 40! He was also in very good shape because she had seen him with his shirt off. I asked her was there any sex pics she said no and never even talked of sex. Always talked of money and material things. I told her I needed to leave the house for awhile and she was upset. I asked her why she never told me sooner and she was scared was her answer. I felt like she kicked me in the stomach and thought even though I am in good shape how could aI compete with a man 17 years younger in that good of shape? Now she gets mad at me if I bring it up and ask her any questions! I have no trust in her and wonder if we will survive this? We are going to try marriage counseling! Thank you Carolyn!
If you want to overcome anxiety, try meditating on the anxiety itself. This is the purpose of mindfulness meditation (vipassana) – to awaken to dukkha and to bring mindfulness and compassion to that dukkha as the principle agents that produce transformation and healing.
Excellent advice! This is exactly the kind of approach I use when working with clients using mindfulness therapy. Anxiety heals when we embrace it with mindfulness instead of trying to get rid of it.