“Love as much as you can from wherever you are.” ~Thaddeus Golas
At the time I’m writing this article, I have been in a relationship for 1,369 days out of which 716 have been long-distance.
Yes, I keep track of the days, not just the months or the years, because I live every day, not every month.
I will not pretend the long-distance part has been an easy journey; and anyone who has dabbled even for a little bit in the idea of long-distance relationships can tell you that it takes a lot of love, but more importantly it takes a lot of faith and courage.
My boyfriend and I met in the most casual way at a friend’s fundraiser in a club in Times Square. It wasn’t love at first sight; it was laughter at first sight.
He only knew one person there and everyone I knew was mostly busy organizing everything, so we ended up laughing and talking the entire night. That was the beginning.
Life kept us in New York for a while, then took us to Los Angeles, and then took him even father away to a whole new country and continent. Yet from the moment we met, there was this invisible purple string that always kept us connected across continents and oceans.
Along this journey of faith and courage, I’ve learned a few things that have kept our relationship going strong even through the most challenging times and have made the purple string unbreakable.
Some of them are directly related to the long-distance challenge and others are just about being in a relationship.
1. Physical distance doesn’t automatically mean emotional distance.
Yes, you will have somewhat separate lives, but making an effort to still have a life together makes all the difference. Making an effort to share our lives, our victories, our sad moments, and our celebrations sometimes made the distance seem shorter.
2. The little things matter even more.
All those little things that we all do, especially at the beginning of a relationship, matter even more now. The “happy morning” text messages, or wishing each other good night, reminding each other that how much we miss and love each other. And going even beyond that: sending flowers and love letters, randomly calling just to say “I love you,” preparing little surprises.
3. Making time for each other.
It’s easy to get carried away with daily life and activities and not even realize the last time you actually spoke in person or saw each other on FaceTime. Make time for it, a sacred time every week that’s just for you, a time when you’re not rushed or tired, a time that makes sense for both time zones and make that your date night.
Chances are, if you have a hectic schedule or if the time difference is too big, that date night will be different every week, but make sure it still happens and make it into a real date: have a meal together, talk about your lives, do all the things that make you happy with the other person.
4. Challenging each other and doing things together apart.
Find something that you both enjoy and do it together apart. For us, it was these crazy home workouts.
We started them at the same time, we’d keep each other accountable, we’d compare results, victories, the good days and the bad days, we’d bring each other up on the days when we didn’t feel like working out and kept on track because it was something we did together. It also got us in incredible shape.
5. There will be fights. Don’t worry.
Conversations over the phone or text always have the extra challenge or not actually seeing the body language of the other person. We receive 55% of information through non-verbal cues and body language, so you can imagine how much can be missed in a phone conversation.
Sometimes you will feel like hanging up the phone; try not to. If you think you might say something that you will later regret, ask for a short time out, take a little time to breathe, come back to yourself and continue the conversation. Don’t leave things hanging.
6. Be kind and reassuring.
There will be moments when either one of you or both of you will lose faith, you’ll doubt the mere viability of the relationship, you’ll doubt your courage, their courage, your love and their love. When you see your partner lose faith, remember it’s not about them losing faith in you or the love you have it’s about distance getting the best of them.
7. Offer information.
As people we tend to fill in the gaps when we don’t have enough information. Don’t let your partner just fill in the gaps; offer them the information they need. Since distance bends the rules of normal relationship, maybe offer a little more than you think it’s necessary.
Tell your partner about new friends and co-workers, talk to them as if they actually know them and you’re just sharing your day.
8. There’s an infinity in a moment.
Never ever waste a moment together with fighting or focusing on negative things. Your moments are your infinity, and they will live in your heart as a moment repeated over and over again.
You will relive those little moments so many times. What do you want to relive? A quiet morning full of love and light, a last stolen kiss at the airport, or a silly fight over random things? Most of the times, you won’t even remember the moment; you’ll just remember the feeling, so make that infinite moment worth it.
9. Last but not least, love unconditionally.
Unless you can give it your all, love with every last cell of your body, your relationship will crumble under the weight of the distance, the string that holds you together will stretch so far that it will break. Unconditional love is the only thing that reinforces the string over and over and never lets it break.
Love is always a journey, and it just so happens that our journey took us from one coast to the other and then across another ocean, but no matter where life takes us, the purple string that holds us together will always reach.
It’s a journey of love and faith, and most importantly a journey of courage, the courage to believe in love.
Couple silhouette via Shutterstock
About Lavinia Lumezanu
Hailing from a family of engineers, Lavinia combines her artistic sense with scientific analysis to see the colors behind the numbers and the numbers behind the colors. She specializes in marketing and publicity and loves writing about human nature and challenges. Lavinia speaks fluent English, Romanian, French, and dabbles in Chinese Mandarin and Spanish. Find her at JustLav (http://www.justlav.com).
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Thank you so much for this article!
I am in a long-distance relationship, and it’ve been a long journey full of love, faith and courage!
Thank you!
Thank you, Ana. I hope you both find the strength to keep going and to bring your lives back together and I hope your journey of love has infinite happy moments.
I wish the same for your relationship! This article came to renew my certainties! Thank you very much! Hugs from Brazil!
Obrigado! Hugs back!
this is such a great article..thanks so much for putting it up… I can totally relate to these….especially number 6…..
Thank you, Sue! So happy to hear you connected with the article.
Hi Lavinia
Thanks so much for this really nice post! I also went through a long-distance-relationship and published my story here on TB, so I totally relate to your advice. The only point I don’t understand completely is number 8 – never waste a moment with fighting or negative things. From my experience, fights happen (with or without the distance), and that’s ok. No couple in a LDR should feel the pressure of always making every moment right; that would simply be unnatural… but that’s just my impression 😉 Have a lovely day ahead and thanks again!!
Hi Criola,
Thank you so much for your comment and for reading the article. I hope everything worked out for the best with your relationship.
For #8, when I say never waste a moment together, I mean the moments when you are actually physically together. Of course there will be fights and it should never be about feeling pressured to not fight, but there should be a desire to cherish the moments of physical togetherness and not waste them on silly arguments.
Thank you again
Lavinia
How wonderfully bizarre & cathartic I should read this now! My love & I have been 4000 miles apart for the same amount of time & together for a lot less than you two. I’ve been struggling with the distance & lack of communication because of his work commitments of late, but your article has given me renewed hope & a sense of purpose. We met years ago but kept losing touch & never being free at the same time. After 30 years of missed opportunities, we have connected & made our commitment to each other. It will be another 200 days before we will see each other in real time & it has been a tough journey but the love is stronger now than ever. Much love to you & many thanks for the synchronicity!! 🙂 Best wishes
Dear Pebbles,
It makes me so happy to read this and to know that it has given you renewed commitment for your love. As you already know by now, love is worth anything in this world and I hope 200 days from now you will be in your lover’s arms knowing that nothing can take away your love.
Love and hugs to you
Lavinia
I cannot tell you how the timing of this article sent to my email really resonated with me. Amazing! My soulmate and I are in a long distance relationship that has been maintained over 40 years. We met in college and have been best friends ever since . Even though he is living near NYC and I am living near Niagara Falls we have always connected throughout the years by visits to each other’s homes, each other’s weddings, partners, children etc. Now we are both divorcing and have decided to take the friendship to another level. It has been a year and a half now relating long distance as lovers. No matter how far apart we are in miles, I have never felt more connected emotionally and spiritually to any one like I do with him. Right now, we are physically separated by commitments to our families and careers in the two different cities. We know that the long distance thing will be a part of our relationship for the next few years as I finish raising my children. We are discovering new ways to connect and deepen our love everyday….but it is hard.
It would be so nice for me to share my thoughts and feelings with others!
I loved the idea of the purple string!
Jan
Dear Jan,
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s amazing where life and love take us every day and how relationships change over the course of many years as well as depending on how we change every day. I’m so happy to hear that you resonated with the article. I definitely feel sometimes that no one really understands. It’s been so joyful for me to see how many people really do understand and connect at a deeper level with what I’m feeling and how life develops every day in unexpected ways.
I wish you and your amazing soulmate much love and happiness and I hope life brings you together in the same place soon,
Lavinia
Thank you for writing this. I’ve been in a long distance relationship where we are separated by 11 time zones and we can only be physically together 2 weeks in a year. We share a deep emotional connection and I love her as I’ve loved no other woman. Lately my partner and I have experienced several misunderstandings and we’ve had trouble working our way through things. I read this yesterday and your comment about “loving with every cell of your body” under the unconditional love section really resonated with me. It gave me pause to dig deeper within myself to honestly and openly reach out to my partner with my absolute best effort and work towards a respectful and loving resolution to our misunderstandings. While we are not entirely through our difficulties, I really feel we have made significant progress and we understand each other much better. Relationships can at times be difficult. Long distance relationships have additional obstacles. For the right person, its all worth it. Thank you so much!
Chris,
Thank you so much for your message. I know exactly what you mean about the misunderstandings. Sometimes challenges are just so much harder to fix when you’re so far away. We’ve definitely experienced that a lot too. I think sometimes it’s important to take a step back, let things settle for a second before trying to figure everything out again. I know for us, sometimes we get so trapped in a conversation that it’s only when we let go of it that we realize it wasn’t that important to begin with and we can move on.
I hope everything works out with you and your love and you are able to move closer together soon.
Thank you for your warm wishes Lavinia. Here is something I’ve learned that is useful. When I feel hurt by words or actions of my love, instead of reacting I’ve learned to reach out. I’ve expressed my state of mind, but also asked for her help in understanding why she said or did what the thing that I felt upset by. What I’ve found is that if I tell her I’m upset but need help in understanding her, we can talk calmly. I’ve realized that her words, actions and emotions were the result of her very deep love for me. When I see things in this light, my perspective of the event changes. I’m not sure if that all makes much sense. 🙂 But for me the take home message has been to reach out during times of pain instead of reacting. We have grown very close and created a trusting, mutually respectful relationship by working through our differences in this way. Peace to you all.
Beautifully said, Chris. Sometimes the distance makes us take things out of context even more and it’s up to us, our love and out patience to not react, but keep things calm and ask for help in understanding what is going on.
Chance upon this article and I could totally relate to that. It is so challenging and sweet at the same time as my girlfriend lives in another continent now. If I may just ask you.. how are things now still with your boyfriend after such long distance and so many years?
Would be nice to hear some good news to motivate my own challenging relationship.
Thank you, Luke. I send you an email directly and would love to connect with you and offer any support I can.
I am currently in a long distance relstionship. We’ve been in an LDR for about 6 months now and so far, we had been lucky to see each other every two months. However, everytime we meet and say our goodbyes i feel heartbroken and get depressed for a week. I thought it gets better but its been the same pain. Its like you get better then you get excited to see him again, then you finally see him and everything is beautiful but when its time to say goodbye it feels like you’re starting all over with the heartache again.
I plan to be with him for good in 2 years time after my degree. Honsetly that all I can think of right now.
Thank you for your words, Svet. I hope you get to have a lifetime of happiness with your love
When I first read this article I was just at the start of an LDR- which also happened to be my first ever relationships. It’s now coming up to our 3rd year anniversary. Loving unconditionally and communication are key and I’m so happy I read this when I was a newbie