“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown
A few weeks ago, I learned that my beloved dog, Bella, had become ill with kidney disease—a condition that will most likely not allow her to live longer than a year. I was devastated when I heard this news.
At only eight years old, Bella didn’t seem old enough to be so sick, let alone be a year (or less) away from dying. Coping with her condition and the impending loss has been incredibly difficult—nearly impossible at times—but amid all of the pain and anxiety, I’ve come to one powerful conclusion: Life is too unpredictable not to enjoy the moment.
The number of moments I have left with Bella—or with anyone, for that matter—are unknown. For the past three years (ever since I launched my blog, Positively Present), I’ve tried to focus on living in the now, but nothing has made that goal clearer than Bella’s recent diagnosis. Realizing my time with her is limited makes every minute even more important.
That being said, staying present is still a daily battle. In the throes of my constantly racing thoughts—How long will she live? Is she feeling okay? Why isn’t she eating? What does the vet’s tone really mean?—it’s been incredibly difficult to enjoy the time I have with Bella.
And, unfortunately, more often than not I find myself living not in the moment, but in the future, worrying about what will become of Bella and my life without her.
Worrying about the future has been severely hindering my ability to live fully in the present moment, which is what I need to do most in this limited time I have left with my precious pup.
Knowing the importance of living in the moment is one thing; taking action is another. It can be challenging to live in the now when then now is tough, but I’ve discovered a few tactics and tips to help me stay focused on the moment—and enjoy every minute I have with Bella.
Here four ways to stay present—even when life is painful:
1. Realize thoughts are not necessarily reality.
When my mind is heavy with worry, my racing thoughts—filled with what-ifs and imagined scenarios—take control. Things that have not happened—and might never happen!—can seem so real.
For example, earlier today Bella was limping and I was certain the vet would tell me that her disease had worsened, and we’d need to take some drastic action. I spent a good part of my morning dreading the appointment at the vet and worrying about the potentially terrible outcome.
When the vet took a look at her paw, he found that her nails, which had been causing her a bit of pain, just needed to be clipped. In less than a minute, she was good as new, putting her full weight on her paw.
This is a perfect example of how our thoughts can take control and distract us from the present. Rather than looking at the facts—Bella’s paw was hurt, the vet was going to take a look, and hopefully she’d be okay—my mind wandered into negative (and imaginary) territory.
Staying in the present requires recognizing the difference between what-ifs and what is.
2. Use breathing to center you in the now.
When I’m really stressed out, I’ll take a few deep breaths to calm myself before taking action or allowing myself to launch into overanalyzing the situation currently plaguing me.
When I first found out about Bella’s diagnosis, I wanted to panic, to scream and cry, and find someone—anyone—to blame. My initial reaction came from a plethora of imagined scenarios—she wouldn’t live longer than a week, she would be miserable, she would be in terrible pain—rather than what was really happening in that moment.
Instead of reacting instantly, I paused and took three deep breaths. In those moments, I came back to the now and realized I didn’t yet know much about her diagnosis. I realized I would talk to the vet, take the best action possible, and make the most of the time I had with her. With each breath, I exhaled panic and fear and inhaled peace and acceptance.
No matter what the situation, there is always time for a deep breath, for a pause that will bring you back to the moment.
3. Stop comparing now to then.
When I feel Bella’s thinning body or see her spending more and more time curled up on the couch, it’s hard for me not to compare the way she is now—thinner, more mellow, less playful—to what she was just a few weeks ago. However, comparison is one of the quickest ways to leave the moment and find yourself dragged back into the past.
When changes occur (especially negative changes), it’s difficult not to compare, to want things to be what they once were, but these comparisons are nothing but trouble. The more I accept what is happening now—even when it’s painful—the more I am able to enjoy my time with Bella.
Yes, I would love her to be the dog she once was, but wanting that won’t make it happen. It will only make it more difficult to enjoy the present—and that’s the last thing I want to do.
To make the most of the moment, you must accept what is and stop comparing it to what was.
4. Focus on the happy moments.
More and more I find myself dwelling on the difficult moments with Bella. I dread the morning and evening doses of medicine, which Bella detests. I experience almost as much anxiety as Bella when I have to take her to her increasingly frequent vet appointments.
What I haven’t been doing, though, is allowing the positive experiences I have with her to be the focus. To make the most of the moments, I need to dwell on the times we share that are still so wonderful—the morning cuddles, occasional playtimes, and the affectionate licks.
No day is going to be perfect. I can choose to focus more on the happy moments than on the painful ones. As we all know, our minds are powerful things—and it’s up to us to guide them in a positive direction.
If you’ve tried to stay present during stressful or difficult situations, you know just how hard living in the now can be at times. It’s easy and fun to live in the now when your nowis a happy one, but when times are tough, staying present is rough.
Even though coping with Bella’s disease is filled with heartbreak, when I stay in the present, I get to enjoy the moments I still have with her.
Through this experience I’ve learned that even the most difficult moments are worth being present for.
Photo by Tess Mayer
Dani has generously offered to give away two free copies of her new workbook: Living Happily Ever Now: A Guide + Workbook for Living in the Present Moment. Leave a comment for a chance to win! I will choose two winners at random on Monday, June 25th.
About Dani DiPirro
Dani DiPirro, founder of PositivelyPresent.com, is the author of Stay Positive, The Positively Present Guide to Life, the Effortless Inspiration series, and a variety of e-books. She is also the founder of Twenty3, a design studio focused on promoting positive, modern graphic design and illustration. Check out her new books on Gratitude and Living in the Moment!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
I just found this site and am incredibly grateful I did. I could definitely use some insight into being mindful in the midst of stress – always something I’m working on.
Reading this whilst sat in work, stressing and stressing about stressing! Thank you for writing this! This has put my day in perspective! I worry far too much, constantly!
I had a very similar experience this time last year, when I discovered my dog had a malignant tumour on his jaw and as a result, only a month left to live. It was probably the most distressing time in my life so far and so I’m so sorry that you are going through the same thing. It was focusing on the happy moments and making the most of the time we had left that got me through it, and I’m definitely going to remember that as well as the other tips next time I face a really stressful situation.
Best of wishes to you and to Bella!
Eleanor – Thank you so much for your wishes for me and Bella. She seems to be doing oka y right now, but I know we have a rough road ahead of us.
Hippyzenchick – So glad this helped to put your day in perspective! 🙂 Worrying is overrated and usually gets us nowhere.
Maria – Tiny Budda is the best! So excited for you that you found it!
Wow, Dani! My heart goes out to you and Bella. I have two beautiful chocolate Labradors, Dakota (7) and Cheyenne (6), that I cherish with every fiber of my being. They bring me such happiness and complete joy.
But you’ve hit something on the nail that I’ve been noticing within the last year or so. When we first brought home our pups (at 8 weeks old each), we took them to the dog park all the time, spent countless hours with them playing and taking loads of cute pictures. Now that they are older, we (my husband and I) hardly go to the dog park, fit in play times and I can’t even remember the last time I took a picture of either one. Have they changed? No. I’ve allowed less important things to take my mind to the past (which I cannot change) and the future (which I have limited control).
My mind is not in the present and hasn’t been for years. Maybe it’s the contentment or maybe it’s just the lack of passion/appreciation for each new day.
Whatever it is… your post has reminded me of the importance of the present. Now is the time to make that shift and realize that every single moment is precious for tomorrow may never come.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Hi Dani
My thoughts are with you I have 2 border terriers who I love to bits and are like extra kids to me. Dogs are part of our family’s.
Recently I lost someone very close to me very quickly with a extremely aggressive form of cancer. He was 46, a non smoker and until the diagnosis appeared very fit and well. It was hard going through the final weeks of his life for all concerned and at at times it was hard to live in the present. I think times such as these give us a focus on what is and what isn’t important. It was important for me to let that person know how big a part of my life they were and how much love I had for them.
When tough things happen it is always a reminder to notice the good in our lives and to make sure we show our love to those who are important to us. To take one day at a time and to relish every minute available to us.
Wishing you and your pup the best for the time you have together
Fiona x
Hello Dani,
My prayers go out to you and Bella. Stay strong. Stay positive. Stay present.
Alexis Rai
Dani, what a great post – THANK YOU and thanks to lovely Bella too. It can be challenging sometimes just to accept being in the here and now, especially when we are facing situations that we’d prefer not to. My ability to whizz future-wards into ‘And then I’ll…’ mode is something I’m learning to calm. Now is where we all are and it’s always enough and exactly where we need to be. I, like you, am a big believer in adapting my thinking, breathing, thanking, and centering when life seems ‘unfair’ or ‘too difficult’. A phrase that I repeat to myself a lot is ‘Life will never give us anything more than we can handle right now’ (a wonderful friend said this to me once) and that has been a real booster for me. Maybe that’ll offer some comfort… Enjoy every moment that you can with Bella. I wish you peace, acceptance, energy, strength and happiness. x
This post was exactly what I needed. After deciding to stay with a man that cheated on me, I am constantly in fear of the what ifs. It drags me down so deep and I can’t escape the despair. This post reminds me that I need to focus on the accomplished relationship we have made thus far. The hard work has been giving us a better relationship than before. I can dwell on the past and fears or I can take what I have which is faith and hop and run with it. These little reminders you write about are exactly what I need
HI Dani, I’ve been through a similar process with some of my dogs so I thought I would share a couple of things I did to help me through it.
First of all, I told all of my dogs who came to this point in their lives that I would do the best for them and be there with them til the end. I said it out loud to them in a quiet moment before the actual end. Somehow that verbal promise helped me know that at some point I would do what I didn’t think I could do, for the dog and not for myself. I would put them first before my own emotions. I think once you say it, it is real and helps you know that you have to prioritize not by what you wish to be, but what is. I hope that makes sense.
Second, remind yourself that the dog does not know it is sick or dying. A dog knows one of two things when it wakes up in the morning: I feel good or I don’t feel good. As long as the dog can take pleasure in eating and petting and comfort (warm bed, cool fan, etc.), I would say they have quality of life. Take a minute to assess this each day and remind yourself that you will do all you can to focus on those basic pleasures and use that as your guide.
Your dog is giving you a gift by showing you the value of ALL stages of life, and how to respect the dignity of each stage. I know it can be heartbreaking, but you will get through it. Time. 🙂 Take care!
This was very helpful. I am going through organizational changes at work and they are very stressful. 🙁 Thank you for sharing your tips.
I am so sorry about Bella. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for writing this. Very helpful. #4 stop comparing. Really helped me. My cat who I have had since birth is almost 20 years old. I am really seeing the signs of aging now. But learning from you I am now thinking things like: he loves to be petted and played with (instead of being upset when he jumps if I touch a acky spot); he can jump on my tall bed (instead of worrying if or when he will no longer be able to); he ate all his food & eats hard food (instead of worrying about the weight loss). And many more. Thank you for giving me many more better memories.
Thanks a lot! Hugs for you and Bella.
Usually I do pretty well, but yesterday I learned that an influential person in society has lied so badly that it might even result in breaking up our family, because other people will believe him far more than us. It makes me so terribly sad and angry at the same time that I lost focus for a day.
Funny. Because I always admired the way children deal with stress and negative issues so well, and I’ve always tried to teach them the behaviour/attitude you describe.
Time for metta and hope things work out the way they should.
Thanks a lot!
Hugs to you and Bella! Thank you for sharing your difficult story… it definitely helped me “get it”.
“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown
I continue to need to work on exactly this. While living with the problems associated with aging parents and aging pets, I find myself fretting about “when the shoe is going to drop,” rather than just enjoying when things are (relatively) okay. Thanks for sharing your story and your tips, and best to you and Bella.
my cat was diagnosed with kidney disease 2 1/2 years ago. he’s been treated with azodyl,
2 capsules a day. he’s thinner but still has a good quality of life. i’ll take all the days and nights i can get with him, he is 17. maybe this will help, goodluck.
omg thank GOD for this piece! I’ve been looking for you for a while now!
So appropriate for my life right now. Exactly the perspective I needed in a way that I could relate to. Thank you!
Oh Dani, my thoughts are with you. Enjoy every second you have left with your precious Bella. You’re so right – living in the now is bloody hard when the now isn’t so good, but there’s still so much to appreciate about Bella and your times together. Give her a big hug from me.
I had a very similar experience last summer when my 7 1/2 year old dog Roscoe was diagnosed with Cushings Syndrome. My family had given him to my boyfriend, who lives with his sister and two nephews, thinking that they could give him more attention and playtime (and I would also get to see him more often). I felt absolutely terrible when his change in appearance and demeanor ended up being due to a costly disease. I felt as if we should have known he was sick and felt guilty for saddling my boyfriend with an ill dog. I kept running over what ifs and what we might have done to make him sick.
We ended up putting Roscoe down at the end of September, which broke my heart. Happily my mother, sister and I were all able to make it the night before to say goodbye. I have come to appreciate how this situation showed me some wonderful qualities in my boyfriend, who never complained about having to care for the dog and kept my family updated through the process. I learned that we could really be there for each other during a difficult time.I am also happy that I was able to spend more time with him and help care for him on my visits. It was and still is very hard to put the guilt behind me, but I try to appreciate how this positively affected my relationship and how we did what was best for Roscoe.
I hope you enjoy the time left with Bella and can one day appreciate the lessons this experience will have on you. I know what a difficult time this is. *HUGS*
Oh Dani, my thoughts are with you. Enjoy every second you have left with your precious Bella. You’re so right – living in the now is bloody hard when the now isn’t so good, but there’s still so much to appreciate about Bella and your times together. Give her a big hug from me.
This came at just the right time for me. With four children at home with me, it’s a daily struggle to stay present under stress, so thank you! I would love to win a copy of your book too 🙂
Thank you for sharing with such honesty. Your tips made much sense to me, as I have been sick for 6 weeks now, and dealing with an ever-changing situation. As you said, comparing now with before will just cause suffering; in fact, it is damageable to my health as I’m adding anxiety to my symptoms. Thank you, and I wish you enjoyable present times with your dog.
This felt so real to me, especially since one of my major challenges of living in the present, is dealing with grief and loss (even if it is immenent grief and loss). It is so helpful to have a reminder that in order to truly enjoy life, it is important to live in the here and the now, and happiness will than follow. Otherwise, thinking of the “what if’s” keeps me in the state of constant anxiety and sadness. Thank you
Just letting you know that there’s another animal lover out here who 150% understands what you’re going through. Thank you for sharing and wishing you many happy days.
Although I have been following this site for some time, it is my first time posting. After a long, hard year and a half of my husband enduring unemployment and a mental break down, he walked out on me and my two boys three months ago leaving us with no financial help. I try to live in the now, to focus on the happy moments NOW with my boys, but some days it is hard when there is so much to worry about. How am I going to pay the bills, keep working on my business, not just survive but thrive as a single momma. It is too easy to slip into the insurmountable to do list and forget to take time to just listen to the boys’ laughter or just simply be with them. Thanks for the gentle reminder. I think I’ll write down these four suggestions and put them where I can see them regularly. No use to think about what should have been/could have been anymore. Nothing to do but move forward and be there, truly be there for my boys.
I’m sorry to hear about bella! There are things that we just can’t do anything about! Things that we have no control, but we expect oursleves to hold control over them and change them and we think that by worrying about, overthinkng about it, is going to solve the problem, when the fact is that it only adds to our problems. We know its important for us to be calm at that moment and yet we are at our wits’ ends! Also, it’s always very easy to give compassionate messages to others in their difficult times of life, but it gets that much only harder to appy them in our life, when we are passing through such a time. Maybe that’s why we have friends and other’s in our life to remind us things we have taught them and forgotten!! I’m sure bella was an adorble part of your life! Enjoy your time with her and cherish these moments!! 🙂
Also, I can’t get myself to say it was a nice post because it referred to the loss of someone you love and that must be painfull, however thank you for showing the courage and sharing your thoughts and enlightening others like me , who are in a lost place. It reminded people like me, that life is short and unpredictable.
By the way, the breathng tip has always worked like a miracle to me and I’m gonna implement the other tips too in my times of stress!!
Thank you Dani for sharing your struggle with living here in the now when it’s less than what is desired. I am also a dog lover! It takes courage to live and love and accept how life really is. I think your story will stay with me forever as a model of being mindfully here even in the heartbreak of love for our little dogs. Mine is Socrates a mini-dachshund. The first one was Plato. I understand that loss is part of life, we don’t have to like it!
Thank you again for writing and sharing your Bella with us!
You hit the nail on the head. It’s one thing to KNOW I should stay in the present, but it’s quite another to actually BE in the present, and to quiet that incessant mental chatter. I will try your tips…thanks.
this post came for me at a perfect time. i’m in the middle of a separation, possible divorce, and we still live together. it’s terribly painful because we have good days and i wish for better times and reconciliation, and patience is not one of my strengths. through this whole thing, my mind is crazy. i revert to past good times and compare to now, i create scenarios in my head to worry about, i over analyze EVERYTHING! this was a good reminder of things to bring me back down to reality, and now… and it is incredibly difficult. thank you for sharing, and i’m so sorry about bella.
After many years of wandering in a desert of negativity, I have now discovered a beautiful cactus flower amongest the thorny cactii. Your suggestions are like dew drops on the parched lips of this weary traveller”, comments Lilani Dickson.
Thank you for this article Dani and I am so sorry to hear about Bella’s disease. I read an article once about a woman who’s 14 year old son died. While she was devastated she had a fantastic attitude and something she said really stayed with me over the years. She said she focused on how blessed she was to have her son in her life even if it was only for 14 years. It IS a struggle to stay in the now when our current moments are painful but Bella can be an example for you. I don’t know of any greater model for living in the present than a dog. Best of luck to you and I hope you and Bella enjoy many more days together.
I loved this story and advice. Today is one month since my best friend, my pug, Athena died. Her love was so unconditional and unwavering. I lost alot of moments with her because of worry of what life would be without her, wishing it was just a nightmare. I learned alot and live for today, tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. Thank you….I’ve printed this out and will refer to it should I find myself getting lost again.
It’s always good to be reminded to “enjoy the now”. Such an easy concept yet how our minds distract us from what’s in front of us. I am making more of an effort to really be present when my kids share things with me and after this story, enjoy my sweet papillon, Murphy, who has a huge chunk of my heart. Thanks, Victoria
This was really helpful. I’ve been really stressed out about certain changes I’m considering making in my life. I’ve been so focused on what might happen and the consequences of each potential change, and I’ve been forgetting all this time that these changes in my life are all positive! It’s so much easier to get caught up in the future than life in the present. I’m going to stick a post-it with these tips on my mirror . Thank you!
I am struggling with whether I should leave a comment now, or wait until I am in a better mood or outside of work hours, because what if they are seeing this through the spyware, and shouldnt I be doing something else… whatever, I hope I win the book – if not I will buy it, unless I need that money for dog food or gas or something… Well I guess not gas, gas used to be cheaper…
Wow!!!! So insightful. I battle with living in the now everyday. I’m gonna keep this close and look at it everyday 🙂 Thank you so much for this!
Loved this post! Just started grad school and already feeling stressed. Always need to try to keep myself in the present and enjoy how blessed I am to be getting a higher education. So sorry about Bella- hoping your day with her has been fun and memorable! 🙂
My daughter and I needed to read this post. she has been struggling with axiety and I have been dealing with how to parent her (she is 15, depressed and struggling to stay in school.) thank you
This is such a great post, Dani. Thank you for sharing your experience and what you’ve learned with us here. I’m so sorry to hear about your dog — my own dog developed kidney disease many years ago and it was a painful thing to watch. We had so many wonderful moments together, though, and those are what I remember most. I think about her often and more often than not it brings a smile to my face and a warmth to my heart. I wish the same for you.
Thank you again for the tips. Being present can be hard enough even when things are going relatively smoothly, so having some key things to return to to stay present during stressful times will be incredibly useful.
Wishing peace and love to you and Bella.
I totally understand this post. My Dad passed away last year but I spent the last few years before that helping my Mum cope with his illness and gradual decline. It was a really bad time for us all, however although I realised that he wasn’t going to get any better, the time I spent with him became precious and we had some really special times together. I can see now that at these times we were just living in the now and I am thankful that I was able to be with him amd experience these moments. It now is helping me to cope with the fact that he is no longer here. I think that the worst times in your life can also teach you the most about how to live life and we should be grateful for that. Thank you for your post.
Staying present has been a life saver over the past year. I wish you many happy moments with your pup.
Thank you for this beautiful essay. Everything is a learning experience and an opportunity. Bella is here to help you learn, love and grow. Peace and comfort to you and sweet Bella!
Your words give me clarity to choose the here and now(for it is a choice) rather than chasing the past or running from the future. Thank you.
My beloved dog Magnus, died a year ago after 2 years of illness. The hardest part with a pet, is not being able to talk to them, so your imagination runs riot every time they appear to have deteriorated. The part about the nails needing clipping was such a good example. Too often we fear the worst and spoil the present. Enjoy Bella’s last days and be grateful for all that she brings to your life.
So true. I’ve met a guy knowing in 3 months we will both be in different places geographically. And from what I’d learnt from overworry when my dad had cancer I’m just trying to enjoy the time we have and figure out the rest as it comes. We are happy to spend time with each other and it is wonderful.
Loved the post! And would love a chance at winning a new workbook on maintaining and living in the now!
Desirae!
I’ve been out of touch with my mindfulness practice. Just this morning I woke up and meditated and then I saw the email with this post. It seems it was meant to be.
Thank you.
Sending my deepest wishes to you and Bella for as much “in-the-present” joy as possible while you navigate this very difficult path. I just went through something similar with my beloved cat Thea who was unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer at age 10. Through the excruciating months of treatment to try and extend her life, I struggled to stay in the moment and to enjoy her as much as I could.
Please know that though the struggle to remain in the present may be imperfect, your good memories and experiences with Bella will prevail, and will stay with you forever.
(Note to cat-lovers: female cats who are not spayed by about 6 months of age run much higher risks of mammary gland cancer later in life. We adopted Thea at 2 1/2, shortly after she was rescued and spayed, not knowing the dangers. We are grateful for the chance to love her and be loved by her.)
Gina, I experienced similar circumstances to yours. You and I know we have mountains to climb. Like maybe Mount Everest. My friend directed me to this site. I struggle. I need to be mindful of the tips presented here. I am told to practice gratefulness also.