“If we could see that everything, even tragedy, is a gift in disguise, we would then find the best way to nourish the soul.” ~Elizabeth Kubler Ross
Sometimes a tragedy can give new energy to life and bring awareness we have been living on autopilot.
I still remember the night like it was yesterday. It was late and my husband and I had just turned off the light when my phone rang. It was my aunt saying my dad pushed his life alert and was transported to the hospital.
I fumbled to find my clothes and hurried to the car. The drive to the hospital was a blur. I found my dad in the emergency room smiling. He proudly told me the “people” wouldn’t leave his house, so he pushed the button on his necklace for help.
My dad suffered from Lewy Bodies Dementia. It is a fast acting dementia that includes hallucinations, sleeping disorders, and mental decline.
When my dad pushed his life alert button on my advice, it was the precursor to his tragic death. I felt like it was my fault.
I told him to push his button whenever he needed help and we weren’t around. On this night, the hallucinations were bad enough for him to push the button just like I asked him to do.
Once transported to the hospital, he was admitted for observation and regulation of his medicine. The wrong medication was prescribed and my father never recovered. He eventually slipped into a coma and passed away.
When tragic events happen, they are not our fault. It is human nature to blame ourselves when in reality there is nothing we could have done differently to change the outcome.
Still, at the time my mind was tormented. If I had only been there, if I had taken him to the doctor sooner, if I had known they were going to change his medicine. The what if’s were the hardest part.
Stages of grief will come and go. Allow yourself to embrace the stages as you move through them. They are part of the healing process that eventually brings a sense of happiness.
After my Dad’s death I went through the many stages of grief. Not in any order. I bounced from stage to stage and back again.
The death of a loved one is a personal journey. No two people go through it the same way.
Some people internalize emotions and try to work through them alone. Others go through the stages of grief for all to see. Some ignore the emotions and never find closure. Ignoring pain deprives your soul of the nourishment a loss can bring.
Regardless of how you navigate the stages of grief, it is the right way.
For me, it was a combination. I worked through most of it privately, but sometimes I needed to talk. I reflected a lot. I remembered happy times and times I wished I could take back.
I went through his belongings reflectively and learned much about him. He kept beanies, pictures of classmates, and perfect attendance pins from grade school. I found them, along with every card I had ever given him. Birthday cards, Christmas cards, just because cards. All placed together in a drawer like they were great treasures.
I felt overwhelmingly loved. It was at that time I was hit with an epiphany.
It would make him sad to know that I blamed myself. He wanted me to be happy.
When a tragic event happens, it is not our fault. The best thing we can do is honor the person we lost by living our lives to the fullest. After all, wouldn’t that be our wish for them?
A peace came over me. It was clear. I understood that I was supposed to honor him by living my life to the fullest, appreciating every waking moment and all of the people around me that make my life special.
Life is a gift. We never know when or how it will end. To honor ourselves, and those that love us, it is important to be true to ourselves and do the things that bring us happiness.
I started doing the things that I had always wanted to do. I finished college, began writing, signed up for Jon Morrow’s course on guest blogging to help polish my skills, traveled more, and tried new things.
I also learned that stopping to appreciate the small things around me. I saw them before but on autopilot. I never really stopped to appreciate their beauty.
Through this tragedy I have found the keys to happiness: love yourself, appreciate the little things, forgive yourself for things that have already happened, and show love all those around as if it were your last day.
Although this was a time of great sadness, it was also an unexpected time of personal growth, which resulted in a more meaningful life.
As a result of this tragedy, I learned how to appreciate life and the people who love me, but most of all, I learned how to love myself and grant myself forgiveness.
I think my Dad would be proud of me. I see him every time I look in the mirror. When I smile, it is him smiling back at me.
Man enjoying the moment image via Shutterstock
About Missy Yost
Missy Yost is a freelance writer, blogger, and life mentor dedicated to helping people find their individual path towards happiness through concepts of positive psychology. Her blog can be found www.fulfillhappiness.com.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Missy
Thank you so much for sharing this story..while time heals, it is still difficult to recount these types of situations. You shared so many great insights here. I agree about these types of situations taking us off auto-pilot. That is a term I use frequently when I blog about expanding awareness and what have you because it so perfectly terms how we are operating much of the time.
Like you, my father’s death was a major catalyst for growth, and I made so many amazing changes as a result of that internal awakening. It brought me into that deeper space where all the muck resided in a way that nothing had before, and rather than run from it, I decided to stick around and see what happened.
No matter what we go through in life, we can always find a way to be happy; we can use these experiences as stepping stones to living a more authentic life truer to who we really are. This doesn’t mean we won’t have our moments, or that we will totally ‘get over’ a loss. Everything can co-exist together..it is not an either or proposition.
Hi Kelli,
Thank you so much for your insights. I agree. Although we never get over missing our loved one and wishing they were still here with us, we can find positive in the loss by living a more authentic life.
I think it’s important in great loss to put yourself in your loved ones shoes. If we were to pass on, what would we want for our loved ones? I would want them to live their life to the fullest without regret. I know my Dad would have wanted the same.
Thank you for sharing your story. It was expressed beautifully.
Hello Missy…thank you for sharing your personal story about your sad loss. I’m sure it took time, but being able to exit the darkness of loss into the light of new life is a wonderful gift.
I know how that feels.
After the loss of my husband I sat in a black tunnel looking over my shoulder at what was, unable and unwilling to move towards the pinpoint of light ahead. Until the day came when it became clear that in dealing with his illness and loss I’d been handed a gift and it was time to open it.
My life changed forever, and love and joy and fulfillment found me ready and willing to receive. I am blessed.
I know you’ve encouraged many with your words, thank you once again for sharing.
Hi Elle,
Thank you for sharing. The loss of a parent is hard enough. I can’t even imagine the loss of a spouse. The fact that you found new light and have made such a positive impact is inspiring. You are the perfect example of taking a tragedy and turning into a true gift. I’m sure your husband is smiling down upon you.
Thank you Alisa. I am happy that I am able to share.
Beautiful post!!!! Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective, lovely! I love when you said “Life is a gift. We never know when or how it will end. To honor
ourselves, and those that love us, it is important to be true to
ourselves and do the things that bring us happiness.” and the keys to happiness are great! 🙂
Thank you! I am happy to share. Life is a gift. It’s important not to
take it for granted. “Someday” may never come so it’s important to live
our dreams today because we really don’t know if we will have the gift
of a tomorrow.
I agree that life is a gift. We should allow ourselves to let any feelings resulting from a tragic event happen naturally. A period of grieving or thought to the person or events that transpired is natural and healthy.
However, I disagree with one point – sometimes things can be directly our fault. For instance, if you decide to drink and drive and end up killing an innocent bystander, that is your fault. There is definitely something you could have done differently. Many tragic events can be directly caused by other peoples actions. Sometimes they are unintentional, or conscience actions that are made with resolve, other times conscience actions that are regretted later. Once your actions have been done, they can’t be undone, and in that sense it is true that the tragic event which occurs in the present is no longer in your control, but it is important not to deny fault .
The key is to accept the consequences of your actions and learn from your mistakes.
Hi Tim! Thank you for sharing. I respect your opinion and agree that we can all learn from mistakes. I also agree that some tragedies may be prevented with different choices. My question would be is it possible to find positive even in the most tragic event?. If it weren’t for a drunk driver making a horrific avoidable mistake, MADD and other programs like it could not have made a difference in legislation that deters other drivers from making the same mistake. Although it is sometimes difficult to understand why something happens, change comes when we search for the positive even in the most tragic events.
Sigh, the loss of a child is another level yet and the grief is complicated…especially when trying to see gifts in tragedy
When someone in my family passes, I don’t grieve the way society thinks I ought to. I don’t cry or get depressed. I am sad that they are no longer around, but I tend to dwell on the sweet memories that we shared. The family get-togethers. My childhood memories. I know I seem cold to most people, but I’m really not. People just need to understand that’s my way of grieving.