“Anger always comes from frustrated expectations.” ~Elliott Larson
I was recently watching my younger son play in a golf tournament. We had extensively prepared for this tournament over a period of several days. His technique was finely tuned. The game plan for attacking the course was in place.
The first two holes went wonderfully.
We arrived at the third hole, a medium length par three with water to the left.
In the middle of his swing, a golf cart carrying bags of ice drove right in front of him at a distance of about fifteen feet. This broke his concentration and he stopped his swing. He attempted to gather himself and he proceeded to hit the shot.
The ball went into the water.
This was the beginning of a number of curious “breaks” that happened on almost every single hole until the final one.
The result was a disaster. The tournament was ruined. The game plan was shattered.
There were so many wounds inflicted that day. And I, perhaps more than him, suffered every one.
I learned much from that day. One of them is the idea of a thin layer of space.
What do I mean?
The organs inside the human body sit next to one another, but they do not touch one another. They sit within body cavities but they do not touch the cavity.
Rather, they are separated from their surroundings by a membrane of space.
Perhaps we can apply this ingenuity to the way in which we live our lives.
As we experience the various emotions and events that we encounter in a given day, we feel jolts and grates and frictional rubs. We are affected by each one.
Why?
Because unlike the organs in our body, we live directly apposed to the events of our lives. As such, the slightest shudder feels like an earthquake. Every scratch feels like a flesh wound.
What if we could learn to live our lives with a thin layer of space between us and the events that we experience?
What if there was a thin layer of space between what we hope to receive and what we actually receive?
A thin layer of space between our expectations of what should be and what actually comes to be.
Perhaps this space would act as a shock absorber. Perhaps it would allow us to experience jolts as jolts. And scratches as just scratches.
Perhaps this space would serve as a gutter in which the excesses of our demands and our hopes would collect and flow away, leaving us content with what is.
Perhaps this is the only way that our lives can be enjoyed.
Perhaps it provides us a dose of wisdom. Teaching us that life flows according to its own rhythms, rather than according to our whims.
Perhaps it can teach us that our miseries come from seeing life through the prism of our own expectations. And that to see life in this way is to not see it at all.
Perhaps a bump will seem more like a ride than a jolt. Perhaps thunder will seem more like a sound rather than an impending storm.
It is our interpretation of events that gives rise to the parallel universe in which we live. As few of us truly live within the world. Rather, we live inside the mind.
The mind sticks to everything that it experiences and we feel the reverberations of each and every one of these experiences.
But with this thin layer of space, we can perhaps keep the tempest that surrounds us in perspective. And at arm’s length.
This thin layer of space affords a thin window of time. Time that allows for a measured response. Time that allows for action borne of wisdom, rather than emotion.
It is not the words, but the space between them that makes communication possible.
Perhaps it is a thin layer of space between us and our lives that makes living possible.
In understanding this thin layer of space, perhaps I can begin to appreciate that the events that happened on that day did not happen to my son. And that they did not happen to me.
They just happened.
Disappointed woman image via Shutterstock
About Kapil Gupta
Through his research on the human mind, Dr. Gupta has discovered the manner by which to transcend the mind. He travels the globe teaching audiences to transcend the mind in order to transform their life into a true living. And their work into a masterpiece. Dr. Gupta and his work can be found at KapilGuptaMD.com.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Kapil
This article really resonated with me, and it was just really well-written. You very eloquently got across the message you were trying to convey.
I have found meditation to be an excellent tool for creating that space between that higher, wise me and all the thoughts, feelings, and reactions that are separate, but we often mistake for being part of us. I am better at responding rather than automatically reacting. This has made a profound difference in my life.
I believe we are always on course to get the things we want, and the things that don’t go as planned, and the disappointments, are there to show us where we still may have blocks and what we need to work on. They are only the end of the road is we let them be.
Thanks for the great reading!
Dearest Kelli,
Thank you for your lovely comment. With regards to meditation creating a SPACE between you and your life, this is certainly a wonderful attitude. Meditation is not about addition, but subtraction. Not about becoming more, but becoming less.
As for being on course to get the things we want, it is said that THE WAY is easy for the person without preferences. Perhaps the greatest BLOCK, to use your word, is our insistence upon steering life. That which is fundamentally wild cannot be steered.
So wonderful to hear from you, Kelli.
Kapil Gupta, MD
This was really well written, with excellent use of metaphors. Thank you !
Thank You, my friend.
Wow, this is so well written and relatable. I have been trying (and failing to some degree) to put my expectations and reality into perspective this was just what I needed to push that process along. Thank you!
Wonderful story to portray this message!!!! I love when you said “This thin layer of space affords a thin window of time. Time that allows
for a measured response. Time that allows for action borne of wisdom,
rather than emotion.”, that has been something I have discovered, and continue to surprise myself each time I practice it (when I remember. smile). 🙂
Thank you, Heather. It is pleasing to know that my words resonated with you.
Space and time can indeed be valuable things. Thanks for your comment, friend.
Great golf analogy. And, I agree, it’s OUR interpretation of events that creates our experiences. Thanks for sharing your story!
Thank you, Sandy.
‘Events does not happen to me, they just happen’ a great thought that makes life less miserable indeed. Thanks for very insightful thoughts.
‘Events that happen does not happen to me, they just happen’ a great thought that makes life less miserable indeed. Thanks for very insightful thoughts.
We could almost live our entire life with that one comment, could we not?
Thanks, Ravi.
Hi Kapil, meaningful story and thank you for sharing.I believe your words “a thin layer of space” for me mean “accepting what is”. I ended up in a burn out situation after waiting 22 years of my life to start my career (being there for my children and husband). Also finding out at this time that I had been living with a person (my husband) who believed our marriage was based on his needs and not mine. I could not see this until it was my turn for him to be there for me.
But the damage of my health,career and marriage (I have since separated) was a devastating one that affected me greatly.
What I hadn’t realized was because of my expectations of life and my marriage, that did not happen,I lost my power to the pain and loss.
If I knew what I have learnt since, that we can’t always control what or when things happen to us but accepting it, does make the struggle and suffering so much less.
By accepting, it puts you in the position to take back your power, to stand and make better or different decisions to get what you want.
“Accepting” or “a thin layer of space” is a way we found, to move forward.