“We can let circumstances rule us, or we can take charge and rule our lives from within.” ~Earl Nightingale
Last Christmas, I was jobless.
With piling bills and debts, I was trying to switch from a freelancer to a full-time employee. I had been job hunting for weeks, with zero results. I started wondering why. I was qualified, I had a great resume, and I was willing to work hard. So why did I feel so helpless, like the reins were in someone else’s hands?
I didn’t like the feeling, but I couldn’t see how I could take control. Everyone said that’s how the job hunting process is. Endless applications and waiting for responses that may never come. There’s nothing you can do about it. Just remain positive. Hope for the best. Wait. Try harder.
Well, I had just about had it up to my neck with this kind of advice. I was being inundated with positive messages, and I began to question their effectiveness. What’s the use of being positive if it doesn’t change anything?
Now, I am an optimist. Glass half full and everything. But as weeks passed by and I hadn’t landed so much as one interview, the whole glass business started to turn sour. Simply remaining optimistic didn’t change anything.
I wasn’t getting any better results, and I wanted to do something about it rather than sit around with an imaginary glass.
It was one week before Christmas when I had a breakthrough. I decided to quit ”looking for a job.” I stopped ”trying to remain positive.” No use beating a dead horse. It wasn’t defeat. It was just a change of tactic.
Someone once said that insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.
Endlessly applying to jobs with no results was indeed driving me insane. It was time I looked for other solutions. After all, I had nothing to lose. Might as well have some fun, explore and experiment with different options.
Without realizing it, I had taken control. As cheesy as it sounds, I had taken back the power from the mysterious employers behind the computer screen. I stopped caring what they thought and started to focus on what I wanted to accomplish.
Just a day before, I was searching for things like “how to get a job.” Suddenly, I was forced to search for something else. It was my day off from job hunting. What should I do instead? The mere thought that it was totally up to me gave me infinite control. I was free from the shackles of insanity.
What happened next was life-changing. Instead of trying to get tips on how to land a job, I started to look at successful people that I wanted to emulate. Because I was no longer worrying about trying to get a job, I was free to turn my attention elsewhere, which led me to think about ways to achieve success and get ahead.
It may sound like nothing, but in hindsight, it was everything. I realized what I wanted wasn’t a job. It was a fulfilling life. Of course, a source of income was an inevitable part of it, but it was just that. One part of a much larger picture.
I was curious about how others had done it. I researched people I aspired to resemble one day. I perused advice and life stories of current CEOs and influencers. Then I revamped my application material with all this in mind, sent them in, and continued my exciting research.
Instead of just looking for a job, I was now clearer about what I wanted and what I had to offer. I was more selective about where I applied, and I wrote my cover letters with a deeper understanding of the companies and how I’d fit within them.
To my surprise, I landed an interview within twenty-four hours. The next day, I landed another two. I was completely thrown off, but I could not deny the immediate effects of my tiny decision.
Simply by switching the search terms online, I was getting better results in my own life. The simplicity of it was what shocked me the most. After all, everyone knows that if you aren’t getting results you want from a search engine, you change the terms.
I was reminded of countless accounts of people who had tried something else and achieved seemingly miraculous success, but until this moment, I never thought it would happen to me. I just thought those people were lucky. I didn’t even realize this was what I thought until I collided head-on with the revelation.
As it turns out, luck often comes to those who want to create it. Positive thinking is good but ineffective without action. And that action could be as small as simply deciding to change.
In reality, all I really did was switch from a passive state of mind to an active one. I had made a decision to change, and therefore brought it about. More importantly, the positive messages I discarded weren’t wrong. It was my way of taking them in.
Now, I don’t stop with listening. I don’t think, ”that’s really good advice” and do nothing about it. What I do now is take the advice and run with it. Think of ways to make it my own. After seeing the difference it made in my life, how could I do otherwise?
If you want change, don’t wish for it. Create it.
Time for a change image via Shutterstock
About Loni Klara
Loni Klara is a digital marketer and blogger who aims to spread laughter by writing about screwball comedy films. As a Third Culture Kid who grew up on three continents, she has no qualms talking to all sorts of people. If you’re in the mood for a chat, you can find her on Twitter (@loniklara).
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Loni,
Thanks for the wonderful post. Too many times we get stuck into what is not working for us and in a way, unknowingly expand it. You have provided a great example of how to break from the rut of “what ifs” and what is not working to taking control of your thoughts and feelings.
I am a firm believer of the Law of Attraction. I feel that once we are in control of our thoughts and emotions, we can attract anything we desire in our lives. Nowadays, I set an intention while waking up, to have a great day. It works wonderfully, because I know that my external world may have issues, but I can choose to have control of how I feel about it. It is about being proactive rather than reactive.
Thanks again for wonderful reminder to think from the end in mind and also about the freedom we possess in terms of thoughts.
Hi Loni
Your story is a perfect example of what can happen with a bit of clarity and a shift in mindset. No doubt you got some energy flowing in a better direction, and that was mirrored back to you with more effective results with less effort and strife.
It sounds so obvious to study people whom we admire to get some clues as to what lay behind their success, but we often don’t do this, and remain stuck in ways of being and belief systems that totally don’t serve us. Mindset is what truly separates people who love their life, love what they do,etc..and those who don’t.
Great post!
Thank you, Kelli! It’s so true that what seems so obvious often gets lost behind the status quo, or the way things are ‘supposed’ to be. And when you do study people you want to emulate, inevitably they have done something that’s completely out of the norm and taken risks. A different mindset is all that’s needed to change. It’s so simple but hard to put into practice!
As Ghandi said, we must be the change we wish to see. Sharing this!
I’m curious as to what actions you took. Deciding to focus on the life you wanted instead of just getting a job is great. But what did that look like. What’s the take home action advice here?
Hi Neetika, I totally agree! I’ve always believed in the law of attraction myself, but at times failed to really embrace it without even realizing it. Now that I know it does really work, I’ll be more mindful and pay attention to what’s going on inside as well as outside. I think setting an intention at the beginning of your day is a great way to start! Thanks for the tip 🙂
That is the gist of it! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Hi Miranda, the specific actions would depend on individual circumstances. But for me, once I started looking for a fulfilling life as opposed to a job, my actions began to change in a string of chain reactions. First, I started being really selective and thorough about the companies I was applying to, which meant I understood them better and was able to write way better cover letters for them. This then led to more productive interviews that were about finding out if we’d be a good fit for each other rather than your standard dry interview where you’re just hoping to get the job, etc. Hope this answers your question 🙂
Thanks for the wonderful post. This boosts my confidence up.
I see my reflection in this post.
Was just curious to know more about the “switching and revamping your application part”
Could you please elaborate more on what your approach was?
I love the part about accepting your circumstances. I think we often get so caught up in the outcome or the destination that we overlook the idea of creating a fulfilling life right now. I’ve been working on putting this into practice in my own life. Thanks!
Thank you for being an inspiration to others who are in that uncomfortable space of searching for jobs. Today nearly every employer is “looking for the right fit” but often undervaluing candidates by low balling on compensation and/or expectations of duties that could actually be two (or three!) different positions.
You’ve done a great deed by sharing your experience and inspiring others to create in ways that align with their desires and admirations.
Great post and so true; you can only see changes once you make changes. We’re glad you mentioned action, as so many people, especially Law of Attraction enthusiasts, put less emphasis on taking inspired action (which led us to write about it). There is no motion without any action.
Wonderful post!! Thank you for sharing your inspiring message and valuable insight! 🙂
You are welcome, Loni.
Loni. I am so happy you wrote this because I am going through the same thing. I am in a financial pickle. I am not making enough money to live and I need a job, a good one that pays wells. I have been applying and I have been met with many rejections. This has really discouraged me, as I am looking for work outside my desired profession. I am an actor and I have to rely on a survival job to survive. I hate it.
However, I cannot seem to find a good survival job. And I am trying everyday. I am thinking of just going F#$k It, I am going to stop trying so hard and take things as they come.
I had a similar experience from my last lay off! After a lay off I was in desperation mode. Without as much savings as I should have and being taken of guard, I had to do a lot of job searching really fast. After about two weeks of boredom, I decided on soul-searching instead.
I found interest in hobbies that I had become disinterested in long ago. I found what parts of my career I liked, what I hated, and what parts I loved doing and was good at at the same time. After having a more focused approach about what I wanted out of a job, it’s almost as if the jobs came to me.
I made my portfolio reflect the type of work I liked to do, not what I thought I should strive for. Turns out I’m a lot better at crafting, communicating, and interviewing for the areas I love the most. Who knew!
Hi Loni and all the tinybuddha community, Its a nice and insightful article. It’s been close to six months, I have been following tinybuddha and it has changed my perspective of life in a big way. I have actually started to live my life in true sense.
Loni, you talk about changing the attitude towards life no matter how small that be. For past 6 months, I have been following this policy. Writing here is one such example of that coz earlier I used to shy away from writing or for that matter expressing my thoughts.
I have many things to go on and on but I will conclude here. I want you and the whole tinybuddha community to know, that you guys are really making this world a better place to live by sharing your valuable experiences. Please keep up the good work. Thanks.
Talya, I’ve been there! A wonderful thing happens when you realize you’ve got nothing to lose – it frees you up to try something new and different. I wish you the best on that endeavor.
Thank you for the comment! You should keep writing more 🙂
‘It’s almost as if the jobs came to me.’ Exactly, couldn’t have said it better myself 🙂 I think the most difficult part is really figuring out what you truly want. Once you know the answer to that, the rest falls into place.
So funny how we often tend to overlook the things that matter most!
Hi Vineeth, it wasn’t a matter of approach, because I wasn’t thinking about it in terms of a job application. My mindset was that I had absolutely nothing to lose, so just try whatever I wanted to try!
Well.. i am in the boat now… Its been almost a month since I have been trying to get my next job. Loni, as you have mentioned… I need the money to pay the bills but my heart is trying to do something which I love to do. Unfortunately, I am not able to understand what to choose. I have been in the IT industry for the past 13 years and until now I can say that I have been here only bcoz of the pay. I have a family – wife and two daughters – 9 years and 7 years old and I love them. I always want to give my family the best. I am still looking for my next job in the same industry as I am too scared to go in a new direction, not sure if that will pay me the same way the IT industry pays !! Is there a way to find out what one loves to do. While I try keep trying for my next job, I can also see how to find time to do what I love and try to put my focus there… who knows maybe that might give me a better
Maybe.. i should take your approach. Let me write down what I like to do.. I am going to think all positive and take charge. Let my covering letter speak about what I love to do and dont bother about what the pay packet would be. I have always been guided by God on tougher situations and I know he will do it here as well.
I agree. Getting stuck and not being authentic in our approach makes us land into the slush pile.
As a technical writer who has helped military retirees with their retirement resumes and cover letters, I can say that being selective and honing in on what feeds the soul and pinpoints career needs is effective in tightening job searches. People who are hiring want someone who is excited about the prospect of working for them. They want someone with passion, loyalty and commitment. Regardless of the pessimistic world we sometimes live, most people who hire someone for their business wants someone who knows their business, appreciates what it does and who has a positive nature. Very important distinctions can be made in how one words their resume or cover letters. I can’t tell you how many template cover letters I’ve seen from clients or boring resumes that do nothing to recommend them to their future employer.
Loni,
I feel like I am in the mental place you were when you were trying to find a job, it just feels like I’m running in place really fast, going nowhere.
My problem is that I’m 26 years old and haven’t done nearly half of what I wanted to do. Life hasn’t been what I planned or worked for and I feel like I’ve lost all sense of direction. I studied journalism and tried continously to find a job for several years to no avail. So I finally just gave up this year and decided to go back to school for nursing. It will take about 3-4 years and more school debt which I’m not happy about. I just want to know when can I finally start living my life? When can I travel and meet different people from all over the world as I had wanted to do as a journalist. When can I have a house with a mini farm in the backyard like I always imagined. I don’t have money to do anything and all I do is watch TV to save money because anything you do cost money. I’m just so frustrated and unmotivated. I dont even know how to make my energy positive because whenever I start trying to change it, it makes me anxious. I wasted degree in journalism and all the dreams I had were taken with it. I don’t know anymore..
I’m kind of on the opposite side of this. I have a job but I hate it. Going into it I knew that it would be everything I’ve always never wanted in a job. Despite that I decided to look at it in a better light. (i.e. maybe it will be fun, I’ll learn new things, etc.). It isn’t helping. I also quit University after 1 year (I got good grades but I didn’t CARE enough to warrant going for the full program. I also had no clue what to get into).
I’m 19 and I don’t want to waste my life doing things I hate, and I don’t want to wake up every morning and just not care. I know that people my age are notoriously bad for job hopping and complaining about hard work but I don’t mind doing a hard job if it means something. I like challenges.
I know what I want in life (I want to be creative, I want to learn all that I can, and I want people to be happy [among other things]). I just don’t quite know how to get there. I think mostly because I’m afraid.
But I’ve started a blog on the side and while it doesn’t do anything for me financially, it’s helping me spiritually. I have a better sense of who I am and who I want to be because of it. It also allows me to express myself.
…I should take your advice and change my values from I don’t want and I want to I will, and maybe I should more faith in myself.
Vent/rant over. Thank you kindly for the advice. I also apologize for writing your ear out?
Hi Jenny, I can totally identify with the situation. It might be a quarter-life crisis, it might just be the world we live in, but in any case it does often feel like you’ve ‘wasted’ your time and money on something. But I find that eventually you will see that you have learned something from all your experiences after all, even if it’s just to teach you what not to do. And from what I can see, the good news for you is that you do know what you want to do. The reasons you went into journalism are clear. Maybe being a journalist won’t make it happen for you, but some other method will! The approach of ‘when can I start living my life’ is not helpful, because you are already living your life. I think one of the biggest mistakes people make in our generation is that we need to figure out exactly what we want to be, and come up with some kind of solid plan that will take us there, but it often doesn’t work that way. (For some, maybe but definitely not all.) Everything we do now will shape the future, even if it’s just making enough money so that we can use it to travel later. When you know what your immediate goals are and focus on them, it just gets a lot easier. I don’t know how you decided to go into nursing, but you must have had your reasons. Figure out if they’re valid and focus on what’s in front of you. The future is in the future!
Jamie, it’s great that you started a blog. It’s really helpful in just getting things out of your system! But if you really hate where you are, look for something else. It doesn’t have to be the perfect job, as long as it’s a step up from your previous one. Work on improvement one step at a time 🙂 And if you do decide to go back to school, my advice would be to explore… take classes that really interest you. The only things I remember from college are the classes that I actually took out of my own interest and most of them had nothing to do with my major! Also, compared to when I was actually in university, I know what I want to study a lot better now that I’ve had more time to get to know myself. Going to school a bit later can be a wise move. I wish we had gap years like other countries where you just travel or work before you enroll full-time!
Thank you Loni. Just because I can’t go down the road I planned to travel doesn’t mean I can’t take another road to get to the same destination. You’re so right. I was so angry and stuck on fighting it that I wasn’t making the best of my surroundings. I guess it’s time to get creative and to keep on moving.. and that actually sounds very exciting because now I feel as though anything is possible. I will be changing my approach and mindset and hopefully the universe will adjust itself the same. Thank you soo much!
I can resonate with this post. I went through the same thing when I was changing jobs in the past. And I can understand what you mean by a fulfilling life and not just a job. I sent mediocre applications to companies I didn’t care for when I was looking to change jobs. I wasn’t surprised or disappointed the slightest bit when they weren’t ‘interested’ in me. When I was encouraged by my college friends to personalize my applications for companies I wanted to work for, I also started landing interviews and jobs that I was actually interested in, like you. Learning to be assertive has helped me tremendously with every aspect of my life over the last few years and I’m very thankful that I was able to ‘change’ for the better.
Hi Loni,
Nice article and well written too. Yes in Life to know and get what we want, some times we are required just to drop or move out of our useless efforts. Trying harder/waiting longer is a vicious and humiliating cycle. As you say, giving up useless efforts frees and widens our mind.
Thanks for sharing!
I remember being unemployed for almost one year. It was the most frustrating time that I had ever went through. I submitted a ton of job applications, going off to interviews, and was turned down with rejection letters by email. No matter how hard I tried to remain optimistic, it was impossible. I told myself to NOT give up, and an opportunity will come along.
In order for me to stay focused with the job search, I would go to the library to check out some books, make a much needed trip to the hair and nail salon, watch movies on Netflix, go grocery shopping, and cook. Every morning when I get up, I would tell myself that my situation was only temporary, and someone will hire me.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Loni.