“Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
First, let’s be clear about something…
Surrender is not about giving up, handing power over, or failing. It is not waving the white flag of defeat.
We are so used to striving and trying so hard for an outcome that anything outside of that formula seems like self-sabotage.
It isn’t. In fact, surrender is the pinnacle of evolved and enlightened behavior.
Surrender is the beautiful soft space of acceptance. It is an allowing—allowing life to unfold and to be what it is, irrespective of your agendas, expectations, and judgments.
It’s that arms-wide-open energy that is deeply rooted in trust. Relaxing and trusting that, even though things might not seem perfect or they might not be according to your plan, that everything will turn out just the way its meant to for your highest good.
Why do we want to embrace surrender? Because this is how we get out of our own way.
This is how we experience a life of real freedom. Free from our limiting self-beliefs, emotional blocks, and negative self-talk—all the stuff that prevents real growth and transformation. Ultimately, preventing you from an extraordinary life—a limitless life.
At first, the journey into surrender can be very destabilizing. Be assured, you will question it, resist, and try to force stuff to happen, but eventually, when you completely let go, you’ll discover that surrender is the space where everything starts to shift.
Surrender allows us to step into our lives ready to receive, completely able to manifest, and willing to embrace everything—the good, the bad, and the ugly—with an open heart. It’s from this place that real magic happens.
To really understand surrender we need to look at its opposite.
Can you relate to any of these scenarios?
1. Something unexpected has happened and you feel a bit down in the dumps.
Are you comfortable with moving on quickly? Or, do you get stuck on how you believed a situation should have played out?
Notice if you notoriously hold a grudge or can’t handle it when things don’t go to plan. The only person that suffers in this situation is you. Turning an annoying situation into a crisis doesn’t help or do anything to change it.
2. You are working on a project that you really care about. You’ve hit a wall, a plateau.
Do you see that as a clear sign you need to back off? Or, do you grip the reins tighter and try even harder?
This one’s for you if you insist on doing more, going further, pushing through, even when it’s time for a breather. This type of behavior will send you straight to Stuck-ville, a place devoid of creativity and joy!
3. In a discussion or argument, is it possible for you to admit when you are wrong, say you’re sorry, or compromise?
Or, is it your way or no way at all?
Take note, self-confessed control freaks and know-it-alls! This type of attitude is a direct route to self-sabotage. This narrow-minded behavior will block you from experiencing different perspectives and detaching from limiting ideas.
Wouldn’t it be so incredible to be free from this energy of control, attachment, resistance, and fear? What kind of life could you live if you were limitless? Free? Wholehearted?
In hindsight, I see that the universe has been coaxing me to let go from a very young age. I think maybe I was born holding on. To what, I’m not sure—my place in the world?
But I do know my grip was tight. I’ve always been light-hearted and happy, but underneath that lived a layer of effort, so structured and controlled that in the end I did nothing. At a standstill, road blocking myself. Life was unnecessarily exhausting.
Ten years ago surrender wasn’t even a concept I was familiar with, let alone one I could fathom embracing. I had no idea that I was about to embark on a master-class in surrender.
How Do We Come to Surrender?
There are three distinct ways that we can come to a place of surrender.
A Lack of Control
Sometimes you look at your life and ask yourself if you can change or leave a negative situation. When the answer you get back is a resounding no, it’s in that moment that the only thing left is acceptance.
Honestly, that’s most of the time. We often have no control over the situation, but we do have control over what we choose to do, what we think, and how we feel—that’s surrender.
When Everything Falls Apart
All hell has broken loose. Crisis in its many forms, death by fire, stuff is going down. Surrender, whether you realize it or not, has come knocking on your door.
If you don’t listen you are just going to go down in flames, figuratively speaking. Instead of armoring up, ready to fight, perhaps a deep breath and a reminder to trust will throw you safely into the arms of surrender. A more peaceful response.
By Choice
Through awareness, personal growth, and intuition we can invite surrender in when it comes knocking. It’s a choice made in the present moment. Seeing reality for what it is and opening up to it wholeheartedly.
Over the last thirty-one years, I’ve been tripped up by many moments, but it’s only been in the last ten that I could almost hear the words “Surrender! Surrender!” chiming in my ears with each stumble.
It sounds like the message had fallen on deaf ears, right? I mean, why else would it keep coming my way?
Well, we are creatures of habit and habits are hard to break. It’s not a rip-it-off-quick type scenario. We may have to fall down a few times before the message gets through and we realize that the path we are walking is leading to a dead end.
It wasn’t that long ago that I fell down a few times before I heard the call to surrender. I had a back injury that was preventing me from moving forward in my yoga practice. I tried to manage the injury, but really, I wasn’t listening to its call. I resisted and, of course, the injury persisted.
Energy flows where attention goes. And my attention was certainly stuck in the limitations of my back. All I could think about was how to fix it. I was so frustrated with my body.
Surrender finally came to me four weeks before my wedding day when I put my back out, again. I emailed my teacher to let her know I would be back soon. She replied, “Take three months off, practice at home, and break the cycle.”
As I read her words I could feel my grip tighten on my routine, my practice, my yoga. Even then, a year after I first sustained this injury, I was still resisting and controlling.
Bizarrely, within days, I realized her email was a divine message. So I listened. The four weeks leading up to my wedding day were the most incredible days. I practiced without rhyme or reason, I went to random yoga classes, practiced outside, or didn’t practice at all.
The irony was, I felt stronger, more balanced, and more connected than I had in a long time. She was right. I had to surrender to break the cycle
Today, I know that surrender is part of my divine journey. I am still on the surrender train. I don’t think I will ever stop learning, nor will you.
The beauty, though, is that now I know what surrender looks like, how it feels and fits in my body, what size and shape I can wear comfortably.
I now know that letting go—right in those moments when I really don’t want to—is always right for me, so I respond faster when I hear the call. I know that the life I truly want—limitless, free, and abundant—comes from that space of pure, openhearted surrender.
It’s from that rich territory of surrender that we finally let go of the limiting energy of control and force.
And when we aren’t controlling, we have completely stepped out of our own way. We are ready to receive, to tap into the abundant possibilities available to us, and to manifest a life free from restraint and restrictions.
About Claire Obeid
Claire Obeid, founder of The Wellness Project, is a Holistic Health + Life Coach and Yoga Teacher. She has just released a new ebook: INSPIRED - A DIY Guide to Distil Your dreams. Claire is also the author of Get out of your own way: 17 ways to surrender and the creator of The Freedom Project – An ecourse on limitless living.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Thank you for your article Claire. It is a beautifully written article. I am learning to surrender to accept my current situation and I feel better about struggling with my practice of surrender after reading your article.
Beautiful. I do believe we hold tightly to our role in this world. I have been feeling lately how much my life has been a constant lesson in forgiveness and surrender…and how pain is such a powerful teacher:). Thank you.
Beautiful, articulate piece, Claire! Thanks your thoughtfulness and wisdom — it’s especially meaningful to me at this turn in my life.
Beautifully written and, hopefully, simple enough for most people who resist the idea of surrender. One of my yoga teachers used “Receive what you are given.” I use this all the time, too. (Good for meditating, as well.) Receive it all, as it is, the good and the not-so-good, without resistance. Surrender to what is and then let go of anything that doesn’t serve you. Accept, then release. Thank you, Claire. Namaste.
Beautiful post, and message about the importance of surrendering! I really enjoyed the clarity you brought in your writing by stating the opposite, then about surrender. Really enjoyed this, thank you! 🙂
Thank you SO much for this article. It was exactly what I needed today and exactly what I have been working on in my yoga practice lately.
Thank you MB. We do hold on so tight, don’t we! Pain is such a powerful lesson. I hope your life’s lesson’s start to deliver you some joy too.
Thank you Jeffrey, appreciate the kind words and so glad this post was meaningful to you.
Thanks so much Rose. I hope it is simple enough – it’s such a big ‘concept’ and people get scared by Surrender… but hoping to spread the message that it is the most divine space to be in. I love your teacher’s advice! “receive it all’ – so beautiful.
Thank you so much!! The opposite always helps me understand.
All the best with your beautiful yoga practice Kristi. Thanks so much.
Thanks! So glad it’s helped you to feel better. Wishing you lots of love + surrender.
Beautiful piece! Thanks for stating things so clearly. This is one that a lot of people have a hard time understanding, but it is so essential for liberation. Made my day.
I absolutely agree. You say it so well. To know this and to be able to translate it to where others can come to know it is a Divine gift. I only thought I was in control until I realized nothing was in my control. My life turned upside down and only then did I become aware of the illusion. I give myself wonderful appreciation for the effort I gave in my life up until that point. I did try very hard. Now I see how strong I was when I felt my weakest. The moment before surrendering was the most climatic of all but then I gave in. I accepted that nothing was within my power. In that moment I opened my eyes for the first time ever like a new born child everything new. I am now free of my own deception. Free of my own inability to see it the way that it is. I have finally gotten out of my own way. I can now see that if this was my condition it is also the condition of others. I no longer judge others because I know they can only see through their own belief filters. You cannot see what you do not know. We are all on the same journey only the paths are different. Freedom is the ability to see what is truly happening. Thank you, Tina Miranda.
A question… from a newbie… isn’t surrender a passive path of life? Of just sitting back and letting whatever happens happen? The US culture teaches that actively working toward a goal is a good thing, a virtuous thing. Just accepting whatever comes is defeatist. Just wondering because although it makes logical sense to surrender to the good and bad in life, it goes against everything I’ve been taught as a member of the American culture. How can you merge Buddhism into American values?
Hello Claire
Love the article… but I have some doubts regarding surrender… I have always thought that in order for the Universe to do something for you, we must do something for it… What goes around comes around right? But in a difficult situation, if we let go, isnt that giving up ? There are some many contradictory passages in this regard wherein at one point – Karma is constituted to be the divine path of righteousness and salvation, in order to attain and be free, in difficult situations, we surrender. Where is the drawing line where we must stop and look as to where to go? Your views?
hey nice article….i liked it…but would beg to differ…doesn’t it what you are trying to imply is opposite to being courageous to the different situations life throws at you…if you look at it from my point of view…its very important to be courageous and get going towards whatever he/she is aspirant towards…i am not looking for any debate here…but would really like to know …whats your view on this…as i believe conversation begets to new ideas…thanking in anticipation….cheers!!!
well written! thank you for this article,,it makes you feel better.
Serendipity. I’ve been presented with loss and opportunities for surrendering and I so agree with you. I agree in the most deep profound level I can. Only when you are ready to lose it all are you ready to find true abundance. Only when you are ready to fail completely are you really ready to succeed. Can we have that kind of trust and complete reliance?
And yes, it goes deeper. Can we let go of everything that we believe we are and accept that our true identity is pure spirit (which has no clothes, or family, or memories). I wrote about it and it brought a lot up in the comments. Talking about surrender seems triggers a lot of feelings. Yes, it’s so hard to detach, but you are right, only that complete willingness to surrender all control can bring the stillness of knowing you will be held. Wow…it’s such a moment of grace that tiny fraction of time when you truly say: Yes, I’m willing dear Universe, I’m at your feet. I TRUST.
really great lessons here Claire, you make your points so well that they stare you back in the face. In recent times I’ve been working on ‘surrendering into gratitude’ for things that have been really hard, like infertility. I’ve found it very freeing, when I can let go and give thanks.
How beautiful! Love your words and insight.
Thanks for your comment. And I like that you don’t want to argue but up for a discussion. I actually after with you… But I don’t believe it’s a case of wrong/right black/white. I too thing courage, determination and digging deep is powerful and necessary. My stance on surrender is that we a) use control TOO much and don’t call on surrender enough and that b) sometimes when all that courageous behaviour is still bringing you up against brick walls, that maybe we need to ask if or courage is actually blocking us as maybe surrender could help instead.
Surrender isn’t always relevant. I frequently embrace courage, strength and drive… But when that’s not working for me, I’ll ask, where can I let to? Would surrender help me here.
I like your ideas! Honestly, I don’t see the universe as a tit-for-tat relationship. As in most give something to receive. I see us, individually and as a collective as part of and one of the same universal energy. Which means we don’t owe anything to it, we are IT. So first up… As long as we are living from our truth, following our own divine inner guidance and being authentic I feel that’s all the universe expects from us – being in alignment with out soul.
Secondly, surrender to me is most definitely not about giving up. I start off this article explaining that. I actually are surrender as the biggest challenge and example of moving forward!
It’s the hardest thing to do but the most rewarding. Surrender is not raising the white flag hit about CHOOSING a different energy, attitude, approach, pathway… It is still action based, just softer and without the expectations and judgments that get in the way of seeing the truth.
Firstly. I’m not a Buddhist or an American. 😉 But if you see the above reply that might help. It is a completely different attitude to defeatism or giving up. I don’t believe in them. I never give up. I just reframe, soften, choose a different more fulfilling way.
Hi claire, amazing article I identified with so much. I’m 19 and already feel as though the way I am living is exhausting. There are so many different types of control and although I project this image of a care free, relentlessly happy and relaxed person who will never take offense and will laugh everything off. I am not, I am unbearably sensitive. Recently in pursuing my dream in the arts, I am put under scrutiny and in vulnerable situations on a daily basis, resulting in a huge lack of control. Whereby the cruelty of others comments and opinions are inevitable. I always feel as though I am waiting for the next one. I feel this mask of mine starting to slip and just the effort in itself of trying to keep it on is so draining. I want to surrender so much, but I am confused. By surrendering how will peoples mean and hurtful opinions of me become bearable? Does surrendering mean I cannot stand up for myself too when I reach a breaking point? I have immense difficulty trusting people and easing up around people. I hold grudges too.
“Surrender, just go with it. Alright?!”
My life has been turned upside down since I was out of job last month. Now I feel like everything that I have done in this year comes to nothing.I believe in acceptance, surrender and faith. Divine solution will present itself, which is better than my plan. However, things are not moving or changing. I have tried looking for jobs actively but there has been no call-back. I will be saddled with debt soon. I am trying so hard not to judge myself or situation that I’m currently in, yet reality is different.
I only just read this now, eight months after your comment, but I was moved to reply. It is awful when people are mean and hurtful. You don’t have to pretend other people’s mean spiritedness doesn’t affect you, because it does. Go ahead and be sad that other people are so unfulfilled and miserable in their lives that they must pass it on to others – it is something to be sad about! However… do realize that when other people are being mean, it is all about THEM, and not about you. Think about moments when you wanted to say something hateful to someone else (and hopefully stopped yourself) – chances are, you were hurt, angry, or in some kind of pain. It wasn’t really about the other person, it was about you. The same applies to others who are being ugly and hurtful. It’s about their misery and pain, not about you. They could be jealous that you are following your dream and they are not. They could have just been rejected mercilessly and want to spread their pain in order to lessen it in themselves. But regardless of the reason for their ugliness, it’s about THEM. They are advertising their shortcomings, not shining a light on yours. If anything, their darkness serves to brighten your own light.
This time in your life when you are feeling out of control and at the mercy of others’ opinions could be seen as a way to strengthen your own resolve on following your dream. Most people don’t have the strength or fortitude to follow their dreams, so be proud of yourself! The ones who are attempting to bring you down are only wanting you to join them in their failure, so they can feel better about it. Don’t let them! This is a great opportunity for you to grow far bigger than you ever thought possible!!
BRAVO!
Hi, I’m 32y.o Male, I’ve been lonely for most of my life also I mainly work night shift at my local newspaper print centre and I don’t often go out to party or drink socially with friends or work colleagues, When I’m at home where there no one around to talk to, I feel sad & I try to find something to do that make me re-happy for a while but a few hours later I give up or have a break & do something else for a while to change the way how I feel then I might go back to the previous task that I was doing also when im at work there is a good work mate who cheers me up when im feeling down & when I leave work I go back to my normal self or sometimes I just want to give up, How do I over come from this?
Beautifully written! It is something that can apply to many aspects of life! Thanks for the reminder:-)
Wow! Thank you very much for this, i will do this and i will let my self limitless free, thank you very much, one day i will be able to forgive someone, and let my fear to my self go away,