“Before someone’s tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, appreciate them today. “ ~Michelle C. Ustaszeski
My brother Greg and I were the closest of friends growing up, even if you weigh in the occasional tiff or disagreement we sometimes had.
We discovered our favorite toys together as kids, rode bikes side by side, and conquered video games as a two-man team. Even well into our teenage years, we were an inseparable pair, always looking out for one another.
The fact that our father died of a brain tumor when we were young had forged a deep understanding between us. I remember us crying together in our mother’s arms when we got the news, soaking her chest with tears. We both knew without saying a word that we’d need one another to lean on in the years to come.
My Brother’s Keeper
One day Greg and I were out in the woods in the wintertime with our grandfather and uncle when we happened upon a small river. A collapsed tree had fallen over it, which offered the only visible means of crossing. So with the adults behind me and my brother in front, we set about making it to the other side.
Somewhere around the halfway point, Greg slipped and fell into the river. Instinctually, I yelled out, “Hang on, Greg! I’m coming!” and immediately dove in after him. Once in the river, I was able to lift him back toward the fallen tree, where Grandpa pulled him the rest of the way up, followed by me.
The river might not have been deep enough to drown him, but it didn’t really matter to me. My brother was in trouble, and the last place I wanted to be was out of his reach. Jumping in with him put us both in the same predicament, fighting our way out together—the same as it was when our father died.
And Greg more than returned the favor one day, when a kid from the neighborhood pulled a bow and arrow back at pointed it at me. Without even hesitating, Greg stood directly in front of me and said, “If you’re gonna kill my brother, you have to kill me first.” The kid slowly released the bow, dropped his arrow, and ran away.
Two Of A Kind
We were cut from the same cloth, my brother and I. Our love and courage for one another knew no limits or bounds. But like most brothers, we often found ourselves at odds over the most trivial of things.
We argued about toys, had screaming matches over who would get to keep the prize from a cereal box, and even punched each other out once over a video game.
Being cut from the same cloth could also mean a mutual stubbornness during disagreements. And though we always seemed to work things out, a day arrived when we would no longer have that luxury.
Pain Is A Teacher
Greg and I were going through another one of our tiffs in the fall of 1997 (we weren’t exactly burning mad at each other, but we hadn’t been speaking much, either), when I was awoken by a phone call from my grandmother one morning.
She told me that my brother had been hit head-on by a drunk driver the night before…and was killed instantly. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
After I hung up the phone, I screamed and wailed for nearly two hours straight. I just couldn’t articulate my pain any other way. There was such a strong bond between me and Greg that I felt like half of my body had been cut in half.
And on top of the pain of losing him, I was reminded of that one final argument we never got to resolve. It took me years before I stopped thinking about it and began to appreciate the valuable lesson life had taught me.
An Open Challenge
I’m a lot more cautious these days about leaving things unresolved with people I love, or with anyone else for that matter. Life is short. We’re all given a set amount of days in which to enjoy this life and appreciate one another—and none of us know just how much time we actually have left.
Today is the time to work out our differences and disputes with the people we love, and to ask ourselves an important question: Is my stubbornness really worth it? Is it possible that I’ve been making a big deal out of something trivial—a position that I’d feel awful about if this person died tomorrow?
I hear stories all the time from people who never got to tell a parent how much they loved them before they passed, and even siblings who never buried the ax before it was too late. Regret is one of the hardest things in the world to live with.
Challenge yourself to resolve an issue with someone you’ve been feuding with for a long time, especially if it’s a family member or friend. Let them know they mean much more to you than your old stubborn position in a past argument.
Photo by Fovea Centralis
About Shawn W. Larson
Shawn W. Larson was once a hip-hop producer and recording engineer who worked with some of the most notable names in the business. Today, he is married with three children, and enjoys writing, photography, and meditation.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Stubborness is one really bad characteristic I have. And I realize it worthlessly ruining my relationships. Today I was thinking about how we can only thank for and realize the great things in our lives, only when they are no longer there. Sorry for your story, great post.
Oh Shawn, your story breaks my heart! It is really sad and painful! The pain is beyond the comprehension of anyone who hasn’t suffered the loss of a loved one.
And you are so right, do not leave things unsolved. Show love and gratitude every day!
Thanks for sharing your story 🙂
Great message, thank you for sharing your story, and experience! I am truly sorry for that loss, and the painful yrs that followed! 🙁 HUGS to you, and kudos to sharing your courage and vulnerability to spread such an important message!!! 🙂
I miss my big brother. I too felt like I had lost a literal part of myself. He was always my keeper. He was the constant in my life as our Mom died the day after I was born and we lived with our Grandparents until Dad got out of the Navy. I am thankful that even though there were years that I did not know where he was, the last few months of his life I was able to tell him how much I missed and loved him. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hi Shawn,
Thanks for sharing your story. I do know the feeling. I had a sister that was anger with me years ago. She died before we ever had a chance to talk. Always wonder if she is still up set with me. I had a dream one night that I was in a car and it was going over a cliff and she was with me. She said, “Don’t worry it is ok because I am here with you.” I took it that all was good with us.
I always make a point when I talk to my kids or hubby leaves for work to tell them that I Love them and they do the same. Life can take turns that we can’t for see and you are right that being stubborn can do much more harm that good.
Thanks again for sharing your story.
Debbie
Thank you very much for this story. My brother and I were also great friends growing up, loving and appreciating each other while simultaneously pushing all the buttons only a sibling can. We were in a bit of a weird spot, not having much to say to each other about six months ago, when he died in a car crash. I felt so horrible and somehow took it on as my fault, until he came into a dream and started teasing and poking me like be always did, looking me straight in the eye with love and laughter. I took that to mean I didn’t have to feel bad, that he still loves me very much, as I do him.
Because this is still so new for me, every time I read or hear a out another person who has gone through something like this, I feel a little more like this is a part of the human expeeince, and I don’t feel quite so alone. Now we get to be the brothers and sisters we are missing.
Thank you so much for this great post.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve had a very troubled relation with my brother since we were young, fighting over the most trivial things. My ex dumped me about 2 months back and I’ve been thinking about my controlling attitude since then. i would always be stubborn about as in my way or the highway and it has really affected my close relations. I’ve recently just started to let things go by thinking whether if this was my last conversation with the person would I really fight over the issue? It’s really helped me become calmer and I can already see a change in my relations.
Great epiphany there..Glad you woke up in time. Most people do not even realize when they are in the grave wrong and how much their stubbornness is costing them, the most precious of their relationships. Its better late than never they say…In redemption comes greater clarity of life…
Your article brought tears to my eyes. What you’re saying is so right. Love and forgiveness are so much more important than holding grudges. Life really is too short. Tahnk you for sharing your story.
Nice article. I had an argument with my sister this morning. To be honest, I already had enough and she only reaches out to us when she needs something. I am really mad at her for being irresponsible and immature. I was pushed to the edge and I told her I don’t care about her anymore. She is really very stubborn and all of our family have given up on her. She is not grateful for all the hard work we did for her. Anyone in the same situation?