“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” ~Cherokee Proverb
Age is a funny thing, isn’t it? It’s both an internal and external measurement by which many of us, consciously or not, judge our successes and failures, and it’s how others often judge us: “She’s so young to be CEO.” “He’s too old to be a quarterback now.” “Those guys should have stopped touring years ago.” “How old is that woman he’s dating?”
Measurement is part of our culture.
Paradoxically, we initially choose our life paths when we are the least prepared to understand the significance of our decisions.
It took me until I reached mid-life, while simultaneously hitting rock bottom, to finally change the course of my life and, most importantly, to learn how to let go of the “whys,” “what ifs,” and “if onlys” that had been my everyday mantras for as long as I could remember.
It’s not easy to put your past in perspective and ignore cultural measurements, and it can be unnerving to allow yourself the time and space to evolve. But from my experience, the mistakes, bad choices, and seemingly insurmountable challenges you may now be facing are truly fixable.
And once you decide you’re ready, you’ll find that it’s cathartic (and yes, a little frightening) to give yourself some time to find your true path, however you define that for yourself.
My path appeared on March 5, 2010. I was president of my family’s company. Except for a few years out of college when I thought I would be a musician, I had always worked in the business.
I knew very early on that joining the company was a mistake, but I had made a commitment to my father in my early twenties, worked my way up from intern to president, and had always done the “right thing.”
In 2010, the world was still recovering from the financial meltdown, and many companies’ sins and weaknesses were exposed. On that Friday morning in March I realized exactly how far down our company had fallen.
In the space of a few minutes, I discovered that people I trusted deeply had been lying to me for years, 300 employees could lose their jobs (including me), my savings were gone, and my house could go into foreclosure.
Everything I had worked for and bet my life—and future—on was collapsing around me. I closed the door to my office and cried.
But wait, it gets worse.
I soon found I could do very little other than sit in my office and watch TV, occasionally crying for no apparent reason. I only talked to the people I had to. Things I loved to do like playing the guitar or riding my motorcycle were of no interest.
Most days I closed the door to my office when I got there in the morning and opened the door nine hours later to go home. Some days, I didn’t even get out of bed.
Having so much time to think, I only focused on my failures (especially as I was desperate to save the company).
I obsessed about why I trusted so easily, where I thought I should have been by now, and why I made the choices I’d made. Regret, anger, fear, embarrassment, and blame encompassed my every moment.
For those of you who have never seen a commercial for antidepressants, these are the classic signs of depression, and I was deep in the abyss before I sought professional help.
Therapy was hugely valuable (and still is), but it was a conscious, meditative exercise an Eastern astrologer friend suggested several months later that gave me the freedom to breathe, gain clarity, and find the courage to change.
My friend told me to take a break, get on my Harley, and disappear for a few days (which was far more difficult than it seems). He said the problems would certainly be there when I returned. While riding he wanted me to practice what he called ‘the simplest state of awareness.’
This meant that any negative thoughts about anything—job, money, house, family, fear, failure, regret, crashing, etc.—were to be pushed away by focusing only on the simplest things around me such as the color of the sky, the smell of the flowers (or car exhaust), the sound of the motorcycle, a bird in flight, the weathered wood on a barn.
If anything negative entered my mind, I was to immediately replace that thought with a simple thought.
Oddly, I had always felt comfortable being unhappy, so to not allow anything negative in was against my nature back then.
But when I replaced a stressful thought with a basic observation about the world around me—an observation where there was no judgment—I started to understand what it meant to “clear your mind.”
This was not about focusing on what I wanted. When I tried to do that and skip the simplest state process, my mind always reverted to what “should” be. I wasn’t ready to start changing my life… yet.
So, what happened? Even in my depression I had enough sense and commitment to do whatever was necessary to fix the company, and after some drastic and painful changes it was slowly stabilizing, but in my heart I knew that it was time for me to leave the family business.
After convincing myself all my life that running the company was my destiny, I understood, and accepted, that it wasn’t. I resigned in February 2011.
My decision did not help my relationship with my father, and I was now left without a job, yet still a mortgage, bills, and a family to support. But for the first time in my life I felt aware. The resentment, shame, and paralyzing fear of change were fading.
I realized I needed to do what I loved and what I was good at—obvious, I know, but not at the time—which was being a creative entrepreneur and working with music in some way.
I started a full-service, strategic creative consulting agency; we work with companies, brands, and top-level artists helping them engage differently with their audiences so they achieve their goals and grow.
From the beginning we landed clients we never thought possible, considering we had no experience, and they’re all still happy today; our reputation has earned us more clients; I have more time to do things for me; apparently I “look” happier; and, financially, I am far better off now doing what I love to do than when I was doing what I had to do.
I also decided to go back to graduate school part-time, which I was prevented from doing years ago; I start in the spring.
The quote in the beginning says not to let yesterday take up too much of today, it doesn’t say “don’t ever look back.”
I believe that while never looking back is a noble goal, it’s very difficult for many people to do, especially me, without the kind of awareness that comes only from distance. So I chose a quote that, for me, was accessible, allowing me the space to safely pause and reflect, and then inspiring me to act when I was ready. You, too, will find the right words for you, if you haven’t already.
It took many years, a traumatic event, and depression for me to start my life over. And still it was difficult and I was afraid when I made that decision; change is scary regardless of it being “right.”
The simplest state exercise helped me gain clarity and perspective, and then time gave me the confidence and courage to act. And remember cultural measurement? I measure myself differently now, and I actively learn from people of all ages.
This is my story so far. I encourage you to find your inspiration and motivation to help you on your journey, and then perhaps you’ll share your story.
Most importantly, you need to know—not just believe—there is a right time for you to change, no matter how hard, no matter your age, no matter the obstacles. If you feel in your heart that you are not where you want to be, it is never too late. Be your own light; the universe will wait for you.
About Brad
Brad doesn’t have a blog or a life-coaching website, although he has a lot of respect for those who do; but he does believe one needs to give to live, so he hopes that by sharing his experiences it will help others. Sometimes it’s just that simple.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Well Brad, you certainly helped me by sharing your experiences. I recognize a lot of me in those feelings you were going through. And you’ve helped convince me that maybe I need to just look at the color of the sky or feel the breeze much more than I’ve been doing.
very good article, even though i do not know you, it makes me proud of you.
i am going through serious adversity and quite some depression.
at 25 today, i can look back at my 23 year old self and see i was more prosperous financially back then but was not living out my true calling. Today, after hitting rock bottom in February, I long for the courage to look forward. This article helps me see that it is okay to move forward, as comfortable as I was in the sadness… this article just gives me hope and motivation.
The guy knew what he wanted to become and yet went into the company … What we can learn from the wisdom is to do what we truly love and we will gain success in that, even if its selling chopsticks
Amazing post and very timely for me as I recognize a lot of my same feelings in your story. I too am stuck in a family business that drains me, but am having a hard time extricating myself. Will try the simple thoughts – thanks!
This is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your story of moving in to alignment with yourself.
Wow Brad you nailed that one for me! I was in a similar situation in a family biz and was trying to get out nicely and then was abruptly fired after 26 years. That was 2009 and 5 years I have had time to work on me and have a great program and practice. Because I had failure as a driver in my brain I have to detach a lot and create rituals to re train my thought process. Money was not the key to happiness, etc. I am so great now – making way less money but happier and have consulting and used the gifts of my well liked sincere personality to build my business. People hired me not the family business and because I was never told that I was valuable I didn’t feel it – now I am abundant in life and not the hamster in the wheel. xo
My God this hit me right in the feels. Thank you for this, Brad. Your courage in sharing your story has helped at a time when I needed it. Even though I don’t know you, I feel like I do after reading this. You are the man!
Great article. At age 30, I earned my medical degree, but was unhappy as a medical student. I currently am contemplating which way I want to go with it as I did not enjoy my last 2 years in medical school. I have become unhappy with a choice I made in pursuing a medical career rather than pursuing my childhood interest in architecture, construction, and design. My brother and father are both physicians and there is a lot of pressure on me.
Thanks Brad for your story. I think that for most of us it takes time to realize we might not be on the path we want to be and find the courage to do something about it. Mid-life or getting more mature is therefore a great time. Enjoy your time going back to school.
Thank you, Lori … for finding the great value in this story! What you said about Brad, “Brad doesn’t have a blog or a life-coaching website, although he has a
lot of respect for those who do; but he does believe one needs to give
to live, so he hopes that by sharing his experiences it will help
others. Sometimes it’s just that simple.” is beautiful! Thank you, Brad, for having sharing this wonderful and valuable story!!! I so needed to read this today!!! Best of luck in your new endeavors!
Hi Jeff. I’m so glad this helped you; that was what I was hoping for when I wrote this. I have no doubt you will find the answers you need.
Hey Sarah, I’m glad the timing was right for you to read this today – everything happens for a reason so I’m happy Lori posted this when she did. Appreciate your comments very much.
Thank you, Peter, for your thoughts. And I’ll run with your ‘getting more mature’ angle from now on – definitely sounds better than mid-life…
Hi Vijay, the best thing about making a choice is that you can always make another one. I knew at age 30 that I was on the wrong road but it took me another eleven years to decide to do what I wanted to do for me. And I can imagine the kind of pressure and expectations you have on you from your family. If you could have been a fly on the wall that first Thanksgiving after I resigned from my family’s business…Anyway, my feeling is that if you don’t make a plan for yourself then you will become part of someone else’s plan. So if it takes you some time to make the choice to do what you want to do for you it’s OK – just do your best to keep working towards that step; the things you want to design or build will be waiting for you when you’re ready.
Thank you, AShah. You definitely made me smile with your comment. I’m happy my story helped you when you needed it to help you. We’re all connected in some way so I’m glad to know you.
It’s really cool for me to read this, Denise; very inspiring. And much of what you wrote is certainly familiar. You clearly have an enormous amount of strength and determination and you should be really proud of what you’ve accomplished. And I can see why your business is growing. Really great. (And hamster wheels are only good for exercising – took me a while to figure that out too.)
Hey Sarah, thank you so much for your thoughts – really appreciate it.
Hi Elby. Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad my story is resonating for you now when you need it. I can imagine how you’re feeling as many, many times I would say the same things you are saying here. But you’re not stuck. Just take some time to clear your mind and you will get where you want to go – whenever you’re ready.
Couldn’t have said it better myself, Nikola. Thank you for your comments and insight – really appreciate it.
Hey Adriana, thank you so much for your openness. I’m honored you feel connected with me enough to feel proud of me doing what I’ve done – that means a lot. And I will say that you should be proud of yourself for sharing this – it’s not easy to do that. And it’s definitely hard to have the perspective and strength to move forward with your life when it feels much safer to stay sad and alone – that was certainly the case with me. And taking even little steps can be exhausting and frustrating at first. But you saying you long for the courage to look forward says, to me at least, that you already do have the courage. Try that simplest state exercise that I did. Don’t try to force it and don’t try to rush a solution. Take your time. It will happen for you and you will get there – I am very sure about that.
Thank you Brad 🙂 I appreciate your appreciation 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Brad. It’s very inspiring to me at a time when I really need it – I feel like your hand reached out to clasp mine. 🙂
Hey Fiona, Thank you for your kind thoughts and wonderful imagery. Means so much to me that my story inspired you – I know you’ll get where you want to go. And you can hold onto my hand as long as you need to. 🙂
Great post! What a powerful exercise to observe something around you without judgement to reorient and recalibrate your thinking and being.
Thank you for your thoughts, Jackie. Really appreciate you reading the story. So glad you liked it.
“The simplest state exercise helped me gain clarity and perspective, and then time gave me the confidence and courage to act. ” This sentence is odd in its first clause. Is it missing a word, is it bad phrasing, or what?
Great piece. Thank you. And I’d love to know where the picture at the top is. Gorgeous!
Hi GirlFuturist, really glad you liked the piece. Lori chose the photo so she is the one to ask about that. 🙂 Thanks again.
I’m sorry you find this sentence odd, QuickerPickerUpper. It’s grammatically correct and it’s not missing any words. I’m simply summarizing that it was the combination of the exercise and time that helped me move forward with my life. I would not have gained any clarity without the exercise, and then I needed time to understand and accept what I had learned about myself, (from doing the exercise), to then have the confidence to do what I needed to do for me. I hope this explanation makes it clearer.
My uncle shared this on facebook. It’s just what I needed! All throughout school I was uncertain about what I wanted to do. All I knew was that I wanted to do something with art or music but was discouraged by my family because I would be a “starving artist”. I ultimately chose elementary education as my degree but felt uneasy about it and out of place from the beginning but stuck with it because I wanted my family to be proud of me. I got hired as a kindergarten teacher and I’m almost through my first year teaching. It’s been tough to say the least. There were days where all I wanted to do was sleep. I cried often and felt trapped. My health even began to suffer. I finally sought out some help and have been on anti-depressants for a couple of months now. I feel more like myself again and more able to cope with my life. However, I’m still not happy with my career, I regret not following my passions and so wish that I could start over. Unfortunately it’s not that easy. I’m scared to start over because of all the uncertainties it presents. However, after reading this, I think might have just enough courage to do so. Thank you so much for sharing your story! It gives me hope that I can live happily doing what I enjoy.
Hey Mary. Thank you for being so open; I’m glad reading my story has given you some strength to think about where you are and where you want to be. It’s very scary to change your life and to put aside what others think and expect, and anyone who tells you it’s easy hasn’t gone through what you’re going through. And it’s OK for you to be scared. Being scared also means you feel it and you’re aware – so take that awareness and give yourself some time to get perspective. Remember, in the article I mention how ‘never looking back’ is not possible for me to do (others can do that, but I can’t), so if you are also still looking back a little as you move forward that’s OK too. And be proud of yourself – feel it and appreciate it – these are really big steps to take and, just think, you’ve already started down your new path.
Brad, I loved the open and honest way you told your story. It’s a really lovely piece. I can relate to sticking with the wrong path for a very long time. I think a lot of people feel this way even if they seem successful from the outside. You often don’t know how other people measure themselves. I’m still in that transition phase, starting to move towards what I love and it’s not all roses! 🙂 Today I seem to be fighting everything. My brain is causing problems (and unfortunately my mouth!) – your simplest state exercise, is very helpful. Thank you.
Hi Tania. Thank you for your kind words. It’s true that you never know where people are with themselves even if they seem successful from a distance – very insightful point. I’m glad you found my experience helpful as you think about your own transition and, also, that you could use the exercise to give yourself a chance to pause before you felt the need to fight anyone else. 🙂
It really helps to hear you say that the right path isn’t necessarily easy. It’s just not. Love the exercise. Thanks again.
Thanks, Brad, this is really powerful yet simple. Just what I wanted to read these days…
I’m gonna keep your story in my mind when the time will come for me to take on a “change” journey.
“The simplest state exercise helped me gain (was) clarity and perspective, and then time gave me the confidence and courage to act. “
Hi Brad!
You are a remarkable man to share your story and disappear without a trace. I hope you read these posts. I just read your blog post on the eve of my homelessness. Tomorrow I will hit my rock bottom. I will be living on the streets as an upper middle class college educated, published writer, entrepreneurial homeless man who takes flying trapeze lessons. I made many foolish choices and at times made no choice at all. As a result I am where I am scared to death, fraught with worry and overwhelmed with anxiety. Yet, there is a tiny ray of light that came through to me in your post that illuminates with hope in that I will be OK.
Thank you Brad for your gifts of insight and inspiration! I needed every word you wrote!
Just want to say that it takes a lot of courage to do what you did.. and hoping that everything’s going on smoothly in your life now.. You are very brave and strong.. Right now, i’m in the point of my life where i’m about to step out my comfort zone and do what i feel is right. I’m looking forward to it but I know I should do more changes in my life after that to be happier..just one step at a time… your story inspires me even more. continue writing about your journey in life and inspire more people…
Hey Lou. Thank you so much for saying that; very kind of you and I truly appreciate it; and I hope to write more when the time is right. Things are good – and, most importantly, even when I’m stressed – which definitely happens – it’s all my stress as opposed to it being mine as well as everyone else’s – which is how it was for so many years. That too has made a big difference in my perspective. I think it’s great that you’re making the changes you want to make. Every step counts and every step will make you happier. Keep going and you will get there.
Kevin, wow, I am amazed by your openness and very, very humbled that you feel my story can help you. I am overwhelmed by your honesty and today, you helped me – as well as many others on this site, I suspect – to see things differently. What I used to tell myself was: “now that I’ve hit the bottom, I can finally look up” – so, Kevin, whenever you’re ready, look up. I know I don’t know you, but I believe that you are already on your way back to being the you that you want to be and you will definitely be OK.
Hey Alek, Thank you so much for your comments; I appreciate it. I’m really glad this helped you. I wish you much happiness whenever it’s time for you to start a new journey.
Wow! This really resonated with me, Brad. I recently walked off the path that wasn’t taking me where I wanted to be going. I haven’t experienced the instantaneous success that you experienced, but I have faith that working hard at something I actually love will lead me there. Best wishes for continued success and happiness.
Hey Mani. Thank you for sharing your thoughts; I’m really happy my story connected with you. The benefits of me taking the steps I took didn’t come instantaneously, though. I wish that had been the case. 🙂 It took a year for me to finally leave and it was a very tough year. And, even after I left, it often felt like I was trying to change the tires on the car while I was driving as I was totally on my own in pursuit of a new way of life. The difference, however, was that I was happy now and finally feeling confident in my heart that I could get where I wanted to go. And I continue to work on moving forward everyday. My point is simply that you’re aware of what you want to do, so however long it takes is OK – it will happen for you and it will be amazing. Don’t try to rush it. And enjoy the journey getting there.
i thought I had my midlife crisis in my forties, I too decided to leave the path I began as a young man. I had hope and passion. After ten years of stuggling to make this ‘me’ dream come true it crashed and burned. I almost lost my family, I did lost my faith and I crawled back to the security of the previous life. I die a little more each day. But I could connect with your pain and my journey is not over but not all passion ventures work out and that is OK. I still have the love of my family and I am trying to find little victories.
Thank you
This is an amazing post, and I truly appreciate your authentic voice. So many people get caught up in life and forget what they truly believe in. Your story is a reminder of how important it is to be true to yourself.
Tiny Buddha ,I am a person suffers mental illness,it just part of my life and under control but there are random moments where I’ll lull in mood or struggle,tiny Buddha is where I go always now and it is a tool I have to cope and for that I am sincerely grateful…Thanking u muchly
Thanku so much brad,your story is the most inspiring story I’ve ever read,I am posting on my blog,nikitarose8162@blogspot.com as it is a story to benefit all…your my legend today
Hey Casey. If my story helps as a reminder for others to think about where they are and where they want to be, then that is exactly what I would hope would happen. Thanks so much for reading this and for your kind words. I really appreciate it.
You are most welcome.