Update: The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha to receive free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!
The winners:
You know that open-hearted, safe feeling of being in the presence of someone you love and trust? Have you ever wondered if you could bottle that and feel it later, when you were alone?
What about that connected, fulfilled feeling of loving someone else passionately and unconditionally? Have you ever wondered if you could sustain that whether you were in a relationship or not?
Bestselling author Marci Shimoff (who also wrote six books in the Chicken Soup for the Soul series) explores this possibility in her new book, Love for No Reason—and it’s not just a feel-good idea. It’s backed by scientific research, and its instantly applicable, thanks to Marci’s practical, specific guidance.
Love for No Reason is for anyone who wants to:
- Open their heart and become a magnet for love
- Enjoy more fulfilling relationships with others and themselves
- Turn off their body’s stress response and turn on their body’s love response for better health and well-being
- Experience more success and satisfaction
- Transform their family, community, and the world
I’m grateful that Marci took the time to answer some questions, and also that she is giving away 2 free copies of her book.
The Giveaway
To enter the giveaway:
1. Leave a comment below noting if you’ve ever felt “love for no reason,” and if so, when you felt it most recently.
2. Tweet: RT @tinybuddha GIVEAWAY and Interview: Love for No Reason http://bit.ly/yfA8bX
If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. You can enter until midnight PST on Friday, January 13th.
The Interview
1. What inspired you to write Love for No Reason?
When I finished writing Happy for No Reason, I’d definitely gotten much happier. But I knew there was still something I wanted that was beyond happiness—and that something was Love.
I reflected on the times in my life when I was most fulfilled, and they were when I was in love. But of course, those times don’t last forever. So I began wondering whether I could feel that “in love” feeling all the time, whether or not I was in a relationship or whether someone was treating me the way I wanted.
As soon as I started asking that question, I began meeting people who were lit up from inside, who were open-hearted. I had a feeling being around them that they were in love. I’d run into them everywhere. The woman next to me on the plane to Russia, the waiter in Peru, the guy in line behind me at the grocery store: ordinary people who were simply radiating love. It felt great to be around them. I thought, I want what they’re having.
So I began asking them what it was like to be in their shoes and how they’d gotten where they were. Their stories had many similarities: they were in love with life, they felt safe and secure—no matter what happened to them. They were vital, energetic; they were compassionate and loving toward themselves and others, they saw the best in the world around them. Best of all, I discovered that they didn’t just get there by luck.
I ended up doing extensive research on love and interviewing 150 people living in that state; I call them Love Luminaries. I found there were specific things the Love Luminaries did that we can all do to live with a more open heart and experience a more love-filled life. Those specific things became the 14 Keys I share in Love for No Reason.
2. What do you think is the biggest barrier to feeling Love for No Reason?
Our excessive preoccupation with romantic love—which causes us to look outside ourselves for fulfillment and love. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with romantic love, but it can distract us from living in a state of love that isn’t based on externals, and that brings a deeper experience of love to every relationship.
Most of us are walking around like love beggars: holding our little cups out and looking to others to fill us up. When you remove the blocks around your heart, you find that there’s an unending supply of love, because you’re connected to the wellspring of love. So you’re no longer a love beggar, you become a love philanthropist. Love just naturally overflows from you. You don’t try to get love from life, you bring love to life.
3. You talk about the love set-point. What is that?
Scientists in the field of positive psychology have discovered that we each have a happiness set-point, a fixed level of happiness we hover around, no matter what happens to us. I’ve observed a similar phenomenon when it comes to love.
We also each have a range of love that we feel comfortable experiencing. There’s an upper limit to the amount of love we allow ourselves to feel—that’s our love set-point. It’s like a ceiling. If we start to get too much love, more than we’re used to, we sabotage it. The good news is that we can raise the set-point—by removing the blocks that close our heart and by creating new habits. That’s great news. It means that unconditional love is a skill we can learn.
4. Can you talk a little about the science behind Love for No Reason?
The study of love is an emerging field. Perhaps the leaders in this field are a group called the Institute of HeartMath who along with other scientific, medical, and educational institutions, including Stanford University and Florida Heart Research Institute, are working to advance the understanding that love is a measurable physiological state—not just a mood—that has positive physical and biological repercussions.
Love is the opposite of the body’s stress response. When we’re in fight or flight, we produce stress chemicals which, over time, weaken the body. When we produce love chemicals—like oxytocin, endorphins, and serotonin—these strengthen the whole system.
These two responses, the stress response and the love response, are mutually exclusive. When we’re in angry, anxious, or stressed, it shuts down the love. It actually affects the heart rhythms, how your heart beats—which affects your health.
One of the things that happens when we’re feeling more love and care is that we go into what’s called “heart rhythm coherence,” which you can actually measure and monitor on a computer screen. It’s also possible to train yourself to go into heart rhythm coherence at will.
The researchers at the Institute of HeartMath found that five minutes of feeling love and care can strengthen your immune system for up to six hours, whereas five minutes of feeling angry can weaken and suppress the immune system for six hours. The state of love has its own unique biochemistry and type of brain functioning.
5. What’s one tip you’d give to someone who is dealing with tremendous loss and feeling shut down to love and other people?
Well, I can talk from experience on this one. When I was writing Love for No Reason, I was going through a divorce. Talk about on-the-job training!
One day, hanging up the phone after a conversation with my ex-husband Sergio, I felt the pain and loss of not being together anymore. Even though I knew our parting was the best for both of us, I was feeling so much love for him and my heart was aching with longing for him. I felt as if I had to shut down the feeling of love because I thought it would hurt too much.
Okay, I thought, I’m writing this book about Love for No Reason. Everyone I’ve interviewed has told me that love is who we are and that I can experience that love inside myself whenever I want. Let me give it a whirl.
Closing my eyes, I told myself, This feeling I have for Sergio—it’s my love. It’s coming from me. So I’m going to just sit here and feel it.
And I did. I really let my love flow, savoring the sweetness of that experience in my own heart. If my attention started focusing on Sergio and the fact that we weren’t together, I’d gently bring it back to my experience of love. That love was coming from me—it was mine.
I could feel it regardless of who was with me or not with me. And it actually helped a lot. Normally, the pangs of loss and sadness would have stayed with me for hours, but within five minutes of just letting myself feel my own love for no reason—I felt better.
It worked so well for me that now I recommend this little exercise to anyone going through a loss.
6. How can fostering love for no reason help us make a positive difference in the world?
There’s a major shift happening on the planet right now. We’re moving from a mind-dominated world obsessed with power, control, and survival to a love-dominated world that balances mind and heart and is committed to the flourishing of all sentient beings.
Pure, unconditional love is the highest frequency of vibration there is. The more we experience Love for No Reason, the more habituated we become to living at a high energetic vibration, and the greater our effect on the world around us.
When we radiate love, we send out a powerful vibration that impacts all other life forms: humans, animals, and plants. It’s one of the biggest ways a person can contribute to this planet.
There’s a Chinese proverb that I love to quote which sums that up: “When there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. When there is beauty in the person, there will be harmony in the house. When there is harmony in the house, there will be order in the nation. And when there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world.”
So my prayer and wish for each of us is that we feel that love and light in our own hearts and souls, and through that we help create more peace here on this planet of ours.
7. What is one simple practice we can use every day to open ourselves up to unconditional love?
One of my favorite tools from Love for No Reason comes from the Institute of HeartMath. It’s called Inner-Ease Technique. It only takes two minutes but it has a very powerful effect on our hearts.
To do it you close your eyes and put your hand on your heart area. Imagine that you are breathing in and out through your heart. Breathe slowly and gently. With each breath, imagine that you are drawing in a feeling of inner ease and infusing your mind and emotions with balance and self-love from your heart. Continue this for about two minutes. Then take your hand off your heart and sit quietly for a few seconds before opening your eyes.
Practicing Inner-Ease generates heartwave coherence and creates “flow” by helping to regulate the balance and cooperation between our heart, mind, and emotions. This technique “primes the pump” of unconditional love and open-heartedness in our lives.
By Marci Shimoff. Adapted from Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love—now available in paperback. Visit www.TheLoveBook.com to purchase the book and receive your free bonus pack!
Connect with Marci on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarciShimoffFan
FTC Disclosure: I receive complimentary books for reviews and interviews on tinybuddha.com, but I am not compensated for writing or obligated to write anything specific. I am an Amazon affiliate, meaning I earn a percentage of all books purchased through the links I provide on this site.
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Last time I felt it was while meditating
Last time I felt it was when my cousin took me in her arms to cheer me up.
I was building houses in the 9th ward of New Orleans.
I feel Love “for no reason” practically all the time. I woke up to what Buddhist call “enlightenment” but what I call “Oneness”. When my personal self fell away, I found nothing but Love radiating from/through me/this body.
The only time I don’t feel Love is when I take my thoughts too seriously – when the flow of Love gets caught up in the Illusion.
Peace,
Wayne
My daughter’s friends call me a hippie, because they say “I Love everyone”. Well I do. Even those that I don’t like that much. You get a lot more with love.
Oh, oh I love this!!! I think it’s important to give love “for no reason”….that’s unconditional love! I agree with Wayne’s comment below me. I feel love for complete strangers. Even when they aren’t nice to me. I think I feel even more love when they aren’t nice because I see deep beyond their surface that they need love. I feel so much compassion for them. Lately I’ve been giving my unconditional love to an old friend who I happen to really like as well. He’s going through hard times and I’m always there for him; I send him my good thoughts that his circumstances will get better. I know this love is “for no reason” because whether or not I am in his life, I wish good things for him. I wish he has all the love he ever needs!
I would love to read this awesome book 😀
Love,
Sarah
bloominwild89@yahoo.com
One morning while waiting for the ferry to take me to work, (a very routine moment, usually), I looked up at the clouds in the sunlight, over the water and felt a huge, overpowering love for those ‘exultant’ clouds – I was in love with life for no reason. That feeling stayed with me for most of the day – I felt relaxed and inspired, safe and happy just because I felt love for no ‘real’ reason. This has happened since – it sneaks up on me sometimes, and I love it! And clouds can always do it for me now! Best wishes with your book, Deborah
I feel love for no reason when I am alone and hear myself breathe. It is a wonderful feeling. Breathing makes me feel love.
I feel Love for no reason frequently at work. I am a nurse and allow the universal feeling of love flow through me to my patients as often as possible. All I need to remember is to get out of my head and into my heart. Easier some days than others!
Peggy
I love the idea of not looking for someone else to love you but to be someone who radiates love out to all other people. This book sounds like something that a lot of people would love to read, including me!
Donna
I loved this post today because it really spoke to me about my past weekend. I recently moved to NYC and this city can sure feel lonely despite the masses of people everywhere. But, this past Saturday, I went to sit by myself in Central Park. I felt an overwhelming happiness. Nothing in particular had occurred, but I found myself feeling love for no reason. It didn’t matter that the sky was gray, and it didn’t matter that I had no one to talk to. I felt completely at peace with myself and I cherish the fact that I am capable of this.
I grew up surrounded by conditional love and have left that all behind. I now choose to love myself unconditionally and share love for no reason to everyone I come in contact with on a daily basis. I know the pain of conditional love, so I refuse to give anyone anything but unconditional
I find Love for No Reason through living my life in gratitude. Life is a gift; beauty is always around me in nature, in my children, in the kindness of others. When I focus on these gifts and understand that my daily challenges help me to become stronger and wiser, I feel that love emanating from my heart.
I never feel love for no reason. There is always a reason.
Love “for no reason” is something new to me. I’ve been trapped in the thinking that there has to be a purpose/reason. In the last year I’ve been working on ME … and my happiness. I understand that I can be unhappy without being depressed. I’m learning to ‘let go’ and recently I’m learning to seek ‘clarity’. My biggest obstacle currently is my relationships and learning to just “love”.
Love “for no reason” is something new to me. I’ve been trapped in the thinking that there has to be a purpose/reason. In the last year I’ve been working on ME … and my happiness. I understand that I can be unhappy without being depressed. I’m learning to ‘let go’ and recently I’m learning to seek ‘clarity’. My biggest obstacle currently is my relationships and learning to just “love”.
I feel love for no reason at many moments , when I see strangers and I smile at them, when I empathize with the tea man, with barber and with other workers, when I remember that each human has to be given unconditional positive regard, I felt compassion for them, and remember that they are also striving for peace and Happiness, so,let go, Be kind and Assertive….
I actually tried the unconditional love when I was going through the tough period with my girlfriend. It helped me to ease my tension for sometime. But, after that reality struck me and I am back to comparing, analyzing and getting tensed. Your article reminded me to go back to unconditional love.
I am a “love philanthropist”..I *love* it!
I think for me “love for no reason” is living from my heart space, from a center of peace. This is recent within the last few years–I made the choice to open my heart fully to each moment as it is presented to me. Yes, I may create within that moment, and I may relate and share and all that “we” tend to do..but the key is to open from my heart space to the present. I often say (because I truly Feel) that I am having a love affair with the world:)
Been having some trying times recently that keep me feeling somewhat worried and alone. My dad passed in July and most recently, I have had strong feelings of love and support coming from him. I feel this most when I have been keeping up with daily meditation and when I am doing something quiet and peaceful that keeps me present – like taking a long walk.
I cannot tell you how helpful it is to feel love for no reason at all! But the key is having the quiet presence in your life to let that love shine through.
I feel love “for no reason” every time I consciously drop into my center which is where I strive to operate from. So I’m feeling it right now as I write this and throughout the vast majority of my waking moments. It’s only when I’m “distracted” that I don’t feel it. When I encounter people and situations who challenge this state of being, I take this as an opportunity to step back and consciously look for the divine within the person/situation. The “pop-up” quote that comes to the forefront of my consciousness in these moments is “People need love the most when they ‘deserve’ it the least” (John Harrigan).
I’m excited to see Marci’s new book come to fruition. I first became familiar with Marci’s work via “Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul” and subsequently through other numerous resources, i.e. Daily Om, ..”evolvingwisdom…” and “It’s All About Women”. I’m grateful to Marci for shining her beacon of love for all <3
love'n'light,
Patty
I love the idea of sitting with those feelings of love in that way. Thank you! I feel love for no reason when I am in the moment and just allowing myself to be without any worries of stresses of the outside world. Having time in nature and by myself helps me to carry this into other moments of my life. Laughing always helps, too!
A big beautiful thing to do is to GIVE love for no reason at all…through considerate acts, empathy and gratitude. I believe the universe will give back to you the same sort of things you send out into it. So I try to truly SEE people and HEAR people…because I believe that is everyone’s main desire – to be seen and heard. I try to practice this on everyone…not just the people that are significant in my life.
I feel love for no reason naturally now. It came about by itself from following the light – listening to Eckhart Tolle, reading this site, Buddhist teachings. I no longer feel hate towards anyone from the past, or any group of people. It is a state of liberation, acceptance, oneness, shining love. My daily practice is to bring myself to this state of presence from any distractions in the mind, to feel my energy within, and the love shinning out.
I just recently found out my chase for rationality had drawn a wedge in my two and a half year relationship. She left me even after I apologised…and I had originally thought that I was going to marry this girl.
It hurts really bad in the morning when I wake up and before I go to bed. But this morning, after I broke down in tears, I picked myself up and looked into the mirror. For some odd reason, I felt okay. I know my mistakes and I’m confident that we, the me in the mirror and the me with tears, would get through.
It felt like I just gave myself a hug, a pat on the back and a lift on my spirit. It felt just like love.
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt love for NO reason. I’ve loved a lot. I can feel an immense love for nature and God. I’m very interested in reading this book. I enjoy tinybuddha very much! Love…
The last time I felt love for no reason was just now, and before that? I can’t even remember.
As often happens with this blog, I read this interview at just the right time in my life. This was exactly what I needed to remember that this was a choice available to me. I used to be well practiced at making that choice, until I didn’t even think about it and it became a state of being. I lost that, somehow. I am deteremined to remember it now. Thank you. Impeccable timing.
Trying to practice “love for no reason” has enabled me to love those who have hurt me or continue to hurt me out of spite, revenge, or simply their own unhappiness — including my former spouse, with whom our divorce dealings remain acrimonious four years after the fact. I’m able to see him as a beautiful child, or as my brother on this earth, letting go of the pain he causes me and loving him for the gifts he brings to the world. I can’t control what others do unto me, but I can control how I regard others. This is a choice I make. It is my mark on the world, and it is empowering.
Anytime I meet someone new, you get the chance to show love for no reason.
I have been suffering from relationship anxiety for as long as I know, and seem to see always see relationships as the way to “fix” this yearning I have to feel better about myself. Finally I’m in a healthy and secure relationship and yet I still suffer from this anxiety as I expect my partner to make me feel better and he simply can’t do any more. Just recently, at the height of one of my most anxious periods, I was praying to god to help me stop feeling so awful and praying to have some kind of peace. And I kid you not, a day or so later, something snapped inside me and I began to think- “it’s up to me to feel good about myself, I have the choice right here to change how I’m feeling”. So I started to challenge my fears and negative thoughts about myself and instead of running from what I thought was bad about myself, I started accepti myself and loving my uniqueness and slowly but surely my anxiety lifted and I’m noticing I’m much happier and much more appreciative of my life. People always talk about self-love and loving yourself and I can attest that with a little practice it really does work.
A few days ago, when the whole household was asleep, I was sitting at my writing desk thinking about what to work on next. I didn`t have a word. But as I sat there, I was quiet, not thinking about anything in particular, and felt at peace. It was a simple, yet profound realization of all I had: a life, a home, a partner, children—and I felt content, a restful and mindful awareness of myself and the world. I had felt love in its purest form, I think, because it was prompted by no reason at all. When I think back to that moment, I still smile.
Zara
zgarcia(dot)alvarez(at)gmail(dot)com
Having been raised by parents who are all about unconditional love, I have always struggled with the fact that somehow this amazing quality has not been passed on to me. Of course my love for my family is unconditional and I respect, accept and love them no matter what. When it comes to other people however, I have a lot to learn. This summer, during an extended trip through India and Nepal, I found myself smiling and loving a lot – when seeing a little child smile or a bunch of cows blocking the road – all simple reasons. I recently got back together with my ex-boyfriend, a guy who has been the love of my live for 3 years. I find myself in the process of trying to deal with all the things that happened in the months before our break, as well as some things which happened during our break, and it is now that my biggest desire is to possess the skill of unconditional love. To love him no matter the things that happend. I realize this is something which needs to come from within me, but to process to get there is more difficult than I imagined.
I would love to red this book. I felt love for no reason about 6 months ago as my partner and I were going through a very difficult time. Despite our troubles, it was comforting to know that I still felt love.
Still looking. 🙂
A few nights ago i went outside about 2am and looked up at the dark cloudless sky. The stars were so bright and there was not a single sound. The beauty of that moment made me feel so peaceful and loved. Thank you for the giveaway.
I heard about this book and it sounds AMAZING! It has been on my “must read” list for awhile now. I need to read this book.
5 times I have felt love for no reason when I gave birth to my children and looked into their eyes for the first time
I am having a hard time feeling love right now. I am not sure if I have truly felt love for no reason at all in a very long time. I am struggling with so many issues right now I really need to find a way to feel it. I believe the last time I felt it may have been almost 10 years ago when I was able to leave an abusive marriage and finally feel safe with my 3 children. I’ve built so many walls around myself and with all the bad “things” going on in my life, and with it now affecting my health, I need to feel something other then emotional & physical pain inside me.
I see myself on public places, checking other people and loving them for no reasons. I just look at each person and appreciate their presence, loving them as human beings and being part of my life. But on the other hand, there is always a reason for that feeling, but most of the times, we have to make some “search” in ourselves to understand the “why”.
Yes, I’ve felt it before. It was the time when I was going through a breakup with my friend and I heard a story of a loving and caring stranger. I felt as if the heaviness in my heart lightened and I felt love for this stranger who I had never seen before. I later found out who he is and he turned out to be my neighbour’s son who I have seen a couple of times before. I thought if this was possible – to feel love for someone I barely know. It felt odd but also good at the same time and I thought I was going crazy. Whenever I thought of this person, I would just smile radiantly. Even though I barely know him but whenever I thought of him I could feel a smile coming from my heart.
I’d love to read this book. I love for no reason often by acknowledging wait staff (finding out their names), cashiers, the students I teach yoga to, the humans that trust me when they come for massage therapy appointments. I just look for what I can appreciate (love) even especially when I find personalities challenging for whatever reason.
I feel love “for no reason” most of the time, like Wayne. My heart wooshes with love for all manner of ‘apparent’ reasons. Truth be told I think it’s because I live with a grateful heart.
I have forgotten how it feels to receive unconditional love.
I often feel this when I am teaching – giving something of myself to others is a powerful and easy way to feel love “for no reason”.
Outside of my teaching environment, I tend to get caught up with problems, stress and pain. Learning to allow unconditional love to escape in all situations, positive and negative, is definitely a challenge.
I always felt this after I feel like getting angry to something or someone. For example, me and my sister where really arguing about something then she went out the room. I wanted to shout back at her but what I did was I closed my eyes, breath deeply then smiled for a couple of seconds. As I opened my eyes I felt really good and happy… And I approached my sister and talked to her politely. Then she just answered me back sweetly. I felt so happy after. I don’t know really why… Maybe it’s because I was able to overcome my anger, or because I just want the feeling of love to reign over me. Does that mean the same…? 😀
Anyway, when you feel it, it’s indescribable. 🙂
I feel love for no reason mostly when and after meditating.
I was in a bookstore thumbing through a book written by the Dalai Lama. As I placed it back on the shelf I became aware of an overwhelming sensation of love and connectedness to everyone in the store. It was as if I were awash in the golden glow of pure love. I moved through the store smiling at everyone–the harasses woman toting a couple of cranky children, the man with the cane in some kind of physical discomfort. I felt love and amazing connection with every person in the place. I sat down with a cup of coffee, looking at passers-by, savoring the experience and giving thanks for it.
Recently I have been feeling down and I forced myself to go and hang out with a group of women that I ride with during the summer months. That evening, being in there presence gave me a great insight of the love that flows that I left there feeling so invigorated to change my mental/emotional state.
I felt “love for no reason” about a month ago on my trip to Thailand. I was in Phuket, traveling by boat to Phi Phi Island. The water sang to me as the clear blue sky held me in its arms. I was listening to “Someone you used to know” by Zee Avi on my MP3. When just closed my arms, and for the first time since my ex bf, my first love, and the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with fell out of love with me, I felt an overwhelming sense of inner peace and happiness. All I could think was, the world is so big, yet I had the opportunity to meet someone who truly loved me for who I was…there was no sense in dwelling on my self-misery anymore. I felt love for no reason, because I decided to make a commitment to myself that I would love myself and truly embrace the person I was no matter what.
Even if I don’t win the give away, I plan to pick up your book and read it soon. Thank you.
-Hopeful and happy
GSV
*when I just closed my eyes* HAHA, I should have proof-read this.