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How To Reclaim Your True Identity and Live Beyond Your Labels

“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.” ~Ralph Ellison

Who are you? Yes, you! No, not what the world has tried to make you. Not what your past tells you. Not what your worries tell you about your future. Who are you?

If you’ve ever felt like your identity has been completely shattered, then I have news for you…

Good! You’re on the right path. Give me a second, because I’m sure you’re wondering where I’m going with this.

Well, how do I begin reclaiming my identity once it’s lost? First, in realizing what your identity is. What is an “identity?” Were you born with one? No. Did you suddenly become your “identity”? No.

You created it. We are merely the creators of our identity.

When I was in college I used to define myself as a singer. I was at the best university in the country for musical theater and singing was all I did. In fact, it was the only thing I really cared about.

People would always ask, “What do you do?”

“I sing.”

“Oh, cool! What else!?”

“Uh, I sing.” But it was more than what I did—it was who I was. WARNING: This is very dangerous.

Why? Because what happens when you lose the very thing that “makes you” who you are? Well, I’ll tell you…

My senior year of college I lost my voice completely to a cancer diagnosis. Yeah, pretty dramatic, even for a kid studying the dramatics.

For two years, my booming baritone turned in to a whisper. I no longer knew who I was. If I wasn’t a singer then who was I? Am I a cancer patient now? How will the world know how to define me?

After months of wrestling with this concept of who I was, I finally got some clarity. My best friend and I were speaking one day and I brought it up, “Now that I can’t sing, I don’t know who I am anymore.”

She looked me square in the face and said, “Alex, do you think I’m your best friend because you can sing?” I honestly didn’t know.

“Do you think people only admire you because you sing well?” Again, clueless. “Your talents don’t define you. You are none of those things. You are a loving, generous man, and that has nothing to do with your singing.” Light bulb to my inner light!

Maybe this is all obvious to you, but for me it was a huge revelation. Hopefully you’re not suffering from my label syndrome. Our identity is not our labels!

For the first time I started waking up to the fact that we are only what we say we are. We limit our potential by trying to box ourselves in to descriptions that the world can understand.

The soul does not understand labels. We’re not meant to be barcodes that run through an assembly line like products in a factory. Our identity has nothing to do with our labels and everything to do with our qualities.

We were created so that we can create from our inner qualities. That is our identity.

So let’s shift the bloggersation.

Knowing and having a sense of identity is still important as long as it’s not about your occupation, achievements, or external gains.

So what is your true identity? Your true identity knows nothing of fear or labels. Your true identities are reflections of love. How the heck do we uncover that?

I’ll tell you!

Here’s an eight-step process to help you uncover your true identity (I’ll be the guinea pig):

1. What are the labels you’ve created for yourself?

Easy: Singer. I’ll throw in actor just for fun.

2. What qualities do those labels have in common?

Approval seeking. Giving. Passionate. Loving. Serving.

3. What qualities do you identity as limiting?

Approval seeking.

4. How can you challenge that limiting identity?

By doing something completely embarrassing and/or failing on purpose in front of people. Perhaps making some typos in this bloggesthofihgjh post (that was fun.)

5. Was there a key decision that gave you this limiting identity?

When I saw how much my dad loved me after a performance I gave. I thought the only way to get that love would be by performing. Essentially, seeking approval/applause = love. (Anyone else relate?)

6. What are the consequences of this limiting identity?

Thinking that the only way I can get love is by performing and getting the approval of others. Not showing my true self in fear that I might not be “approved.”

7. What is your life like without this limiting identity?

I’m fulfilled because I’m communicating from a place of authenticity instead of trying to impress. I realize in order to have true love I must love myself first. I know that my true artistry will come when I’m creating from my place of purpose not what I think others want to hear.

8. What action can you take to prove your limiting identity wrong?

Finish this blog, send it off to Tiny Buddha, and not care whether or not it’s accepted (although I hope you’re now reading this, Tiny Buddha readers. So meta).

So there you go! That didn’t take long and you can do that for any limiting quality you might have. My only hope for you is that you become your true self so you can create beauty for others.

Oh, and FYI, if you were wondering, I’m cancer free and my voice is back! I now know more than ever that my true indentify is how I show up in the world, not what the world would like to call me.

Let me know in the comments: What’s your true identity look like? How do you plan on claiming it?

Claim your purpose, live your love, and spread your light!

About Alex Kip

Alex Kip helps you claim your purpose, live your love, and spread your light. He is a certified Tony Robbins-Cloe Madanes life coach, hypnotherapist, motivational speaker, and cancer survivor. He’s presented to major clients like UnitedHealthcare, Nationwide Insurance, featured on PBS, NPR Stations, and the Huffington Post. Creator of KipTV and the “New & Noteworthy” podcast SoulFeed. Get free weekly training videos to claim your purpose at http://www.alexkip.com/

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Ankit yadav

Hi Alex. 🙂

Great job man. That is one serious distinction we all need to understand.

For me, my identity lies in the values and principles that I want to follow with all my heart. Like Love, Truth, Compassion, Oneness etc.

Career choices are important but don’t necessarily “define” our true nature. They are more like pointers that come together to represent the values we hold dear. I hope this resonates.

I really appreciate your thoughts here. 🙂

Good job.

Heather Dove

I see myself as one way and others see me as another. I am completely confused who I really am. I’ve done a lot of soul searching to only become more confused, an identity crisis is it say the least. I wish there was an easy way to know so I can except myself, embrace it and start loving me

Dermot Sweeney

I am in Reality ineffable and am not even going to try to limit it with a label. “Being knows it is and does not need to define itself”

Alex Kip

@heather_dove:disqus I know it can be confusing sometimes. I’ve definitely death with that. If you want, I could offer you a free coaching to help you out. I know what it’s like and I don’t like seeing other people suffer. Email me at alexfkip@gmail.com if interested.

prisha

Hi Alex, this post is great and very true indeed. But have one question that i would like to clarify if possible. What if the people’s opinion matter to our parents? What if the people’s approval and disapproval have a big impact on our parents? please advice..

Dog Parbus

Hi Alex. This was a very good post. When we give up identities that are forced on us or were accepted by us to fit in, we need to replace it with our true self. This true self is our spirit. When we hear the voice of our spirit, the mind is shut off. The spirit is also known as “feeling from the gut”. When we listen to our spirit we are genuine because we trust ourselves to do the right thing in every situation.

Bishadi

The parable of mankind: “When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”
.
How many ever realized that by words, mankind is defining itself?
.
Knowledge has been evolving and eventually the true comprehension of what ‘we’ are, is that unveiling.
.

Ankit yadav

Will do. 🙂

Jyotika Varmani

This definitely resonated with me. Though I did realize in the past that I could be tongue tied when asked to describe myself, this is the first time that it has come to my awareness, that I am actually creating labels for myself. And these are limiting me. There is much to me beyod these labels.

Thank you for this wisdom.

Hannah Keefe

Thank you. This article was very helpful and thought provoking.

Caseas

< ?????? +dilbert +*********…..

30

Guest

Enlightening.

Lorelei

Hi Kip, thank you for the insightful thoughts! I too had a whack over the head to help me wake up that my profession was not what defined me. As a result I am no longer a nurse, instead still living in the moment and allowing what feels right to guide me. Best to you and all the other members of this community!

Alex Kip

Hey! Without knowing enough about your situation it’s hard to give you some good insight. Email me at alexfkip@gmail.com with more details and I would love to to help out.

Alex Kip

:disqus absolutely! Thanks for your response!

Alex Kip

@Bishadi:disqus, nice!

Alex Kip

@jyotikavarmani:disqus you’re so welcome! Glad it helped!

Alex Kip

Love it! Sometimes it takes a whack on the head to wake us up, hopefully not always though!

Alex Kip

@hannahkeefe:disqus glad to hear it!!!

Bishadi

am I bad?
Anything good?

Karan Gupta

Hello alex

Really well written man….i just wanted to ask you though that what if the society creates a label for u that matches with your true ur own true authenticity….and that expectation kind of does’nt let u live with ur own true self that you used to live with earlier….how should one deal with this? Any suggestions

Trish Chasity

“Knowing who you are” is so important to self love.