“It’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same.” ~F. Scott Fitzgerald
Have you ever let your doubts get in the way of feeling happy?
I have.
I left my soul-sucking corporate job to live my dream, teaching yoga in Thailand.
I was the happiest woman on earth—or was I?
It looked that way from the outside. But each time I opened my mouth to teach a class, I was mired in self-doubt. Why wasn’t I charismatic, funny, or charming?
I stumbled over my words. I wanted to be as chatty and charming as the retreat center owner, but I’m naturally quiet and thoughtful, more of an introvert. I secretly wished I could morph myself into a sparkling extrovert.
Have you ever felt like you had to be more like someone else in order to be successful? As if your own natural voice wasn’t good enough? That’s how I felt.
And I wondered if I’d made a gigantic mistake in pursuing my passion for teaching yoga.
My wise Indian teacher noticed and asked me why I worried. He told me to stop comparing myself to others and focus instead on what gifts I had to offer.
It was hard. I still harbored doubts. But as I faced my doubts, the clouds cleared from my mind and allowed the sun to shine.
I was empowered to teach from my heart, with compassion and honesty. And I strongly connected with the students.
Ten years later, I continue to practice and teach, and I live each day energized, happier, and fulfilled.
I’ve managed to keep my doubts at bay and achieve lasting happiness by following a collection of simple methods.
Your Cheat Sheet To Finding Enduring Happiness
1. Downsize your doubts.
Many of your doubts are irrational fears that you must expose for what they are. You can do so by breathing deeply and then carefully reconsidering.
Doubts can trigger your stress response, putting you into fight-or-flight mode. You’ll feel anxious and panicky, and your anxiety can stop you from following your deeper intuitions.
When you stop and breathe deeply, you put yourself back into rest-and-digest mode. You allow yourself to discern what’s real from what’s imagined.
For years I’ve thought of offering a teacher training course, but I’ve been stopped cold in my tracks by my fears. Am I a good enough teacher? Do I have the skills?
Then I stop, I take a few breaths, and I think, “I’ve been practicing and teaching yoga for more than fifteen years, and taken multiple trips to India to study with the masters. I’m qualified.”
I’m still scared, but if I listen to my doubts I’ll never take a step closer to this dream. So I take a few breaths, accepting and acknowledging my fears without letting them derail my initiative.
With practice, you’ll develop a deep-breathing habit that dispels irrational doubts. Just stop. Inhale. Exhale. And repeat three times.
2. Stop trying to make everyone else happy.
Do you feel personally responsible for other people’s happiness? If you do, when things don’t go well, their frown will add to your self-doubt. Lighten up your load, and don’t automatically assume that you need to make them smile.
I remember someone who looked for wrong in everything I did. She was deeply unhappy, and I was the target for her internal strife.
I tried to make her happy and I inadvertently took responsibility for her happiness. When I finally accepted that her unhappiness wasn’t up to me, I quit wasting my energy and questioning my self-worth. And that was a relief.
Want to feel happier and more confident? Let go of your need to be a people pleaser. Take responsibility for your own inner world, and quit trying to control everyone else’s.
3. Kill your inner critic.
Imagine fingernails scraping a chalkboard.
Cringe.
That’s what happens in your brain when you criticize yourself.
When you criticize, your mind develops a negative thinking pattern. You should reflect on your actions, but you shouldn’t criticize yourself. Inner-harshness is a bad habit that can be changed with practice.
Try this exercise to break your habit. Make a few lists: times you’ve shown compassion or kindness to someone, another of your positive attributes and skills, and a third of instances when you’ve coped with a difficult challenge. Keep the lists close at hand.
Next, try to notice your self-critical thoughts. Take a deep breath in, then release the breath slowly. This breath draws your attention away from the criticism. Then think about an item from your list.
It may seem unlikely that simply recalling positive things will change your thinking. But it will, because over time your brain will rewire itself. Self-doubt and criticism are replaced with patience and understanding.
When I see photos of my younger self, I recall how critical I used to be about my looks. Ten years later, I see small lines developing around my eyes. Rather than criticizing these signs of aging, I embrace them. My forty-year-old self is happier and hopefully wiser than my thirty-year-old self.
Work on breaking your habit of criticizing. Over time, you’ll cast away your doubts and cultivate a serene inner space.
4. Meditate to replace self-doubt with self-compassion.
Meditation makes you happier and boosts your self-confidence.
With practice, you begin to notice your mind’s patterns of self-limiting thoughts, and you can let them pass without believing them.
I found that practicing loving-kindness meditation was a powerful tool for releasing self-doubt and criticism. The first line of this type of meditation elicits sentiments of compassion and kindness for ourselves. (Note: I’m tweaking the language slightly from the standard meditation)
“I am filled with loving-kindness. I am well, peaceful and at ease, happy and free of suffering.”
I used to have many crazy thoughts: “You’ll never find a partner,” or “You’ll never make a living as a yoga teacher, because who’d want to learn from you?” Using this meditation, over time I was able to notice and mostly let go of the doubts and fears.
The importance is to build the sentiments, not on the specific language. Feel free to tweak this as you see fit.
5. Celebrate success.
Our minds are sneaky. When you envy someone’s success, your deep feeling is, “They’ve achieved this, but I can’t.” You’ve limited yourself and created more doubts. The inherent thought is that you don’t have enough.
Envy keeps you stuck in a self-doubting cycle. Remember that the amount of success or happiness in this world is limitless. And you have what it takes too.
Change your jealousy to genuine joy for others, and lift your self-imposed limits. You’ll feel energized and inspired—ready to channel your energy into achieving your own goals and dreams. Then take one step toward that goal. Even a tiny one.
6. Move your body every day.
Daily exercise keeps your mind and body healthy. The increased blood flow nourishes your body and brain. You’ll feel stronger and happier from the inside out.
I’ve seen hundreds of people start yoga and gradually develop self-confidence. They start to do things they thought were impossible.
I’m one of those people. A daily practice of yoga, where I progressively try new things, has helped me to see my pattern of self-doubts and gradually let go.
Feel clear and confident with a little daily movement—yoga, walking, or dancing. Choose something that you love, and do it a little each day. Develop inner strength, and cast away your doubts.
Start today.
7. Nurture your passions and strengths.
You’ll feel alive and confident when you do what you love.
When you’re passionate and absorbed in your task, you can easily release your doubts.
For brief moments you’ve felt it — when you forget about censoring yourself and let yourself flow.
8. Accept and love your shadows.
To let go of self-doubt, you must accept all aspects of your self—including your pride and your shadows. No one is perfect.
In order to let go of your doubts, you must learn to be grateful for your limitations and challenges. We all carry baggage; it’s a part of being human.
Starting from a place of acceptance rather than shame will make all your efforts easier.
Most people don’t know that I can be short tempered and critical of my loved ones. I’m not always a perfectly zen yoga teacher. But I accept these parts of myself. Instead of fighting them, I work on noticing when I’m impatient or overly critical and gently try to remind myself to be more accepting.
Remember that we are all human. And we all have our messy sides.
9. Embrace your own authentic voice.
For me this was the hardest step, because being authentic means letting your guard down. You let others see your true self, and if you harbor doubts (like I did), this is terrifying.
Looking back, I see that I was afraid to let people see the real me. It was safer to adopt a way of being that I knew was liked—a charming, chatty persona (that wasn’t me). I was petrified, but when I was able to drop my mask, my words flowed like sweet honey.
Embrace your own voice and never try to masquerade as someone else.
Unleash your sassy, sarcastic, or comedic inner child, if that’s the real you. But there’s nothing wrong with being thoughtful, observant, and careful with words either.
It didn’t happen overnight, but as I practiced breathing, changing my thoughts, and being kind to myself, slowly my inner voice got stronger. I started to feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable and authentic.
You can do it too.
The Key To Long-Lasting Happiness
You know what would be horrible? Looking back in twenty years and thinking, “Why did I waste so much time doubting rather than doing and connecting?”
Don’t read this post and think, “Oh, that was good advice.” And then open Facebook and read about your friend’s lunch.
Don’t keep yourself locked in a prison of illusionary self-doubt.
Your actions start in your mind with your thoughts. And just because we can’t see your thoughts doesn’t mean they aren’t crucial to your health and happiness.
Lock your doubts away and don’t let them out. You’ve got work to do.
Connect with those around you. It’s your key to unlocking long-lasting happiness.
You have unique gifts to share with the world, and only this lifetime to do so.
Man and the sunrise image via Shutterstock

About Jessica Blanchard
Jessica Blanchard is a registered dietitian yoga teacher, and medical student. She helps busy people to thrive with mindfulness, yoga and dietary changes that work. Grab your free 7-Day Plan and learn to eat, move, and live better in 10 minutes a day.
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Jessica,
What a great post. you have a lot of good suggestions to use your self doubt to learn more about yourself and be real.
This was just what I needed to read this morning as I sit drinking my coffee comparing myself to other mediation leaders and Reiki practitioners and coming up short. I too have doubts about my calling and like you feel the introvert guilt. Thanks for being open and honest.
Hi Erin,
I’m glad that my story helped you. It was hard for me to talk about my self-doubts in such a public forum. Then I think how many other people probably feel the same way, and I”m glad that I shared.
HI Susan,
Thank you! I”m glad that you appreciated it. Learning to be real is hard, but probably one of the most important things about being human.
Hello Ma’am,
I am an eleventh grade student from India. Whatever the thing was in me, the low self esteem is leaving me bit by bit or I can say each word I read makes me feel confident. I haven’t felt so good and lively since an year or two. Thank you so much for this article. P.S I would be very happy if you would tell me what kind of yoga I should start with.
Thanks again
Vin
Wonderful timing Jessica — I can get so excited about plans I have for my future only to be blindsided by the ‘what ifs’ — What if it doesn’t work? What if no one comes? … I know this is simply fear talking but it can be so hard to build back up my excitement afterwards .. I will keep a copy of your article for just such occasions!
In 1997 I quit smoking cigarettes for the third (and, so far, last!) time.
It wasn’t until the past two or three years that it dawned on me that if I could do THAT, I could do anything!
I hadn’t thought of this in the context described in point #3 above, killing one’s inner critic.
It has helped me to do wonderful things both big and small; my frame of reference when deciding if I can do something is, “Do ya think it’ll be harder than quitting smoking?”
Nothing yet has been, even in my imagination!
Now I’m going to use it to beat down that critic!
At the moment i was having self-doubt and I found this article. The biggest enemy is ourselves and indeed our biggest challenge is to dealing with our fears. I like your steps on accept and love our shadows and how to downsize our doubts. good insights. thanks
Thank you, Jessica! Bookmarking, screenshooting, printing, sharing and loving this list. 🙂
Hi Jana,
I know exactly how you feel, because I’ve been there too. A technique that might work also is to write down your goals when you feel excited. Then when you start to doubt…go back and look at them. Then take one tiny step closer towards achieving your plan. Just the next action…that’s helped me when I get stuck.
This article is full of wisdon, and really made me realize a lot of things! I’m bookmarking this and will read this and practice the steps. As a teen growing up bombarded with expectations from the media, from society, and from anybody, reading this brought me new insights to start living a happy life even at an unripe age. It’s never too early or too late to be happy, right?
And I can totally relate to you in some way because I’m introverted too, but I have this bounty of kindness, and love I want to share into the world, especially to the youth and it’s only now that I realized that the thing that’s blocking me is Doubt itself! Releasing doubt would be equivalent to freeing ourselves from our own birdcages, right?
Thank you for the wonderful article, and I’m sure this will help a lot of people 🙂
Hey Jessica, thanks for the great post. That number 9 is a doozie, but so key. I’m still looking for my comedic inner child (she used to hang around me, but I seem to have lost her over the years), but I always aim for authenticity.
Years ago someone told me this (slightly weird) story about an apple that wanted to be an orange. The apple tried and tried, but wasn’t a very good orange. The morale to the story: don’t try and be an orange, just be the best apple you can be!
Great post Jessica. I think ‘stop trying to make others happy’ is relevant for me right now – sometimes I worry so much about others I forget to consider what I actually want! Really useful reminders.
Thanks for sharing your story. And that’s a great way to keep yourself from quitting or getting discouraged. Getting rid of our inner critic can be hard….but not as hard as quitting smoking!
I hope this helps you. Just remember to keep noticing your thoughts, and don’t let them get you down–especially when they are needlessly critical. You can do it.
Larrien – thank you for sharing your story. I completely agree that it’s never too early or late to be happy. And you’ll certainly be on a bright path if you are thinking about these things now. I remember as a teen being particularly vulnerable and worried about what other people thought. It is very much like opening the door to your own birdcage – I love that metaphor.
Cate, Yes, that’s why #9 is last. in a way all the points lead up to that one. It could be the easiest thing in the world if we let it be. If we can stop being afraid, doubting and worrying about what other people think. If an apple tries to be an apple—wouldn’t that be the easiest thing?
Hi Ellen, glad that the post reminded you to reconsider yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else wants.
Hi Vin, I’m glad the post helps you. When you start to feel down or doubtful – reread it. Start with any kind of yoga that you can. What is close to you and easy to get to? Taking the first class is the hardest, and from there you can figure out what resonates with you. Until you start, you won’t know. I hope this helps!
Great post, Jessica! Over the years, I have found myself wishing (with alarming frequency) that I could change into “a sparkling extrovert.” Comparing myself to my friends who have such social ease and presence. It’s hard to let those insecurities go, but you’ve outlined some excellent ideas to get the process started 🙂
Thanks Nicki! I’m glad that the post gave you some ideas. I’ve found that it’s much easier to be at ease socially when I don’t worry about being an extrovert. And sometimes extroverts are just as uncomfortable…they use constant talking to mask anxiety. I try to remember that we never really know what it’s like to be in someone else’s skin, and best to be happy in our own.
Jessica, love this article. As always, thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙂
Thank you for this Jessica. I especially like the idea of downsizing doubts. Catastrophizing is a habit I am trying to break.
Hey George,
You’re welcome.
It’s easy for our minds to start racing and before we know it, the worst possible has happened. I do this to. But I’ve gotten better at noticing, and asking myself what’s happening in the present moment. And it usually isn’t so bad.
You are welcome Ellen. It’s not MY wisdom — but wisdom that I’ve learned from wise people. And I do my best to pass it on….
Dear Jessica, I can totally relate to your posting. Thank you! I myself am very much alike. I practice yoga daily and have a lot of wonderful qualities. What exactly helped you rewire your brain? I am looking for practical tools and not what everyone is talking about these days. Introverts are special people too. 🙂 Namaste. Sat Nam. Om. I am glad you have found your voice.
This is great timing I have been going through a life change and blaming myself but reading this has given me things to focus on. And a way of moving forward and finding ways to cope. Thanks very much x
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Times of big change are some of the most stressful. And in times of stress it’s easy to step into self-blame and doubting mode. I’m so glad that the post helped you.
Jessica, wonderful post. The “inner critic” theme has been coming up frequently for me lately, and this was a good read before I go to sleep tonight. I try to meditate before going to bed and I’m going to be directing my energy towards defeating (or at least taming) this beast. 🙂
Hey Kim, Thanks for sharing that. And I think it helps to look at your inner critic when she surfaces, and ask her why she is doing that. What is she really afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen? Keep working on it and meditation is a great way to shine a light on those thoughts.
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HI Kadriyak,
Thank you for your comment! Yes, introverts are special, and there is no reason to fundamentally change who you are. You can re-wire your brain so that you are more present using meditation and breathing practices. Best of luck!
This was so helpful- thank you for these wise thoughts. This was a perspective reset for me. Thank you!
You’re welcome Holly! It’s easy to slip into negative mode. A simple reset is sometimes all we need. I’m glad that it helped:)
Great Story Cate. Thanks for sharing with us.