“Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is.” ~Mandy Hale
As a child, you imagine (with much excitement!) the life that you are determined to have as you grow up.
The life that you are meant to have.
We have expectations. Lots of them. Only reality doesn’t always quite match up.
Life twists and turns, changing direction to forge new paths, and things happen that don’t match the idealized playbook in our head.
Some of these things are good; some are not so good.
So how do you cope when the unimaginable, the undesired, happens?
How do you react when you wake up and realize that your life is not at all how you imagined it would be?
Understand that it is okay to mourn the loss of the life you had planned for yourself.
Critical illness. Disability. Chronic pain.
We all have circumstances in our lives that are not ideal.
These are just a few of mine.
I never imagined I would find myself at times living through what I can only describe as my own personal hell.
My life wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Many things I never imagined or wanted to happen in my life, and yet they did and they have and they are.
It can be difficult to let go of the life we think we are supposed to have.
There is a sense of entitlement, a sense of “Why me? Why is this happening to me? Why can’t I have/do/be what I want?”
Whether they are lifestyles and material items you no longer have, or were simply hopes for the future, know that it’s okay to mourn what once was or what you hoped would be.
And then you get back up on the horse.
There has to come a time for acceptance.
When things aren’t going well, when we are really struggling with life’s curveballs, it’s all too easy to spiral down the path of despair and assume tomorrow will bring just as much pain, as much fatigue, as many imposed limitations, as today.
To feel frustration, anger, and disappointment at the unfairness of it all.
These emotions are natural when we experience adversity, but they are not helpful to live with long term.
There has to come a time for acceptance. Only then can we start to move forward and find happiness.
I live with a chronic medical condition. There is more pain, fatigue, and limitations in my life than I ever thought possible.
It hurts to not be able to do all the things I used to be able to do, or want to be able to do but can’t.
And yet I still live a very fulfilled and happy life.
I actively search for ways to live well in spite of my chronic illness, to expand my life and find my purpose, to find my joy.
It comes down to the choices I make—balancing treatments, diet, and lifestyle with chronic illness management—to assist me to live beyond the medical conditions that could so easily define, so easily limit, who I am and all that I can be.
Expressing my feelings through my writing, fueling my body with nourishing food, working to the extent that I am able, sitting outside in the sunshine—they all add up to help me to find my happy.
To help me accept the reality of what is and minimize the lamenting, the agonizing despair, of what isn’t.
To move forward in the best way I can.
What are you holding on to right now that’s holding you back? What joy might you be missing out on while lamenting things that never came to be? What would you do to enjoy today if you accepted your reality just as it is and decided to make the best of it?
Celebrate the beauty of right now.
Learning to live in the moment can be one of the most difficult things to master.
I still have times when I wish my life were different (pain-free would be a great start!); where I struggle with letting go of what “could have been” and how life was “supposed to be.”
But if I spent all my time focusing on everything that was wrong in my life, then I wouldn’t see the good that is still very much present.
The love and support of my family and friends.
The personal growth that only my (extreme!) experiences could teach me.
Chronic illness has brought me to my knees but it has also led me on an expedition of self-awareness and improvement, survival, love, and empowerment.
It has taught me to enjoy life in all its guises, the small pleasures as well as the big ones.
Taking positive steps every day to create a healthier, happier existence is key.
Focus on what is good in your life because there is always something if we are prepared to look hard enough.
Still can’t seem to find the good? Ask yourself: Who’s been there for me through this journey of acceptance? What have I learned about life or myself through this experience? What opportunities lie within this challenge for renewal or transformation?
Also, be proactive to create good things in your life. Take up a new hobby, pursue the things that matter to you, learn a new skill or go on that weekly coffee date with your bestie so there is less room to indulge idle, and oftentimes destructive, thoughts about things you cannot change.
Celebrate your life for what it is right now, warts and all.
“Because we only have one life. We get one shot at making it worth living. We took our shot and ran like hell with it.” ~J.A. Redmerski
Now it’s your turn! What have you had to let go of to find happiness? What have you fought hard to keep?
About Bree Hogan
Bree Hogan - Essential Oil Educator, Resilience + Health Coach, Preventing + Putting Out Health Spot Fires So You Can Thrive! You can catch Bree over on Instagram and Facebook, or learn more about her story and services on her website, Starbrite Warrior.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Well I don’t think that’s a good way to start an article, I don’t think someone working 16 hours a day in a sweat shop needs to hear that, it sounds like put up and shut up, except your life how it is and stop dreaming and then your dreams can never come true. Dreams come true if to make them and never except anything in your life if its destructive and never give up searching for a way out if your life is consumed by modern life.
Hi Tom. I agree with you, dreams can come true. But I don’t think this is what the author is talking about. I think it’s more about the fact that many of us are not living the blissful life that we dreamed of as children and instead of being happy with our circumstances we become disappointed and frustrated for living a life that we didn’t want. It is inevitable that life will sometimes throw stuff at us that will make our life difficult and far away from our expectations, but instead of waiting for the imposible to happen we have to accept our circumstances and find a way of being happy with what we have. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s necessary if we want to be happy instead of waiting for happiness to come when we get our dreams fulfilled.
Thank you for your wise words of wisdom, Bree and showing us that acceptance and living in the moment is key to fulfillment. You’re reminding us that we can’t change what life gives us but we do have the power to react to it in a positive and proactive way. We do only have one life and we are only promised today. Thank you again.
There is a difference between dreams and expectations. This article is talking about expectations, we expect to have a certain life and to have certain things happen, and when it doesn’t happen the danger is on focusing on not having what we expected to have, focusing on what can’t be changed rather than focusing on what can and what we do have. We have a finite amount of resources in ourselves, if we are using them up resisting the situation, then we can’t be using them to improve the situation 🙂
But you have to be careful about being ok with what you have vs
settling for what you have. I don’t live this crazy exciting life but I
find when I really want something, the best thing to do is SHUT UP
ABOUT IT. Or at least be really careful who you let in on your plans. I
think a lot of people don;t do things, or do them a certain way even though they don’t want to, just
because they’ve been programmed to.. And what are these big dreams anyway? I know I’ve talked myself out of things that really when it gets down to it, are pretty easy to accomplish if I would just get off my ass and do them. It’s heartbreaking how many excuses we tell ourselves; there’s always something more to be done to get where you want to go…
Sometimes we have to move into a new paradigm and go places where we’ve never gone before, do things we’ve never done. We must be willing to let go of the life we planned to see what lies ahead of us. Thank you for your inspiring article =)
Well said nikijaine. I think you hit the nail on the head. We should always work hard to achieve our dreams and we need to be adaptable to what life throws at us. Sometimes it is even necessary to change your goals and dreams to fit current circumstances.
Letting go of complaints for complaints’ sake is one; Although yes, I can understand “I gotta repair the car’s fuel tank and paint it” that’s just part of the journey. No rushing it, or it’ll be not done strongly.
A question for you. What if the life you imagine is leaps and bounds better than the horrible life you actually have? If you are someone who is a victim of something really terrible like abuse or rape, I don’t think saying “accept your life instead of wishing for a better one” is good advice. It’s almost like saying “yep, your life sucks, deal with it”. Some people have literally gone through such hell in their life, that any escape is better than just accepting the reality. Life is not a gift for everyone. Sometimes wishing for a better life can actually help people to keep on living and dealing with the pain. This article just comes off as ignorance to me and not very sympathetic to people’s situations. To me, if wishing for a better life keeps people alive, that’s much better than just saying “oh well, life sucks, that’s the way it is, be happy”. I’m sure that was not the intention with the article, but that is what I took from it.
I completely agree with all your points Tom. This article came off as very ignorant to me. Some people have gone through such pain and torment that just accepting what is, is beyond ridiculous. It’s almost like saying to them “yep, your life sucks, deal with it”. In my case, I can certainly state that I don’t believe in this. I am someone who will never stop reaching for my dreams and I will never settle for what simply is. Because to me, right now, what simply is, is not good enough and I know I can do better and achieve better and have a better life. Simply accepting circumstances is not an option, there is always a way to change life for the better. If you simply just accept what you have and say “oh well, it is what it is”, then you have already lost. This is absurd that people believe you should just accept life for what is.