Growing old gratefully. Yes, you read that right. Gratefully. Why on earth would I be grateful for getting older, less youthful, and more wrinkly with every passing year?? I hear you cry. Let me tell you why I’m trying hard to do just that.
One bright Saturday afternoon some years back, while chatting with my uncle, he reminded me that my fortieth birthday was fast approaching. I rolled my eyes and said, “Yes, Uncle, thanks for the reminder.”
He looked at me for a minute and then said, “You know, you should be grateful for every year of life you get. Some people don’t get to see their fortieth birthday.” That remark was quite sobering, and I felt humbled.
That conversation made me think. Why do we have such a fear about getting older? Why the almost shameful stigma attached to it?
Apart from the obvious slowing down, loss of vitality, and general “nearer to deathness,” I realized that much of our fear of aging is set in vanity. We equate youth with beauty, desirability, and happiness. We attach the opposite traits to old age; in fact, we fear that as we get older, we become almost obsolete.
In a society that worships beauty and vitality, it’s little wonder that we are all panic-buying anti-aging serums, trying anti-aging diets, following anti-aging fitness regimes, and generally trying our utmost to stave off any sign that we are getting older.
The problem with all of this is, well, we age. It’s a fact of life and it will happen whether you fight it or just allow it. This leads me to wonder… what if I just stop fighting and fearing the inevitable?
Does that mean I will retire myself to Dr. Scholl’s sandals and elasticated waists? Never!! But what if I just accepted, embraced, or even, dare I say it, was grateful to still be here, enjoying life on our beautiful planet? I mean, really, who—apart from greedy, capitalist, big business—benefits from our aging phobia anyway?
It’s funny that we use the word anti-aging too. We use that word for things that are considered unacceptable in society like anti-bullying or anti-social, as if we had any control over getting older. Using that small, four-lettered word subtly feeds us the message that aging is not only unwanted, it’s down right unacceptable. How ridiculous!!
I propose that we change our own narrative. That we embrace aging as a privilege not granted to everyone. To see it as a gift.
In Japanese culture, the mindset is quite different. Japanese conceptions of aging are rooted in Buddhist, Confucian, and Taoist philosophical traditions that characterize aging as maturity. Old age is thus understood as a socially valuable part of life, even a time of “spring” or “rebirth” after a busy period of working and raising children” (Karasawa et al., 2011).
That really appeals to me. See each year as it is—a celebration that we are still here, still enjoying life, still with our loved ones, still with a future, in another phase of our beautiful existence with new and exciting opportunities still ahead.
I believe that grateful and positive aging is all about the mindset, which is true of so many things that affect our attitudes.
If we cultivate a mindset where we grow older with a grateful heart, living each day to its fullest in our natural bodies and our natural skin, happy that we still get to watch the sunset and feel the warm embrace of those we love and are still a living breathing part of our wonderful universe; then I believe we stand a chance of drowning out the negative messages put out into society that getting older is something to be ashamed of. That we should go and find a rock to crawl under until we die unless we can claw back some semblance of youth, or at least die trying.
I propose that with a healthy mindset towards growing older, we give ourselves the right to grow old gratefully.
About Suzie Headley
Suzie Headley is a SEND Lecturer working with young people with a range of additional needs. She believes that each day of life is a gift and aims to live with mindful appreciation. She recently qualified as a yoga teacher and works alongside a charity making yoga accessible to SEND children and young people. Suzie loves the simple life and believes that it’s the little things that make life beautiful and fulfilling.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
I’ve always said “ what’s the alternative- die young” in response to contempt of the aged. That usually makes them think. (I hope).
Thank you, needed to read this. I’m 53 years young and can see my Father aging and losing so many friends and family. It was breaking my heart to see the loss and I’ve been wondering how to shift my perspective. This helps!!! As you state, with so much in life it’s about perspective. It’s how we look at things, is the glass half full or half empty. Are we grateful to still be here or worried about being alone?
Grateful for your lesson!
Hi Suzie! As someone who is 20+ years older than you I completely agree. And that mindset gets even more important as a person ages. In fact there is research that proves a person actually lives longer (not to mention happier) when they approach aging with optimism. I write about that and other positive aging research myself. ~Kathy
I’ll be 46 this year. Quite frankly I’m looking forward to getting older👍😊. I love my graying hair❤. In fact, my temples are mostly white 😊👍! Wrinkles around my eyes are more noticeable. I have age spots on my hands and arms. I say bring it on👍😊❤!
Given that my dad died when he was 48, I would argue that aging is actually NOT inevitable. I intend to enjoy every year! My 40s were definitely my best decade so far. My friends in their 60s say our 50s is even better than our 40s, so I’m super excited for an even better future now that I’m 51. I really hope I’m lucky enough to experience it. And, now that I have turned away from doing terrible things to my body – like forcing myself to exercise until I hurt, starving myself thin, putting chemicals on my hair and skin to try to look younger, accepting others cruelty, being cruel to myself, etc., I am healthier – mind, body, and spirit – than I’ve ever been. Hooray for the privilege of getting older!
I am 62 and must say I have been aging reluctantly. As a mother who lost her 18yr old son, I know firsthand how precious…and precarious life is. I do try to live each day with joy to honor my son because that is how he lived his short life, with much joy and vitality.
Such a great change in perspective. Along those lines, rather than looking at each day as one more to check off the calendar (one more closer to old age and death), how about looking at each day as one more gifted to you? I’m 61 now and enjoying the freedom of my recent retirement.
I truly enjoyed the comments from you “young” folk out there.
At age 76 I am just now starting to feel the physical aging process taking hold… things like poorer balance, less physical strength are a feature of my life which I contemplate from a position of amused detachment and gratitude that I have essentially
retained my sanity thus far … my adult kids might disagree !
This is nice to read this article and the comments. People want to read upbeat comments but the reality needs to be considered also. Our society is hung up on being youthful, especially in the workplace. When you are over 55 and still want to work, the path to finding a good paying job becomes slim pickings. It’s reality. And will continue to be so until we accept the fact that all members of society have something worthwhile to contribute at all levels of our community.