Editor’s Note: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha to receive free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!
The Winners:
Have you ever formed a friendship with someone whose beliefs differ from yours only to realize you have quite a bit in common?
This is exactly the type of friendship I’ve formed with Alex Blackwell. We’ve had many of the same experiences, and formed many of the same insights, but we’ve found peace and comfort in different understandings of spirituality.
Alex runs The Bridge Maker, where he shares his lessons about creating meaningful change. Though Alex’s writing often reflects his Christian faith, it always comes straight from his heart and includes lessons that anyone can apply to their circumstances.
When Alex asked me to read his first book, Saying Yes to Change, I immediately felt intrigued. While I didn’t connect with some of the parts related to faith, I felt connected to Alex in reading his stories, and grateful for his courage in sharing himself so honestly.
Loaded with practical tips and gentle encouragement, Saying Yes to Change is an uplifting guide to transformation. It’s my honor to share with you an interview with my friend Alex.
The Giveaway
To enter to win 1 of 2 free copies of Saying Yes to Change:
- Leave a comment below.
- Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Book GIVEAWAY & Interview: Saying Yes to Change http://bit.ly/KyH40n
If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. You can enter until midnight PST on Friday, June 15th.
The Interview
1. Tell us a little about your blog. When did you start it, and what was your intention?
I started blogging by accident. In 2007, my wife decided to go to graduate school. Our time together diminished so she could attend class, write papers, etc. Other than sports, I’m not a big television person. So, I had to find a way to fill the time.
I’ve always had the itch to write, but honestly lacked the discipline to do it consistently. One Saturday afternoon when Mary Beth was buried in a paper, I was surfing the net and typed in “how to start a blog.” When I discovered how easy, and inexpensive, it was to start a blog, I was hooked. The blog I started then transformed to The BridgeMaker four years ago.
Blogging offers a write-as-you-go-approach that is comfortable. I haven’t stopped blogging, or writing, since that fateful Saturday.
2. Why “The BridgeMaker”? How did you come up with that name?
The BridgeMaker connects people who are looking to walk by faith, share inspiration, and celebrate positive change. The meaning of the blog’s name comes from becoming aware of where we are today and seeing where we want to be tomorrow, and then making the deliberate choice to cross the bridge to discover the beautiful life waiting for us there.
3. What inspired you to write Saying Yes to Change?
The book has been inside me for a long time.
Writing every day for my blog did two things: It made me a better writer, and it helped me find my voice. With a newfound confidence in my writing, along with the positive reactions I was getting from readers, I felt the time was right to write the book.
The book is a heartfelt recounting of my best advice on building healthy relationships, learning to love yourself, and being a positive force in the world. My book was not only inspired by my blog; it was inspired by seeing the positive difference I was making.
4. You talk a lot about faith in your book, as you do on your site. Would you say readers of all spiritual traditions can benefit from your book, even if they don’t put faith in a higher power?
I think so Lori.
The faith message I share in the book isn’t necessarily from a Christian point-of-view. It’s more about having faith that our lives matter; that we are all born with a purpose and with unique gifts to fulfill that purpose. For me, faith is about finding the strength (no matter where you look) to never give up on your dreams—or on yourself.
5. You’ve written, “You cannot heal what you don’t acknowledge.” Why do you think we choose not to acknowledge our pain?
I think the reason we choose not to acknowledge our pain is because it can be uncomfortable to do so. Sometimes we sweep past events under the rug so we don’t have to see them, or be reminded by them.
For most of my life, I’ve swept the pain of being bullied under the rug. I thought if I didn’t think about it then it never happened. I would associate feelings of shame with being bullied. So, if I didn’t acknowledge the bullying, then I didn’t have to acknowledge the shame either.
What I didn’t realize was the impact the bullying had on me. It affected my self-confidence in most areas of my life. It was only when I addressed the bullying, that I was able to improve my confidence—and my happiness.
6. One section of your book is titled “Learn to Live without Asterisks.” What does that mean exactly?
It’s about not setting on limits on how we think our lives should be. Asterisks are typically associated with limitations, restrictions, or conditions. We can get mired down with how we should do something, rather than following our heart.
For example, “I want to write a book, but I should spend more time with my family.” You know what I did? I asked my family. They told me to follow my dream and write. On my last day in this world, I won’t have an asterisk next to the goal of writing a book!
7. In your section on love, you defined it as seeing the best in others, not the worst. Why do you think we struggle to do this, and how can we change our instinct to focus on perceived flaws and slights?
I think we tend to see the flaws in others before recognizing their beauty because that’s how we see ourselves sometimes. When we believe we are beautiful; not so much in a physical sense, but in a spiritual one, we can then begin to see the world and everyone in it, as beautiful, too.
8. What do you think is the most important precursor to real, lasting change?
Wanting to change—really wanting to change. No matter if it’s learning to be a better spouse or partner, losing weight, or pursuing a passion, nothing happens until we want it to happen. But to answer your question directly Lori, I think the precursor for change is recognizing that a certain aspect of our life is no longer for us, but we desperately want it to begin working again.
9. What is the main message you hope readers take from your book?
Creating positive change begins with discovering one powerful truth: You cannot change or heal what you do not acknowledge.
Learn more about Saying Yes to Change on Amazon.
FTC Disclosure: I receive complimentary books for reviews and interviews on tinybuddha.com, but I am not compensated for writing or obligated to write anything specific. I am an Amazon affiliate, meaning I earn a percentage of all books purchased through the links I provide on this site.
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Lori and Alex…
I am a visitor to Tiny Buddha and
I read many of the post of your website. I did not read any of the books you
mentioned in your article but I am sorry to say I could not understand how the
definition of spirituality can be different in two zones. As per my
understanding the ultimate motive of any religion is spirituality. All the religion
work like the path but the ultimate destination is divinity or spirituality.
The final teaching of any religion is to love everyone, to accept everyone
equally and this is the way you can be close to deity.
I would also like to mention one
thing that the name of Alex’s book is very meaningful – if we are hesitant to new
changes, it only weaken our faith on life and if the faith is not strong
enough, how we would able to love HIM unconditionally. I am not sure what
exactly is different in these two books you were comparing, but I know this one
thing, it does not matter if you worship daily or you go to church/temple daily
or you read some sacred books daily unless you love HIM and HIS creation
selflessly. The day one starts loving HIM, the world turn automatically
beautiful.
Best Regards
It takes courage to acknowledge spirituality within and this spirituality has nothing to do with the love of an external deity or creator. The Law of the Universe is the Mystic Law, that is the Law of Cause and Effect, that’s this is the way to true empowerment and change in life. It takes courage to have an open mind. It takes courage to change and transform yourself. It takes courage to see the truth.
It takes courage to acknowledge spirituality within and this spirituality has nothing to do with the love of an external deity or creator. The Law of the Universe is the Mystic Law, that is the Law of Cause and Effect, that’s this is the way to true empowerment and change in life. It takes courage to have an open mind. It takes courage to change and transform yourself. It takes courage to see the truth.
I love books that can be enjoyed by people across various faiths. Change is universal.
Love the website and the great articles here!
I hope to win this. i want to read it
I feel this book is for me, such good timing. I can’t wait to read it.
just regaining consciousness from a long sleep. i’d love to use this as an aid in resuming my conscious journey. thanks!
One of the very concepts I am trying to embrace in my life… I started taking improvisational comedy classes — initially as a way to meet funny men — and found it tapped into a hidden part of my creative self… and improv is ALL about saying “Yes” and accepting offers…
If it is meant to be, I will receive a copy of this book
Change is continuous, and learning to embrace it everytime it offers itself would certainly help improve my life.
My takeaway from this interview is the name “The Bridgemaker”. This quote, “becoming aware of where we are today and seeing where we want to be tomorrow,
and then making the deliberate choice to cross the bridge to discover the
beautiful life waiting for us there” describes exactly how I feel today. For so many years I buried myself in my home afraid of everything, including crossing the bridge. Over many years, I learned to deal with my anxiety and fears and eventually crossed that bridge. It is truly so beautiful on the other side! Everything comes with hard work; and dealing with my anxiety was certainly no picnic! But I truly believe that there is a reason I was able to deal with it and put it behind me and move forward.
I would love to win the book to read more. However, if I don’t win it, I will be purchasing it as I know this is something that will help me maintain my moving forward in life.
Sounds like a great book!
Saying yes to change is terrifying! Once you do it a few times, it seems to get easier. Trusting that the universe will provide is a challenge, I’ve just begun to practice it and it’s an experience for sure!
Great interview!
I am looking forward to reading the book. 🙂
For me the message ‘you cannot change or heal what you do not acknowledge’ really resonates, I’ve been getting this message from so many sources recently – ok,ok I’m listening now!
Most of my friendships are with those who have different beliefs than myself, the common ground is the capability of love we have for each other — because many people don’t know how to love and be a good friend, so when kindred spirits find each other, we hang on 🙂
Great interview!
A real leap of faith – but so worthwhile! Thanks for sharing!
I want to read that book. I love to read inspirational books. 🙂 my twitter: _CrazfanGirl
I’m dealing a lot with people who feel a lot of resistance to change, so maybe the book will help.
Thanks for the opportunity to win.
This will be a great resource book to add to our Organizations library – teams contantly go thru change these days, and making easier for someone is a win – win.
Hope I get to read this.
Hope I win.
I am trying to learn the balance, no, the difference, between making change happen (control, forcing) and allowing change to happen in my life (surrender, acceptance, openness).
I have found that the Serenity Prayer helps.
HELP!
TThe scariest part of change for me is worrying about the reactions of others.
looks like a great book!
Change is very scary – but a part of life. Being able to accept it and move forward is something I work on daily.
Change has always been a huge fear of mine. Saying yes to it must be so much more peaceful than resistance..
Thank you for reminding me that change is difficult, but must be achieved to move forward.
Change always comes at the perfect time!
As one who does not tolerate boredom, change can be life-sustaining. I welcome the shifts in pattern, thoughts, and questions that come up. That being said, loss is hard (one of the many forms change takes) and some heartaches feel like forever. That is life, and I am grateful for the whole adventure.
The fact is, whether you like it or not, indeed, whether you are aware of it or not, change happens. Be mindful, be kind, and, in the words of Ghandi, “be the change you want to see in the world.”
Change leaves you open to all good things to come…bring it on!
YES!
It is always hard to acknowledge what we are ashamed about but once that happens, you open yourself up for healing to begin!
I have been in therapy for years after a severely abusive upbringing … but it took someone coming into my life who I truly loved, who mirrored me in so many important ways … and then in losing them (at leasts for now) that became my true impetus for wanting to face that trauma and take responsibility for my life. I am almost fifty years od but inside I feel like I’m eight. I’m beginning to see that Sharon was in fact a gift (my partner) and that the difficulties were really gifts in promoting me to look within myself, where I know the answers lie. I find tiny buddha to be a truegift that I receive on a daily basis, and almost every time the words are exactly what I need to hear at the time! I feel blessed in this way. There is no way to the light but through the dark …. no way to it but through it, as I would say. The year I spent with my partner Sharon was both wonderful but emotionally exhausting — because I didn’t have the tools, I hadn’t worked through my abuse, I felt like I was drowning. But I see already that this was the greatest of all gifts. Already I am learning so much about myself. I realize that the focus belongs on me and I am responsible for my own happiness — it does help when someone loves you but that was the hardest part. Letting in the love.Thank you to tiny buddha. Keep them coming — and, I turn my friends onto you as well.
So pertinent – so true. Ready to take the step.
I have been going through nothing but this transition for the year passed, Change was my biggest fear, (and i had alot of fear) since i have learned to change, i have less fear, and more happiness in my life,, i now have the word Change tattooed on my back <3 change is great..
Finally after 55 years on this Earth I am finally starting to get it. I don’t mean I’m there – there is no ‘there’. But I understand now how I have caused my own pain and change my thoughts and responses to feel better about my life, my self, my friends – everything. I have no desire for negativity in my life and do my best not to put it out there. It’s hard – I’m a fiery Irish woman and I used to fire off my reactions without thought for the figurative bodies I would leave behind. Now if I look back, I can feel ashamed and appalled at what I have said and done in what I thought was my own defense. However instead of looking back, I remember to love myself today for the things I said and did, because I didn’t know who I was. Now I know – I am a perfectly, imperfect, fallible child of God, made in His/Her Image and as such, learning more about Love everyday in every way. I always said “anybody can have an epiphany any moment”. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be me?
I have always had a love-hate relationship with change…but never knew it. I love the changes that I instigate in my life, but have always been fearful of the changes that happen outside of my control;) I’m learning to embrace both:) I want to read this book and really hope I win it!!:):)
Great interview and amazing site. I signed up roughly 2 weeks ago and love the emailed lessons. I am relatively new to this way of thinking, but I find it to be the only way to be! Congrats on your book, and thank you for tinybuddha.com.
Seeing the best in others and turning that into love was a lesson taught to me in college by my priest. One of the most important things that I’ve learned in life and one that I try to use every day.
I had subscribed for the mail from this site,And a surprise,I was found to be so useful .The thought were very deep and can be thought over.It will surely wake oneself from the false thing behind which they stay to protect them from world.I likes all the mail and really liked to share with others
I have read a couple of the books I been turned onto by this site, and I will add this to my list of “must reads”!
After a traumatic emotional event in my life, I chose that to be the catalyst for change in my life. I had to admit to (and accept) my own shortcomings before moving forward and making positive changes.
After my mother died, my father become involved with a widowed persons’ service. One of the things he would tell newly widowed people was “Don’t let your friends ‘should’ on you, don’t let your family ‘should’ on you and for heaven’s sake,don’t ‘should on yourself.”
I have remembered that saying often, even though my dad died almost 20 years ago. It’s amazing what can happen in your life when you simply drop certain words from your outer and inner vocabulary.
Working on a few changes myself – started my own business, will quit my job soon, and am going back to school. Many scary things ahead but i pray every night for the strength to get through the next day…and the next…
Change is so very difficult for me. At times I feel its too late in the game so to speak. I am 50 years old and I know theres got to be more to life than what I have seen. Nothing seems to bring me one once of joy whatsoever. I just go through the motions and unfortunately I wake up the next day.