“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown
There I was: numb from a conclusion of a dismissal based on a finding that there was “no reasonable prospect of success.”
Harassed, bullied, victimized, stalked both in-person and online, the Human Rights Tribunal tossed me into another discarded pile of victims to be ignored by the courts because a group of goons were cleaver enough to hide the body of proof.
My assailants comprised of four individuals. One was a divorced teacher of two children who engaged in inappropriate sexual relationships with three of his immediate students—the most recent being only 18 years old when the relationship began.
Another was his female co-worker who heinously accused me of threatening her fetus despite never detailing the exact threat, the manner in which the threat was executed, or when the alleged threat occurred.
The others were a male co-worker who accused me of “staring at him,” despite photo evidence of his flashing the genital regions of another male co-worker, and the presently 22-year-old student who exchanged sexual favors with her teacher and attempted to spread a malicious rumour that I was arrested by local police.
Why did I become their target? Because I rejected the sexual advances of the teacher without knowing of his previous sexual encounters within the college program or his current relationship with a student, and filed an internal complaint with the college.
Most of the information I know today was discovered months after my departure from the academic institution.
I still have yet to learn of the nature of these alleged death threats I made or what exactly I threatened.
The accusation of threatening a fetus was most troubling, as there has never been an account of what the exact threat was, how a fetus can be threatened, and when this situation occurred.
I have been an educator for most of my career and presently assist students with learning disabilities to improve their literacy levels. To have such blatant lies against someone like me who has dedicated so much to assist in the growth of others, and for others to actually believe these lies, was horrendous.
Local police were baffled that the courts would dismiss what they saw for themselves, and were more than obliging to provide further assistance in obtaining restraining orders against the respondents, as a school employee threatened to physically assault me.
I understood that a dismissal did not mean that the vice-chair of the Tribunal thought that I was a liar, or thought that none of these actions transpired, or thought that the respondents were innocent of the things of which I accused them.
It meant that the body of proof and the actions which lead to my victimization were hidden so well that there was reason to doubt the existence of a victim at all—a horrific regularity in today’s world of anonymous online accounts: distorted images, fake lives, pseudonyms used by unknown figures.
Yes, I know of karma. Yes, I know what goes around comes back around. Yes, I know a guilty soul eats away a person from within until the truth emerges. However, these thoughts and words of attempted condolence did not help.
Longing and questioning filled my mind in the minutes that followed.
When would karma come? Did the boomerang miss these people during an attempt for a universal justice? Could cosmetics continue to conceal their ugliness from the world, or worse, could their ugliness actually form a mask onto me for the world to be fooled that I was the perpetrator?
I needed to find those words that would bring peace.
Strangely, the source of victimization also served as a means of finding personal salvation: a Google search for the terms dealing with disappointment.
My first search was fruitful with an anonymous quote from this very website: “Do not let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.”
The satisfaction I gained from this quote was fleeting, as the notion that I still had dreams to hold onto was always true, even during the ordeals with my tormentors. Also, even monsters dream.
The article (4 Steps to Deal with Disappointment by Raeeka) followed with a useful list of four: Let it out, get some perspective, know your own heart, and practice acceptance.
While I could recognize the usefulness of this list in my future, it still failed to complete the emotional journey I was presently in.
I had already accepted what the courts decided and could already devise the rationality behind the decision. Excusing myself for being a bit too logical for the emotions I was experiencing, I continued in my search.
It was my second search that brought me to a new list from the same website, and a sentence that changed my perspective on everything: “Consider that there is nothing to forgive” (3 Unconventional Tips for Forgiving and Letting Go by Lisa Esile).
These words made me realize that my complaint filed with the tribunal was an act of telling these respondents that they needed to change for the better and giving them the opportunity to enrich themselves.
However, if they cannot see how they wronged me and others, how can they ever see the need for change?
I filed a complaint with the intention of assisting them in improving their current means of treating others when they weren’t open to improvement.
It would be similar to using such a tactic on a rabid dog; the dog cannot realize that it has rabies, which is bad for it, or that when biting other living things that it causes greater harm than usual. It would be pointless to reason with the creature that it has an illness that needs to be rectified.
A teacher who abuses his position and shames the education system, not once, not even twice, but three times is clearly someone not on a path I wish to follow. It’s not worth the energy to wait for him to change his course of behavior, let alone to wait for his supporters to change their respective paths to grow from their situations.
I, on the other hand, have nothing to change in my foundation: I have told no lies; I have not shamed myself in my journey; I have not harmed the progress of others or their education; and I have not disrespected the education system by abusing my position with my students. I can only grow from my experiences.
Forgiveness has become a term that we use as a sword and a parachute.
For some, looking for a reason to forgive becomes a journey for revenge—if something bad happens to that hurtful person, then I can forgive them. For others, forgiveness becomes an escape route for their inconsiderate behavior—an “oh well, time heals all wounds” mentality, so why worry about any harm inflicted?
Forgiveness can only be given to someone or something that you can truly believe would have chosen differently if they had more understanding or different circumstances.
From what I know, my assailants are similar to the rabid dogs in that they cannot see the problem, so it’s pointless to expel my energy on them. And should they change from their current circumstances, it would be such a change that forgiveness would not be required from me, as they would no longer be the people who inflicted this harm.
In an unjust situation we sometimes need to accept that the other person is simply incapable of distinguishing right from wrong. And it’s that acceptance that can help us understand and find peace.
Photo by Casey Muir-Taylor
About Julie McRoberts
Julie is an experienced international educator who presently resides in London, Ontario, Canada. In her current residence, she continues to act as an educator through her employment as a driving instructor and her volunteering efforts with local high school students struggling with learning disabilities.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Wow Julie. Spiritual lesson here. I think of the Bible, and some men and women who were put through a hell that they did not really deserve. But it happened. They were unjustly jailed, tortured, even killed, all unjustly.
Each person, like yourself, came to terms with what happened. Love the rabid dog analogy. When stuff that feels unjust happens to me, I do my best to first, embrace my “This is unfair” viewpoint, then I ignore the lower energies.
These folks are very similar to rabid dogs; mindless and mad. No thinking. So since we cannot reason with the mad – that would make us mad too – we release them, and pray to our Higher Power to see through a high energy resolution for ourselves.
Thanks for the powerful share.
Ryan
I empathize with your situation and wish there could have been one way or other for you to prove urself innocent and get those Rabid dogs behind the bars before they bite more and more innocent students and spread rabies. I have not gone through such a serious accusation and circumstances but have seen many cases where truth unravel itself…Infact i have strong belief that our inner guidance provides the missing links to find the truth…I would suggest that its good that you forgave them however this case is nothing to be taken personally…In fact it seems to me a criminal conspiracy (which i have seen in many Hollywood movies). I think you should not sit back and try to get the proof (somewhere or other; there would definitely be a link to find the proof; atleast try to find one). You should not let such ppl roam around and keep on doing what they are doing right now.
Thank you so much for this article! I actually just went through a VERY similar situation, and I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with it. I really loved your article and I hope I’ll be able to find peace like you did.
Great story, great lessons. Interesting that, like these situations, I have found that most conflicts with others carry the same perspective. When we are hurt by others, seldom can they see the consequences of their actions in terms of how we are affected as the victim (not really-just a description) of ill words or behaviors. I’ve always tried to get the other person to “see my point of view” because then I was sure if I explained my position well enough, they would understand, forgive, stop hurting others, love more, and on and on. But I think you are right that often – they lack the ability to see their injustice. Their behaviors become a way for them to cope with their own pain and selfish desires – and if they had to change their behavior – they would risk fearing never getting what they want. They don’t know any better – doesn’t make it right – but just is.
But it brings up an interesting point – I’m always pondering – what about standing up for the principal and making the world a better place. Standing in the face of terrorism (like you did) and risking negative consequences – can be a very courageous move in my mind. Standing up for what is right – if no one did that – there would still be (and still are) horrible injustices – like slavery, mass murder, terrorism, etc. The world is a better place because some people stand up for what is right and just. Maybe the outcome is not visible right now, but hopefully the good energy that you put forth in the name of truth – planted a seed somewhere – if only in your own heart – because you know your actions were pure. Someone quoted to me – I don’t know who said this and it’s not word for word – but – here goes –
“there is a certain kind of peace that can only be achieved on the other side of war”. I understand the concept that harm creates harm but often a do nothing attitude – just gets us more of the same. I would never want to intentionally harm someone, but I have chosen to stand up for issues that to me, were morally important and I have suffered negative consequences for speaking my mind or taking opposing action. But I walk away and think – at least I tried to stand up for what is right – so my intention was my reward – the outcome may not have been different – but I’m sure that my action – somehow changed something – in the world.
We live in a very complex, sometimes wonderful, sometimes scary world.
Thanks for sharing.
Pat
This article or story touched a nerve for me. I am going thru similar situation. It is work place I left where individuals were behaving similar to what you described and used social media to spread or discredit me. It made me go into depression and seek a therapist. I learned a lot about myself and I learned about logotherapy and like the quote above said- I am hoping to be the person that will come out of this stronger.
I am still jaded and still ruminate. But I see myself less of victim and more of someone who is overcoming a challenge.
In terms of the individuals, I am still angry with them and what they tried to do my reputation and sent a stern letter to company to stop these individual from defamation of character.
I am not sure about forgiving these people- I am not the first person they did this to and not the last. Your observation: “Forgiveness can only be given to someone or something that you can truly believe would have chosen differently if they had more understanding or different circumstances.”
I don’t think these individual deserve any forgiveness.
Thank you for that comment. Our situation is exactly why I felt the need to write this. Too often the media forces the victim to give forgiveness while the bully gets to sit back an absorb the attention. Even recently, an individual from their group became a student of mine. I was very patient with him, but he was purposefully trying to aggravate me. He was ultimately removed from the driving school because he claimed that it was LEGAL for him to run over people because he has ADD and made threatening remarks towards myself. For the safety of myself and general public, he was denied any vehicles from our company.
Firstly, for anyone who may not know, ADD is a learn disability not a type of psychosis. Secondly, this individual did not have this learning disability. However, this is how that group conducts themselves and won’t change. In fact, this individual knew that I volunteer with students with learning disabilities.
Some people might jump up and say, “Well, it’s because they keep getting away with it! Let’s do something about it!” The “let’s do something about it” is the trap. It can cause us to become obsessed and vengeful. I am doing something about it by letting people know and letting people choose.
Unfortunately, the courts are often very skewed in their vision–it is a system which historically told coloured people that they were not human, told women that they did not have enough brains to own property, and told homosexual individuals that they were criminals–and often take the worse rather than seek the truth. Because so many people lie, it becomes difficult to seperate the truthful and good from the deceitful. Just like when I deal with a student who fails a road test despite being a flawless driver with me. I explain that it is a flawed system and that flawed system is managed by flawed people. Does it mean that my student should look fir retaliation? No. But they should never think of themselves as a bad driver because of a failed test.
Ultimately, you learn about people, and in my situation, I am discovering that more and more people from that group behave in this inappropriate behaviour. It validates that I was never the problem. People who side with me have been happily married families, mature and intelligent individuals, and long-term friends–even the people who can see the injustices in my story are all good and caring people and they too are thankful for me informing them to protect their children in the future.
I hope you find the same for yourself. It will be hard to learn that some people WILL side with that company (I actually had people argue in favour of a teacher sleeping with direct students) but you will quickly learn what their motivators are–desiring anger from you, living vicariously through ‘bad behaviour’, simply to spite you because you have something they don’t, etc.–and you will see that the people who are by your side are extraordinary. 🙂
Thank you for sharing this article. This article brought a lot of comfort. Cyber stalking or any form of harrassment is unacceptable. There is no excuse for these people to enjoy inflicting pain on others but you’re right – people who engage in this sort of activity can’t even tell right from wrong. Perhaps, they have psychological problems of their own. I try my best to pretend that they don’t exist and ignore their madness. I sure hope that these people will get their wake-up call sooner or later.