“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~C. S. Lewis
Another year over and you’re still troubled by a relationship that ended last year or in years past. The whole thing is dragging on too long—why can’t you just get over it? But every time you think about it or bump into your ex, you feel ruined again
How about giving your feelings another shake?
Rattle them in any direction—a new one. If it turns out to be the wrong direction you can correct that later, but just move them, any which way, get them out of the rut they’re in. One way to do this is by talking it through, even more than you already have.
Why Talk it Out?
Perhaps something remains unsaid for you, even now. Perhaps that’s why your feelings remain so strong. Or perhaps they’re entangled with non-relationship issues—a sense of getting older, time passing, concern about not having children, or the life you hoped for.
Perhaps part of you holds out hope you could get back together again. Perhaps you need to admit that and let go of it.
Maybe you fear you won’t meet anyone else like your ex. You won’t, but you will meet someone. Just they will be different.
Explore all this.
How It Helped Me
I attended a few counseling sessions a year after the end of a relationship. It had been a long, happy relationship that had started in my early twenties, but it burned out as our lives took us in different mental and geographic directions.
For the year after the breakup I got on okay with life, but the shine had gone. A veil hung between me and true engagement with the world. I could smile but the smile never went to my eyes.
I honestly thought I had done all the talking I could at the time of the breakup—my ex and I had even attended couple-counseling together—but a year later, something still felt stuck in my chest.
So I sat myself down in front of a counselor. I didn’t want to or feel like it, but suddenly all this stuff came out of my mouth—stuff I found laughable or which fell away as I said it, stuff I didn’t know I’d been thinking. Apparently, it just wanted to get itself off my chest. And it had needed a year to mature sufficiently to do it.
I kept apologizing to the counselor for talking endlessly and not letting her get a word in. But it worked. I realized I was over the relationship, but not the process of its ending—the fatigue, the accusations, the indecisions, the reverberation among friends and family.
I was suffering a lingering childlike shock that such things could happen in life. Discovering this, and finally putting words to it, allowed those feelings to go.
Some other things I’ve learned along the way:
If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed By Emotion
You’ve just bumped into your ex and you’re feeling highly emotional. Half of you wants to cry, half of you would do anything to get rid of those feelings.
This is your mind panicking to get rid of emotions it cannot understand. The mind likes to understand things but can never understand the heart. Hearts have no logic.
So, abandon trying to comprehend what happened or why. After all, at this stage, is there anything your ex could say or do that would change how you feel?
Befriend the part of you that gets emotional. Don’t beat it up. It’s normal and healthy to feel how you feel. You’re alive!
Besides, emotion shows you have a heart and would not wish the same sorrow on others. This aspect of your personality is to be treasured. Wouldn’t you love it in anyone else?
So, instead of trying to quash emotion, ask “Is it possible for me to feel like this and still be okay?” Because your heart is stronger than you know; it is designed to handle being broken.
Loving Someone Does Not Mean You Should Be With Them
It also doesn’t mean that they’re good for you. Face this reality squarely. You can have a happy life, even with great sorrow in your heart, even while carrying loss.
Physically, your body is probably keeping going just fine and it’s only your mind that has the problem. Its idea that “things should have been different” conflicts with what actually happened, so it wedges your mental wounds open.
That causes the turmoil. Give in.
Admit: “This is exactly how it should have been. This is exactly how it is.” Shrug while saying it. Facing the truth is difficult. As a result, life may feel more painful, yet perhaps also more peaceful, because conflict with it is reduced.
Our Sorrowful Life And Happy Life Can Exist In Parallel
Author A.S.Byatt has occasionally spoken about the longevity of bereavement. She lost her son forty years ago. He was eleven.
Twenty years later she told an interviewer, “You don’t get over it and you suffer greatly from people supposing you will. You suffer from people not understanding the pain of grief.”
Another twenty years on, Byatt shared with another interviewer a metaphor she developed with her friend Gill Cadell, a widow. It involves parallel train tracks:
“One is appalling and one you just go along,” explained Byatt. “Gill said to me, ‘Is it alright to be pleased to see the flowers in the morning?’ And I said, ‘Oh yes, because the other track is always there.'”
The interviewer asked, “You mean the appalling track?”
“Yep.”
“And it’s still there?”
“Oh yes, it hasn’t changed.”’
You see, winter trickles into the beginnings of spring. It’s okay to try loving a new person while still loving your ex. The heart can simultaneously run along multiple tracks.
Making The Decision
My friend, who dabbles in NLP, had a client who was still heartbroken eighteen months after breaking up with her boyfriend. The woman was explaining to my friend, in detail, how she felt—a curdle of sadness, anger, hurt—and how she was convinced she would never be able to move on.
My friend stopped her, saying, “And now tell me, how you will feel when you are over him?”
The woman described how free she would feel, how relieved that it was behind her, how keen she would be to get on with life, how confident and unafraid she would be if she happened to meet her ex.
My friend suggested, “So why don’t you just feel that now?”
The woman’s life transformed instantly.
For her, it was about making a decision to move on. If it has been a while since your relationship ended, perhaps this choice is also available to you. Play with the idea.
Five More Minutes And We’re Going On A Bike Ride
I remember a story about Kylie Minogue that went something like this. She had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and her boyfriend sometimes found her crying on the bathroom floor.
He would firmly tell her, “Okay, honey, you can cry for just five minutes, then I’m taking you on the bike for a ride.”
She’d think, “Hmm. Actually a bike ride sounds pretty good.”
This is the attitude to take. It doesn’t matter if sorrow comes again and again, just each time draw a line in the sand. And beyond that line make something else happen.
It Has Been Long Enough Now
People may tell you it’s time you got over your relationship. Like with bereavement, you don’t ever have to “get over” it, but you may need to more forcibly move yourself on, and if you’re stuck, to take a new approach to doing so.
Hurtful experiences, ones that emotionally and logistically reset our lives, leave us with two choices: open up more or close down.
The braver choice—the one that will allow new things to enter your life—is to open up.
So how about setting aside a few weeks to unfold this a little more? If you can’t climb out, dig out. Book yourself a few sessions with a counselor whether or not you feel like it or think it will help.
Go in, sit down, see what happens. Give your heart the chance to say everything it wants regarding the relationship and whatever is entwined with it. What emerges may surprise you.
Give yourself a new and different opportunity to leave it behind.
About Josephine Hughes
JR Hughes (Josephine) is an Irish writer who has recently moved to Ibiza, Spain for the warmth. She is working on three novels and hopes to secure a publishing deal soon. You can follow her progress and some of her random thoughts and photos at http://www.facebook.com/JRHughesWriter.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
Your post was very helpful. Thank you. I hope you get the publishing deal you’re looking for. Moving to Spain sounds like a great idea. It’s freezing here!
This is a lovely article and one which I hope benefits everyone, including me who reads it. I just broke up with my boyfriend of just six months four weeks ago. The pain can be overwelming and all hopes of a happy future quashed. I still hope everyday that he will have a change of heart, but deep down know this is not going to happen. I just wish I could be happy again.
This wonderful and exactly what I needed. Thank you.
This is exactly what I needed to read at the moment. I’m going through a very painful separation with my husband and I can’t see how to move forward through the feelings of hurt, disappointment and abandonment. I know it will get better but I never chose to be a single mother approaching 40 (consciously anyway!) and I suppose when we find ourselves in these situations there are so many factors to consider when it comes to our feelings.
I am in identical situation as you are, and deliberating how best to file for divorce, so many fears engulf but this article spoke with me.It’s ok to embrace the unknown, don’t have to overcome all fears, just trust we will move on and heal, find loving life ahead.good luck.
Possibly one of the best articles I’ve come across on dealing with heartbreak (equally applicable to loss from the end of a relationship / from the death of a loved one). Every line resonated with me. Thank you so much for writing this and in many ways reaffirming my thoughts and feelings. Wish you love and joy! Good luck with the publishing deal 🙂
Oh, I just visited your Facebook page and realised you are (or perhaps recently were) in my country, India. Hope you are enjoying your stay. If you need any help or just need a friend in a strange, new land, do reach out!
Great article. I separated from a 9 year relationship 9 months ago. It’s getting a little easier, but only when I have things to preoccupy my mind. For now, the part that’s keeping me reeled in is the pain I anticipate feeling when I find out that he’s dating someone else. That part will hit me the hardest. And honestly, I fear it everyday.
I feel the same way, regarding the dating someone else part. But how will you know if he is dating someone else? Do you have friends in the same circle that would tell you? Do you check his social media profiles for info?
I saw my ex back on the dating site we met on and it felt like we were breaking up all over again- even though obviously I’m back on the site too and I’ve been there longer. But 9 days ago I stopped checking his facebook profile for any evidence bc I know I would make a mountain out of a molehill and not like what I found.
I am dealing with this pain now. We were together 10 years. It is painful enough but knowing he is with someone else is destroying me. I thought he was truly mine. I was his very first relationship at age 49, a stay at home with his mom until this age. I am a widow of 12 years and there is a 7 year age difference, I was married 37 years to a wonderful man who gave me 2 wonderful sons. I had a very difficult time letting go of my husband. After 12 years I was just going to let him know I was ready to move on with our relationship but he had other news for me. I am devastated at 69 and so lonesome. Will I ever heal. Five months and he told me no contact. We wee lifetime friends. Someone help me, I am in counseling as I feel like I am back to square one and grieving.
I just found out this week my ex is dating someone else and doing all the things with her I always wanted to do and we never did for many reasons. I’m just numb.
Thank you. I’m going through a breakup/”long goodbye fadeaway” of a long distance relationship and not understanding why it’s hitting me so hard. It was never a great relationship, and it was only about 1 1/2 years, with maybe 4 good months in the beginning. But I think it was the first time in a long time where I felt like there was mutual love and interest and excitement, at least in the beginning. It’s hard to let that go, even though it’s been gone a long time. Added to that lots of mixed messages from him, and I’m a confused, shaky, depressed mess, and I feel betrayed. Every time I feel like I’m getting over it, it’s like I take two steps backwards again and end up once again spending days and nights crying over it. Everybody thinks I should be over it by now, and that he’s a jerk and I deserve better. But I miss what we had. I’m not sure how to move on. I’ll probably re-read this article a lot.
Keep this is mind….its not the person you miss..its the feelings yiu hadwhen you were with them.
i tried to extract the qualities or ideas about my lost love that made it so powerful. And imagine that’s what I miss and need to find somewhere else – in persons or things or me. Well, don’t take me for genius, the idea is great but I’m still a crying, depressed fool too after five months. I had a few days in five month when I felt like my mind was clear and it was bliss. I want this to end soon. This article is the best one I’ve read yet and I will take it to heart. Thank you for the piece about not letting others rush you. I had this experience when my mother died and people rushed me. It took me two years to feel “normal” again. I guess I’m a slow griever. It takes me a while to put it all together in my head and I can’t let go – give up – when it not clear. I like the idea of giving up, in, and just releasing.
sorry cat but thats somewhat wrong,when you have gotten to know someone very well you do miss that person and the unique qualitys everyone has,the part you said is true,you miss not having that partner there for you,the intimate moments etc..but you also miss that person too!!
(How i got my husband back with the prayers of Dr Akim )I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i cfame across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com).
I tried “Melerigamy” to get him back. it really worked
I know this post is old and you may necessary see my reply, but I am in the same position. I was only with him for a year and half as well but now even three and a half years later, it’s still so painful. Most of the time I’m ok, but lately I’ve been grieving over it like it just happened. I think because he appears in dreams occasionally and that’s when I start getting sad over it again. I’ve tried dating in attempt to try to get past it but I seem to keep meeting emotionally unavailable men. Which makes me think about him more. Sorry for the rant but I just wanted to let you know I know what your going through and in the end (someday, hopefully soon) we will both be ok 🙂
I’m also in a similar situation (i guess that’s why we’re all reading these kinds of articles) and i think keeping a diary can help so much. The first month and a half after my break up i finally started a diary and i was still depressed, but it helped me vent and release. I couldn’t just keep rambling to my friends & family about the break up anymore. Everyone has a different “shelf-life” for grieving and we can’t beat ourselves up about still being sad and lonely. After a month i just pretended i was happy for everyone else and spared no honest details with my diary and it helped keep me sane. I am feeling a little better today, but not my old happy self just yet. Hopefully we’ll all be ok soon.
How are you now ? I’m going through a breakup .. would like to know your experience.
Thank you. I needed to read this at this very moment.
These articles are always so magically perfectly timed. I am separating from my husband of 13 years and it sucks to be 35 and alone after all this time together. I love him to pieces, but I cannot live with him. We are just so different in our mid 30s than we were in our early 20s when we married. We both basically knew it was over, but kept hanging on, because every time we separated for a few weeks, we’d miss each other and want to try again.
It has been a year of that back and forth and finally, we’ve thrown in the towel for good. I was devastated at first, and I still am not sure what I’m going to do, but I just feel… better now that I know it’s final.
i was married for 32 years and the last 5 of them were spent trying to save my marriage.when i look back now one and half years post breakup i regret that i tried to save it at all ,when its over its over .im now 53 and have got to try and start a new life but first i have to find and love myself .breaking up was devastating but will heal with time ,precious time of course
(How i got my husband back with the prayers of Dr Akim )I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across thev help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com).
You are absolutely RIGHT ! Remember that person loved you for a long time, therefore you are WORTH loving and it WILL happen again x
Thanks for sharing. You offered up some good advice. I hate to admit it, but I still constantly ruminate about my marriage that end over six years ago. As you mentioned in your article, a lot of it does have to do with non-relationship issues. I am constantly caught up in thinking about all the things I should have done differently. I haven’t had any contact with her in about 5 years. Found out by accident that she was remarried. I also, since we have mutual friends on facebook, keep getting these notices telling me that I might know this person, which causes me to stressed out and depressed. I have been trying to let go, but for a multitude of reasons it’s been hard.
Are things better now? Regret is the worst emotion…
Thank you for this posting. It seems like it was written just for me! I am getting over a terrible heartbreak from a year ago and little by little finding the freedom, happiness and peace in accepting it’s truly over and moving forward while also looking internally to see how I can be a better person. The best is still ahead for all of us. I enjoy your blog tremendously.
Thank you so much! I’ll leave it at that:-)
Thank you, wow.
I absolutely love your message. Healing has to take place on many levels for me, it seems. Because I am typically strong and strong-willed, most don’t have patience when I am weak. I find their prodding to “get over it” very painful ~ and it makes me feel misunderstood and alone (just like a break up itself). Your words breathe peace into a paining heart. Thank you. Vickie Fowler
People who advise you to “Snap out of it” or “Get over it” have clearly never understood the issues -I’m not a naturally depressive person and am usually “glass half full” but people need to remember that our War Winning most successful Prime Minister was a victim of depression and his “Black Dog”
About two years ago I ran into this woman that I knew since the 4th grade. She was two years older than me, and when she graduated high school, she left the state for college. 20 years later, we run into each other at a grocery store. We both had been married and started a family, the children were very close in age.
About two months after the run-in, she contacted me and asked me out for a drink – sparks flew and we dated for 9 months and I was madly in love…however, she was not. Over the next 10 months, she would be intimate with me, then ask for space. This happened about 6 times in total. When we were together, life was perfect, even she would say that. But once we were separated, she would want more space from me. This back and forth, on and off relationship took it’s tole on me.
About two months ago, after she needed space…again, I said to hell with it and moved on and started dating other women. One day, my ex randomly walked by me holding hands with another woman. My ex texted me instantly, and said this was a reality slap for her, but she couldn’t be made. Although, she reeled me back in and we dated for three more weeks until she dropped the space bomb on me after I took her to my company holiday party.
Damn! Am I an idiot or just madly in love with her. I feel she has no respect for me. I am trying to date, but I compare every new girl to her and I can’t let anyone into my life.
Thank you for this. I have started going to counseling over a recent break up with my boyfriend of over a year. I love going because it let’s me say things a loud I have never heard my self say before. The emotional pain of losing my relationship has sparked up some of the most painful feelings I have ever been faced with, and counseling is really helping me deal with them. Thank you for such an insightful article 🙂
I’ve been trying to let to of my ex fiancee for the past 1 year. We had such a good start, i thought i did everything she wanted. The problem started when i suggested she spend times with my siblings to get to know the family better (as i did wit her siblings and family) and the wedding expanses (she hates the budgeting part and don’t like it when i ask her whats her budget for a particular item / event). I didnt want to give up on a relationship that easy as i thought married life will be tougher so i should learn to compromise. However, it seemed like not enough for her and she ended the engagement and even accused me of seeing another girl. 6 month down the road, i found out she kept in touch with her ex-bf when she was with me and started to get romantically attached with her co-worker (all while she said she loved me and wanted to get married to me). Once we broke up, she had fun with her co-worker, but he treated her badly. When we met, i confronted her saying it was unfair for her to accuse me when it was her at fault. She apologized and asked me for forgiveness and a second chance. I don;t know why i did it, i gave her the second chance only to be burned again (she lied to me again and kept in touch with her ex bf). So, now it’s over, but i feel so angry and feel like a fool. Keep wondering how i could let my self fall for her tricks and lies. This article is good, it let me see that i should accept what has happened and not beat my self up, but i still find hard to let go of the disappointment. I just couldn’t believe she treated me the way she did till now. All my love went unappreciated.
I know EXACTLY how you feel !!
I was withy ex fiancé for 7 yrs, 4 of them engaged… I done so much for her from the start like support her for free, nursed her through shoulder dislocations and rehab, helped her get and education in childcare cert 3 as her academic back ground was weak, helped her get a job where we lived and when we moved to Sydney I helped nurse her to get through a shoulder reconstruction and rehab and looked after my 3 kids I had full custody of during the whole time and all she had to do was some cooking and cleaning when she could but i did a lot of that through out her injuries. Carried her through her depression and the affect that had on my kids in the house hold and got her counselling as well as my kids because I couldn’t work out why my kids were such a handful. She turned my own sister and neices against me right now who she’s staying with and is leaving for Brisbane on Friday and blames me for her suicidal thoughts, my sister and niece have attacked my kids and I blaming us for her disposition.
Her anti depressant withdrawls are the cause of her emotional bluntness as she says she doesn’t love the kids and I after all these yrs and I had to put up with the stress of it all through out the whole time! We were best friends and in the beginning I found it hard to feel love with my fight for my children and geographical isolation but I knew they all loved me and I finally pulled through it all to be left once again alone and the woman who raised my 3 kids from young ages just took off because I was working here and there… Nothing I ever do turns out right no matter how much of myself and my life I give to people even though I’ve tried to support her through this though I found selfies with her all dressed up and some boob hanging out on my computer for some one else I guess !
I’m extremely hurt, disappointed, lost and I don’t know what else as I thought she was the one is spend the rest of my life with. Even though I contributed a little due to stress I thought she was A good girl and she promised she’d never cheat on me but it’s obvious she was looking for a way out. No gratitude or love left from her apparently but I hope all the memories and feeling come rushing back to her so she can feel what I’ve feel now grieving her loss… She was my soulmate and I’m so broken right now… I feel I’ll never be the same after this as this was my first forever love as she looked after my kids and helped me when I needed them to be watched to go to court…
I wish I could do it all over again and avoid the things that caused us to drift from bliss.
I have pins and needles constantly and I can’t sleep or eat or think or function and I think she’s seeing someone else at my sisters place in Newcastle and what makes it worse it that she was asking for a new bed a few months ago so I guess the guilt of it all is too much for contact with me regardless of what I’ve done…
If she had another man there that would also explain that away as well… I never in a million yrs would have considered her to be capable of such betrayal and my own family is involved in it all hurts So much more…
I don’t know what to do but my kids are relying on me and I feel like I’m going to fail them because of my brokeness !!
Life sucks, when this happens to somebody. Its like we cought any disease. Makes the person sick. Well we came to know about life. Life teaches us or may be u can say truth is there that someday sometime we have to miss to our close one . . . Everybody is engaged but the thing is how much u r loving to that person . I left my all friend circle , my close mates for my lover . I mean i became very friendly with her . We love each other . May b i love her more as like mine kid. She left me because i was not liked by her parents. And she agree to marry other guy . She changed. And i felt so bad that , i loved her for what . I was calm and true before . Really its changed my life . Bla bla. Thing is to just live present. Live for yourself if this happens in your life . Just think that u got a new life . Yes new life . A new life to reverse ur feeling again in better way . Dont worry . Come on . Pump ur body . Make new targets . Lets do it . Its our life . My life . Dont waste ur time in thinking negetive . V were best . So just dont try to change ur good character. Adapt to new things something learning and enjoying . M doing and now doing it with great power . No matter i loose but once i got hurted so no worry after this . I know what is failure . Than what life is to live . Life is beautiful, sky , morning, winter , nights . Ya memories are there but stand up for yourself and other our dear one .
I saved your comment. I loved the tips u gave. “A new life to reverse your feeling again in a better way !”very well said. Ty
Not sure if u still read this post. How
R u doing now. It has been two yrs since your comment !If u have recovered and happily moved on pls
Share some
Tips. For I am
Going through exactly the same what u went through. The lies cheating and now I hurt while
He has moved on happily
i’m in the same boat, 2. 1/2 yrs and i’m still stuck there while he happily moved on, and exposing his love for his ex, the one he dated right before me untill i had to figure out after the break up he never stopped loving her and that i was just the sustitute in her absence after she left the country.. how to move on and trust yourself again after realizing all those intimate passionate heartwarming feelings and moments you shared were an absolute lie!! and the moment i left the country he turned into a monster i dont know, he hated me like his worst nightmare and now i see he is still showing love for her even after all this time and distance and i don’t understand why did he act in love all that time if he was always in love with her not me.. how to move on
When we suffer a loss, a break-up, a painful change in our lives, we need to remember to take all the time we need to heal emotionally. Moving forward and getting back on track with our lives doesn’t take a day. It takes a lot of small steps to allow us to break free from our broken self and move on.
How do I get over a breakup
my ex got back on his track quick – I hate that! It’s usually one who suffers.
Thanks to dr olori for At last my happiness has been restored by a Man named Dr olori ,, my name’s are miss KIRSTEN i want every one on this site or forum to join me thank this DR olori for what he just did for me and my kids . my story goes like this i was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this prostitute who be witched he to hate me and the kids and love her only so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy for to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating good because my mama got married to another man when my after my daddy death so the man she got married to was not treating i and my kids well so i was so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back to me and my kids so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a testimony about this MAN DR olori of drolorispiritualtemple@gmail.com shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me too so i also think of give it a try at first a was scared by when i think of what me and my kids are passing through so i contact him and he told me to stay calm for just two days that my husband shall be restored to me and to my best surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and i called Dr olori and he said your problems are solved my child so this was how i get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from DR olori of drolorispiritualtemple@gmail.com i want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to olori and i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him for help
Good bye
Thank you. This is really a must-read article for people who are moving on after a breakup. I thought the relationship that I was in is for a lifetime, that he will never let me go so I gave everything and I allowed myself to fall in love helplessly. We’ve been together for almost 7 years but we’ve at a long distance for 4 years and every year, he was coming home. But when he got home last year, I noticed the difference. Maybe I was just paranoid so I let it go. He was at the verge of saying something before too but he didn’t continue. I know there was really something wrong even before but I just let it go. And when he got back home, our relationships become rocky. Yeah, maybe we still loved each other but I know there was something amiss. It made me sad, I kept on nagging him too until such time, I read a notification on his email that he checked in sin some hotel. I asked but he just said that he didn’t do anything. But I lost the trust and I followed my instinct. I tried to fixed everything but I realized that I am the only one fighting. So last May, I dropped the final bomb. We broke up. I chased after him too but there’s no really a chance. So last June, I let go all the emotions. I said my final goodbye. BUt until now, I am till hoping that we still get back together. But my sisters and friends keep on saying to let go and moved on because I deserved someone better. But how? when all I want is him. And it keeps on hurting me.
This is almost exactly what I have been going through…down to the timeline, and the distance, and the suspicions…I’m with you. And I don’t have any answers except to say that I bookmarked this page and keep coming back to it every so often (more time passes between each visit now, which is a good sign I suppose) for a boost and to refocus my efforts on moving forward. I’ll also share a quote that helped me “the cracks let in the light, and let the light out.” I take it to mean that we become more able to share our light and true selves with others as we experience (and bounce back from) heart ache. Also, your heartbreak simultaneously creates more room for light and joy, and it takes time but I have faith our open, imperfect, broken hearts, will be full again. Finally, “emotions are visitors. let them come and go.” This too shall pass. Much love and warmth to you.
Hello I am Brittney Lisa ,I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to Dr iayaryi the great messenger to the oracle of Dr iayaryi solution home,I narrated my problem to Dr iayaryi about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,24 hours later,My Ex Husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids before now and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in USA were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr iayaryi on his personal email address and get all your problems solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com)and get your problems solved like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com)
I am dealing with great sorrow…I have just lost a BEAUTIFUL LOVE..alone again at 41…
(How i got my husband back with the prayers of Dr Akim )I remember lying in my room when I was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. I’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things I’d wonder or ask this man when I eventually met him. I would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. It has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person I am. I always thought I would fget married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, I started to get discouraged. A school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com).
It’s been almost 8 years since we parted. My damn temper and infantile way of handling a break-up made reconciliation, at the least, impossible. I’ve been…”ok” for the past 3 years with some sporadic feelings of depression. I miss my ex so much and the love in me is still there. But, I guess that I envy the fact that is was so easy for my ex to move on than me. Well, if the second sentence was any indication, then it’s an uphill battle to recovery from now on. How I wish we had never met.
Same condition is with me…..please tell me how u overcame it….
cc
So I’m still suffering from a break up from 10 months ago. We were only going out for a year and it wasn’t even a great relationship. It always felt one sided on my part. I don’t know why it’s still effecting me though, I feel like I kinda still want him but if he asked me to get back with him now I couldn’t. So I feel stuck and unable to move forward. I also feel like I wont find love again or at least someone that I’ll end up settling down with. I never seem to meet anyone that makes me feel special. This article has helped a little but I have no one to talk to. Its not so easy to get counsellors in the UK. Still I try to move forward I know I’ll be better one day but it’s never taken this long before :/
Me and my boyfriend broke up 3 years ago and I am still torn up about it. He treated me pretty bad but I forgave him and we are married now. I still think about it all the time and am bitter about it.
How long were you broken up for before getting back together? Did he make changes to his behavior and apologies for the hurts? I am worried that I won’t be able to move past my bitterness at the way he hurt me. Scared if he feels like he has to make up for it the rest of his life it will sabotage our renewed relationship. I want to forgive and try to forget. A new start with someone who hurt me is scary. But I love him more than anyone on Earth.
I totally understand what you mean. I sometimes think about who I would have ended up with if we didn’t get back together. We were broken up for 4 months and it was so rough. He was dating other people and kind of deciding between them or me and I would give up then he would tell me he loved me and I would come back, it was rough. We have been married for a year and a half and I would say I am 95% over it. I am happy and we have a great relationship but it is hard sometimes thinking that my husband is the person who has hurt me the most. He treats me amazing and we have no problems now, but like I said I still think about it sometimes. We had a talk awhile back about moving on and forgiving and he did apologize. Let me know if you have any other questions! I am en expert in this field. I know you will be able to get past it and be happy but you also could find someone else and have a fresh new start and can leave that chapter of your life behind. I also told myself that I would never be that.. desperate again. I had a hard time being alone after dating him for 2 years and it was hard being by myself. If he ever told me he wanted a divorce now, I would say okay and not fight it because it is so hard being the only person fighting for something.
How are you doing now Ms. Lys. I’m kind of the same boat as you. My bf broke up with me June last year and dated a transwoman for 2 months. all that time, I tried to get him back..so after 2 months he got back with me..Thought I would be happy with us getting back together and then now living together for 7 months. However, I still can’t stop thinking of what he did..asking myself why does the person that claims to love me so much can also be the same person that hurt me so much. When I found out he was dating a transwoman, I cried and cried and felt traumatized by it. Every single day that’s all I think about. Saw their picture kissing and such when I looked at his computer and I cant shake off the feeling that this person doesn’t really love me as much as he claimed to be. He apologized over and over again for what he did, cried and begged me not to leave him when I feel that we can’t go on anymore and that I had to leave. I went through tough times since then..I had a few panic attacks, anxiety when I’m all alone with my thoughts, and depression which is worse in the morning..Now I feel like nothing seems to interest me anymore. I’m trying as hard to get through breath by breath, day by day, forcing myself to get out of bed, thinking that today will be a better day, forcing the negative thoughts out of my head and replacing them with positive encouragement..that I am strong and that I can handle anything that life throws at me..But on the back of my mind, I’d think that no youre not strong, you can’t even leave him and such..Everyday is a battle like this..Kept thinking to leave him but i dont seem to have the courage to do so..especially now that I’m most vulnerable to depression. I don’t have any friends nor supportive family to help me get through this. My bf seems to really be supportive, encouraging me to go to therapy, cooking for me when it’s hard to eat..in between sobs.. I just don’t know how to rebuild my life from here. and to stop the negative thoughts..and feel hopeful that we can still be like the old us..happy and not worrying about anything.
Thanks to this great man of spirit called Dr Zaza which I don’t know how to thank him for the good work he has Don for me and family which I want to share my testimony with to you all so I was married to Hassan Moel and my name is Julie deshields for six years now he left me with two kids with know reason which I don’t know what to do so one day i was in my friends place when I exposed my pain to her about my depression which I have be looking for who to help me out of it then my friend called me closer to her self telling me on how she got this great man of spirit who helped her found her way to get her husband back then I ask of his contact she quickly go and get her computer and gave me his Email ID and his number so,that is how I contacted him for a help. And now am so happy with my family and with a happy home if you are in such pain kindly Via Email drzazaspelltemple100@hotmail.com or call +2348103508204 have faith in him and he will help you
Julie Deshields.,,
Hello I am Brittney Lisa ,I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to Dr iayaryi the great messenger to the oracle of Dr iayaryi solution home,I narrated my problem to Dr iayaryi about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,24 hours later,My Ex Husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids before now and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in USA were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr iayaryi on his personal email address and get all your problems solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com)and get your problems solved like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com)
I have been with my wife for 12 years and have 2 lovely children, she told me 5 weeks ago she didn’t love me anymore and wants a complete seperation. We’re still living together and im hurting so much it was totally unexpected. She had never been interested in going out drinking ever but now stays out all night with her phone switch off leaving me with the kids. I have bouts of not sleeping for days, she says she has not slept with anyone and just stays around friends houses but it’s still torture. We are saving for me to move out but i want the kids, i gave up my 20 year job to care for our disabled child and for her to progress her career, she won’t let me have the kids but how can she work long hours and be with our kids without using some form of carer. This is the second time I’ve been hurt and i don’t think i could fall into that trap again, i just want her back even if she is exploring her life right now.
That sounds awful. I hope things have improved since you wrote this?
Great article! I was in a relationship, that
although wasn’t long, had a major impact on me and ended a year ago. I’ve spent
the majority of this time trying to get over it by reading every self-help book
that I can think of, even deciding on a “dating sabbatical” etc. I
actually “thought” that I was in a good place until BAM… I bumped
into him yesterday at the coffee shop. I literally felt like I had been punched
in the stomach. I got home, cried, and even proceeded to call him. It wasn’t a “I’m crying and can’t get past you talk,” but more of a “lets laugh at the
awkward situation that just occurred with hopes that you hearing my voice
would make you want to rekindle our old relationship”… seemed like a good idea
at the time. Lol Needless to say I woke up this morning feeling all over the place. I’m so glad that I stumbled upon this article. I’ll for sure be saving it to my
favorites. Thanks for sharing!!!!
Right now, I love this girl. I’ve given up everything for her because I love her so much. Right now, we broke up a month ago because her mother had a heart attack. I couldn’t do anything about it and I felt that she might move on. I know her mother is sick but why couldn’t she just ask for a break? Right now, her mom is feeling better and I think she really misses me, But now I heard that she’s been planning to move on and that really hurt me. After I gave her space, she was happy to see me, tomorrow after, she’s cold and when I told her “are you moving on” she simply told me to go back to class, I told her again and she said no, but I know it felt like she wanted to move on. I really love this girl so much. I just don’t know what to do ._. I even want to start over with her If I had the chance.
Hello i am Jacqueline Ashley ,from USA, I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how i got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my lover left me for another girl last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr Agumagu the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr Agumagu about how my ex lover left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My lover called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my lover called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr Agumagu at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: agumaguspelltemple@gmail.com or agumaguspelltemple@outlook.com and get your problems solve like me..here is my email address in case you need any question from me jacquelineshley@outlook.com
Hello i am Jacqueline Ashley ,from USA, I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how i got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my lover left me for another girl last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr Agumagu the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr Agumagu about how my ex lover left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My lover called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my lover called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr Agumagu at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: agumaguspelltemple@gmail.com or agumaguspelltemple@outlook.com and get your problems solve like me..here is my email address in case you need any question from me jacquelineshley@outlook.com
How could I feel better when she is inside my brain all the time…..?? Had a recent breakup and it was very very painful because she was very close to me……for 6 years I shared each and everything with her…..and suddenly she made a new bf and don’t even want to talk to me…..god knows I only loved her and no one else…..what abt all the things she said to me…..were they all lies…..sometimes I feel like killing myself…..will I ever be normal…..
I am recently out of a relationship which lasted for 7 years. I live in a closed minded society. where my gf parents were not agreeing with our marriage and she did not wanted to hurt her parents. We tried to persuade them but nothing happened. She chose her parents .Will I be able to move on? When we got separated due to other people. We both love each other. Yes this kind of society does exist even if its 2015 already.
This has helped! Thank you for writing this! It’s been almost 8 years and I’m still not over her! I haven’t been able to truly let go. She moved on right away after the split. It’s honestly been the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to deal with/overcome. There are a few things in this article I believe I have failed to try or was not allowing myself to do. I am glad I found this! I too like the comment before me am unsure of how to even really let go. I’ll be reading this a few times over!
How are you now. Is the pain finally over?
I just read this, my 15 year relationship has just ended we have 3 children and I still love him so much, I just don’t know what to do I feel sick all the time my tummy turns over I just want to curl up and die but my children need me
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Very nicely written. Understandable and easy to follow advices. Thanks!
I’ve been in the process of letting go of a LD relationship with my best friend and purest love to date, for about a few months now.. the paths we take will simply never entwine, so it has been concluded after 1,5 years..
Reading this made me feel determined to take the final necessary step, no matter how painful it’ll be. To let go of the love and friendship completely. Right now I’m only drawing out the lingering painful process for longer than necessary, because of fear of loneliness and guilt. I must not let it destroy me. I must act now.
Thank you for this read.
I don’t think you have to let go of the love, just accept that it will always be there within your heart. It’s been almost 3 years for me, and I could never let go of the love I have for him, it’s just inside now instead of outside for him to accept. It’s mine alone and I’m okay with that. Peace to all who suffer…
I almost forgot I posted here, but my email notified me. I just wanted to make your day by updating with good news. Yes : It was painful to let go – No : I did’nt succumb; I prevailed and am now I’m in a relationship with an amazing woman, roughly 1,5 month in. It took me only a few months of wallowing before I got out to socialise, and I was amazingly lucky to stumble over a new love quickly. The best part is, that I felt truely ready to embrace her as I feel I did the right thing and so I had Little bagage to process.
I just want to put a heads up for anybody out there still unsure about letting go – I was there and I must say. DO IT. You simply can’t move on to something better before you make the decision to let go.
As a bonus, I’m now back to being penpal-friends with my long distance ex. We still write to each other now and then, and there’s no hard feelings either way. I feel proud of how strong I came out in the end! 🙂
I’m glad I found this post.. I seriously needed help and I’m lost without knowing what to do.. My guy is going aft another girl due to my depression which left him insecure over our r/s. I will try out what you’ve said as I definitely do not want to go back into depression and wanted to move on..
i can relate to this all the way. i too was suffering from depression due to stress and acted out of anger and let my negative emotions and thoughts speak in hurtful manner. it’s been a little over 3 months now since the break up.
Did you feel like your depression made you act out against your boyfriend? Mine tried to kill himself this summer and has been really struggling with depression… he broke up with me after thinking about it for one day and I am wondering if this is the mental health talking or him…
My names are Taisia Joan am from USA i want to use this opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a pleasurable one today. This great Doctor brought my husband back to me, i had 3 lovely kids for my husband, about 3 years ago i and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought then will never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i couldn’t control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and i always wish he will come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case and that i shouldn’t worry about it at all so i asked her what was the solution to my problems and she gave me this great man phone number and his email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them all, he told me to wait for just seven days and that my husband will come crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what this great man asked me to do and for sure after four days i heard a knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are happy.that is why i want to say a big thanks to Dr iayaryi. This great man made me to understand that there is know problem on earth that has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to this great man. you can email him at (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com)
This is actually helpful
hei,,i m feeling sad for past few days bcz of my brkup..i fered to focussed on my careeer,bt the fact is dt i m going still may be through depression..
I can relate to what you are saying even though my husband and I didn’t break up. He died after a long illness. But what happened to me is that I continued to have a relationship with him afterward. I think this is probably very common with widows and widowers. We hold onto our grief. It’s important to reach a stage in the grieving process where you must let go so you can move on with your life. Your article is relevant to me. In fact, recently I realized that a huge actual anchor was tying me to my past and my grief for Scott. I was finally ready to let go of it and I’m hoping this will shift my energy and lighten my heart so I can find true love again or at least some joy in life! Thanks for your great post.
Hi ;( is there anybody out there to listen to me?
I’m finding this very helpful. The relationship wasn’t that long (5 months) but it’s been less than 2 weeks from the breakup and and I’m finding it hard to cope. It’s almost getting harder and I’m crying more. I think I was bottling a lot up the first week for a variety of reasons. I saw him the other night and thought I could keep it together but ended up crying. I was so mad at myself for crying too. So i’ve been crying on and off since then (4 days). We are not communicating and agreed not to for at least a few weeks.
Even though he ended it suddenly I knew all along he wasn’t right for me. I’m still having troubling reconciling it all. I think it’s just bringing up so many other issues in my life and I’m just feeling like I’m never going to be in a great relationship or find the one. I’m 44 years old and just feel like I will be alone forever. I don’t miss him but the idea of him. It’s really hard to move on but I’m going to try and listen to the advice here.
Hi, I too cried a lot after time instead of more in the beginning. I was starting to worry that it would get worse with time instead of better (like Adele said-“times supposed to heal you but i ain’t done much healing”). I can’t say i’m a lot better, I’ve cried less. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone and if you just stay positive than your outlook will also be more positive. Someone told me to “fake it til you make it” and i think by trying to force happiness that I’m actually a little better.
;(
I to have taken the longest time to get over my ex.She was horrible in many ways and had cheated repeatedly.The problem is i started dating and found the dating culture now days is even worst then my ex.Now that is deppressing.The girls use you for dinner and to waste money on them, then they take off with the fwb pals..I had no idea the dating world would be this discusting.The last few dates literally made me so deppressed by the end of the night.I feel like giving up on the whole deal.I am pretty sure these girls are dating 20 different guys at the same time.It is a stand in line mentality.I guess i will be single for a long time.The only girls that show interest, want a short term ghetto thing.We live in a gross society.
Its been 5 months after my break up and i have been going through heavy depression. This was my first relationship and it had lasted 2 years. While i was in the relationship, i had every motivation to do everything and get all my work done and work out and play guitar and basketball. I loved the girl to pieces and never expected her to walk out. I had even planned my proposal although it was quite a few years down the road. The more i try to get myself out of it, the more i fall back. Ive begged her many times to get back but all that lead to was her blocking me and telling me that its time i moved on. I dont understand, how is it so easy for one person to move on in a relationship? Was i never good enough? I was always a straight a student and everbody loved me, but after this break up i found myself avoiding everyone and just wanting to be bymyself. Im failing all my classes and even tried drinking and smoking weed which ive never tried being such a goodie two shoes. I deleted all social media because all it leads is to me checking up on her. My life is going down the drain and even my parents are worried. Before the breakup i had high dreams and worked towards it like getting my degree in business and going to law school. Now im just stuck in this pit of depression and cant find my way out.
Hey dude. I feel you. Similar situation. Dated for 6 years. I was still working on finishing up my degree and she knew that and we were going to get married shortly after that. She became obsessed with the idea of getting married and became so naggy and unbearable to the point that it was exhausting. I know 6 years is a long time but we met when she was 18 and I was 19 and we were both completely committed to each other. We had time or at least I thought so. Getting married was not the issue. She wanted us to live in her parents house because we could not afford to get our own place yet and I refused. She had already chased me from her home a few times after a few petty arguments and I did not want to put myself at her mercy like that after being married. Also as I could not yet get a decent place I did not want to take her out of a life of luxury to make her live just anywhere, hence I went back to studying to make a better life for us. We fought constantly for months on end until it felt like our happiness would never return. Still I remained completely committed. Then she left a year ago and 2 months later started seeing someone from work. We did the back and forth thing for a whole year but it never worked out as she could never give me her full commitment and this guy was always there in the background. I am 27 now. Degree in hand but the women I wanted to share all my success with is no longer with me. There have been so many days while driving to work that I wished a truck would just hit me and end this. I was focused and goal driven when I was with her and happy. Played soccer, was in good shape, worked hard at everything. She was my motivation and when she left she took it with her. There comes a point when you need to be your own motivation and do things just for a better life for you and you alone. I miss her, I do but life goes on and if I had to take anything away from all this its that I know how determined I can be to achieve something if I am motivated and if she was such a big motivating factor in my life should I myself not be my biggest motivator?
Take it one at a time. Stay away from alcohol!!! I never dabbled with drugs but I suggest staying away from that too.
Long story short, if you worked so hard to be the best version of you for this women (just as I did), why not work even harder to be an even better version for yourself. I mean who is more important than you yourself. Do it for you and happiness is inevitable.
Everyone will think I’m a nutcase for sure. Literally 29 years ago I dated a man who was in the military and I quickly became engaged to. After four months of dating I chickened out because he was being sent to Germany for two years and I was so afraid of uprooting my children and taking them so far from my family and their father. Our plan was for him to complete his two years, come back, and get married. Literally within just a few months from when he went to Germany I received a dear John letter and enclosed was a picture of him and his new wife. The worst part is that “she” sent the letter. I never heard from him again. It isn’t as though I cry over this every day but it is something that I’ve never really gotten over. I still consider him the love of my life even though I have married since and I’m happily married but occasionally there will be something that triggers the hurt and I still will have a good cry over it. Don’t know if that’s normal or not but it did prompt me to do a Google search today which led me here. For some reason I’ve just never completely gotten over it…which is silly but what do you do.
sounds ruff! iam not close to ur sittons but simlyer in the sence that the love of my life just left and no its over or nuffin and woz long distence to , ither way it sucks