“Worry less, smile more. Don’t regret, just learn and grow.” ~Unknown
The day finally came when my heart was strong enough to speak up.
I had spent many years trying to be the calm, sensible one. The one who would try to rationalize my sister’s behavior just to keep the peace.
For years the strategy was to keep everything in its place and accept what was said, done, or requested. The day finally came when the weight of accepting the burden was too much to bear.
No amount of talking would convince my sister that I was being reasonable. It had to be her way. It had to be acknowledged that I had somehow erred, when in fact it was her very own thoughts that had caused her pain.
So, no more, I decided then and there.
“I am done. We are both far too dysfunctional to be in each other’s lives. I wish you all the best… You can blame me…This is what I want.” With those words I gave up on our relationship.
The feeling of freedom rose. The confidence from finally taking a stand was a trophy I now held proudly. “Well done!” I cheered. I no longer had to deal with accusations. Hooray! I was now in charge. I was the creator of my life.
Then, ever so slowly, it started to shift. Ever so gently the doubts crept in. Old scripts started playing. The mind was reverting back to old default programs.
We had both suffered as children. Our parents had been abusive in many ways. We never told anyone what happened in our home. We believed we had to protect our parents.
I became the surrogate parent. We both accepted that our parents did not know any better, doing to us what had been done to them. We allowed them to continue in our lives as adults.
My sister was the first to end contact with our parents. I was convinced I was enlightened enough that I could save them. All that ended the night I found myself terrified, at a police station, explaining why I thought my father was about to come to my home and hurt me.
That night I spoke the truth. That night I heard my mother speak another lie to protect my father. That night I said “no more” to my parents.
That was an end I could justify. I had to find help to get through the flood of emotions that threatened to drown me. Among the consolations was the fact that I still had my sister. Nobody else understood what we had gone through.
Now, however, I began to doubt my bravery. My sister and I were supposed to be there for each other until the very end.
I worried that I had made a terrible mistake. My view of who I was had shifted. I was no longer the savior. I was no longer the protector. I was no longer the one who got along with everybody.
I saw myself as abandoning my sister. How could I have been so mean? How could I just end it like that? I was a terrible person!
The pain was intense. The anger, the hurt, the bitterness all began to choke my life. Overwhelmingly, they tortured my soul.
Years of buried resentment began to rise up like icebergs slowly breaking the surface from their depths. The feelings, once anchored to my core, were now exposed to reveal infected open wounds.
I cried. I screamed. I read. I meditated. I yelled. I punched. I got angry. I journaled. What was wrong with me? I had always held it together. To witness myself unravelling was terrifying.
Dark and ugly thoughts plagued me. Driving was now an opportunity to vent. I was safe in my car; I could blast my horn, I could utter every imaginable swear word, and I could find fault with every driver’s technique.
I was a person possessed by anger and looking for a way to punish.
My daily meditation seemed to go nowhere. I connected to the universe. I begged for help.
I had persevered with the early morning practice for months, when one morning I suddenly realized that my sister was no longer the first thought of my day. That was new. Then ever so slowly, other thoughts began disappearing.
There was a gentle loving energy helping me to create new thoughts to replace the old. I was okay. I am okay. Everything will be okay.
It was an inexplicably subtle process that I was convinced was not working when, on another ordinary day, I realized I was waking up okay.
Realizations began emerging. It was fair for me to end the discussion. No amount of talking was going to change my sister’s mind. Years of role-playing had created an expectation that I was to be at fault.
By speaking up, I was positioning myself as a priority. I was no longer willing to rate myself last. I deserved better, and I now saw that I had made the perfect decision for me.
Another realization soon came to mind: “You can blame me.” Those were the words I was most angry about. Those words came out of my mouth. I was mad at myself. I was mad that I had given my sister a reason to ignore her role in our story.
That had always been my go-to solution. Take on the blame to keep the peace.
When that was done, everything would go back to the way it was. We could live a fantasy life of closeness, all the while not realizing that I was slowly breaking my own heart.
This was the lesson I was now being shown. I had to learn to speak up when I did not agree. I had to learn to take responsibility for my role in allowing it to be that way.
I had wanted my sister to love me and to make me feel important and needed. For this I had paid an expensive price. My sister, I realized, played her role to perfection in allowing me to wake up to this truth.
A few weeks later another realization came to mind: Silently, we had both blamed each other for parts of our pain. We were two damaged souls trying to live our lives with massive wounds in our hearts.
We could not give each other what we did not have. We did not know how to love each other without the past tearing open the old wounds.
I realized that I was not a terrible person for making a decision that was in my best interest. No one should be given an automatic pass into your life, regardless of their title.
It is actually a privilege that should be honored and treated with respect. The lesson may be painful, but if you find some way through the hurt, a better future awaits.
Each new morning brings a little more light. The universe continues to coax me to take another step away from the ledge of my past. I realize that the heartbreak I felt was a dissolving of me into a million tiny molecules before the gentle re-sculpting of those atoms into a more open and peaceful me.
Is it time for you to speak up? Is it time for you to find the courage to say “No more”?
Woman on the rocks image via Shutterstock
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Thank you
Exactly what I’m going through at the moment…it’s such an amazing lesson once you realize you have the power to be the architect of your own life. That it’s a good thing to be ‘selfish’ for your best interests. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone in my struggle to be me 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing!
I can relate to this almost completely. A year ago I’ve decided to let go of a huge chunk of my past, including childhood friends and relatives (!) I must admit, It wasn’t an easy decision to make. After all, we shared so many good times together and I was hesitant about making a final cut to free myself from all of those dysfunctional connections… I felt immensely guilty.
“I realized that I was not a terrible person for making a decision that was in my best interest. No one should be given an automatic pass into your life, regardless of their title.” Before letting those “friendships” go I filled myself with a sense of immense gratitude towards people I choose to let go of. The feeling of gratitude replaced the toxicity of the past and cleared the space for new and amazing people in my life…
Again, thank you for sharing.
So I’m dealing with this presently while living and still being married to the person in the relationship. I want to end it but we still love each other. He’s distant though and I recently took my happiness into my hands and started doing whatever I wanted. The question has always beeen for me – why stay when he’s not listening or making any effort? I still have that question in my heart but I can’t bring myself to end everything because I know I have not been patient enough. The truth is I’ve been really angry and that’s why he’s distant. My truth is important though and the truth is no matter where I find myself I’m still the one to work on. The relationship has been toxic for so long just about everyone thinks I’m insane to keep going. I guess my thoughts are when do my best interests require action and the answer is immediately. I just don’t know how to end or begin and I feel that perhaps I just need to be.
This is just what I needed to read today. Thank you so much for sharing. After a lifetime of trying to “fix” a parent, I can relate to every word you say. I too had to start making steps to disengage. To look at my situation with clear eyes consistently is a practice. To understand that what I thought was my lot in life was not the case at all is a work in progress. But it is a work forged from love of self, not punishment. Learning to give myself the love and guidance I did not receive growing up was the most honest thing I could do for myself. That, and understanding that blame has no place in this equation. Understanding of how you came to be where you are is more spacious than blame and I believe it leads to healing and grace. Do I get mad sometimes? Hell yeah! But from understanding, I see the anger as something that I can feel and let go in my own time.
Good luck on your journey! So glad you found your self and are protecting it. Love that little child inside. All the hurts are valid ones, but we can parent ourselves to a greater understanding/acceptance of self and by default, others.
I greatly needed to hear this. I feel I’m in the beginning stages of this in regards to my parents. Thanks for the story, the words, and the wisdom. Much appreciated.
Thanks for this, today of all days. In the wake of Robin Williams’ suicide yesterday, I’ve been second-guessing ending my relationship with my mother. She has some mental health issues (bipolar and NPD), and I started to worry that family members will hold me responsible if she opts to hurt herself. I have finally come to grips with the fact that while I had a part to play in the demise of our relationship, the fact that she refuses to meet with me in a therapists’ office is not my fault. If she opts to hurt herself, it won’t be my fault. We all make our own choices using the best info we have available at the time. We cannot be held accountable for the actions of another. I love her and always will, but I will not continue to stand in her firing line.
My parents indoctrination on me, I must always give way for my younger sisters (3 of them) and I have to give in to our eldest brother. And growing up, I just have to be in order and accordingly per standards set by my parents for my sisters. Now. at 55, I only came to acknowledge me, my strength and weaknesses 2 years ago. Got to go thru a real painful experience just for me to realize my self worth and recognize God’s given talent. Better late than never! Thank God! and thanks for your posting….
I spent a lot of money and a lot of time in therapy working on this very same thing. Giving up on a family member is so hard. If my family member had not been related we would never have been friends. I am happier without this person. My life is better without this person. I wish this person well, but having the person in my life is bad for me.
amazing i said no more last year and even tho i still have pain sometimes i know a better future awaits and the universe is a beautiful place that just keeps on surprising me <3
Oh my god. OH MY GOD. I am in exactly the same place. We realized he is dissociative and after years of begging, pleading, and finally letting go he is finally seeking therapy….and I feel guilty because I want out. Most days. Other days I feel like I’m abandoning him. I am moving on with my life, and somewhat badly might I add, because I know I am still stuck in my own head, as well. The loneliness and neglect and inability to find comfort or support in my mate has been devastating. And now that he’s getting help, I don’t think I have it in me anymore to wait. I know from my own experience how long this will take and the thought of more years of loneliness in my own marriage makes me sob with sadness. I feel like this makes me a terrible person in some ways. But I need more in my life. Love isn’t enough.
Right. I had a vacation last month and it was pretty great but now I’m feeling trapped and have friends that can see both sides and offer me both possibilities but having to decide is hell.
I found myself in a similar situation last year with a childhood friend whom I finally realized was a narcissist. She was an emotional vampire and I had spent years willingly giving her all of my emotional energy. I did the exact same thing the author did I said “no more.” I allowed her to blame me. After a year, I only now am feeling like I am moving on with my life. I remember the days where I thought about her less but they would be followed by days where I felt I had to make up for lost time and my mind would go into overdrive. Now I think about her less. Thankfully meditating was a huge help and I realized some things about her and myself. Now I am moving forward. The thoughts about her still come as does the anger and resentment but now I realize they will pass in time and I just need to give time some time and allow myself the space to heal and learn from my experiences.
As one who stayed way too long….life is way too short! You are looking ahead to “if’s”, “maybe’s” and”what your relationship could be. Not reality.
Hi. Thank you for sharing your story with us; it sounds like you had a lot of turmoil in your life, and have been faced with some difficult decisions regarding your family. What you did certainly wasn’t easy but sounded like it was absolutely necessary. Letting go of toxic people in our lives can be one of the most difficult things to do, especially when they are people close to us, people we are taught should be part of our lives no matter what because they are ‘family.’ But, I am not a fan of absolutes, and sometimes, these people need to be out of our lives. If we don’t look out for our emotional health and well-being, no one else will. Good luck and I hope over time your wounds will continue to heal.
Excellent article and as others have said this was well timed for me. I’m heading back to my home country to visit soon and have been mulling over whether to try to contact my estranged mother so she can meet her grandchildren. But I realise that it was HER choice to push me away, HER choice not to respond to news about my wedding or my children being born and I cannot force her to be the mother I always desperately wanted. That little voice inside my head is hers, asking how I can be so cruel and not love my mother or want to see her. I DO love her and I DO want to see her but she made the choice to cut contact.
Thank you again.
This is exactly what I needed today. As the toxic half of a relationship, I’ve decided to let my (now) ex-bf go. I don’t know if I have a mental illness. I just know that I damage everything in my life, including myself, and if I were to heal and finally stand on my own two feet, I have to let go of what makes me happy today.
Eventually, if I’m doing the right thing, he’ll be happy without me. I just know that he’ll be better off without someone like me: a dead-weight, emotional mess. I need to be alone, and I need to deal with things alone. Letting go was the right thing to do.
Thank you for this. I have been dealing with similar issues with my sister. The problem is that I know that she is not the only one at fault in this relationship, but I cannot fix things by myself. She refuses to acknowledge that there is fault on both sides. I have to let go of my guilt in the matter, while knowing that my being sorry about certain things will never be enough. Things have gotten so bad that I have been thrown out of her house over a minor misunderstanding. After not talking for months she acknowledged that in fact it was just a misunderstanding. I took that as an apology but now she has taken it back and come up with a different “reason” why she threw me out. I don’t feel safe around her anymore. When I told her that she needs to take responsibility for her behavior she stopped talking to me.
I even get blamed for things that my father has done without my knowledge. I got accused by her husband of being a “pick-pocket.” It turns out that when we were going out as a family that my father asked him to put my meals on my brother-in-law’s credit card without my knowing about it. The reason my father made that request is simple: My father is supporting his family since he has no job and my father is paying their bills, including his credit card. My father was the one paying for the meal, he just did not want to make a separate purchase. Meanwhile when the bills came, I already had my debit card out ready to pay and my brother-in-law would say, “Don’t worry about it” I said “Are you sure?” He said “yes” every damn time and I thanked him. But in his twisted version of events, I put Dad up to this. I only found out later what was going on when I mentioned this bizarre accusation I got to my father.
Because of crap like this there is simply no way that I can be in a relationship with either one of them. I have discovered that with certain types of people, no matter what you say to defend yourself they will only see it as an excuse and use that as a weapon in further confrontations. They see me as a dishonest cheat and I have had other accusations about how I “take advantage” of them. Such as requesting a ride to a family event when the dial-a-ride for the disabled could not take me (it is not a taxi service, they have a limited number of openings). My sister’s version is that I did that to her on purpose, along with many other supposed things I did to her, all apparently because (in her way of thinking) I want to ruin her life.
As much as I have tried to figure out how to stay in a relationship with her and the rest of her family I can see no way out of this. I can never win her approval and she most likely will always see me as someone different than who I am. It is sad that after 50 years of being the younger sister that she does not even know the first thing about me and my character. I am struggling with intense hatred but I will keep on praying and meditating for peace in my heart and also peace for her and her family.
Wow, I relate to you so much genavieve. Good for you for adopting such a healthy attitude! I know hard hard that is. I have had the exact same concerns myself. And Robin Williams’ death also brought to mind the same type of thoughts regarding my own mother who also has been classified as “bipolar”. Thank you for commenting. Hugs.
It’s good that he is getting help, but if you feel like you need to leave, leave. If you don’t, you will resent yourself for it. It’s great to help someone, don’t drown with them. He is an adult and therapy will help him. Wish him the best. Take care of yourself though, no one else will. Sounds like you need to heal, I can relate. Life is what you make of it, you don’t want to hold back from the future, living in the past. You deserve happiness <3
Limits and boundaries are healthy. I’ve learned how to be detached from some people. There is a sense of freedom in it. Ultimately, you know what is best for you. Take care
That is heartbreaking to hear. If you ever need guidance or support, please go to NAMI. It helps out family members that deal with mental illness. They give good advice and understand because they deal with the same things. Your mom doesn’t act in hurtful ways on purpose, she has an illness and it is out of her hands. It wouldn’t be your fault at all if she did hurt herself. Family may blame you because they don’t understand. I have gone through that. You know in your heart though, so ignore any negative judgements. Take care <3
It is good you ended the relationship. Now you can concentrate on yourself. Self-love is the most important. Don’t be hard on yourself, your human. Reach out to a therapist and it will help. Being too alone can be depressing. You don’t need that. Take care <3
Let her be. If you take a persons crap for so long, they think that it’s okay. Say hi and bye if you see her. Live your own life. Don’t carry any hatred in your heart, that will only hurt you. If she knew any better, she wouldn’t act like that. At least you see through it and that is what matters. You can’t change anybody, only yourself. Take care <3
You have been through so much pain. I respect you for being able to share with us. Take care of yourself. If someone is not good for me, I create healthy boundaries and limits. If it is my family, I do not complete cut them off. I have done in the past and I carried it with me, I didn’t feel good. Life is too short and tomorrow isn’t promised. I am closer to some family and distant from some, but I don’t want any type of negativity with anyone. People are people and people are flawed. I can’t change anyone, I accept them for who they are. If a loved one is hurtful, I realize they aren’t trying to hurt me, they are hurt inside and broken. I am detached from them so that it doesn’t hurt me. I do my part. That’s all I can do. Everyone is different and needs to handle things differently.
For those of you saying that the person who hurts you has a mental illness… you have to understand they act the way they do because they have an illness. You can learn about it, so you understand better. You don’t want to have negative feelings towards someone that can’t even think straight. NAMI helps families that deal with mental illnesses and gives good support. It will help you, believe me. Just looking out from someone who understands.
Thankyou , also perfect timing for me ,great article and comments, makes you stop second guessing yourself……thankyou 🙂
Wonderful text!! I think some toxic family ties HAVE to be broken in order to allow us living life fully without burdens. I also made the same way through a very disfunctional family relationship myself a couple of months ago so I totally identify muself with this article.
Yes. It’s time. I have lived with an abusive, alcoholic, unfaithful husband for 19 years, accepting into my life the hurt that came from my family of origin and carrying it into my own children’s lives… He will no longer have a pass into my life.
Thank You for this post, I ended a toxic 12 year relationship on the 10 July 2013, it was one of the scariest but the best things i have ever done for myself. I doubted my decision, mostly upon waking, like the person who posted, i don’t do that anymore, In any relationship it takes two to tango and i accepted my role and the part that i played. I stayed in a unhealthy relationship that had died many years ago and did not want to hurt the other person by telling her it’s over, but she was hurting me, herself and others in her life. At first you feel so much emotion ,but with meditation i began to see that in reality everything is much better now.
I am now the happiest i have ever been in my life and i am learning to trust and love myself .
I loved this article. It really resonated with me and my issues with my parents. I have just read all your comments. I have just gone no contact so I can heal. It may not be forever but for now, it’s what I need. I’m not sure I see the point of having toxic people remain in your life. Even if I set up boundaries and distanced myself, it would seem fake and superficial. I think I’d rather have nothing and remember the good memories than have a fake, superficial relationship with them.
I am currently in a relationship for 23 years and my wife is not happy and does not know if she is still in love with me. I was hurt at first but then started to remember all the things she did to me while we were together! She ran around with a friend 13 years younger while I sat at home by myself and when we would go to weddings she would run off and ignore me! I always felt I was never enough for her! I sold the 1 home I bought for myself so she could have a home of her own. I married her last year so she would have medical insurance for 75 dollars a month. I have always been there for her until the last 2 years because of my back going out on me and I was on pain killers and also I was depressed because of my father slowly dying of heart disease. I told her I was sorry and could only fix the future and not change the past. I have begun working out lost over 30 pounds and quit the pills and do more with her! I suspect she has met someone on-line because she will not let me near her cell phone. I am 57 and she is 58 we are to old for this!
I come from a pretty strong belief system where parents are still very unconscious and only live for a culture and society and a belief system which makes no sense only nonsense. After suffering from 20 yrs of depression ,I finally broke free and disconnected from my toxic parents. Its sad but im in a better place with myself and my children.
Oh my gosh, I sure needed to find your article today. My sister and I have lived a toxic relationship for 35 years. I’ve walked away from her so many times just to regain myself again. Every time I walked away I always felt like I was a failure for not toughing it out with her. Last night we had another fight, and I finally said, “That’s it, I’m done with our toxic relationship and I’m not physically or mentally able to continue with the dysfunction”. Just like you said those doubts come flooding back in. It was such a relief to find your article. It is such a relief to know that walking away is ok, and can truly be the best thing for me. Thank you so much for posting your story. Its nice to know I’m not alone when it comes to dealing with a toxic sister. Thank you!
As I settle down with chest pains after a conversation with my father over what transpired between my sister and mother…This article hits hard.
I’m taking this advice for myself . I have had enough too 🙂 xx
I SO THANK YOU –THIS IS MY LIFE TO A –T– MY SISTER IS 9 YEARS YOUNGER — DO TO THE FACT THAT MY MOTHER COULDNT OR WOULDNT MOTHER –I DID –MY SISTER WAS LIKE MY DAUGHTER– SO MANY YEARS OF HER EMOTIONAL ABUSE– I COULD NO LONGER DEAL WITH HER — SHE ALSO IS A PATHILOGICAL LIAR——- VERY OFTEN PUTTING ME IN HER LIES—– BLAMING FOR A MAJOR LIE— I HAVE HAD MANY TIMES OF TRYING TO WORK WITH HER –BUT NO –IT WAS ALWAYS ME –I WAS ALWAYS MIXED UP –SHE WAS RIGHT —–AFTER MANY YEARS IN OCT. 2015 –I PUSHED AWAY –OR SHE PUSHED ME AWAY BY HER ATTITUDE– I HAVE SUFFERED EVERY DAY —–AFTER –6 –MONTHS AND MY HUSBANDS LOVE –I KNOW I DID THE RIGHT THING FOR ALL — I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE A SISTER–STARTING TO DO BETTER –YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THE GUILT THEY PUT ON YOU — I AM NOW PAST THAT –I WISH HER MUCH LOVE AND HAPPINESS –BUT AM SO PAST HER –FEEL 25 YEARS YOUNGER –THAT TYPE KNOWS HOW TO DO WHAT THEY DO VERY WELL —— IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN PAIN BY A PERSONS ABUSE –I WOULD SAY GET AWAY –REMEMBER –YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON AND DESERVE BETTER –YOU WILL GET BETTER –GOD BLESS –SO WISH I WOULD HAVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO —BUT I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER NOW—GOOD LUCK –
Thank you for this. I’m sorry you had to endure that pain. But in sharing, you helped me find a grain of hope that I will heal as well. You echoed what a dear friend just told me when you said no one gets an automatic pass just because of title. I’m five days into this new life. I’m hurt, shaking, numb, and afraid. But I’m finding the people who are holding me up until I am stronger. Blessings to you.
Thank you, I’m glad my words were helpful. Stay strong, you will find a new peace.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I had been in a constant struggle in the past few years stuck in a similar situation. I left home at a very young age, running away from a very dysfunctional family. It was relieving and I must say they were some of the best years of my life living on my own far away from my “family” but no matter how far I went and how little we talked, I was still carrying their pain in my shoulders.
After a long struggle with depression, alcohol and drug abuse I realized that I was only making my pain bigger and that I needed to stop self-destructing using my past as an excuse. that I needed to be the bigger person and forgive, let go of resentment, heal myself and hopefully help them heal themselves so we could all break off with the vicious cycle. Hurt people-hurt people.
I came back home and have progressed with my issues in unimaginable ways, I’m a much healthier person not only phisycally but emotionally and menthally eventhough y family’s situation if anything, has only gotten worst and pain me deeper.
I have decided as much as I love them, I need to live my life and cut ties for good. If only there was a little I could do to help them change their dark ways, I’d stay around for a lifetime but it’s just uthopic. It’s like we live in completely different worlds. I need to give up on them and cut ties for good and I must say it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The thoughts this blogger shared above, about worrying I’m making a terrible mistake.
I will follow your example and not feel like the bad guy for doing what’s best for me 🙂 You can only do enough for someone that do not want to do a thing for themselves.
Thank you for this article.
Anyone have any advice about what to say? I feel like no matter how I say it I’ll be ridiculed. So what’s the best, least dramatic and short way of ending my toxic ( family ) relationship
I have a toxic relationship with my birth family I always feel like I’m walking on eggs shells so I’m now feeling the need to end our relationship because of how much of a negative toll it’s taking on me and my mental health
I disengaged from my entire family (14 people in all) of origin 8 months ago. The backlash from some of my family has been so hurtful and abusive. I gave them no reason why I was choosing to do this. I told them I need to do this to take care of myself, that I loved them and I don’t doubt their love for me. I stay in touch via phone with my mom because “I’m suppose to”. I would like to write them a letter explaining why I did what I did in hopes that is answers some of their misconceived notions. I am being blamed that it is because I am mentally ill and that I am using that as an excuse, when in fact I am mentally healthy which is what lead me to my decision. I didn’t want to be part of the dysfunction any more and it was holding me back from being a healthier me. My problem is if I write this letter, what do I tell them. I know it wont be enough of an answer for them and it wont even come close to justifying (in their minds) why I made the choice. My therapist and P-Doc have been subtly encouraging me to let them go. I tried withdrawing a couple of times, but always went back. This time I have completely removed myself from them. Should I write this letter? Will it cause more pain and sorrow for them and for me. I don’t even know what I would tell them. Every time I call my mom she asks how long I will be doing this and if I figured out what my problem is. Yesterday she told me the “if you don’t make amends sooner rather than later it will only make things worse. I have no intention of making amends to any one of them. I’m at a loss as to how to move forward. I don’t now who to turn to and ask for guidance. Any help here would be so beneficial. FYI – the last straw for me when my sister in law slapped my nephew across the face so forcefully it knocked him down, causing me total distress and sending me to a psychiatric hospital from an overdose on my meds intentionally, no one called, no one visited and when I got out no one bothered me until I made this choice (months later).
Wow! This article seems to have been written years ago but in my search for some guidance I stumbled upon it. Everything thing you wrote I can relate to (minus the abuse, other than mental/emotional). Until I read this article I had always blamed myself for my sisters wrongs and allowed her to tear me down and blame me. Many times I have tried to cut her out of my life and somehow I always forgave her. I mostly forgave her because I felt I HAD to put up with her and take all that she threw at me. A few nights ago was the last straw though. She had already caused problems and isolated herself from the rest of the family. Our parents had to kick her out from their home and because she became homeless, I felt it was my duty to take her into my home. Long story short, she abused her privileged of staying with me and as usually we had a big fight. I sent her packing, took all her insults and then each night find myself crying. Not just from anger but also from knowing she’s out there and I can’t help her. But after reading this article, I understand that it’s not entirely my fault and maybe what has happened has happened for the best. Thank you for your beautiful article!
I know how you feel. My relationship with my sister has become toxic and I have to walk on eggshells when talking to her. She’s lost her sense of humor and takes offense when no offense is intended. I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I’ve overlooked her extreme sensitivity for years, but I just don’t want to anymore. My other sibling gave up on her years ago. I kept trying to have a normal relationship with her but it’s not working. I give up.