“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~ James Allen
We all have a picture of ourselves in our minds. A picture of what we believe we are like. A picture we choose to believe no matter what.
We can cling to this idea about ourselves all we want, but that will not make it true. This is not as easy to realize and even harder to accept, but it’s an important step toward a conscious life.
I believe we all go through dark phases when our image of ourselves breaks and we start thinking less of ourselves. This phase can pass after some time if we let it, but if we insist on clinging to the picture of  ourselves in our minds, it will be harder to get through it.
The good news is: You are whoever you choose to be.
It’s not a coincidence that all the great spiritual masters spoke about detaching from our thoughts. Our thoughts do not represent reality. We are the ones who choose to believe that they are real, when, in fact, they have nothing to do with reality.
No matter what situation life presents us, we can always choose to view ourselves the way we want.
You can either view yourself as a victim or as the hero who lived through all the controversy. It’s all a matter of perspective.
Whichever you choose you will become, since you believe that is who you really are, so you will ultimately behave that way.
This has nothing to do with the person you actually are; it solely depends on how you choose to view yourself.
I was an anxious person all my life. Anxiety, panic attacks, depression, phobia—you name it, I had it. I had so many issues that it was hard to view myself as sane.
I had to realize that these feelings were never my identity; they could never define me because how I chose to see myself, despite my feelings, was my choice.
I remember sitting on the couch and making myself sad by thinking about what a horrible person I was.
I used to believe that I was somehow not normal and that I didn’t belong here. I chose to stay at home all the time because I believed that if I went out and lived the life of a normal person, something horrible would happen and I’d end up hurting others or myself.
I also felt pity for my husband, because he had to spend his life with such a horrible person.
I was not insane or different, no matter how much I believed that I belonged in a mental institution. It took me a long time to realize that what I thought of myself had nothing to do with reality, and an even longer time to apply this knowledge in my life.
I was not perfect, I’m still not, and I never will be, but nobody else is either. We tend to believe that we are the only people struggling. Always remember that you are not alone. When you feel horrible, know that there are countless people out there who feel just like you do.
If you feel alone and different from everybody else, this is just a thought; it’s not real. We can choose to believe it is, or we can choose to see that we are never really alone, and so many people share our feelings.
Just because you believe something does not make it true.
People who promote positive thinking would advise you to start thinking positively. I think this is obviously better than negative thinking, but it’s still not the solution. I believe in letting thoughts go.
Let go of all the destructive thoughts you hold about yourself. Once you are able to accept that you are not what your thoughts are telling you, you will become free.
You will no longer limit yourself with your thinking because you will accept that your thoughts are faulty.
Once you realize that your thoughts are faulty, there will be nothing else standing in your way. And when you realize that there is nothing standing in your way, you will see it was your thoughts that were holding you back from being who you wanted to be this whole time.
When I look back at how I used to be, I see a girl who was always such a nice, kind-hearted person, but for some reason chose to believe that she was something completely different and, therefore, isolated herself from the world.
I hold no false ideas about myself nowadays. Since I acknowledged that all my opinions about myself are just thoughts that have nothing to do with reality, I realized I am who I choose to be. Nothing and no one, not even myself, can stop me from being the person I want to be.
I embrace who I am now. I love being outside, enjoying the company of people and nature, and I know that I can bring a smile to people’s faces with my kind and loving attitude. I care for my husband even more because I know that my love and attention is valuable.
I even started writing my first fiction novel, which is something I always wanted to do. I envied the authors who could come up with magical worlds and could use their minds to build up something beautiful. I thought that my mind was not a place of wonder, but since I let that thought go, I’ve started to build the wondrous world I never thought I could.
I still have thoughts in my mind that I sometimes think shouldn’t be there, but that is also a part of me. As long as I can identify them for what they are, they can do no harm. I know now that nothing can control my actions, only me.
Don’t let your mind push you around—just let it go.
About Melinda Csikos
Melinda Csikos is a writer who became her own spiritual teacher when going through a dark time. She shares her realizations on her website themiracleforest.com in hopes of helping others to get though their own dark times. She is a loving wife, animal lover, fantasy nerd, and kindness enthusiast.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
It’s amazing how you articulated the problems exactly as it is… I suffered from this very badly and the experience is helping me to awaken to the truth… It’s true our mind some times pushes us to places which did not even existed.
So true, Melinda. I spend much of my life feeling different from the people around me. Sometimes this is painful and I feel excluded or rejected or just misunderstood. At other times it is a source of inspiration and creativity. In fact, it has even prompted me to write a book (in progress!) called The Outsiders’ Manifesto: the Journey from Misfit to Pioneer. World-changers, artists, entrepreneurs and many others are all people who are different to the social norms, so rather than being ashamed of that or worried by it, I want to help people find the gifts that it brings.
Thanks for sharing.
Really great article. It is very relevant to how I have been feeling lately. It is great to get a reminder about how we hold the power to choose some of our thoughts and those that we cannot, we do not need to believe. Thank you for writing and sharing this!!
WONDERFUL post, wow!! So powerful, and chalked full of such poignant and wise points!!! I soaked up every insight, thank you for sharing this message and amazing perspective!!! 🙂 Awesome writing!
Great article! Thank you for sharing it!
Great article. When we are out, we see a lot of people’s face and we do not remember them all and remember who we would like to remember ( love one) , may be the same way, if we could remember those thoughts that will do good for us and let go rest of the other thoughts be happy life.
Thank you so much for your comment! Definitely: the mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. Much love!
Thank you for your comment, Devi. What you’re doing is amazing, I wish you all the best. Work done with love is wonderful work, and I feel your heart in what you do. Much love!
Thank you for your comment! Definitely, we can choose which thoughts to entertain. Much love!
Thank you so much for your comment! Much love!
Thank you so much for this wonderful comment, I deeply appreciate it. I’m very happy you found my writing useful. Much love to you!
Thank you so much for your comment. It fills me with happiness that you found this post useful. We should use our hardships to learn from them, without them we wouldn’t have the opportunity to become wiser! I wish the best on your journey. Much love to you!
I absolutely love the power of positive thinking; however, like you said above, letting our thoughts go is the best way to get in touch with our most authentic selves and away from our so called “reality.” When we can truly let go, we welcome life’s endless opportunities. I think that’s pretty amazing. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for this! =)
You’re very welcome. 🙂 Much love to you!
Indeed, seeing reality, for what it is, is amazing! It’s so freeing to let go and just live life without preconceptions. Thank you for your comment, and much love to you!
nicely written Melinda.you should always beleive in yourself whatever your mind thinks its not gonna be true 🙂
You’re so right, thank you so much for the comment. So much love to you!
Thank you for this; it really resonated with me. I’ve been going through a difficult time and this really helped me put things in perspective.
Thank you for your comment. I’m so glad it helped! Much love to you!
Limiting self-beliefs can really hold us back. It’s amazing what we believe, often fed by the media/advertising. When we truely reflect on ourselves it’s amazing the things we’ve done and the capabilties we have. Sometimes when we feel at our lowest the best thing to do something postive, however small, to reaffirm that we are capable and creative.
I feel like your my soul-sister from reading your piece! Thank you for this. I’ve been really struggling with myself lately and I can wholly relate to your fascination of writing fiction. You definitely have a new reader on your website! thank you xx
This was a touching story & one that I particularly need to be more MINDFUL of in my life as well… “I used to believe that I was somehow not normal and that I didn’t belong
here. I chose to stay at home all the time because I believed that if I
went out and lived the life of a normal person, something horrible
would happen and I’d end up hurting others or myself.” I used to feel trapped by that feeling for years as well & still do at times; since I struggle with Bi-Polar Disorder also… Hearing stories like this does indeed make one realize that we really aren’t as alone as we might think! Glad to hear that you are in a better place today & you have a great husband who stuck by you during all that…:)
Hey Devi…its great to hear that you have decided to take your painful memories to write about the knowledge & wisdom that you learned from them… When you finish the book; do share it with us about it here in Tiny Buddha; Best Wishes to you! 🙂
I agree; when we DO despite of what we THINK, it helps us see that our thoughts are not reality. Thank you for the comment, and much love to you.
Hello dear soul-sister! It’s so amazing to find people who are so similar to us, it’s such a wonderful thing! 🙂 I do hope to hear more from you. Much love!!
You are definitely not alone, friend. What helped me get over the thought you quoted was realizing that I am who I choose to be. No one and nothing can take away our ability to choose how we act and react in this world. That is such a liberating thing to realize! Thank you for the comment, and for acknowledging my husband, he is definitely my angel. Much love to you!!
Thanks, Jeevan/Mirthu/Gupt, Don’t want to just self-promote. But I do want people to be inspired to stop being ashamed of themselves. After all, it is outsiders who are motivated to change the world – if it already suits you why do anything? The people who think differently, feel different or fear rejection have a powerful motivation to make things better. I have interviewed lots of people and have lots of powerful stories of how we can either hide away, or ‘come out’ as who we really are. Some are famous and some completely unknown. But I find all of them inspiring in their own ways. And that is the point, isn’t it: they all do things in their own ways, but also have something to teach us all too.
Thanks for your comment. Very best wishes to you too.
You are not alone! Standing with you.
You are most welcome, and its a great thing that you realized how much of a cornerstone your husband must have been for you to get through your darkest times and bringing the two of you closer than before; sadly many relationships take a turn for the worst in such situations!
Compared to a few years ago; my rational mind knows it better now…but my emotions often feel the other way around…:P. But, it is very true what you said, nowadays…at moments like them, one of the first things I try reminding myself is… “You are not just your thoughts and emotions…” & most importantly, “This too will pass…” So, its a work in progress…:)
No, I didn’t get the sense at all that you were self-promoting…thankfully, from most of the blogs I’ve read & the people that comment in our Tiny Buddha; I have gotten the feeling that most of the people here genuinely wants to help each other out, rather than for their personal gains! Its great that you want to help others from sharing your own story and the stories of others. Just make sure that, the people you do interviews with that you get their consents or make sure to keep their anonymity in the best way possible when writing it down, so as not to harm their feelings & reputation from anything you write down on paper…its one of the most important things for one to remember when they are doing an ‘ethnographic study.’
I am glad I read this. Today my Mum said to me ‘if you could spend just 10 minutes in someone else’s shoes and see you as we all do’. But, I can’t do that.
I am clinging so fiercely to this image of myself as incapable, unloveable and someone unable to live life and enjoy it as others seem to. Only recently have I started challenging these opinions. I have chosen to be a slave to my mind’s thoughts for such a long time. It is exciting to start taking baby steps to challenging them. I look forward to being free as the author to be a person of my, not my self-limiting thoughts, design.
That is so wonderful, that you started challenging your thoughts! It’s very exciting, indeed, to push the limits you thought you had and realize that they are actually not there! I wish you so much joy and happiness on this journey! And your Mom seems wonderful, listen to her; people who love us have more truthful opinions of us than we do. So much love to you!!
Absolutely. Some are anonymous and others want to tell their story out loud. Very mindful of permission and confidentiality issues.
Thank you Melinda for sharing such a powerful article for so many years i was allowing my self to be controlled by destructive thoughts and would always see myself as the lowest and that feeling of staying in out of fear of going out and not fitting in was so me. but thanks to this great site and articles like yourself has help me to start to rebulid my life and to learn to love myself and be happy to look in the mirror and like what is looking back
thanks
You are such a beautiful soul, dear Darren. Don’t take the wonder that is you away from others! I wish you the best on your journey, you are doing so well! So so much love to you!!
Literally the best thread I’ve read on here I actually understand completely where you’re coming from I feel like you had the same issue as me. Usually on this site people never really have the same issues that I do so it’s kind of hard for me to understand their perspective but this one really clicked with me and I really enjoyed it thank you so much for posting this this helps a lot
Good article :). I believe that we must control our thoughts. Our thoughts control our emotions and our emotions control our actions. Sometimes thoughts can get locked away in the subconsciounce, and they have an impact on our mood. If were feeling down and we don’t know why, we should begin paying attention to our thoughts. If we can ultimately control all three of those: thoughts, emotions and actions, then the path to our goals will become much easier.
What if I believe I have a better relative picture of the world than anyone else alive, and that the only path forward is for me to take absolute power over this world? Our thoughts may be illusion, but so is reality itself. I can make these illusions overlap at times, and I am getting better at it. So why not?
thanks Melinda for this site. Many people out there needs to visit your site and I am just going to make sure they do. It is a good work when you are interested in helping people become what they want to be especially when it is in the right way. And that is what we do as well in Giftedminds Writers’ Firm.
Thank you! I am especially glad to hear about your ability to create the kind of fiction you have wanted to write. What you described has been my limitation, also. Do you have any more suggestions that would help a person to be able to create a world from her interior in order to write a great novel?
Thank you so much melinda for this post.Earlier i used to focus on only positive thinking nd i felt a lot a stress causing to myself..u cannot stress urslf to b positive all d time.It took me quite a while to realise that i am an human and its okay to b sad or anxious or anythng else.After practising meditation for a while now i started believing that i just need to let my thoughts go.i don’t need to believe them or make them my identity..i still hve thoughts which i think is not good for me but i blv they are there for a reason and they ll teach me something valuable.Watever i learned i can c in ur blog post which just made me realise that though v all go through different journeys but v all learn same things 🙂 love from India