“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” ~Lao Tzu
Conventional wisdom suggests that if you want to be happy you shouldn’t compare yourself to other people. Conventional wisdom isn’t always realistic.
Try as you may to completely stop making comparisons, you’ll likely come back to the instinct at least on occasion.
Discontent is part of the human condition—the nagging sense that something’s missing, even when you seem to have it all. We’re constantly evolving, growing, and looking for new ways to expand our impact on the world, new ways to reach and stretch our potential.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing if you see the pursuit as constant gain instead of the cause as constant lack. And it’s equally harmless to compare yourself to others if it allows you to learn from people you admire.
If you compare yourself to your boss and it motivates you to work smarter, that comparison improved your life for the better.
If you compare yourself to someone your age who started a non-profit, and it inspires you to volunteer, that comparison made a difference in not just your life, but others’, too.
It’s when the comparison game gets you down on yourself that you need to be cautious.
- When you sit around complaining it isn’t fair someone had more advantages instead of working harder to create your own luck
- When you feel paralyzed because you’ve made nowhere near the same progress as someone else in a similar place
- When you convince yourself there’s something wrong with you for not having, achieving, or being like someone else
- When you think you need to compete with someone else to get approval from other people
- When you start thinking you should “have it all” instead of honing in on what you really want—which is the only way to devise a plan to get it
Comparing for the sake of complaining does nothing but hold you back.
There will always be someone smarter, stronger, more attractive, more successful, wiser, healthier, and happier than you. Just like there will always be someone who doesn’t have your potential, advantages, or opportunities. None of it guarantees any of you are happy. And isn’t happiness the main goal in the end?
Choose your comparisons wisely. Find people who’ve done what you actually want to do and use comparisons as motivation to improve.
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About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
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So very true. As a musician, I spend a lot of time listening to those people that I look up to. I used to have some real difficulties with that, because it would make me feel like I could never do the things that they seemed to be able to do so effortlessly.
It's such a refreshing awakening, though, when you finally realize that you can do anything anyone's ever done with the right amount of work.
Friends used to tell me I'd be less discouraged if I listened to music that was extremely successful, but clearly didn't seem to take much effort, as it isn't difficult to find stuff like that on the radio. Seems like a pretty silly approach to positivity, I feel like it's pretty important not to compare yourself to people in a judgmental way. Looking down on others never got anyone anywhere.
I think its a great idea to model yourself on someone successful and inspiring. As you say it's when you resent the success in someone because you're not seeing the same results that it becomes a problem.
You get to choose you are, so pick someone good.
[…] Compare Yourself to Other People Well […]
[…] Compare Well […]
I think its a great idea to model yourself on someone successful and inspiring. As you say it's when you resent the success in someone because you're not seeing the same results that it becomes a problem.
You get to choose you are, so pick someone good.
I am always trying to find answers as to why others can achieve so much effortlessly and result in myself feeling worthless and depress. Do they possess too much luck? After reading this article, it sort of hit me that maybe I have been expecting too much and comparing to others too often. Maybe I should just sit down and re-think of what is happiness to me… Thanks very much for this website!
Sounds like a wonderful realization! I’ve played the comparison game many times, but I know I feel more peaceful when I focus instead on what’s important to me–not what someone else wants or has. Thanks for reading and commenting. =)
yah,,,