“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer. “ –William S. Burroughs
I have worked for many years as a shelter and spay neuter veterinary technician. Earlier this year, I had the misfortune of losing the job at the shelter where I had worked for many years.
I found myself adrift. I had spent all these years caring for animals that had no one else to care for them. If I no longer had that job, I asked myself, who was I?
Who are you? It’s the most elemental question in the world, but one that is not always easy to answer. Like most folks, I tend to answer this question by naming roles that I fulfill. Writer, boyfriend, son, veterinary technician, yogi, and entrepreneur—these are the things that first come to mind.
It makes sense, because these are the roles that others see us fulfilling every day. In the world we operate in, we need to market ourselves as this or that role so that others know how to relate to us. But these are actually things that we do rather than what we are.
Most religions and spiritual belief systems teach that we are not our bodies, though we inhabit them and identify with them through the course of a lifetime. Nor are we our minds, though we use our minds and intelligence to guide us in our daily interactions.
When we identify with these things we cannot accept their loss through physical illness, injury, or death.
Whether you believe that some part of us survives our physical death or not, it’s easy to see that when we identify with the roles that we fulfill, it becomes very difficult to accept it when those roles must change.
When we lose our job or must change careers, when we go through a divorce or when someone who helps define a role goes away or dies, who are we then?
There’s no single answer to this question. For some, there may be a realization that you exist outside of the body and self that you think of as “you” and that you will continue to “be” no matter what roles you shed or even when you shed your physical body.
For others, it may be more a matter of considering the purpose of the roles you fulfill. Their purpose may seem more like a lesson on the road to fulfilling your life’s purpose.
For example, you may believe that each role allows you to learn more about yourself and others, or that each role is a way for you to manifest and offer love to others during your lifetime.
In this case, when one of the roles you fulfill comes to an end—whether through separation or death or other means—you may need to consider that perhaps you’ve fulfilled the role. Maybe that’s all that was being asked of you.
If that’s the case, then it’s time to let go of that role and move on. As long as you are alive, there will always be new roles to fulfill if you are open to the possibilities they represent.
Whether we look to philosophy, religion, or science as a guiding light (or a combination of all three), we are bound to arrive at one conclusion: life is all about change.
Change is seldom easy or comfortable, but when we don’t let go and allow life to flow the way it’s going, we miss out on opportunities to grow, learn, and have new adventures.
Letting go of roles that no longer serve their purpose doesn’t mean that we forget their lessons or the fellow travelers who helped us on our way. We should always remain thankful for the lessons we’ve learned and the people who have traveled with us, even when our roads diverge.
In the words of Richard Bach, “A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.”
Photo by rhett maxwell
About Marshall Bowden
Marshall Bowden is a writer, yoga junkie, spiritual seeker, veterinary technician & avid music fan. He is the founder of Eat a Tangerine, a site devoted to mindful living & health through meditation & yoga. Marshall is currently working on a collection of horror stories to be published this autumn. Follow him on Twitter.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Marshall,
It is quite telling that, as I read your narrative, the words of Richard Bach came immediately to mind. “We choose our next world through what we learn in this one. Learn nothing, and the next world is the same as this one, all the same limitations and lead weights to over come.” Imagine my pleasant surprise when I read your Bach quote at column’s end.
Today’s society is a tough one. We have to be so specific in our address or title. The initial question in most introductions I have encountered is “What do you do?” Not “What are you?” or “Who are you?” I believe we have departed from abstractions such as artist, Renaissance Man or student/seeker/learner in the modern need to compartmentalize. Our existence has become so tightly dependent upon material success we dare not diminish ourselves by ascribing to our innate desire, but rather identify with a category that garners recognition from a stranger. I have spent my life going from one occupation to another, gleaning benefits from each one in order to further my own thirst for knowledge. Try relating that to a complete stranger.
Retirement offers sanctuary from explaining my vocation, or avocation, as I see it. It wasn’t easy getting here. Hours upon hours were spent on fashioning a resumé or tailoring an application for suitable employment. Then, answering the final question in an interview, “Where do you see yourself five years from now?” Now, my response to the “What do you do?” is easy…”Whatever I want.” Five years from now? “Still learning.”
“When we lose our job or must change careers, when we go through a divorce or when someone who helps define a role goes away or dies, who are we then?” Hopefully, we will have used our experiences, one upon the other, to build ourselves into entities that transcend categorization and are recognizable as human traits and not a line on a business card.
Thank you for sharing your self.
~ Mark
Thoughtful post Marshall, thanks for sharing it. It’s so easy to define ourselves by what we do. After all, how else do we do that and get anyone to really understand? We’re human beings? Well, people see that and assume that.
But, it’s not about what others think we are, it’s about what WE think we are, isn’t it? What do we attach ourselves to? and, as you said, how do we define ourselves?
Maybe we should throw ourselves for a loop and, instead say – like the old 70’s song: “I’m Just a Love Machine!” Or, how about: “I’m a Laughing Machine!”
Just another perspective. Thanks again, Marshall. (and Lori)
Mark, I just want to say that I absolutely love reading your comments. You open my mind and heart to a whole new world of thinking, and seeing things in a completely different light to my “ingrained” beliefs of who I am. There has never been one comment that you have written that doesn’t leave me with something new and wonderful to dwell quietly on. Thank you.
Marshall, thank you for this post. We have become so used to defining ourselves as what we do as opposed to who we are, because most of us see our value in our status in society. It is refreshing that one can look at oneself and say: I AM (insert awesome comment about yourself)! I AM many things, but firstly I AM ME, and I would never want to be anything but!
You’re welcome, and thank you so very much. I, in turn, extend my gratitude to Lori and her insightful guest authors. They provide the depths which I can ply with my own experience. Life then becomes a pleasure to unfold into a conversation we all can share.
Mark: Thanks for your comments. I am glad that my piece resonated with you. I too have had a variety of jobs/careers, and I feel that each one was part of the path to where I am now. But there’s no clearly linear narrative there, and I find that it’s the rare person who can look at such a resume deeply and see the skills that may have been learned and the way they may apply to completely different situations. Such is the world we live in.
Good luck on your journey. Keep learning and growing.
I’m glad that you found the post inspiring. I think it’s important that we value ourselves and others as unique human beings rather than by how social roles define us. Thanks for reading, and for your comments.
FANTASTIC!!!!! I really enjoyed this post and love when you said “Change is seldom easy or comfortable, but when we don’t let go and allow life to flow the way it’s going, we miss out on opportunities to grow, learn, and have new adventures.”….thank you for so many great points you made! 🙂
Nice topic..thank you. I think often we forget to look at nature which shows us that simply a cycle of evolvement, like a snake shedding its skin or the changing of the season .. I often wonder whether men or women struggle more with the process of change and going the natural flow of it ? I am curiously left wondering where your change took you in your choice of career/passion ? 😉
Thanks for your comments. I’m glad that you enjoyed the piece and found it perhaps inspirational. It feels good to know that my experience of change and growth speaks to others!