“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.” ~H. Jackson Browne
The first time I was stung with the notion of a soul mate, I was twelve years old. I had accompanied my mother to the wedding of a family friend. The church was blissful, the bride beautiful, and the way the groom looked at her had me thinking that one day this would be me.
Almost instantly, I felt that I was already one half of the most beautiful love story, like a divine wave of love magically swept me into thinking that my soul mate, my proverbial “other half,” was waiting for me to find him so that we could live our lives together in wedded bliss.
Of course, I was only twelve years old, which was just a little too young for that. But romantic dreams and fantasies soon followed, and they came and went as swiftly as two attractions I experienced as an adult.
These attractions were powerful magnetic pulls, but unfortunately, the other thing they had in common was that both represented unattainable love.Â
It would have been impossible for these connections to transform into anything lasting. However, at their height, they lured me into a spiral of passion and longing for that sense of completeness that I thought only they could bring.
The first of these attractions was to a man I met at the age of nineteen. A couple of years older than I, he was about to become an ordained priest and was in absolutely no position to be married to anyone but the church. Still, I was enchanted. He mesmerized me and piqued my interest in ways I didn’t understand.
The second was with someone I met later. A free spirit who will, most likely, always want to make his life on the beach, he was not one for any type of commitment or responsibility. However, he liked me. And, I really liked him. To this day I feel happy to have met him.
These men touched something in me, and each brought back my teenage belief in the existence of that proverbial “other half.” But both were also unavailable. If I would have actively pursued them, I would have dived into an emotional cesspool of heartache and drama.Â
So what was it then that made them so attractive? And why did they make me feel even fleetingly complete?
I only found the answers to these questions later in life when I embarked on my journey back to Self.
It was through meditation and self-reflection, imperative tools to my journey, that I slowly began to understand how these attractions were actually reflecting hidden parts of me.
In other words, both these men in a way were indicative of my soul mate because they were pointing to parts of my true “other half,” my inner soul mate. They were pointing to aspects of my inner self.Â
As the first man touched upon, what was at the time, my underdeveloped spiritual side which held my need for prayer, meditation, and service to a higher power; the second man connected to another part of me—the part that was undisciplined, relaxed, and carefree, a part I always did my best to fight against.
My heart and soul had picked up on something my brain couldn’t understand. These individuals were representing qualities within myself that needed my attention.Â
Through my journey, I learned a lot about these types of connections and, the more I did, the less I looked for anyone outside of myself to complete me.
If you are struggling with a confusing attraction, unattainable love, or a complicated relationship that is causing you pain, yet you feel this person, in some way, completes you, I would take time out to self-reflect.
Ask yourself what is pulling you the most toward this person.
For instance, if the object of your attraction is a musician, could he or she be reflecting the musician in you? This is something you may wish to explore possibly through singing, learning how to play a musical instrument, or writing a song.
If it’s not something musical, creative, or artistic, it could also be that they are pointing to an aspect of your sensuality—an underdeveloped inner energy like your inner masculine or inner feminine.
For example, if you grew up in an aggressive environment where there wasn’t a compassionate, nurturing presence, and as a result, did not develop those qualities within yourself, you may be attracted to someone else who has them in spades simply because you’re seeking balance.
When we meet someone and feel a magnetic pull toward them, their purpose in our life may not be one of romantic relationship or even one of deep or long lasting friendship. And, certainly, it does not mean they will or can ever possibly complete us. Â
Nevertheless, these types of attractions are important and magical because even when we don’t realize it, to varying degrees, we are seeing ourselves in another person.
These attractions come into our lives to guide us. Each, in its own unique way, directs our attention to the parts of ourselves we need to see the most. Then, once seen, we begin to experience true completeness—that sense of wholeness that can only be found within.
And it’s only when we’re already whole that we can feel complete in a relationship with someone else.
Photo by Tony Hall
About Mary Dunlop
Mary Dunlop is a passionate student of life with a keen desire to learn, share, and grow. She believes everyone has a special gift. Hers is writing. Her first novella, The Beauty of Twin Soul Love is currently being published.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
That was a great post. I never thought of attractions that way. I always thought of them as train wrecks, or Chernobyl sized meltdowns, in my case. I’ll be thinking all day about what this might imply for me. Congratulations on your publication.
Nice post!
I understand what you mean. We only recognize in others what we see in ourselves, consciously or subconsciously. I would often get attracted to girls who need ‘help’, but in the process of projection I forgot about helping myself! Fortunately I’m no stranger to meditation, so that has been an invaluable tool to me as well in addressing my feelings. I think the best relationships don’t arise from the need to ‘complete’ each other, because it implies that something is missing. Rather, I believe they’re based on complete people who share their completeness with each other. To enjoy without getting needy, and to love without attachment.
I believe in what you say. I am attracted to a guy who is out of my reach because he is of same sex and already has somebody in his life. But still I am trying to figure out the reason behind this attraction.
What can I say after reading such a beautiful post? I’m speechless… Recently I read Brida by Paulo Coelho, and you’re post certainly reminds of this book. I would love it Mary Dunlop, if you could read my blog also and comment on some of my posts. My address is, mariam03rehman.wordpress.com – I’d be looking forward to seeing you’re comment 🙂
This is one of the best Tiny Buddha posts I have read. It is so very relevant and insightful. Thank you!
Wonderful post. It reminds me of what I have said to others many times before: We meet people for a reason. Everyone comes into our lives for one reason or another no matter how short or how long they may stay.
This really gave more depth to why I have always felt this way. Thank you.
You’re superb! What an insight! Thanks for this beautiful perspective 🙂
This was exactly what I needed to write. Beautiful, insightful. And 100% truth. Thank you for writing this.
You touch on an idea that I’ve encountered before, and find to often be true in my own life — that what we see as good in others can point to things we want to develop in ourselves. I find that is especially true with envy of talents. If I find myself envious of a beautiful dancer, it’s usually true that what I really want is to feel the dance in my own body, to understand how music and movement make emotional expression, and perhaps (if I’m willing to let myself realize it) that I want attention and to shine in the spotlight as well. And when I can respect those desires for myself, I’m less likely to make unhealthy choices about my relationships.
There’s a book that touches on a similar idea to this post: The World is a Waiting Lover; Desire and the Quest for the Beloved. It might be a fun read for anyone who’s interested in the topic, especially as it pertains to relationships. http://www.visionarrow.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=6&Itemid=9
Thank you. I needed to be reminded of this. Peace be with you.
Thanks so much for this, it’s really timely and appropriate for me right now. The last 5 men I’ve dated have been unavailable and not willing to be present with me in a relationship, but beyond that, they all share similar characteristics of living outside the box, being creative, being free spirits, not being afraid to be truly themselves, and being unwilling to change for anyone else. I’ve both admired and resented their unwillingness to “settle down” with me. I can see how they’ve mirrored my own desire to be wild and creative and free to explore the world without limitations.
I’ve met my soul mate and have always tried to figure out what has me so drawn to her. The magnetic pull for each of us is incredible. Thank you for helping claify
Hi Mary, I had a brief encounter with a person who I had both an intense physical and mental attraction to .I was only in his presence a few minutes so i didn’t find out any personal details.Afterwards I was overwhelmed by fear of getting too close. Yet a year later I still think about him frequently.Any ideas to what it could mean?
Never commented on a TB post, but this one really spoke to me. I got lost within my own marriage then within an affair–long story short, I was always looking outward to fulfill my personal voids. It makes so much sense now and now I can finally work on these issue myself, without dragging someone else into my orbit. I still believe that the attractions are legit, but it they pull you that deeply, as you couldn’t breathe without them, that’s a red flag.
I never thought about this, I like it.
Thank you for your article. I could identify a lot with your story of your attractions as a young adult. I used to become enamored with men who were unattainable in some way. It was usually a teacher, a celebrity, spiritual, or talented person. I see now how those feelings meant something deeper. I was always looking for that elusive love. I yearned for that soulmate. I was on a spiritual quest since I was young–always wanting to understand a higher purpose. Meditation and spiritual practices helped a lot. Not until I had gotten into learning that this love was inside did my relationships change. I wasn’t attracting men who needed fixing, or men who were players or unavailable anymore. Although, each one was a learning experience about myself. I still hope for a partner, but I’m feeling more fulfilled knowing that true love is inside and reflected everywhere. I can share that and not feel like I depend on the other person to complete me.
Thank you for this.
Beautifully said, Rosemarie. And very true! My experiences have taught me that It always means something deeper.
Thank you Erin!
Very true Mamatyrone! In my opinion, that is well said indeed: “if they pull you that deeply, as you couldn’t breathe without them, that’s a red flag.”
These brief encounters can be so powerful sometimes, and again, even if ever so short, we are being shown something about ourselves. I believe there is always a reason, no matter how brief the encounter. Hollie, my suggestion would be for you to write a short story about this experience. In as much detail as you can, describe what you saw and felt. Allow your “pen” flow…it could give you some valuable answers.
Thank you James!
Thank you Lucy! It’s a really great feeling when everything starts to connect.
Thank you! Peace be with you too.
Thank you Skywind! I actually have this book and am hoping to get the chance to read it very soon. It looks very interesting.
Thank you TN!
Thank you, Geetika! You words are very kind.
Beautifully said Jennifer! Always for a reason. Thank you.
Thank you Mandarouu! Happy you enjoyed it.
Will do Philosopher, as soon as I get a chance. Thank you! I look forward to reading your blog.
You’ll get there, Seeker. I truly believe that there is always a reason and once you find it you feel freer, yet more connected.
Absolutely! Thank you Socratez.
Thank you Tim! Meditation helps, reflection helps, and so does getting your thoughts down on paper. So much insight can be found through one’s own “pen”.
“Some (soul mates) are only meant to last a moment. That brief soul gaze with a ‘stranger’ at the grocery store that reminded you of your own essence was just right.” – Jeff Brown
You’re very welcome Sadie! Thank you.
Mary, your words came to me at the very moment I most needed and appreciated them and I can not thank you enough for this post, you really have made a profound impact on me in this moment, and hopefully my future as a more complete individual. God bless you.
agree. <3
God Bless you Liss. Thank you. I’m happy my words have helped you.
I really enjoyed this post. I’ve been in a situation lately that I was unsure how to approach, but I can totally see it in a new light now! Thanks so much!
Mary, you have been gifted with a beautiful talent. Thank you so much for sharing this insightful piece. I found myself in happy tears and self reflection about 2/3 of the way through. Your words are powerful yet gentle, and certainly true. This article reinforced for me the importance and meaning that all types of relationships (romantic, platonic, work, family, etc.) bring to our lives; each for its very own special reason. I had a lovely conversation with a colleague today about our own unique spiritual paths and their evolution. I saw such beauty in him as he spoke about his path. Not in a romantic way, but in a way that inspired me to want to be as loving, caring, and peaceful as he is. To seek the truth. To be a better, more compassionate person. I saw and loved in him what I want to nurture within myself. Our human interactions are so powerful, but we often dismiss them for the daily mundane. I plan to be more thoughtful with my encounters moving forward, allowing myself to more thoroughly understand and reflect upon what has drawn me to individual people and thus perhaps what needs to be further nurtured within myself. This was one of the best articles I’ve read in a long time, and I subscribe to many spirituality/healing blogs, pages on Facebook, etc. Thank you again for this special gift you’ve given us.
This is such a beautiful and unique perspective! This piece spoke to me on more than one level, and came in perfect timing as I am currently experiencing something very similar. I recently met someone to whom I felt a very strong pull, a deep connection that went beyond the feelings I began having for him, but he is very much unavailable in every way possible. I’ve seen this pattern in my life, and I had reached a point where I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me that I kept falling for unavailable men. On some level, I did realize that they all had characteristics/qualities that I admired or even envied at times, but your piece just put all those things into a perspective I had never quite come to see. It is also wonderful to see someone having similar ideas about soul mates, as it is something I have been pondering on a lot lately. Thank you so much for this!
To see in others qualities we wish to nurture in ourselves, to learn from them, to be touched and inspired by their gifts and dreams is, in my opinion, a big part of the meaning of life. Thank you, Breathe, for your kind and beautiful words.
You are very welcome Bean. Thank you!
You are very welcome Alia! I’m glad you found this helpful. Thank you!
Nice
Thank you Charlie Victoria!
Thank You so much 🙂
Nice article. BTW, it’s “piqued”, not “peaked”.
Wow, this really spoke to me and opened my eyes on something that I’ve been trying to understand for a long time. Thanks so much!
But how can you possibly know that you are complete? I believe most of us have some kind of flaw. Accepting each other completely without being needy is a way to go or I probably not understanding the whole point you are trying to make though so my apology. 🙂