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9 Essential Tips to Face Fear and Live a Bold Life

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown

Too often, we allow fear, worry, and doubt to dominate and define our lives. We allow them to steal our joy, our sleep, and our precious dreams.

I made up my mind, very young, that I would push forward no matter what.

I was 17 and pregnant when I married my boyfriend. We were young and foolish, and because our only plan was “love,” I gave birth to three more daughters by the age of 22. My last pregnancy was twins.

Kristy, one of the twins, was born without a right hand. My biggest fear, at the time, wasn’t how we would make it financially, but how would Kristy make it?

How would she hold a bottle or a swing? In a culture where we worship physical beauty, how would she adapt?

Kristy faced many struggles, but she was a fighter, and she pushed back. Hard!

She held her bottle with one hand. After she sucked it down, she would toss it, grab her sister’s bottle, and drink hers as well. She learned how to swing by putting the right chain in the crux of her elbow.

Her biggest struggles were in school, where she was teased, mocked, and bullied. It was painful to watch, but her sisters helped protect her.

She was determined to keep up with her sisters. She followed their lead and learned to play soccer and basketball in elementary school. She would go on to play sports for two years at the University of Chicago.

One of Kristy’s biggest fears was that boys wouldn’t want to date her. She didn’t date in high school. However, I don’t think it was because of her physical challenge but because she challenged them in sports and would beat them—their egos were bruised!

Today Kristy is 35. She was married last month. I think Pete is a great match for her. He is strong, has a lot of energy, and participates in marathons as well!

If you want to know happiness and realize your dreams, you have to be willing to take a leap of faith despite being afraid.

Too often, we hold back and play it safe, in order to avoid becoming successful, feeling embarrassed, looking silly, being hurt, and facing rejection or possible failure.

We cling to fear from our childhood, traumatic experiences, and the negative media, like Linus, from the cartoon strip, Peanuts, clings to his security blanket.

It’s our responsibility to acknowledge, face, and dissolve our fear.

Are you willing to begin now, to dig for the courage to do all the things you were meant to do, but haven’t yet begun? If the answer is yes read on!

The following tips will allow you to face fear and put it in its place.

1. Get comfortable with fear.

Invite fear into your life. When you fear something, move toward it.  Feel it, and breathe through it.

Do the things that frighten you. Action builds courage. Tell yourself, “This fear will pass.” Your world expands as your courage expands.

2. Make your dominant thoughts positive.

Fearful thoughts attract more fear. Positive thoughts attract success. Instead of expecting the worst, train your mind to expect the best. Make positive assumptions about your future.

3. Don’t give time, attention, or energy to fear.

Hold yourself accountable. Be consistent, be prepared, be dependable, and focus on solutions.

Be innovative, take the initiative, and go the extra mile. If you don’t take action despite your fear, opportunity will pass you by.

4. Never dwell on scarcity.

Learn to think, speak, and live as an abundant person. Turn off the news. Celebrate what you have. Be generous.

Focus your attention on being ready, willing, and prepared for the beauty, wonder, connections, good fortune, and favorable circumstances that are yours if you are willing to work and be open to it.

5. Revisit your victories.

Strengthen your belief in yourself by reflecting on the last three years of your life and every success you’ve experienced.

Close your eyes and feel the celebratory emotion of each one. Bring the same drive, persistence, and talent into now and allow it to inspire and motivate you.

6. Live vicariously through the victories of others.

Use the success stories of others. Read how the Brooklyn Bridge was built. Study the success of Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Steven Spielberg, and Oprah Winfrey. Take note of the courage they developed and follow their path to greatness.

7. Ask your family and friends for encouragement.

My family can see my strength when I forget I have it. At my request, they don’t hesitate to remind me of all trials and triumphs we have come through. They’re generous with praise and encouragement.  Ask your loved ones to do the same for you.

8. Create a support group of friends or colleagues.

Robert Fulghum said it best in his book, All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: “When you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.” Sticking together makes tough times easier and easier times more fun!

9. Plan to be great.

Step into your power and dream big. Follow it up with calculated risks and deliberate action steps. Have no doubt about your success. Your dreams are at stake here!

You have the power to do what it takes to break through any obstacles that stand in the way of yourself, your dreams, and your happiness.

Photo by I P O X Studios


Note: This week Tess launched her eCourse Take Your Fear and Shove It, and I’m so grateful she’s offered to give 3 Tiny Buddha readers access to the course! I had a chance to take a look in advance, and I found it inspiring, insightful, and oh so helpful. Leave a comment for a chance to win, or click here to purchase Take Your Fear and Shove It now. Full disclosure: I am an affiliate, meaning a proceed of sales made through this link support Tiny Buddha.

About Tess Marshall

Tess Marshall M.A. is a risk taker, author, and courage coach with a master’s degree in counseling psychology.

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Paula

I would love to take this course, I let fear stop me from doing many things!

Wayne (Wirs)

One of the joys of believing in reincarnation is realizing that you will still be alive in 50,000 years (and more). That this life will seem no more important to you than what you had for lunch three months ago.

When you truly LIVE as a Soul, you lose the fear of Death. And when you lose the fear of death, you lose almost all fears – and they you are free truly to live.

Tess The Bold Life

I was with my mom for the last three days of her life right up until the end. I don’t fear death anymore.

Tess The Bold Life

Paula,
Your welcome to come to my blog anytime and get constant inspiration about living boldly. You can also get the course and have it as a resource. 

Vidya Sury

It would be a privilege to have access to this course. This is a beautiful post, Tess. Thanks for sharing. I find it very inspiring to read your story. Happy weekend to you!

Lina Dickinson

Living in fear is such a waste of time…what ever is going to happen, is going to happen, regardless if you worry about it or live in happiness.  I’d rather live like everything is going to be just fine!  Nice, post, Tess.

Erica

Facing fear is definitely something I’ve learned a lot about this year – and it’s something I’m trying to work on!

STM

Timely reminders as I move along my journey of coming to terms with my fears, and learning to use my energy in a positive manner instead of a negative one.

Karen Beth Martin

This article came at a very handy time.  Thank you!

Cal Wiggin

 I can definitely point to times in my life where I have not done what I could as a result of fear. I just need to push myself more and let go.

Lori D

I have a paralyzing fear of the unknown. So scared of the “what ifs” that I sometimes am a spectator instead of a participant in my life. Thanks for the article and a different perspective.

Jennifer Childs

Another timely post. Worth printing out and referring to throughout the day. Sounds like an amazing course.

Renate

Thank you for allowing us a glimpse into the life of your beautiful daughter.
Stories of other people conquering their fears have been a great part of getting myself out of the mud in life and learning to trust that I can cope with whatever comes my way.
Your post is beautiful and I have a few people to whom I will pass it on.
Thank you 😉

KJones

Fear is my biggest hurtle. With small steps I have done more than I ever imagined I could do, but fear still keeps me from achieving my greatest goal. Your list hit home. 

Andre Wiley

This is amazing! I especially love to hear how she found her other half. What strength!! I am trying to apply this to my music, and not being afraid to fail some before I succeed. http://www.facebook.com/andrefromidlewood

Margot

This year I plan to do something each month that *really* scares me. Fear be danged!  ; )

Brbholloway40

It is the year of reflection and self discovery for me and I’d love to win this e-course to help me in this journey.

Tess The Bold Life

Vidya,
Thanks so much for your compliment. I am truly blessed.

Tess The Bold Life

Lina,
I do think we have a lot to do what is going to happen, that said I like to have positive expectations of the future.

Tess The Bold Life

That’s great Erica! March right into 2012 and make it YOUR year!

Tess The Bold Life

STM,
I’m glad I could be of help! Thanks for stopping by!

MCR

Great Post….I’ve had a tough year or so with a bad relationship and job situation at the same time.  But as I have worked on myself and healed over several months, I have decided to “no longer let fear control my life”.  This post just confirms and reiterates all that I am trying and need to do to achieve the life I want for myself.  Thanks for your wise words Tess!!

Tess The Bold Life

Karen,
My pleasure, I’m happy you are inspired.

Tess The Bold Life

Cal,
Yes be determined and persistent with your actions and then let go! The rest will flow.

beachyaya

Your article went in a different direction than I thought it would. I assumed your focus was going to be on the ‘love’ you and your husband share and how that was all you needed…..that was your plan.

Elsa

Thank you for sharing, Tess. I’m in a constant battle with fear/ failure and reading this powerful article has calmed my heart and mind today. Thank you for that, I look forward to learning more from you.

Tess The Bold Life

Lori,
Think of the great unknown as your paradise…then create it like you want it. Let the rest go.

Tess The Bold Life

Jennifer,
It is quite amazing. I gave it my all and I think it turned out beautifully. I only want to create with integrity and joy.

Tess The Bold Life

Renate,
Thanks so much for your beautiful reply. You inspire me to share more.

Tess The Bold Life

If you’re taking small steps the only thing you have to do is keep going. I have a small penguin on my desk to remind me of just one  more small step even when I don’t feel like it. You can do it!

Tess The Bold Life

Andre,
Yes allow yourself to fail…it’s the only way to go..I mean grow;)

Tess The Bold Life

You go Margot! I love your name:)

Tess The Bold Life

B.
That’s a wonderful commitment for the year. Like Dr. Seuss says, “oh the places you’ll go!”

Melanie

Last year, I made a conscious decision to live my life in the face of my fears. Since then, I’ve earned a photography certificate, started running (did a half marathon!), been an extra in four movies, and even ziplined. These were all amazing feats for me – each for a very specific reason. Every day since then has been so much more abundant. I am so excited to see what this year brings me. Moving outside of your comfort zone is so immensely empowering – and truly life-changing. 

Mudds4

Found this very inspiring.I lost my Mom this past year and I’ve been having a tough time remembering this. Feeling a little lost at times. Thank you so much for the light and inspiration. I will definately share. <3

This really resonated with me. Thank you for writing it!

Cynthia Crysdale

I could definitely use this course.  Such a great and generous giveaway! Thank you for the opportunity.

Vinda Mary

Amazing story and thanks for sharing it! By the way these tips will make a great poster. ; )

Elle Sommer

What a great reminder to us all to choose love instead of fear.  Thanks Tess for sharing your wonderful story.

Elle Sommer

I lost my Mum a couple of years ago and I totally understand about feeling ‘a little lost’, and now, more than ever, I have her wise words in my mind and it’s such a comfort.  Many blessings to you.

Lesley Critton

The need to create a story that is fearless.  Would really love to win Tess’ ecourse.  TinyBuddha rules.

Jocelyn

Thanks for this great post! This year my motto is “from deprivation to abundance”. Loss, change, heartache, negative thought patterns, and yes fear, are all part of this process. I look forward to finding out more about your ecourse.

rosebud

I am writing a book about a woman who was fearless and it is so inspiring. Yet I feel stuck myself (as the poet says, “Do I dare to eat a peach?”). I would love to take the course.

Sandee

This was such a beautiful and inspirational story and exactly what I needed today as I’ve been struggling with old fears that have come back out to torment me.  I’m encouraged to keep moving forward and let the future unfold as it will.  Blessings to you.

helga

thanks for the terrific post:-)

Collsbag

I am new to this site and what a gift for my first day.  Thank you. 

Allison

What a wonderful and inspiring post! I love the tips and am going to print them out for a daily reminder to live fearlessly. Thanks Tess (and Kristy)!

Christa

I came to the site earlier to enter to win and then walked away because I was afraid I would not leave a good enough comment.  I then realized the absurdity of not entering a contest to win a class to overcome fear BECAUSE I WAS TOO AFRAID and came back. I think, in some small way, I did win today.  Thank you.

Pamela

Great post with some wonderful tips on facing your fears and moving past them. I’m a writer and my fear of the words not being good enough confronts me daily but the only way to deal with it is to write regardless of the fear. It’s the same with horse riding, my other passion. I love it but fear it. When I do it anyway I experience the thrill of being one with a magnificent animal and tasting freedom.

Colleen McCracken

Thanks for these helpful steps.  I’m in the midst of a difficult situation where following my heart means someone will get hurt; it’s a hard thing to do and I don’t know how to do it.  Does the course help to live with less fear or just deal with it differently?