“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~Joseph F. Newton
The epiphany has finally occurred. Why on earth has it taken so long? I ask myself this as I look back on the last nine years, which I have spent trying to cover up my real issue. Loneliness.
After getting married at twenty and then leaving nineteen years later, it took another two years before I met another man that I fell in love with almost instantly. He told me from the very beginning it would never be a relationship, and yet I have persevered with our friendship in various formats for the last seven years.
During that time, I have also tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to find someone else to be a part of my personal life. I met someone else just five months ago, and after a very difficult dating period of three and half months, I ended it. We had completely different primary values. So essentially, I have been single for nine years now.
To my surprise, the last man taught me that the last nine years have not been a waste. Being single does not mean that I am not of value to society (which is what I had been thinking).
Now that I am on my own again, I realize that this whole process of finding a partner has not been about finding a relationship at all. I have been desperately trying to overcome loneliness—and possibly for a long as twenty years!
Let’s look at what has been happening and see if you can identify with any of these:
Workaholic
Rather than face the real issue of loneliness, I have dedicated myself to my work and various business enterprises.
The people out there in the real world can see and have benefited from my productive endeavor. Alas, I have not managed to keep a reasonable amount of rewards for myself or spend as much time as I would like with my children.
Constantly helping
Yes, I find it easier to say yes rather than no. Oh Sue, you are so great at … could you please…? And the answer is nearly always yes. It’s only no when I have something else on that I am doing for someone else.
Neglect
I don’t cut my hair every six weeks, I only get my nails done if required, and I consider the effort it takes to get dressed up a waste of productive time rather than something fun and special to do. It recently took me four hours to get dressed and ready for a Christmas function, and I felt exhausted by the end of it. Isn’t it supposed to be fun to get dressed up? Why do social occasions feel like work too?
Social isolation
I moved from my hometown twenty years ago. Since then, I have raised two children, who are now nineteen and sixteen, without a family support network. I have tried countless times to connect with various people, but somehow they perceive me as too busy and so we hardly ever catch up.
I have had brief moments of companionship and then lengthy periods of getting on with life on my own.
Victimhood
This is the real ugly face of it. I have been very good at disguising it in various forms to attract a bit of sympathy, but if I really want to fess up, then I should admit that I have fallen into the trap of reminiscing and saying “poor me.”
That stops me from doing what I could be doing, and it gives me an excuse to say why my situation is like this and state that a relationship is the only panacea, when it isn’t.
I have lost count of the number of books I have read, personal development courses I have attended, and healers I have sought assistance from. I have tried counseling, psychology, hypnotherapy, pastoral care, energy healing, kinesiology, massage, talking to anyone who will listen, writing, walking my neighbor’s dogs, going to all sorts of events, and more.
I now realize that the root cause of all of this searching for answers or a cure for me is loneliness.
However, I am wise enough to know that some strategies for overcoming loneliness are more successful than others.
I also know that loneliness can occur either inside or outside of a relationship, as I have felt it in both situations.
The irony is that I regularly advise people on how to connect in a new location and have even carried out my own advice, but the safety barrier I have put around myself to protect me from the pain of loneliness has stopped the friendship from coming through.
I have been friendly but not vulnerable enough to let people see the real me. No wonder they have let me fend for myself!
If you have also created a personal protection barrier or are feeling lonely, I can recommend these tips to overcome it:
1. Connect through your sports, hobbies, passions or interests.
Meet like-minded people who share something that you also love. They will make time for you; other people already have full calendars.
2. Borrow or adopt a dog and go walking.
People talk to people with dogs.
3. Talk to senior citizens.
They have plenty of wisdom, time, and advice that they can share. By listening, you are also validating them as well as yourself.
4. Expect it to be challenging.
It may be difficult for you, but don’t give up. Keep going but start with the easiest options first.
5. Find out why you feel lonely.
Perhaps there is some bitterness, resentment, or guilt that you are carrying around. It is time to forgive yourself and others so that you have the best chance possible to connect with yourself and others.
6. Celebrate.
Develop new routines and rituals to celebrate special occasions and reward your new healthy behaviors.
7. Be brave.
It takes courage and persistence to overcome your bad habits—but it all starts with you, not someone else. Ask for help, seek some guidance, but take full responsibility for your happiness.
8. Dream big.
Visualize what you want in the future and watch it materialize. Keep your vision sharp and clear.
Can you see how none of these suggest finding a partner or fixing the one you have? Isn’t that liberating? By connecting through various people, activities, or regular commitments, you are no longer dependent on a partner to complete you or help you overcome your feelings of loneliness.
And you may just find that when you are no longer lonely, you will be happy—with or without a partner.
Photo by Hartwig HKD
About Sue Ellson
Sue Ellson BBus AIMM MAHRI is the Founder and Director of Newcomers Network, a socially responsible business providing information, events and advocacy for newcomers and networkers in Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, Brisbane and Perth. Sue started this enterprise in 1999 as a result of her own difficult transition from Adelaide to Melbourne. Connect with Sue via LinkedIn or learn more at SueEllson.com.
- Web |
- More Posts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
interesting, I’ve been single almost all my life and I thought so often I was somehow not worthy enough to be in a relationship with anyone. This year I’ve been putiing my efforts on online dating and I must admit that despite being disappointed by the outcome, I’ve learnt something important: I don’t need a relationship, I’m still alive without it, after all, and I’m lucky enough to have found ways to overcome loneliness and unhappiness, just like you. But still, I ‘want’ to be in a relationship, I want to share experiences and grow together with someone who can be alone but freely chooses to join me because I add something meaningful to her life. In the meantime I will try to enjoy the trip as much as I can and I won’t force anything that is not spontaneous or sincere. A big hug! 🙂
Thanks on behalf of all of us Luigi for the big hug! I had a single relative who used to say that when he was young, he wanted to travel and have children. He travelled extensively but never had children. There is absolutely meaning and value in being a friend to others (which I am sure you are), without ‘requirement’ or ‘validation.’
As a single person, you have the time to maintain many more friendships. I often find that people in a relationship have a lot less time for their friends.
I wrote this article on 18 February 2014 and it has just been published now (30 April 2014). A lot has changed since then.
Firstly, I decided that rather than try so hard to find a relationship and feel sorry for myself about the lack of kindness I was experiencing in life, I made a conscious effort to look for kindness in everyday situations. To my surprise, once I started looking for it, I found it everywhere. One particular male friend started walking with me very regularly (up to five times a week) and that made a huge difference.
Secondly, I started to engage more with my clients and business connections as my social circle would not engage (yes, most of my friends are in relationships). Surprise, surprise, I started to feel as if I was part of a new circle of friends and family and I stopped feeling lonely.
I ventured back on to online dating, and as I had experienced so many times in the past, bumped into the usual scammers trying to extort money online. However, I also found someone who appeared to be very genuine and I took the risk, spent some more money (after plenty of bad money) and made contact. We met soon after our first email correspondence and within a few weeks, he asked me to be his girlfriend and we are now at day 53 of our new relationship.
What is different about this relationship is that we are both mature adults (in our 40’s) and as he has also been committed to personal development, we both understand that any issues that come up are most likely to be our own issues and we can claim responsibility for our behaviour and deal with it in our own way.
My single life has taught me to take this as slowly as possible to make sure that each step is taken consciously and with full consideration. This time around, I am not attached to the outcome of what happens in the future and I am taking each day as it comes.
So absolutely Luigi, celebrate the fact that you are single! I have no doubt that you have been a great friend and support to fellow life travelers along the way! If a relationship does grow, you have so much experience to share. If it doesn’t, you can have a similar experience through your friends and other people you know.
Happy to make further comment or answer any questions.
Sue Ellson
thanks, this is so heartwarming 🙂
Luigi, have you read “No more Mr. Nice Guy” by Robert Glover? Take a look at it, you may find it useful.
Being alone and being lonely are 2 separate things. Loneliness is a concept of our “small mind”, it’s an illusion.
It may be an illusion, but I think for many people, it is still something that they feel or perceive and it is something they have to overcome.
Just today, I was told that ‘even though I live in a city of four million people, I felt lonely and that online dating was really helpful to allow me to meet other people.’
I agree that finding other people in a similar situation can be a good technique for dealing with the current situation, but ultimately, I believe that it is multiple action steps that can move us forward…
Sue Ellson
Exactly. It’s ego (the false self) getting in the way of the real self. So much is placed on the value of relationships with other people. When it should be the relationship you have with yourself. If self image (ego) is out of whack or needs some work, so to will personal relationships with other people suffer.
Just as seeking kinship or friendship isn’t lonliness, it’s a desire to connect with another person. However, these types of people are fine with being alone.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Lex! 🙂
Thank you sue. I often feel lonely and not really sure why. This article helped me alot 🙂
Hi Jan and thanks for your feedback. I am really grateful that the article has been helpful to you. I must admit, that greater than any award I may receive on a stage, the idea that something I have said or done has been helpful and moved someone forward gives me the most fantastic buzz. I have been on cloud nine ever since I started reading the posts here. Thanks for taking the time to say thank you.
I also believe that it is perfectly normal, even in a fantastic life. to feel lonely sometimes. If it is too often, can I encourage you to take action and invite someone to join you? If they say no, ask someone else…
Sue Ellson
I have been feeling lonely for quite some time now. It has been 3 long years since I was in a relationship. And almost 2 year since I have been on a date or have received any romantic affection from anyone. I was thinking about this last week. I kept asking myself why has it been so long for me. I sometimes think there is something wrong with me. There are times when I think that everyone is “getting some” while I am not. And it makes me feel depressed. And sometimes the depression becomes unbearable. I would like to find someone who I can connect with and be fully intimate with. I just don’t know why it is so difficult.
Everything you just said is me to a tee as well. I often wonder why is meeting someone so difficult for me and so easy for everyone else?
Then I realize that it’s because I have put up walls around me that literally no one can breach- not even myself sometimes. That can scare people off quick!
I think allowing myself to be more vulnerable and opening up to the moment would help a lot. It’s just that it’s not so easy to make that happen. Usually the easiest explanations are the hardest to achieve. I also think that everything happens for a reason and when the time is right it will happen.
Hi Allison – it seems to me that you are becoming very aware of how you operate – bravo for acknowledging that!
The walls are often very hard to see and so subtle, it is hard to believe that they exist. I think their bricks are made of past disappointments, experiences, guilt and challenges and that what it takes to break them down is happiness, positivity, laughter and relaxation.
The male friend who goes walking with me has a great attitude to life. He has decided that neither his ego or money will stop him from doing what he wants in life. He will not be a victim even when something someone does is disappointing to him. He lives with the motto of ‘love and logic.’ I like the idea. Love is essentially about acceptance and logic is much better than reaction!
As I look back, I can see that all of my experience has brought me to a much better place, but at the time…yuk…it was AWFUL.
Have faith and believe that your walls will come down…you sound like a very nice person to me!
Sue Ellson
Hi Talya – I can hear the disappointment in your words. I know that having connection and intimacy with ‘one’ person seems to be ideal. After supporting many individuals who have moved house over the years, one person cannot be ‘everything.’ Can I encourage you to value all of your friends a little more and tell them what you appreciate about them. By increasing your intimacy with your existing circle of friends, I think you may find that this ‘need’ will not be so prevalent.
I used to hate the expression ‘when you least expect it, someone will turn up.’ To a certain extent, this is what has happened to me since writing the above article. But I will qualify that statement by saying, when I was actually happy with my life as it is, that is when someone turned up.
Sue Ellson
I like all the suggestions to live life as single without the need of a partner, but it seems they are temporary solutions. Sharing with someone special and grow together might be a better alternative.
Hi DE – I wrote this article to discuss overcoming loneliness in various ways (just not through a relationship). I hope that it can be useful for people who are in a relationship or not in a relationship.
I believe that all of the relationships in our life give us the opportunity to feel special and grow. I think that nature has designed us to find it in a monogamous relationship and true intimacy can take many years to develop. But I guess that discussion could go in all directions!
Sue Ellson
choose to be alone but not lonely. when you do feel lonely observe the moment and everything around you, feel the love of the universe. i’ve lived a whole adult life unattached. i feel privileged and happy 🙂
Hi Joy – a great name for someone who feels so privileged and happy!
Sue Ellson
I realized that what’s really missing from my life is my sense of the off beat and absurd.
I let myself be too afraid of being different and misunderstood.
My dreams are crazy things that would make me happy for the pure artistic humor of it.
And really a lot of them involve me feeling feminine
Hi Noctu Sova – I wish the world had more people who were willing to truly be themselves, the more off beat and absurd the better (provided they abide by the law of course)…
And be and feel feminine – go girl!
Sue Ellson
I think sometimes, if you have experienced hurt, betrayal, abandonment, mistrust with someone you loved, you become jaded and put up a wall to protect your heart from going through the pain. But it is true, once you forgive the people/person that has hurt you, and learn to love yourself and be true to yourself, and know what makes you happy, and do what makes your happy you will find someone that will be meant to be from being in a positive state of mind and well-being. But I did enjoy this article, some good tips, when you are single. I have been single for a couple years now. And that is because, I am at peace with myself, and I want someone that will compliment me and be a good match for me. I seem to choose partners that are never right for the long-term. So now I am just focusing on bettering myself.
Hi Tamira, well put! Faith is essential, thanks for the reminder!
Sue Ellson
I recently ended a very toxic relationship. He would try to control every aspect of my life. I couldn’t have male friends, he would get mad at me for staying after school to work on my senior thesis (I’m a senior in college), he would get mad if I ever went out with my girl friends at night without him, and if he drank too much he would text me things like, “you’re a whore, you piece of crap waste of space” etc. We were together for six months and the bad, controlling behavior started at three months. The whole time I knew I never deserved it, I knew he was verbally abusing me, but I just didn’t want to be alone. So, I have been alone for almost a month now and let me tell you! I feel like myself again, I am free. I can do what I want when I want, speak to who ever I want, spend hours on my homework with no one to report to, go dancing with my friends, etc. I am myself again. The point I’m trying to make is that loneliness is not the worst feeling in the world, it is better to be alone than in a bad or dead end relationship just to fill a void. So please, never settle for anything less than you deserve!
Well said Ames and good on you for having the strength to leave a toxic relationship, especially at such a young age! I am sure you will go forward faster and stronger now. I also hope that he manages to get some help so that he can have a brighter future (but it is not your responsibility to rescue him of course!). Thanks also for sharing the warning to others who fear being alone…
Sue Ellson
I received an email directly and wanted to confidentially share the dialogue here:
Hi Sue,
I wanted to thank you for taking the time to write “8 Solutions for
Loneliness That Don’t Require a Romantic Relationship.” I was with my ex
for 3X years, from the time I was 16. He left 2 years ago because of an affair
he had with an office coworker.
>> That must have been devastating, I am sorry to hear it…
Anyway, my divorce happened at the same time my children got married and moved away, so I’ve really been struggling with loneliness.
>> Two big life changes at the same time…
I do agree that I was actually lonelier in my marriage than I am living alone.
>> Yes, it can happen – particularly if you are thinking about everyone else instead of yourself.
I also struggle with “something is wrong with me that I’ve ended up alone,” but I try to turn it around to “this is a gift of time to spend nurturing and learning to care for myself that I’ve never had in my life.”
>> I could not have said it better myself! Yes, it is definitely time to nurture and care for yourself. Remember the aircraft drill – fit the oxygen mask to yourself before fitting
your companion…
Anyway, thanks for reaching out to other lonely people through your gift of
writing!
>> Thank you for the lovely compliment Xxxx! I feel very privileged to be able to share my writing in a forum that is so well respected by its huge audience.
I will post your details (slightly modified) on the post so that others can read your fabulous quote!
Sue Ellson
Another email I received…
I came across your article on Overcoming Loneliness on Little Buddha last night.
Thank you for sharing that information. It is a wonderful and useful article that resonated with me greatly.
I just wanted to pass on a big thank you for sharing your insight in such a well written piece.
As a single parent of 2 it was exactly what I needed to read last night.
Thank you.
Lxxxxx
My reply:
Hello Lxxxxx
Thanks for providing your feedback, it really helps at this end to know that my
writing has been helpful to you.
I left when my children were 9 and 7 and I found it really difficult to be a ‘part time mother.’ It is a very difficult path to be on your own and have the responsibility for children. I encourage you to source any extra assistance you may need for the practical matters but also, find ways to feel ‘normal’ in your own right.
I found that I had more in common with other women who worked than stay at home Mums. I guess what I learnt was that it was important to not try so hard with people who did not understand what it was like and be VERY appreciative of the support from people who either did understand or offered to be available. I didn’t want handouts, but I did want to know that I could ask for help if I needed it.
Finally, the only other comment I would make is just do your best. No one, not your kids, your children’s father, family, friends or yourself can criticise someone who did their best with the right intention. I can look back and see that I did make some mistakes, but I did
do my best, so that’s okay.
Let me know if you have any other questions and you are welcome to post comments on the http://www.tinybuddha.com website so that others can learn from your experiences.
Sue Ellson
Totally agrees with you. I am a “nice guy” in the recovery process, I have never had a long term relation with a woman because it was impossible for me to connect with someone (I am 33, people!) and I have started doing all these things on my own in the last months. Thanks for the advice! Feel more confident that I am on the right track 🙂
Hello Barricade
It is so nice to hear from a ‘nice guy.’ I am curious as to why you cannot connect with someone…maybe it is time to stop labelling yourself this way…you have just connected with me! You are brave to get out and about on your own.
Thanks for your feedback and it is fantastic that you feel more confident and now on the right track. 33 is still young. In some cultures, they say that a man is not a man before the age of 26, so you are not much older than that.
Keep living, learning and loving all the people you meet…it can be an interesting journey as you have already discovered!
Sue Ellson
Another comment and answer:
Hello Sue,
I have read: “8 Solutions for Loneliness That Don’t Require a Romantic
Relationship” several times now. I receive your Newsletter and have just
ended a relationship and find myself alone. I am really bad at it (who is good
at it?). So I am wondering, what it means to be in a relationship and if the
advise you have given would sound different if given from someone in a
relationship. As much as I understand that one has to have their own (and I
have many) friends, hobbies, projects, I have all those, and still feel alone
when I am alone and great when I am in a loving relationship. So I am wondering
if this applies to everyone. I am currently in Therapy to find out some of
these things about me, but am also looking for exchange with more experienced
people.
Many thanks for taking the time to put the article together!
ANSWER:
Hi xyz
Thanks for reaching out to me, that takes courage.
I am the one who ‘left’ my marriage and in January this year, I left the boyfriend I had for three and a half months. I think that many people think that when you are the leaver, you
are ‘better off’ than the person who has been left and I completely disagree.
It took me years to get over the ending of my marriage and it too a full month
where I really couldn’t concentrate after the ending with the boyfriend.
I also went out with another guy (but we were never in a relationship – his
request) and again, I still don’t think I am really ‘over’ that.
So firstly, I need to say up front – I am not a counsellor or an expert on all of this – I will just give you my thoughts and experiences for what they’re worth.
Firstly, my cultural family DNA was, you grow up, you get married, you have kids, you grow old, you die. Anything outside of this ‘mantra’ feels odd. Even though I got married at
20 and was ‘single’ 19 years later, I still felt like I was married. Even to
this day, I realise that I am technically ‘single’ but still behave, in my own
mind, as if I was married.
The other thing that came to my mind recently was why do I procrastinate with my work? I really love my work, but I still find that I procrastinate. Bingo, I realised that my cultural DNA was interfering again. Spending a bit of time pottering around the house
seems to feel more ‘aligned’ to what I ‘should’ be doing.
In my marriage, I spent many years ‘pretending’ that I was happy. Now that I have another boyfriend, I can sense how much calmer I feel simply because I am having physical contact again (not just sex, but lots of hugs, lying in bed, hand holding etc). So after nine and half years of very intermittent contact, I can imagine that some of your loneliness would be from missing this aspect of a relationship. As I was lying in bed last night,
I did reflect on how much I had been missing this aspect of a relationship.
So whilst life can have many other wonderful qualities, for me, the sense of closeness and peace I have when I am relaxed in a man’s arms is like nothing else.
Also, what I have learnt after spending many years talking to various health professionals, is that the one thing that has been most helpful to me has been hypnotherapy – because it can bypass the conscious mind and work with the subconscious. As you are well
educated and I am sure very savvy in the workplace, I can imagine that your mind could rationalise many things, but I suspect your subconscious has other ideas, perhaps not known to your conscious mind!
I have gone in ‘waves’ with therapy. I usually get to a certain point with each person and then feel that my progress hits a plateau and it is time to source someone else. I admire
you for seeking help and being prepared to do the ‘hard work’ that is sometimes
necessary to live a peaceful and contented life. Remember that none of the time
you spend sorting all this out is wasted. Although I am 48, I feel in chronological terms that I am only 38 but when I talk to a 38 year old, I realise how far I have come emotionally in the last 10 years.
You may like to read the book ‘Navigating Midlife’ by Robyn Vickers-Willis. The writing is a bit patchy, but the concepts are good. Midlife starts at age 35 when we decide that we don’t want to live by everybody else’s rules any more, we want to live by our own. But hey, wait a sec, what are MY rules? Figuring these out can take time.
Try not to be too hard on yourself as to why you are in or not in a relationship. Enjoy the extra flexibility you have for a while. Get some physical contact through dance classes or mixed sports etc if you need it.
But above all, honour the progress you have made in your own life. Don’t compare it to anyone else’s. You are doing the best you can at this moment. No need to justify it or apologise for it. And when you can accept each day as it comes (I am yet to get there!), I
believe that life then is not about being lonely or not lonely, it is simply about living it…
Try not to judge yourself, be critical of what has happened or worried about the future. There is a line in the movie ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’ that says something like ‘
Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end.’
With best wishes to you and everyone in your daily life
Cheers, Sue Ellson
It’s actually scientifically proven that loneliness from lacking a romantic partner is a separate type of loneliness to not being around friends. That type of loneliness is based around craving what’s called an “attachment figure”. For instance, with children, that’s one of their parents, usually their mother. As we get older, we tend to crave a different attachment figure, usually a romantic partner. If you have that type of loneliness, a million friends or a million dogs or a million hours of work won’t make it go away.
Thanks Reid, that is very interesting – do you have more information available on this research? I think it is important even if we do feel lonely to get out and do these things as a starting point – a romantic partner is not always immediately available and an unsuitable one could be worse…
is this really possible?
I believe so. Our happiness is not dependent on a romantic relationship. In my view, so many things can make us happy. When we want a romantic relationship, it is sometimes harder to see those things…but that doesn’t mean they are not there…
This was most certainly enlightening. Only until you pointed it out did I realise I created a safety barrier to either keep people out or prevent the ones who have penetrated that barrier from getting close to me. I somehow find faults and look for reasons to end the friendship when things get too serious or too close for comfort or boring. Then sometimes I’ll feel lonely (but not regretting my decision to terminate the friendships) which contradicts everything I said before. I push people away and if someone new comes into my life I get really excited and sometimes get way in over my head. I don’t know why I do this and I was hoping you could help me understand my situation and advise me on what to do. I’m single and I have no problem with that but on rare occasions when I see couples in the mall it makes me wonder when that will happen for me. Is it really loneliness or is that normal? To not think about it I try to keep myself occupied with work and other things but that only works about 90% of the time. Can you please help me?
Hello Sarita and thanks for sharing your story. I read a fascinating article today that said that we are most likely to end a friendship at the moment when we are ready for a deeper connection. I am not a psychologist, so I can’t give you an answer from that perspective. I can only suggest that you take things a little slower and gradually get closer to people in steps that make you feel comfortable. Our modern society encourages us to rush into everything. When you feel it is going too fast, just let the person know that you need a little space to get used to all of the new feelings and that when you are ready, you will be back in contact. This could be just one day or maybe a week. Perhaps you just need to text message for a couple of days before you see each other again. Do things that are relaxing, not stressful. A whole dinner together is a lot more confronting than a fun walk in the park and an icecream. Find ways to be happy outside of work too – perhaps take up a class you like? That way you can meet some like minded people. Hope it goes well! 🙂
Thank you for sharing this. Reading through this I found several things that struck a cord in my life. I guess what I’m trying to say is I know I’m putting up some sort of barrier up but I just can’t recognize what it is yet. I struggle a lot to express my thoughts on this through conversation – even with people in my life who I trust or therapists I am working with and so it’s nice to be able to read your thoughts and connect with them.
Thanks James for sharing your feedback. Many fears are caused by not knowing what could happen – what is unknown. Let me assure you that someone, somewhere has probably felt exactly the same as you do right now. That means it is perfectly normal and not something you need to hide. The people you trust and professional therapists enjoy being able to help people – they don’t want to ridicule you or make you feel worse. When you learn to trust them, you will probably learn to trust yourself as well. Be kind to yourself and trust that in time, you will discover what the barrier is, why you are holding yourself back – and then you will start to feel true freedom. All the best!
I’d say I had this problem since a child, with no siblings or father. A latch key kid, now seventy years old, it’s part of who I am.There are worse things; and today the moral system is sinster, a nightmare, so a shell I wear similar to the tortoise.
Yes Garrett, I agree. There are worse things. I believe that the only way we can influence the moral system is to keep upholding the good morals and continue to be an example to others – please don’t hide under that shell too long!
Interesting article.
I can relate to every points that you have written above.
But that doesn’t mean I am cured from my loneliness automatically.
I’m an only child (both parents deceased), adopted, ambiverted and I do crave more from every interactions I have with people.
I find my expectation is my wall. Sometimes it is hard to tore it down as it is has been a part of me. It takes a lot of mindfulness to do so.
Every time I get into the zone where I am enjoying being single, someone came along and then ruined my peace. Or rather my expectation ruined it.
Any idea what I should do?
Hello Jules. It is great that you are so aware of the factors affecting you as this is the first step in finding ways to overcome it! Can you try doing some small things without any expectations? Can you smile more often and just observe what happens? Can you say thank you every time something good happens – out loud, to the person that was involved? When you meet someone new, can you take things a little more slowly and not go so quickly to the ‘relationship’ stage? Can you find some extra platonic friends of both sexes and do activities that you enjoy with several people rather than just one? I think that everyone, even people in relationships, feel alone and lonely at times. Life is not something that is happy 100% of the time, but the media advertising we see makes us expect it to be! When I have a bad day, I have to repeat to myself that this is only right now, it will pass and another good time will come. I wish you many happiness moments in the future and the ability to let the not so good moments pass and fade from your memory. Feel free to share what happens next with us!
thank you so much for writing this post. it really helped me a lot.
i couldn’t understand that since the time i’ve come to college and seen all of my friends getting into relationships and i feel left out, i start cribbing on my poor state which never used to happen earlier. my mind has been occupied with the feeling of being unwanted and dejected.
I’ve become less productive, my confidence has zeroed down. then i assure myself everynight after checking the social media that i will not be depressed about it, but this doesn’t seems to go away. next morning whenever i see someone with their partners i start complaining.
i don’t know why this is happening to me, i know this isn’t good but still i am feeling this. help.
Hello Kyraa and thank you for reaching out. I will start by saying I am not a counsellor or a psychologist, but I do have a lot of experience working with people who have moved to a new place. When you leave ‘home’ and the people who love and care for you, it is really important to make new friends (of both sexes and not necessarily romantic friends). These people will help you recreate your ‘identity’ by acknowledging you and giving you feedback – just the usual things like ‘you have a nice smile’ or ‘you gave a great answer in class’ or ‘I like talking to you.’ Many people rely on a romantic partner to provide this type of feedback, but it is unrealistic to rely exclusively on a romantic partner.
I would encourage you to find things that you enjoy doing with other people. Ask people to come with you to the movies or for a meal. If they say no, ask someone else. As soon as you start making more friends, you will start to relax.
Checking social media and what your friends and family are doing back home doesn’t always help. Talk to some of the tutors or teachers and ask them for tips and tricks on what to do around college and be brave and do it!
Start with just one new thing each week and you will get more confidence as you go along. See this time as an opportunity to discover the real Kyraa and learn more about who you are becoming as an adult. This will also prepare you for a healthy relationship in the future.
I have been single for over 11 years now and I have found many ways through different friends to find a good balance in my life. I would prefer to have a partner, but my life doesn’t depend on it any more. There is so much you can learn, do and experience, I encourage you to go forward in courage – you can do it! Feel free to share the details in the future! 🙂
Never been in a relationship and I’m trying to distract myself and improve other areas of my life. Kind of hard when everyone around you is finding love😬
Hello Lindsey – thanks for sharing – rather than think about distracting yourself, try finding ways to enjoy yourself! If we give out the vibe that we ‘need’ love it seems elusive. If we already have ‘love’ for ourselves, then we become more attractive. Remember to value the relationships with everyone you already know and one day, love from someone else will find you!
true
hardly anyone finds love in a meaning ful way,They are just following a script which they are scared to deviate from.,
try some video dating sites, like meetoutside, meetfems. I hope it will work
Social fitting in seems to be the key. So what about we cut the shit. What if your ugly? If your awkward? If your mental illness is depression?. What about if you were abused? Or what if your treated as a weaker species or raised to a role as a child like playing with skinny perfect dolls n u would do pretend weddings?
I truly feel solution 5 of forgiving yourself is the start. I think we need to know that our social behaviour is chemical. I am alone now. I stop others from getting close because i hurt people. I type this opinion and now i feel better. I am part of this conversation through typing alone yet the chemicals in my head will now be satisfied i am nit as lonely as i previously felt…
Not going to respond but some good thoughts i just wish a m k re creative quick solutions could be found. Tommorrow i will go to a hospital n wait for a person who just needs someone to listen. I will in turn be rewarded with not feeling alone again. Maybe the key is before we complain or try to improve ourselves we should ask how others around us how they are doing…
Thanks for your comments Howard. If you are ugly, awkward, have depression or were abused or liked playing with dolls, I think it is important to remember that even the beautiful, confident, well or not abused also have challenges with getting through each day. For example, sometimes people who really are beautiful, don’t feel beautiful. I absolutely agree that forgiving yourself and perhaps not beating yourself up can make a huge difference. If we have had a bad experience, our body can remember that and it aims to help us avoid that bad experience again, when sometimes what we need to do is have the courage to try again.You may think that you have hurt people sometimes, but did you check to confirm that you really had on every occasion?
Maybe other people have hurt you too? It sounds to me as if you have given comfort to others, and that’s a wonderful thing! When we feel bad, it is so easy to think, ‘but we are not as badly off as others,’ but in a way, that denies us the opportunity to be upset, disappointed or frustrated and be in that moment.
I think about my own history and it is when someone else has been around me and just listened that I have been able to share the immediate grief and move on. I don’t have a huge circle of friends, but I have a very good circle of friends and they are my source of inspiration, comfort and sometimes challenge. But they help me on this journey of life.
I encourage you to spend more time with the people you like and connect with. It takes time, but it is so worthwhile…best wishes to you Howard! 🙂
Hmmm very interesting article and I agree with all your points. However, I want to illustrate an important aspect of “loneliness” and romantic love. One that I have been contemplating and discussing with my friends a whole lot lately.
In nature, the basic needs of a human being are air, water, food and shelter in that order. Right after this comes “mating”. With our many layers of cortex and grey matter acquired through evolution, our need to “mate” translates to a powerful need for romantic love. So love is not a commodity, it is a NEED.
There are 2 falacies that society constructed for us:
– That we can be perfectly happy without romantic love once we’re independent; and
– we need someone (anyone) in a romantic way once we’ve reached a certain age.
Both false… You can be happy and independent without having a romantic relationship with someone. However, there will ALWAYS be a void even in the best of times (other than having mindblowing sex or doing a highly thrilling activity such as playing a concert in front of a crowd. Activity done, “loneliness” resumes). The second falasy lies in the fact that you don’t just need someone, you need true love with THE RIGHT PERSON. Again you can be a happy person, have many friends, have a positive outlook in life and keep busy but none of this will fill the void that the lack of true love leaves in your heart and soul.
Case in point: I have 6 or 7 close best of bestest friends who variably share different interests I have. I love them to bits and would do anything for them. I also have 4 or 5 (other) friends with benefits who mostly satisfy my sexual desires and we share mutual respect, friendship and kindness. I have wonderful parents and sisters. I have various hobbies which keep me inspired, intrigued, challenged and most of all are highly enjoyable. I can quickly integrate in new groups and establish my presence and meet new people (however at this point I feel no inclination or desire in making new friends). So I consider myself successful and more importantly very happy. But I always have the “void” and it’s very real and present. I’m confident I will find her but nothing is a guarantee in this life. I feel I owe it to myself, to her (even though ahe doesn’t know it yet :-D) and my unborn children to keep looking and persevering to find true love. It’s not easy to find but nothing else will replace the void… Nothing.
I perfectly agree with all your advice. However, these are all components of a happy life parallel to a romantic relationship. You need all you mentioned AND love. You need health, friends, respect, hobbies, inspiration, purpose (career) AND true romantic love.
A few points:
– Friendship is as important and as basic a need as romantic love in its own right. The WORST punishment you can give someone is solitary confinement or exile from society. We all have different needs as to the number of close friends. But if one doesn’t have at least one or two close friends, there’s something that’s really, terribly wrong. The exception to this is that you have a loving and happy family of your own and your family’s happiness means everything to you.
– My life is not perfect. I was abused physically and sexually as a child. It has its repercussions with depression and anxiety on a daily basis which I’ve been struggling with since I was 10 y.o. (I’m 35 in a month). Yet despite this, I forged ahead and built my “empire” of happiness and positivity. It’s very possible and doable as long as you have a brain and a functional body (which reflects your victimisation point you made in the article).
– Despite being clinically depressed (severely at times), my symptoms disappeared almost completely for 3 years when I was in the best romantic relationship of my life. It was very passionate… This is the power of romantic love, nothing can replace it. If you’re wondering, we had some issues of dynamics and it didn’t work out but she and I are best friends now 🙂
– Romantic love is a need for true happiness, it’s not just a commodity or a bonus.
– Friendship is definitely NOT free of requirements, validation and judgment. It’s sad but true. We select friends, often subconsciously, based on what value they bring to our lives. Beyond characteristics such as similar interests and honesty, intelligence, socioeconomic class, resources, skills and looks are all things we quickly evaluate as we seek to befriend a new person. If there were no such requirement, I (and everyone else) would be friends with Bill Gates. After all, I love computers and business hehe 🙂
– At any point where a partner tells you there will be no relationship, just end things and maybe become friends at most. Nothing you do will change their mind and make them fall in love with you. Having sex with someone you love who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings can be absolutely devastating emotionally and spiritually. And you’re making yourself too vulnerable to someone else’s whim. They could snap your heart in 2 with the snap of a finger. And many will. Most people are very heartless and inconsiderate when it comes to their sex partners when they’re otherwise kind people. I never understood that.
Hello Yash, Thank you for sharing your story. I am so pleased to hear that you have found multiple ways to add love and friendship to your life. I cannot imagine how challenging it would be to recover from abuse. I have a friend who was in the ‘best romantic relationship of his life’ and three years later, he is still missing that experience. He says that it is worse to have had it and lose it than to have never had it at all. I often wish I could take away his pain.
I have had moments of exquisiteness but never anything that has been continuous. I have come to the conclusion that for me, this is enough, and I live in faith that what I perceive to be the ‘real thing’ is also possible in the future. This way, I accept all of the joys life has to offer and I don’t feel as if I have missed out on anything. I also have a lot of friends who are single and have never had children – they are the best ‘aunties and uncles’ that any child could ever want.
I can’t really comment on why people are ‘heartless and inconsiderate’ in certain situations. I think some people just live in the moment and want to feel good right then and don’t always think about the consequences for the other person. Perhaps consider how you will feel before agreeing to their suggestions in the future.
Finally, remember that there are various people that can help you overcome any challenge, with time and the right assistance. Yash, I sincerely wish you every opportunity for peace, happiness, love and romantic love in the future!
Excellent response!
Thank you Jamie. I’m glad you found inspiration in my response. Enjoy a beautiful Sunday and an awesome week! 😊
I will. It was an anime filled weekend so I’m ready for what the work week has to offer. Stay blessed my friend!
I am 25. I recently ended my relationship of four years because he wanted to date other people. I left my family at 17 because they were toxic and it was hard to even care about anything regarding them. I’ve cut out nearly everyone I knew. I don’t talk to old friends much anymore, and making new ones is difficult. Being possitive has always been my demon, and has led me to take the “give up route” with nearly every situation. How do you keep going when you know it might not work? When there is almost no one there to talk to or ask for help? I am paralized by fear and resentment toward strangers I meet in person. I’ve never been married, nor had any children, but everyone on social media that I knew or grew up with has. I feel like an alien lost in time.
Falon, Congratulations on having the lucidity and courage to leave a man who does not love you the way you want to and SHOULD be loved and treated, like a lady. BIG props to you that you were able to recognize that your family was toxic at such a young age. I feel for you dearest one as you are going through a very difficult time in your life.
There are a few adjustments you will need to make and you will be perfectly fine…. In fact, You ARE already perfectly fine but you just need to fine-tune your approach towards yourself to reach your potential and happiness in life. We all do at varying degrees. There is nothing wrong with you and you’re not alone. And this very post is you asking for light to be shed on this darkness and help.
I actually wrote you a long answer yesterday in an attempt to help you and give you a place to start. Somehow it looks like my post never published. It took me a couple of hours, so that’s unfortunate that it disappeared. If you wish to have an ear to hear you out and give you some guidance because I have been there too and will help a soul in need, reach out to me by email. YashOfGemini@gmail.com
Always remember to be gentle to yourself Falon.
Your post gave me panic as it is my life… divorced after twenty years, met someone new two years later. Had a child with him. Both men were on the scale of abusive, first mild abuse …alcoholic … second a malignant narcissist. Now alone ten years. I’m a pretty woman, I’m talented and successful. I am lonely but I never really met anyone since I want a relationship with. I don’t think I wanted a relationship with either of those two men, pregnancy bonded me to them, otherwise never would of became anything. I would of felt the same as now. How is it I don’t want a relationship but I am lonely? I confuse myself.
Hi Skye, I certainly hear you and understand how you feel. After negative experiences, it is very easy to assume that another relationship could be similar, but that is not always the case. It took me 10 years to heal from my marriage of 19 years. Rather than thinking of a partner as the solution for loneliness, I encourage you to develop a variety of strategies for having your relationship needs met. Having friends of various ages and backgrounds helps. I remember having a telephone conversation with a friend recently and I can’t tell you how much better I felt afterwards. Learning to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ is really good practice for your future. If you don’t want to do something, you can decline the invitation. You can also invite people to something you want to do and if they can’t join you, you can do it anyway (within current health restrictions). I am lonely for a healthy relationship, but I am not lonely for an incompatible relationship – and that sustains me in my darkest moments. Wishing you all the best in the future! Sue Ellson 🙂
Bing in a relationship is so much better than being single and alone all the time. That is, if you’re with the right person to be compatible with.
Yes, I absolutely agree you need to find someone who is compatible if you want to be in a relationship and it is better to be alone than in an incompatible relationship. However, I also think that it doesn’t need to be 100% perfect and that including your friends and family in your social dynamic is also important as one person could never meet all of your social needs. Hope this helps! Sue Ellson 🙂
The real problem today is that the real good old fashioned women are all gone since they made it very easy finding love in those days, the way that our family members had it back then with no trouble at all either. Today the great majority of women are now very high maintenance, independent, and really don’t want a man anymore like they did in the old days when they really depended on a man at that time, very selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, very very money hungry these days as well. And the ones that are real gold diggers just want to sleep around with much older men just for the money which makes it a real shame altogether as well. And when many of us single men will try to start a conversation with a woman that we think would be very nice to meet, they will usually for no reason be very nasty to us and walk away anyway. So as you can see it is very difficult for many of us good single men really trying to find love now unfortunately, now that these women today are very completely different from the old days. A very unfortunate different time we live in today, when it would had been very easy for many of us men had we been born back then to find love. Very obvious why many of us men are still single and alone today, because of the very big change in the women today compared to the old days which would had made a very big difference. Thank you for your support, and i will never give up. Peace.
I absolutely hear what you are saying and our society has definitely changed. If I look at the reverse situation, I see many men who do not want to commit, who want to have multiple partners and who have developed a strong taste for extremely kinky experiences and have unrealistic expectations about what a woman should look like. Ultimately we all have a choice. Personally, I choose to be on my own rather than with someone who is incompatible, particularly in relation to my personal values. I have closed my online dating profile. I believe that I will meet any future partner in a shared interest environment and I encourage you to explore the activities you enjoy and see if you find a like minded woman there. All the best, Sue Ellson 🙂
Awesome Jamie! 😀 I had a busy weekend but I did find some time to watch some anime as well, with my buddy. He keeps falling asleep when we watch anime and I end up having to tell him what happened in the show hahaha.
Which one are you watching these days? And what are some of your all-time favourites that you can recommend me Jamie?
Blessed Be.
Hunter x Hunter hands down! I own the 1999 version on DVD. It’s rare. Spent a hefty penny on it too. Although FMA brotherhood was a good runner up. I enjoyed death note, moribito, inuyadha is a childhood favorite. Of course the more common naruto and dbz. Been watching anime since the 6th grade. I’d recommend yu yu hakusho. If you like high school teenage girl drama peach girl is entertaining. But something tells me you’re no noob when it comes to anime.
Jamie, thank you for the excellent recommendations. Now I have some good shows to look forward to 😃 For the record, I did reply to you with a long response 4 months ago… Somehow, my post got flagged as spam or something stupid… It’s like “Pardon me for being passionate about anime and discussing how they were in the 90s” hahaha. I love Inu Yasha. I’ve played the Yu Yu Hakusho games and they were excellent… but I never saw the show. Maybe I will now 😁
My all-time fave is Saint Seiya. I’ve watched it since I was 6 y.o. As a kid, it was the characters’ armours and flashy attacks that drew me in. As an adult, it is the incredible storyline, superbly rich character development and amazingly accurate references to Greek mythology, astrology and astronomy that fascinate me. The story happens in 1990 where Goddess Athena is reincarnated and her bronze, silver and gold knights known as “Saints” fight for her to protect peace, justice, love and humanity itself against other Greek Gods such as Poseidon and Hades and their respective knights. I have a huge knowledge of Greek mythology and it’s almost all due to Saint Seiya. I also know the names of mostly all of the 88 constellations in the sky again thanks to this show. I named my sweetie cat “Orphée” (pronounced “Or-Fay”) after a Saint in the show who has such divine musical talent that even Hades, the misanthropic God of Death, is touched and moved by his music. In Saint Seiya, Orphée is the reincarnation of the mythological Greek character Orpheus. “Orphée” is also the French version of Orpheus (My first language is actually French believe it or not 🙂)… But the way “Orphée” is written and sounds works as a name for a girl as well (my kitty’s a girl). And I named her that because I’m an avid guitar player and when I play before sleep, she sits quietly on my bed, listens to the music and purrs hehe.
My avatar is a character in Saint Seiya. Gold Saint Saga of Gemini (All Gold Saints have a zodiac sign as their protector constellation as the 12 zodiac signs are the major constellations in astrology and since the 12 Gold Saints are the most powerful of Athena’s knights, they are born protected by the major constellations). Gemini Saga is among the 2 most powerful knights of any God. But he has a bane: being of the Gemini constellation, the twins, he has split personality disorder. He has a side of his personality that is pure benevolence and the other that is extremely evil… To me he is a reminder of us all, human beings. We all have good and bad inside us. It is always important for us to thrive to become better and better (I personally have a thing about always working hard to be the best at what I do), however at the same time we always need to take the time to keep ourselves grounded, modest and humble. Cheers Jamie.
Yash, email me directly leacock_j@yahoo.com
I wish there were a place where lonely people can meet up and talk, commiserate and compare notes. Sort of a Loners Anonymous type of thing. It’s so sad not being able to feel connected to people, and having a place where people can meet and talk and not worry about being nervous and being able to say whatever they feel at their own pace would be a great thing. Maybe there are places like these that exist already, but I just don’t know about them. I wish there were one such place near me.
Sounds like an interesting idea Michael – and if you can’t find one, maybe you could create one! Hobbies and interests are a great way to meet like-minded people and being open to people of all ages and backgrounds also helps. To find a listener, it is also good to be a listener. Hope that helps! Sue Ellson 🙂
The question remains: why? Why invest the effort? I’m 27 and always failed with any attempt. Why even keep trying instead of making sure my life is as short as possible?
Ziti – I am so sorry to hear that your attempts have not led to the outcome you would like. Firstly, remember that there are always people in your life that do appreciate you and value your company – so please, keep going. I am 53 and I was married at 20 for 19 years and we were not compatible and I have been on countless dates for 13.5 years and have only just met someone who is compatible in a romantic sense. He was worth the wait. In the meantime, yes, I had to overcome many, many disappointments and I would say it was the non-romantic relationships that gave me the most joy. Please be kind to yourself and focus on what is so special about you and remember it was their loss when they didn’t respond. There are people who can give you extra tips and support and it is great that you are looking for new solutions – have faith that it will happen!!!
Goodness, this extends a conversation I had just last week. Discussing with a friend that I feel lonely with my close family. Her suggestion was that perhaps I am unable to be truly me around them. It is interesting because I very rarely feel lonely anymore, and that is almost entirely down to me making new friends and nurturing those relationships. Still not as scary as a romantic relationship, but I’m not averse to those anymore either. One day, who knows??
Hi ‘the barefoot sub’ – as we grow over time, it is natural to find that we grow closer to some people and further away from others. The expression of friends being there for a ‘reason, a season or a lifetime’ comes to mind. I find that some friends have an ‘expiry date.’ When they no longer fit with my main values. I try not to ‘hold on’ to these friendships and try to gently let them go. Conversely, most of us don’t want to let go of our family, for any number of reasons. I believe that ‘growing’ older is essential to our happiness. If you can have unconditional positive regard for your family members, it may help with the feeling of loneliness when you spend time with them. Ultimately though, I find that my ‘best’ friends exchange an enormous amount of soul nourishment that helps me feel as if I belong.
I have done everything , it just keeps increasing , I need to calm down , I can’t stay any longer , I feel like I’m gonna do something really bad
I hope you were able to calm down and if you needed to leave, you did. There is always help available and it is worth asking for help – if the first option doesn’t work, try another. All the best, Sue Ellson 🙂
Everyone wants to be loved, feel appreciated and accepted in society
unless of course, he/she is really into themselves and don’t want to
socialize with anyone (I feel for them). I have been single now for 34
years, married twice (married and divorced while in my early to mid twenties), no kids, no romantic relationship, no friends(except on facebook), acquaintances mostly, (on facebook). I was a performer for 38 years or so, retired from that in 2012, then I worked
in the Automotive INdustry (specially the Auto Auction Business), for
several years (retired from that in 2019). I am 62 now, and I do get
lonely and I really don’t have “any” friends to speak of, lolll. I do
go see my brother once a week on Sundays, and he has been married for 48
years or so. I did have a dog last year (got rid of him March 2020),
because I thought I had contracted an illness from him), which I later
found out I didn’t). SO now, I have adopted a neighborhood Tom Cat
loll. But, I don’t know where to go for companionship, ( I don’t cater to bars and night clubs like I use to years ago), nothing but mostly loosers and users in those places,(not all but a lot), I know cause i use to perform in them for 38 years or so), there is not no
groups around here. I have invited several cousins to come play
yachtzee, monolopy or Uno games with me in the past but they never come,
so I Have stopped inviting them to come over. I guess maybe there is
something wrong with me., ( I don’t find any thing wrong with adhering to morals and good virtues such as, being honest, being forthright, trying to be kind hearted with everyone), (have to use discernment). But, maybe now days having such moral values is not socially acceptable, lolll, i mean look at TV, listen to the radio. I don’t wear my pants down to my knees, or listen to rap music, go out partying, etc. When I was in my twenties and thirties, I seem to have more people in my life than I Have today, (i don’t know why). I
have no desire to be romantically involved with “anyone”, but having a
friend that I can take out to eat, and sit around with to talk to would
be nice. I am a nice person, not stingy, but I do use discernment when
it comes to spending money. Who am I going to leave my stuff to when I
pass? I Have no wife or kids.
Hello Ray, thanks for sharing your story. I believe that the best way to find friends is through your hobbies and interests in your local community. When you start meeting people close to home, you will often find that they can then introduce you to other people and either way, you get to enjoy time with like-minded people. There are various places to find local events and you can definitely go on your own a few times and in the future, make plans to meet people at events. Talk to the people who are on their own as they are usually grateful for a chat. You may like to borrow a neighbour’s dog and take it for a walk as people often talk to people walking a dog. I hope you find some new ways to meet people soon – look for friends, of all ages and genders first, then later on, companions. All the best, Sue Ellson 🙂
a little agest to think that senior citizens need validation and have all the time in the word
I have met many senior citizens who feel isolated and as if they are no longer of value to a Western society that appears to appreciate youth and beauty and if they are retired, are not as busy as they once were. That said, as I grow older, I keep finding new ways to participate in life and keep up my level of connectedness to my community as I am well aware of the epidemic of loneliness that exists in Australia and has been valued at 2.7 billion dollars per year.
Thank you Catty – yes, I suspect many people are following a ‘script’ to find love, often forgetting self-love first and carrying a full catalogue of romantic ideas from films and books.
I have discovered many different types of love over the years that have given my life a great deal of meaning and purpose. I trust you are finding ways to be content too…
all the time in the world. some may be busy with all kinds of activities and hey some may be working.I suggest talking to a variety of people and not putting people into a box.Intergenerational activities can be good
I agree Catty, intergenerational activities are the best and I love going to events with mixed audiences too!
Being in a relationship with the right person is so much better than being single and alone all the time.
Online dating is a practical way to date for most people. Many people have success finding romantic partners online. Try video dating sites. Here chances of scams are less. It is tough to find real members but definitely u will get success. But u have many choices.
One of my friends suggested some video dating sites.
you can try it if you want. meetoutside, meetfems, etc are video dating sites
I think we should always be busy ourselves IN some work. That may be a job, some work at home, studies, cooking, any hobby, travelling, roaming here and there etc.
But we should require someone either a friend or a dating partner, to whom we can share our feelings.
I think we should try some dating and chat sites. try meetfems, meetoutside – some video dating sites