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4 Tips to Help You Keep Going When You’re Filled with Doubt

“Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake.” ~Francis Bacon Sr.

“Just research, research, research. That’s what grad school is.”

It seemed as though that was all I was hearing from my professors, and it wasn’t helpful.

Since returning to school to get my master’s degree, I had maintained a 4.0 average, but I also hadn’t taken more than two classes at a time. Until now.

When I enrolled for the fall semester, I chose to take twelve hours, or one full class more than the nine maximum hours recommended. I did this against the advice of my advisor, and I did this knowing that I also had three jobs and three children.

I told myself then that it was only sixteen weeks, and anyone could get through sixteen weeks. I told myself that my kids were older (sophomore, junior, and out of school) and didn’t need me like they used to. I told myself that I was unstoppable.

And I did feel unstoppable. Until I actually started the semester. Suddenly, juggling fifty hours of work, ten hours of commute, and twelve hours of school seemed like the dumbest thing I could do to myself. I had no days off. I had to budget my time down to each hour. I rarely saw my kids.

My husband travels for work and he was on a long job in Canada, so that helped as far as my guilt over not being around for him, but he was due to come back soon, and I was going to be too busy to spend quality time with him.

So it was, upon hearing the seminar speaker recommend researching exhaustively, that I felt dangerously close to tears.

What am I doing? I thought to myself. Why am I even here? There’s no guarantee I’ll find a job after graduation. A master’s degree doesn’t equal a guarantee. Why am I doing this and missing all this time with my kids? Why am I doing this at my age? I have no right to be here. I’m too old. I’m not smart enough. Everyone else seems so with it. How much longer can I fake my way through this?

If I hadn’t already paid (and that was another thing, why did I waste this money that could have gone toward something worthier, like my children?), I would have dropped out. I continued to go to every class, feeling like I was losing my grip a little more week by week, growing ever closer to complete panic.

Then one day I walked into my International Communication class, and a fellow student asked if she could share a video. The professor agreed, and so it was that I watched something that changed my thinking.

The video was called “Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are,” and it was a beautiful speech by Amy Cuddy about learning to understand your own abilities. It was very motivational, dealing with power poses and teaching yourself confidence.

The video itself put me in my place. But it was one line in particular that really struck me.

“Fake it until you make it,” Cuddy said, “and if you don’t, fake it until you become it.”

She was speaking of her own journey returning to school after a debilitating brain injury, but she was also speaking of a student she had advised who had come into her office ready to drop out because she just wasn’t smart enough to keep going in her program.

Seeing this woman, who had once been told her head injury was so great that college would no longer be an option for her, who had been told that she would be lucky to hold a job, speaking about her long battle to return to school, really hit me.

Here was someone who had fought a real battle. She had struggled for years to be able to return to school, and here I was whining about sixteen weeks? I didn’t even have a disability to overcome—except the power of my own negative thinking.

From that point forth, I decided that I did have a right to be sitting in that classroom. I did have a right to be enrolled in the graduate program, and I did have what it took to graduate. So I made myself a little list of motivators.

1. Give up attachment.

In my case, it was crippling fear, but in generalization, it’s attachment to any negative self-talk you have.

I attached fear to my enrollment in the graduate program, and it had been overriding everything and holding me down.

By giving up my attachment to that abusive inner dialogue, I was able to release some of that fear and anxiety I associated with school. I was able to look at it objectively by removing myself from it emotionally. I have to remind myself every day to hold onto that objectivity and release the fear, but so far it’s working.

2. Fake it until you make it.

This is obviously right out of Cuddy’s playbook, but she was right. When I started to pretend like I was just as smart as everyone else in my classes, I felt a little ridiculous. But after a couple of weeks, I started to realize that I had just as much to contribute as anyone else.

We’re all different people, so wouldn’t it make sense that we approached the class differently? Once I realized that different didn’t mean smarter, I was able to relax and actually absorb some knowledge.

3. Remember that nothing lasts forever.

If I had dropped out of the program, I obviously wouldn’t graduate. This stress is only temporary. When it’s over, I’ll have a master’s degree, and nobody can take that away from me. It will be worth it in the end, and I’ll be a stronger person for it.

4. Take it one day at a time.

There is no use holding onto stress and misery over something in the future. Do what you can today. Then repeat it the next day. But this moment is all we have. Seize it.

Am I magically a more well-adjusted, intelligent, and super-fun person as a result of all of this? Absolutely not. I still struggle almost daily, but it’s different now.

I know what I have to do, and I broke it all down into manageable pieces. I tell myself, “This is all you have to do today.” It truly makes a difference.

If you’re struggling over an obstacle in your life, remind yourself that all you can do is live in the moment you’re in right now. Don’t believe everything that you think. And you are good enough. We all have anxiety and we all have stumbling blocks. Think of them as inner strength boosters.

As for me, well, I’m halfway through. But that doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is today. And it’s a pretty good day.

About Jennifer Shepherd

Jennifer Shepherd is a lifelong Midwesterner finding her comfort zone in strange ways. By day she is a Graduate Assistant at Pittsburg State University, by night she manages a movie theater. She can sweep carpet like nobody's business and conduct a mock interview like you wouldn't believe.

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universal

thank you, Jennifer I really needed this confidence boost. 🙂

Jennifer Adams

Someone asked me *this morning* about joining a class I teach because she had been on a yoga retreat and “It was awesome.” I felt this sinking gut, this dread of “I’ll never measure up to what she’s expecting. I’m not that good.” Observing my thinking and this article have helped me climb out of that habit and see my unrealistic need to be “everything” to everybody. Good to be aware. That’s the whole point, isn’t it?

TheEcoDiva

Love this Jennifer. This is such a big part of what I deal with when it comes to MY clients. Yes…I will be sharing this. xo

Michelle

I should probably bookmark this page for when I go back to school in January! It’s only a short program (5 months) but it’ll be intensive, and I’m a little nervous because I’ve dropped out of university three times in the past. But I know that if I push through it and keep these things in mind.

I’d also like to add… Don’t let perfectionism get in the way. It’s easy for me to stress out if I don’t get top marks, but in reality all I need to do is at least pass. Knowing that I don’t have to get an “A” every time is relieving, as long as I do my best!

Jennifer Shepherd

Michelle, I know you can do this. Five months seems overwhelming in the beginning, I know, but taking it a day at a time really does help.
I know I should let go of the need to get A’s…baby steps! Haha.
Thanks for your comment!

Jennifer Shepherd

Thank you so much! That means a lot to me!

Jennifer Shepherd

It really is. And it’s impossible to master; I have to re-try every day. But it’s getting easier all the time.

Jennifer Shepherd

Thank YOU! That’s really great to hear!

fred hill

…interesting insights, I’ll apply this now.

snowman182

Thank you for this – I’m almost in the same boat as you, though it looks like you have had the more challenging schedule. I manage a fitness business and teach classes, married, working in order to keep a kid in college, and I’m doing an M.S, in Math on the side. I’m never going to be the top student, but completing this degree will I hope, open some new doors professionally. Had a particularly rough day yesterday and reading your post was very encouraging.

gooseberry

:))

Richard Ingate

I like the Francis Bacon quote. I have linked back to this article from my FB page as I think my readers will enjoy it.

Deepti

Thank You for sharing! I started Grad school this year and I myself have been filled with feelings of doubt and anxiety, reading you article motivates me to re-think and stratergize! Thank You again, you have helped a stranger feel so much better today! Wish you all the best for school! 🙂

Peter Ewin Hall

Sometimes we just haveto keep going. Giving up too easy is one of those thigns we all need to learn not to do.

Elena P.

Thank you for posting this! Even though I’m not applying to grad school any time soon I feel the same way but more about changing careers. I’ve been “comfortable” at my job for the past 4 years but I would like to move on and try something else even if I have to take a pay cut and travel further. I’m so terrified of starting over having been in the same company and position with no career advancement.

I stumbled upon this article and read it this morning. Perfect for where I am right now as I have changed my direction in my business over the course of the last 4 months. Taking one day at a time and makings sure that I don’t give up!

Thank you for the inspiration to keep going!

chris

Thank You for this, i’m currently studying an MSc and am feeling exactly as you described. It’s nice to know i’m not alone 🙂

lovemindbodyheart

Great reminder, thank you!

TJ

That’s inspiring. Thank you so much.