“However long the night, the dawn will break.” ~African Proverb
Were there times in your life where it felt anything that could go wrong went wrong? That was me five years ago.
In a span of nine months, my marriage to a partner of eight years broke down, I lost four family members to unexpected deaths, and I suddenly found myself hurtled from living the dream life to being jobless, penniless, and homeless.
To say life knocked the wind out of me would be an understatement.
Each time I picked myself up, another blow would send me sprawling toward a sense of utter defeat. It was as if a tornado swept through my entire being and left me empty and devoid of hope, strength, and any ounce of self-belief.
Shell-shocked, I spent that whole year crying. I would wake up crying in the mornings, run to cry in public toilets during the day, and end my days crying myself to sleep. It was a dark period of my life where everything was one blurry haze of tears.
As those days of hopelessness stretched on, the only thing I could focus on was taking baby steps every day to build a new life and a new future.
It was an arduous journey where I was often taking one step forward and two steps backward. Many times, I felt like I would never see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I struggled to find the strength to inch forward.
Five years on, I finally came out the other side. My new life and the new me are still under construction, but I now have in me a spring of strength to propel me forward, regardless of setbacks or how grim a situation seems.
This newfound capacity did not develop overnight. It grew gradually as I practiced and incorporated into my life the valuable insights below.
If you’re going through difficult times now, the following four reminders may help you be more resilient.
1. Remember that life always changes. Things can get better.
When troubles strike, it can feel like things will only get worse, but that is the pessimist in us talking. If we keep the faith and respond to the situation with positive and constructive actions, we can break out of the cycle and things can get better.
Sometimes all we need to do is to simply let time pass and to resist the temptation to overreact and aggravate the problem. During times like these, I would distract myself by actively engaging in other areas of my life.
2. Recall how you overcame similar struggles in the past.
When plodding through a challenging time, it’s natural to be gripped by fear, self-doubt, and pessimistic thoughts that we won’t be able to surmount the obstacles. We forget that it always feels impossible until it’s done, and that we have overcome similar struggles in the past.
A simple but extremely effective thing I did was to list down the occasions in my life where I busted through hurdles and rose above the seemingly insurmountable difficulties. As I penned out the victories, I found renewed faith in myself and in the unknown future, which may well bring the good instead of the bad like I feared.
3. Remember that things aren’t as bad as they seem.
Zoom out on the issue and focus on the grand scheme of things. More often than not, the raging fires in our lives hijack our attention and we fail to see the big picture. It’s rarely the case that every aspect of our lives went awry at the same time, and it’s critical to keep the right perspective when the going gets tough.
We need to remember that our problems are merely a subset of everything that’s going on in our lives and not let the worries, fear, and anxiety overtake our minds. Even if every area of our lives—namely health, relationship, work, money, and passion—went haywire, the fact that we’re alive means there’s hope for things to turn around.
4. Remember that there are still things to appreciate.
Do not let the darkness blind you from seeing the stars. It’s human nature to get caught up with the things that are not working out in our lives and forget the good bits. I’m a big believer of a grateful heart being a magnet for abundance and miracles.
No matter how terrible life may seem at any single point, there are always good things if we keep our eyes peeled for them.
Thanks to the challenges, I came to see who my true friends were, and I also learned to appreciate many of the blessings I had taken for granted. I might have lost a life partner, loved ones, money, and employment, but these setbacks are transient.
I would always have my degree, knowledge, skills, professional experience and network, and people who care deeply for me to fall back on and to get me back on my feet.
As I grew stronger in handling life’s curveballs, I was grateful that I had developed this invaluable life skill at a young age so I can have the rest of my life to benefit from it. While maintaining a thankful heart, I realized that even in dark times there are stars we can gaze upon if we view our plight through the right lens.
Which areas of your life are you struggling with right now? How do you cope and stay resilient?
About Sylvia Huang
Sylvia Huang is a blogger on life ideas that make everyday feel good. She writes about habits and productivity, health and wellness, emotional intelligence, and money matters. Her inspiration comes from her experiences living in Japan, France, Australia, Singapore, and Malaysia, working in the fund management industry and travels in over twenty-five countries. Read her other articles on her website, OhSunnyMornings.com.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
The perfect article at this point! Needed some booster and all your points hit the nail! 🙂 thank you.
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Hi , Thank you for your article. I am in this “dark period”.
I actually worked extremely hard not to be here.
I took a long break from my university degree and moved away for awhile…(I am older, so this feels more of a hit). I had to switch to a different specialization; I wanted to study in what I was passionate about and I was so happy that I finally found it, so I took some time out to regroup and organize. When I came back -ie. moving back to the city with what I thought was proper organization, everything and everyone fell apart around me–my living arrangements, my personal life… I am now , living alone in a small little isolated apartment, struggling to keep my grades up because I have to work and make ends meet-uh… essentially you know, do things like feed myself, I got sick, and even hit my head and got a small concussion just when I thought it was getting better. It was just one thing after another…The man I loved can’t be there for me at all-and it is tough realizing that essentially , I am alone in this.
I am hoping that next semester, I can regain myself, but boy …do I just want to crawl away and sleep for days… and start over. But you are right, perspective is best when we look at the bigger picture. I am healthy, and I am resilient and other people, like you, have gotten through similar things and persevered. Lots of love to you. Thank you for your article.
Great article and so worth the read. We often need pick-me-ups to help us on our journey =)..
Thanks for a great article. The theme of your post seems to be to hold on to hope, and that alone can get us through some really tough times. I also find focusing on what I appreciate helps to see more of the light. If I’m feeling really down, I’ll write down 50 things I’m grateful for every day for a few days until the clouds lift and there’s more sunshine again.
I am in depression and social anxiety land since 3 years. Things didn’t really get better just yet. Also I lost all trust in my abilities to do anything which scares me the most. I am unemployed and living with my parents. Lost a boyfriend and friends hardly call any more. What keeps me going is my stubborness and a deep wish to help change the world for the better and to have a family one day. Sending starlight and winter air to you (it’s night currently in austria) ♡
i hope things got better for you. i am in your situation now and trying to find hope. it is comforting to know that i am not the only one to have dealt with this. well wishes and hugs to you.
No life doesn’t automatically get better. I’m sick of being told to be grateful, as a method to guilt me into someplace better. Sometimes life is as bad as it seems. It’s not always true that someone experiencing a bad time has some flawed perspective and just can’t see their life is really a-okay. Too bad if you’ve not struggled like this in the past. There goes your sense of capability. So, so tired of the same trite advice being dispensed like it’s wisdom of the ages. Typically by someone who has never had depression or anything close to it. If I hear I should keep a journal of gratitude one more time as the answer to an existential crisis I think I may pour bleach in my eyes.
Brilliant, you’ve solved depression. Please go ahead and collect your Nobel Prize for psychology. Writing down 50 fifty things you’re grateful for is just peachy when you feel mildly bored, or perhaps even slightly sad that your favourite TV show was cancelled. This kind of a stuff does not help someone in a serious state of depression.
I hope things are better for you now which they probably are but if not I hope you still have and can access the strength you have to continue going. You’re not alone. I love the bit at the end “sending you starlight and winter air” you like a great, soulful person 🙂 much love <3
Yup that’s the great thing in all this….meeting others who aren’t blind to it. Knowing that there is others out there who KNOW what you are going through….APPRECIATE the work you are putting…..and still give you HOPE that things can turn round and we’re not alone in this. All it takes is one person to come along and recognise your efforts, give you what you give them, and also to take a moment and step back and appreciate actually those who are there for us because if they wasn’t we’d surely know about it. Like I’m sure everyone here is here for each other, we’ve never met but we are all here for each other because we are technically going through the same thing. That fills me with hope. <3
John she’s not saying that…..she’s saying just try and look at things from a slightly different perspective. She’s not saying you are ungrateful but I know for a fact there’s people in your life that truly care for you and will be there if you need…..if these people weren’t no longer there it wouldn’t be the same and I know that. You probably live in a house that’s good. You have internet access, that’s good. Some people have none of this stuff and it actually can be a lot worse so what she’s saying is be grateful for what you have because it can always be worse and when we focus on ‘what we are actually grateful for’ it brings more of the things in our life that we are actually grateful for……..focusing on the good allows us to see it in a deeper life….life’s not all bad and I know for a fact there’s good in your life….don’t be mean to her just because you’re angry, it’s not fair man, I understand your frustration but I’m sure there’s other things here that did help, I understand you’re angry but everyone here is here for each other. Chill out a bit mate…
Ha ha John, you are funny man. You have a point. No one can be happy by just imagining oneself as happy. Many people just resign to fate and things start changing. Maybe we really are getting involved with a life too much. Just see we never signed a bond with anyone before we were dispatched to this earth, nor will we exist after death. Why take too much ownership of life then too….
After reading a news article on a mob in India setting fire to a baby elephant and her/his mom I felt utterly hopeless and overwhelmed. EVERYTHING felt so hard to accomplish. The feeling of wanting to find a way to stop it right this moment was incessantly scratching at my brain (it still is). What connected with me in this article is taking babysteps. So yes, I didn’t get on a plane to India, find that mob and stop what happened….. but instead of feeling helpless, overwhelmed and frozen by despair, I’ve contacted animal rights groups to find out what I can do to help. Then next “baby step” will be to follow up with the groups. Breath…
What non-depressed people don’t seem to understand is that when one is depressed, any suggestion about how to get out of this mood sounds loathsome and disgusting to the depressed person. Suggestions like, “Why not take a brisk walk?” or “Listen to your favorite music” hit the depressed ear with the impact that tissue paper would have if it were thrown into a roaring fire. No impact at all.
The depressed person doesn’t want to do anything. Can we all get this straight? Even the thought of movement is odious. The one thought pleasant to a truly depressed person would be something like an imagined button that, when pressed, totally eliminates consciousness and the ability to think. Depressed people prefer coma to movement, nothing to something. I have been depressed for years, and if what I am saying is not true, well, then, my name is Abraham Lincoln, and I’m still president of the U.S.
The American Medical Association KNOWS about certain compounds RIGHT NOW that can stop a depressed person from feeling even the slightest feeling of depression. I’ll tell you one, and you tell me if I’m wrong: DEXTROMETHORPHAN. If I had given Robin Williams a certain dose of this medication two hours before he killed himself, he never would have killed himself. Guaranteed. It makes Zoloft and Prozac and Paxil look, by comparison, like M & M’s.
You may scoff at this. Go right ahead. But I know what i’m talking about. There are literally hundreds of medical studies being conducted RIGHT NOW on this substance as an anti-depressant. Look them up for yourself, and you will see. For the love of God, I don’t know why it hasn’t been used yet. I truly believe it would end depression on a national scale.
“Everyone here is for each other” except you’re in here telling us that because homeless Ebola orphans exist we shouldn’t feel sad, which is insulting and invalidating.
You’re great! Your comments are so refreshing and make me laugh. Thank YOU.